"The" 12 Absolute No, No's of Dining Out,"--The Essential (list)

IF YOU MUST SPILL FOOD

SPILL IT ON YOURSELF, OR YOUR FRIENDS. NEVER A V.I.P. SUCH AS PRESIDENT OBAMA.
SPILL IT ON YOURSELF, OR YOUR FRIENDS. NEVER A V.I.P. SUCH AS PRESIDENT OBAMA.

"BAD RESTAURANT MANNERS" IN PICTURES

WOMEN, PLEASE DO NOT USE A MAN'S HEAD TO SCRATCH YOUR BEHIND.
WOMEN, PLEASE DO NOT USE A MAN'S HEAD TO SCRATCH YOUR BEHIND.
NEVER PUT YOUR CHILD UP TO SAYING VULGAR THINGS TO  THE WAITER.
NEVER PUT YOUR CHILD UP TO SAYING VULGAR THINGS TO THE WAITER.
IF YOU MUST SPILL, HAVE A FRIEND TO FEED YOU.
IF YOU MUST SPILL, HAVE A FRIEND TO FEED YOU.
YOU ARE OLD, AND NOW DRUNK. AND YOU WANT TO DANCE? THIS IS A TERRIBLE MIX.
YOU ARE OLD, AND NOW DRUNK. AND YOU WANT TO DANCE? THIS IS A TERRIBLE MIX.
DO NOT MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF BY TRYING TO TAKE THE MEN DANCERS HOME WITH YOU.
DO NOT MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF BY TRYING TO TAKE THE MEN DANCERS HOME WITH YOU.
IF YOU ARE SICK, STAY HOME.
IF YOU ARE SICK, STAY HOME.
GETTING YOUR WAITER DRUNK AND MAKING HIS SING, "MY WILD IRISH ROSE," IS NOT GOOD MANNERS.
GETTING YOUR WAITER DRUNK AND MAKING HIS SING, "MY WILD IRISH ROSE," IS NOT GOOD MANNERS.
DRINKING TOO MUCH AND PESTERING CHILDREN AT RESTAURANT.
DRINKING TOO MUCH AND PESTERING CHILDREN AT RESTAURANT.
THIS ATTIRE IS NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR MOST EATING ESTABLISHMENTS.
THIS ATTIRE IS NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR MOST EATING ESTABLISHMENTS.

There are "bad manners" and there are "worse" manners

as the top and bottom shows things to not do at any restaurant, plain, fancy, or just a place to eat on a cement picnic table along the interstate.

People as a rule, love to eat in peace. I said as a rule, but there are "some" people who love to drink lots of whisky, vodka, wine and beer together as they "wolf down" huge portions of beef stew, meat loaf, fried chicken and prime rib and have a good, old-fashioned, "rowdy" time not caring whom they offend or whom complains about them in the restaurant where they are partying. These people simply don't care. So what if the bouncer or head waiter "tosses" them onto the sidewalk? They just go to another restaurant with open-arms and do what they want until the management of "that" restaurant tosses them out and the cycle goes on and on.

Actually, I think that in 2012, restaurant patrons, young and old, the "party crowd," and the conservatives, are much more settled-down than those in the 70's and 80's when "everything went," and sometimes people got hurt, of course, unintentionally. Who's to know when a "run away rowdy drunk" is headed to your table to knock you senseless? Hardly no one.

But those days are pretty much over. At least in the places that "I" eat, namely the Huddle House restaurant in my sweet home Alabama hometown of Hamilton, and the Pizza Hut off I-22 west just this side of Fulton, Mississippi. Neither place has ever shut-down due to a ruckus involving the "hearty party, eat-like-a-brute" crowds. These two eating establishments are quiet, clean and have policies that if and when people of these groups should stagger in looking for a place to "bust loose," the local police is automatically-summoned and the destructive-minded diners are soon history.

For the purpose of public service, I would love to present to you, "The" 12 Absolute No, No's of Dining Out: The Essentials (list)," which means this list is near "the" most-vulgar and brutal things you can do in a restaurant before you are banned for life.

ATTIRE this is crucial if you want to have a return-visit to the restaurant you are going to dine with friends and family. Remember this simple rule: if the restaurant is casual, dress casual. If the place is formal, dress formal. Guys, casual does not mean wear cut-off shorts where your Hanes are in plain-sight along with your "privates." I hate, worse than taking beating, to be so graphic, but if I can help one person be decent in a restaurant, then it's worth it. And girls, cannot leave you out, casual does not mean a top so low cut that well, people can see your "mountains and valleys." Nuff said.

BUTT SCRATCHING in public may be acceptable, depending on the town, but in most self-respecting restaurants, civil diners hate to see a large man with his hand down the back of his pants "going to town" scratching his rump like he had poison ivy. And girls, this applies to you too. That's why all restaurants have rest rooms for situations like this.

