Being Disabled My Family Depends On My Social Security Disability.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
This hub is about me, stars439 , and I am writing it for everyone who may want to know more about me , and why I write so many hubs . I hope Hub Pages will allow this hub to remain published because I would like everyone to know that I do not earn money on Hub Pages. I have almost a thousand hubs , but I choose not to seek earnings, or compensation from Hub Pages because my Social Security Disability income is needed more by my family , and I.
I would like to have earnings from Hub Pages because I believe Hub Pages is probably a nice place to earn extra money by writing hubs, but my situation is a little complicated.
I am disabled. Seventy percent of my kidneys do not function well . I feel relatively adequate when I am sitting down, but when I stand up to walk, I can not walk far, or for very long, and I use either two crutches, or two walking canes to stand up. I have breathing issues. I do not like having COPD, but I have chronic bronchitis , and sometimes I truly can not breathe , and become extremely tired, and I suspect that may be from a lack of oxygen in my system. Sometimes I must use a special inhaler that is prescribed by my doctor. I am not complaining because there are people with advanced cases of COPD that depend on oxygen tubes, or apparatus to live.
I also have high blood pressure, and take about five blood pressure pills each day . I am also a diabetic, and I can only see well with reading glasses. Believe it, or not I bought my reading glasses for only one dollar, and have been wearing them in order to see for about three years. I also suffer from extreme back pain. If I stand up for longer than twenty seconds the pain in my back becomes horrific. I do not know if the pain is the result of a police related injury when I wore a badge, or if it is a result of my kidney issues .
Sometimes my breathing problems cause me to lose energy , and strength. I am always wanting to be active, and work, but often days go by, and all I can do is write, and fall to sleep in my chair. I have always worked all my life. I began working in our strawberry fields with my mom, and dad, and with my brother when I was a child. I worked hard as a teen, and young adult on our farm we had when we raised strawberries, and vegetables. When I was eighteen years old I could easily carry a hundred pounds to one hundred and fifty pounds of vegetables on my shoulders, and walk acres across our fields with them on my back.
I am a senior citizen now , a father, and a husband , and have a wonderful wife, but some times I break down because I can not seem to get ahead , or anywhere productively for my family that I cherish . I live for my family. My only reason for being on this earth is I enjoy my family , and friends. Maybe I should say I like a lot of people, and perhaps love some as much as my family because I have already proven in my life that I would put my life on the line as a former police officer for anyone, or everyone without questions. I hope I do not use the word love too much. Sometimes I get carried away with the word.
I did a lot of very dangerous things to protect people in my life, and for that I am grateful to God, but I am still a weak man, and sometimes I break down, fall apart, and become extremely tired, and even exhausted because of not breathing very well, and because of pressure in my head, and behind my eyes. I am a person of emotions. I live for my interest in writing, and for self expression, and for God . I believe I love God because I sense that God loves us all on this earth. I have come very close to getting killed numerous times, and my life depended only on prayers, and God's mercy when I faced armed individuals , and nearly was blown to bits three times in security work.
I can not afford to lose my Social Security Disability. It comes first. I can not publish my book that I wrote, and finished years ago. If I earn money, and not enough of it, I risk losing what my our lives depends on. My family depends on me, so this is the way it has to be.
I can not work like a normal individual. If I could work I would be working right this minute. I can sit down by a computer for a short while even though my legs, and feet swell up, and develop pain, or I can do about one hour of struggling to do some outdoor work, but I usually have to rest a few days for it. Sometimes I can work three, or four hours if I am sitting in a chair, and if I am able to move my chair around. Sometimes I help my wife by sweeping the floor, or by washing dishes while I sit down. It takes a much longer time to sweep a floor if you're sitting down, and moving a chair all around. I do it as often as I can. It is very frustrating, and I am thinking about buying a chair that will swivel around. Wheels on the bottom of a chair may, or may not be helpful because of our uneven floors.
So many things that are hard have happened in our lives . We raised our daughter that never had the joy in her heart to be able to walk. I can not begin to describe to you what that does to a family, or to mind, or to my wife's mind over many years. In a way all three of us live in a prison of so many difficulties, and restraints. Everything we do has to be very slow. We simply can not just walk to a car , and take a ride. We have to plan every move we make , and do because we have to pick up our daughter, and do that carefully without hurting her in any way, or form. We have to lift her without hurting ourselves as well. We love our daughter no matter what we have to do for her.
I am hoping that the disaster relief people repair my mother's house that we want to live in. It would be nice to have everything more convenient for us.
I faced armed individuals , and a lot of danger to save lives, and I have come very close to being blasted to bits, or struck by bullets in my life to save lives. I have come close to my grave to save lives. I do not know if I have ever been afraid of dying , or not. I know what it is to pray to God in times of extreme danger. I suffered so damn much because of my love of our infant, or baby child in my youth. I know what it is to be old before my time. I am extremely old, and extremely tired, and was ready to rest at the age of twenty five. My mind just would not let me alone. I just wanted to rest. and not think so badly because I could not take the extreme pressure that was beating me down. I wanted desperately for our baby to walk, and that deeply traumatized my wife, and I for many long years. I even lost my memory for long years where the mental strain almost beat me down.
I wish I could have been a stronger man, but I know for a fact that no man with a heart could have coped with what our lives dealt out. I have had men tell me they would have turned to alcoholism rather than deal with what Joann, and I experienced.
I felt empty, and tired, and maybe sometimes I wanted to rest, but could never afford the luxury of having a mind without troubled thoughts. A lot of that may be in the past, but I still have slight issues from the remnants of it all.
I have to be careful. I have to keep my Social Security Disability because I know I can pay our bills with it. It would be nice to try to seek extra money in our lives from what I write, but that is a pleasure I can not afford to try to do at this time . Maybe in the future I will discuss my situation with Social Services to see how much extra money I can earn for my family while being disabled, but for the time being I have to be careful, and not take risks with my disability income.
My advice to everyone who writes is to earn some money here if you can. Do what you have to do to do it, and thank God you can do it if you can.
God Bless Everyone.