The Worst Poems On Planet Earth, And From Galaxy Zeno.

Monday, April 10, 2012



Feenement madness : By stars.


Feenemints, Feenemints I do implore ,

I look for them,

and see no more,

so I ran straight home,

double locking my door,

then cried, and cried til I could cry no more.

Why ? Because no one can find the rascals in any store.

Why ? Because I think they may not exist any more.

So I told Joann I was jumping off a mountain top ,

but all she did was to set her clock ,

and as life wobbled on,

I was blasted into space, far far away from our entire human race,

where I called upon my Joann from another fine place,

where Feenements were among, and alternate race,

where folks of droidonian biological beings had nothing to fear,

because in the palms of their treacherous hands were Feenemints my dear.

( P.S. It was rough for me on Galaxy Zeno. The bank was closed, they would not accept my personal check, or my master cards from earth , so I returned home in my humble Apollo capsule without my seriously desired Feenemints. I filed a legal action against Galaxy Zeno superiors, but and incompetant earth judge threw tossed out the case so Zeno got real mad, and filed a counter legal action against me. I lost my case, and Zeno rodent officials screamed in joy, and won a fifty dollar judgement against me. Because I did not have fifty dollars. I filed Bankruptcy and lost , so I had to sell my chickens, and rent out my pet leopard to the circus, and had to eat only collard greens to stay alive in the streets of Brooklyn. The officials of Zeno laughed , and mocked me, and my wages were garnished until I accumulated their stinking money. I worked , and sweat ed hard. To survive I painted individual grains of sand with a very small spray gun for people who had aquariums, and tropical fish. I earned only three cents a week which is only enough for a crumb of bread, and one miserable drop of lemonade per year. I worked for sixteen long hot sweating years to pay Zeno officials their stinking fifty bucks with high interest that totaled a gross figure of seventy five dollars. The bottom line was that Zeno refused to even sell Feenemints to me if I ever returned to their stinking galaxy. After a total of twenty five years searching for Feenemints throughout the Universe I was never able to enjoy tasting even one delicious Feenemint . My advice to whomever exists in the Universe is to avoid Galaxy Zeno like it is the plague for the rest of you're lives . GBY )


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Dirty Skunk ; by stars.


There was and old skunk named Jack,

who spilt my mother's back,

so I struck him with a two by four,

and called his mother something worst because I was sore.

But when I kissed his mother to get back at Jack ,

she tripped me , and knocked me on the floor,

then we had a terrible fight on the floor ,

as she dragged me behind the kitchen door,

then loved me all up even more ,

and right in the presence of her son Jack ,

for whom we both kicked out of her front door.

( P.S. I filed criminal charges against Jack for splitting my mother's back with a lead pipe . I lost that case because Jack, and the judge were in cahoots. The judge said there was not enough evidence , but Jack had drooled on the lead pipe , and that was DNA evidence. However one day when Jack went horseback riding I unstrapped his saddle which caused him to accidentally break his neck in sixteen places as his horse tried to jump over a log in the woods. As for the judge, I got even with him too when he went deep sea fishing. He thought he had a sword fishing pole line, but it was not a sword fish that jerked him into the sea. It was me. I pulled the judge into the ocean blue where sharks ate him up just like beef stew . )

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Good By Dear Duck : by stars


Good by sweet duck your out of luck,

Never again shall you ride in a pickup truck ,

as you're in my pot with tatter tots.

( P.S. I felt so horrible going duck hunting one morning. I brought home a beautiful duck in a rental pickup truck. After cooking that poor duck with tater tots I was emotionally traumatized for seven years, and suffered big time from bulimia. I lost three hundred pounds in a matter of two weeks, and I only weighed three pounds when I died. The morticians said there was not enough of me to bury in a box so they placed me into a bussiness envelope, and mailed me first class straight to my favorite cat Lass, where I rest in peace in a cemetery ball room where corpses dance , and where I am under glass. )

-------------------------

Chicken : by stars.


Chicken is good,

the tastier the better,

covered by carrots,

butter, and garlic,

and yummy so yummy,

and so great for the tummy.

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Funky Doodles ; by stars.


Funky doodle where is the strudels,

you skinned my tatters,

and swallowed my noodles,

all for the price of oodles upon oodles,

of a thousand French poodles.

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My Fat Bull Dog : by stars.


Fat is he,

my bull dog free,

that dines sugar free,

on home made tea.

He eats big meals like,

meatballs, strawberries,

gangsters, and even casserole burgers.

He is my big dog Blue,

and I love him so true .




God Bless Everyone



Comments 10 comments

diogenes profile image

diogenes 4 years ago from UK and Mexico

Stars...Did you write this during a full moon by any chance ..chuckle

Bob


itakins profile image

itakins 4 years ago from Irl

Hi stars -

It's going to take me all day to unscramble my brain now:)


diogenes profile image

diogenes 4 years ago from UK and Mexico

Stars on re-reading, they are quite funny!

Bob


stars439 profile image

stars439 4 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State. Author

Dear diogenes : Thank you for visiting. Just being silly I guess. You never know what were going to write sometimes. God Bless You, and wishing you a fine day.


stars439 profile image

stars439 4 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State. Author

Dear itakins : Thank you dear heart for stopping by. Well, what can I say. God Bless You, and wishing you much love from everyone.


stars439 profile image

stars439 4 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State. Author

Dear Bob : I am glad you enjoyed the hub. I always like to try to make folks laugh a little if I can. Instead of using the letter L in Lass , I wanted to use and A, but I thought to myself I guess I need to not be using too many racy words. Thank you very much. Really glad you enjoyed it. GBY


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Great humour stars;thanks for sharing and you've actually made the sun shine here.

Take care

Eddy.


stars439 profile image

stars439 4 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State. Author

Dear Eiddwen : Love You, and Cherish You dear heart. Thank you for your kind visit. Glad you liked the hub. God Bless You Precious Heart.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 4 years ago from On the edge

I love your imagination when you let loose and write what ever comes into your mind. You are actually quite a poet and can rhyme like a professional. I completely enjoyed all of these poems!


stars439 profile image

stars439 4 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State. Author

Dear Phoenix : Thank you dear heart for passing by again. Love the ground you walk on, and have a great day. God Bless You, and Gary, and your wonderful family.

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