DRUNK PATRONS should not be allowed to pester any child, no matter what age, sitting in the next booth. I know. When you drink too much, you are in-love with everyone and make rash remarks such as: "Hey, Frank! See that baby over there? He looks like our pet chipmunk! Isn't she sweet?" Now if you love your liquor, food and a good parking-lot brawl on a Saturday night, be my guest and make an idiot of yourself. Otherwise watch how much you drink and say.

FORCING YOUR WAITER TO GET DRUNK for huge tips, is not acceptable. I don't care if you are vice-president, Joe Biden. This is wrong no matter how you slice it. Waiters and waitresses depend on their jobs for paying their way through school, rent and clothing. Be a good guy or gal, and leave the waiter and waitress how you found them, sober. And leave a generous tip so that gesture will cover the fact of how rude you became when you had your sixth "boiler maker."

IF YOU ARE SICK, STAY HOME this is as plain as I can get. Do not be afraid of the scorn your friends will give you for having an upset stomach from eating three-dozen raw oysters that as you said, "taste funny," the night before. You do not need to go anywhere, but maybe to the rest room. If you do go with friends to eat-out, you run the risk of "up-chucking" at the table and be the "laughing stock" of your friends as well as the entire restaurant. Be smart. Be sick at home.

NEVER TRY TO TAKE the men dancers at your place of dining home with you. Sure you and the girls had one too many, but hey, no one told you, in your drunken-stupor, to climb onto the stage and give these guys your home address or worse, beg them all to take you home. This, girls, is way not good, especially if your husband is at home when you and your male friends arrive at 3 a.m. But if you are excited by the taboo that overdoing booze can give you, have at it. There is always a divorce lawyer just waiting for your partner's business.

IF YOU ARE AN OLD MAN and love the taste and affects of liquor, plus you "think" you have this talent for dancing, then stay seated. Most elderly guys with a "snoot full," will go to the nearest young girl and expect to dance "The Charleston," with her. And some young girls, out of pity, will dance with you for a moment. Until a younger, sober man comes to "ease you" back to reality and to your seat where you will soon pass-out and a huge grin appears on your wrinkled face. Be wise, elderly men. Save your integrity. Leave the young women alone. If you must drink yourself into the "Twilight Zone," stay at your table. My logic is: you will still cause some embarrassment by passing-out at the table, but as much as you stumbling over yourself being laughed at by people on the dance floor.

EAT SMART when you dine-out. Watch where your fork or spoon is going. Spilling good food, to me, is a sin. A waste of the cook and waiter's time. Just take your time when you are eating. You will be okay. Sure, a crumb now and then is fine, but an entire plate of collard greens and chicken and dumplings is a definite no, no. If you must spill, or have this urge to spill, get someone else to feed you. This will eliminate any humiliation you might bring on yourself, your party or the restaurant.

NEVER PUT YOUR KIDS up to saying profane, vulgar words to the waiter or waitress. This is cute to some parents, but most, no. The child will hear you laugh at him or her and think that you are so accepting of this anti-social behavior, and if not corrected, he or she will grow into an adult who loves to say vulgarities to waiters and waitresses for fun. If you have to hear your cute son or daughter say anything, have them say, "I love the service of this place," and that way you will look like a million bucks. And not be told, "don't come back here with your foul-mouth kid again."

Right now, I confess. I am very tired in body and spirit. But I am not complaining. If you only knew how very-much that I care about you and your social skills, you would shed a tear of two.

GIRLS, IF YOU SEE ANOTHER GIRL

THAT YOU DON'T LIKE, DO NOT START-UP WITH HER IN FRONT OF PEOPLE EATING.
THAT YOU DON'T LIKE, DO NOT START-UP WITH HER IN FRONT OF PEOPLE EATING.

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Comments 28 comments

phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

This is a good one Kenneth. I hope your computer woes are over. Soon our hubs will start appearing. Blessings. :)


Kristen Haynie profile image

Kristen Haynie 4 years ago from Modesto, CA

You tell 'em! It just amazes me, some of the stuff people think it's okay to do while eating out!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, phdast7,

Thank you so much for your sweet and encouraging remark. I am playing catch-up right now, but very grateful that my PC is working again. You have a great day and a Safe 4th!

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Kristen,

I do my best and I am glad that you liked this one. Fact is, Ive seen in my restaurant tours, people who have actually committed some of these things and got away with it. Disgusting. Id rather have a quiet meal with soft chatting and maybe some gentle laughter and Im happy.

Thanks again!

Kenneth


megmccormick profile image

megmccormick 4 years ago from Utah

I can't say I've ever witnessed a parent get their kid to say something vulgar to a waiter/waitress. However, sad to say, I can imagine it happening! Great list! Can almost boil it down to "Don't get drunk at eating establishments and act the fool!" LOL! Thanks Kenneth.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Meg!

Where have you been for so long? I always ask friends that on Hubs and of course, you and others who do not show up often are the ones WHO DO have lives to live. I forget that way too often. I just miss you thats all. And yes, getting wasted anywhere and acting a fool is never a good thing. Even animals have more self-respect than this.

Happy 4th to you and yours.

Kenneth


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

Hahaha, this was great Kenneth! I really enjoyed this, and the picture caption under the picture of Obama was priceless! This is an awesome list, so true! I cracked up at the butt scratching one, have yet to see that one happen, hopefully I won't have to! Awesome job, I give unto you my VG&S (votes galore and sharing)


Jeff Gamble profile image

Jeff Gamble 4 years ago from Denton, Texas

I'm taking this list with me the next time I head out to the local "Eat & Gas" - We are plagued with rump rubbers down here.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean

Kenneth, your hub is seriously funny! You discipline us while we're still smiling. I like the pictures, too. Very good job!


snoblet profile image

snoblet 4 years ago from New York

the pics and comments are a blast but it's very true what you would see out there, thanks for this hub


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 4 years ago from Arizona

Hi Kenneth!

Here's another one to add to your list...Do NOT change your baby's dirty diaper on the table and leave it for the server to clean up. This actually happened to me when I was a teenage waitress. I didn't know what to do with the thing. Worst table of my life.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Please, other hubbers with comments, I want to talk to April Reynolds first . . .Wha . . .What???? Dirty diapers ON THE TABLE??? You are kidding! And the so-called management allowed this??? Of all the dirty and uncalled-for things Ive read on hubs, this one is really the worst!!!! Wow, what a way to get "baptised" into the workforce. I feel for you, April. Thanks for sharing. I am so sorry this happened to you.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Josh!

And Thanks for your hilarious comment as well. Sometimes, captions are funnier than the actual story. But there again, if God doesn't inspire any funnies, I dont write it. Just that simple.

Thanks for your concern and comment and I join you in your stance against "Rump Rubbers," too.

Kenneth


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

WOW @ April's comment! That is crazy, I can't hardly believe it!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

@ Jeff,

sorry, I got your comment and Josh's mixed up. You the had the "Rump Rubbers," didnt you? At any rate, I join YOU in your avoiding "Rump Rubbers," and "Horse Massagers," you know where on a man's body that occurs. Not a pleasant site in out of of restaurant.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

@ Josh, for 2 comments: Sorry I got your comment mixed up with Jeff's and I thank YOU, Josh, for the votes on this comment. And I agree with you about April's comment. Purely awful. These diners should be banned from this restaurant forever.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Ms Dora,

thank you, dear friend, for your comment. And I am not as much disciplining you, I am warning you for things that YOU may see in restaurants that you need to avoid.

Just feel the need to help my friends.

Kenneth


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

No problem Ken! :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, snoblet,

you are so right. And the more that society grows lax in their standards of public behavior and also living with the fear of the ACLU, we will have less-than-decent standards in restaurants, concerts, and public events.

Thanks for your comment.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

@ Josh, again . . ."Thank you, man, for your great understanding."

Kenneth


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

No problem it happens, I am enjoying your funny hubs, they crack me up! :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Thank you, so much, Josh!

I mean that and you have yourself a Safe and Happy 4th!

Kenneth


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 4 years ago from Arizona

I was tramatized for life! :) They probably should have been asked to leave, their older children were running around the whole restaurant, fighting, and crawling behind the plants and benches in the waiting areas. The whole table was trashed with more than just the diaper. It was such a mess, I smelled the diaper before I saw it. I felt bad for the friends they came with. I would have been so embarassed.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear April, Happy 4th to you.

May I sympathize with you? I got one not as bad, but close. My pastor told us Sunday about a couple that he and his wife knew who would NOT, in any shape, form or fashion, or anywhere they were at, church, stores, in cars, etc., say one word of correction or discipline their children.

A friend of the couple told that the parents reason was, "by saying no, might curb our children's expression of their spirits, and children should be let go as the spirts they really are," and he went on to say that even in a church, the squealing, yelling and whining of the kids could be heard all over the building. Your story and mine would make great "Hubs of Horror," for the hub readers.

I am so sorry that you had to endure people like this who obviously, didnt care, or had no social training or both.

Visit with me soon and thanks for your comment.

Kenneth


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 4 years ago from Arizona

Oh my, that is sad. I think my kids are pretty disciplined and they are all the more creative for it. And they have no problem expressing their spirit. I think they appreciate being taught an appropriate way to express themselves and they don't like it when they feel out of control.

It's always fun to have such horrors in life to look back on, keeps it interesting. Hope you are feeling good today!


Debra Emerson 4 years ago

Your comments from your friends are eye opening. I loved the hub very much. You always get a thumbs up from me.


Kennethavery2 4 years ago

April,

you are right. Sad is the word for this behavior. Or lack thereof.

Thank you, dear April, for the warm wishes to feel better. I am doing my best to do that.

You have a safe weekend.

Kenneth


Kennethavery2 4 years ago

Dear Debra,

Thank you, dear friend, for your comments and taking the time to read my works. That goes a long way with me.

Have a safe weekend yourself.

Kenneth

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