"The" 12 Absolute No, No's of Dining Out,"--The Essential (list)
IF YOU MUST SPILL FOOD
"BAD RESTAURANT MANNERS" IN PICTURES
There are "bad manners" and there are "worse" manners
as the top and bottom shows things to not do at any restaurant, plain, fancy, or just a place to eat on a cement picnic table along the interstate.
People as a rule, love to eat in peace. I said as a rule, but there are "some" people who love to drink lots of whisky, vodka, wine and beer together as they "wolf down" huge portions of beef stew, meat loaf, fried chicken and prime rib and have a good, old-fashioned, "rowdy" time not caring whom they offend or whom complains about them in the restaurant where they are partying. These people simply don't care. So what if the bouncer or head waiter "tosses" them onto the sidewalk? They just go to another restaurant with open-arms and do what they want until the management of "that" restaurant tosses them out and the cycle goes on and on.
Actually, I think that in 2012, restaurant patrons, young and old, the "party crowd," and the conservatives, are much more settled-down than those in the 70's and 80's when "everything went," and sometimes people got hurt, of course, unintentionally. Who's to know when a "run away rowdy drunk" is headed to your table to knock you senseless? Hardly no one.
But those days are pretty much over. At least in the places that "I" eat, namely the Huddle House restaurant in my sweet home Alabama hometown of Hamilton, and the Pizza Hut off I-22 west just this side of Fulton, Mississippi. Neither place has ever shut-down due to a ruckus involving the "hearty party, eat-like-a-brute" crowds. These two eating establishments are quiet, clean and have policies that if and when people of these groups should stagger in looking for a place to "bust loose," the local police is automatically-summoned and the destructive-minded diners are soon history.
For the purpose of public service, I would love to present to you, "The" 12 Absolute No, No's of Dining Out: The Essentials (list)," which means this list is near "the" most-vulgar and brutal things you can do in a restaurant before you are banned for life.
ATTIRE this is crucial if you want to have a return-visit to the restaurant you are going to dine with friends and family. Remember this simple rule: if the restaurant is casual, dress casual. If the place is formal, dress formal. Guys, casual does not mean wear cut-off shorts where your Hanes are in plain-sight along with your "privates." I hate, worse than taking beating, to be so graphic, but if I can help one person be decent in a restaurant, then it's worth it. And girls, cannot leave you out, casual does not mean a top so low cut that well, people can see your "mountains and valleys." Nuff said.
BUTT SCRATCHING in public may be acceptable, depending on the town, but in most self-respecting restaurants, civil diners hate to see a large man with his hand down the back of his pants "going to town" scratching his rump like he had poison ivy. And girls, this applies to you too. That's why all restaurants have rest rooms for situations like this.
DRUNK PATRONS should not be allowed to pester any child, no matter what age, sitting in the next booth. I know. When you drink too much, you are in-love with everyone and make rash remarks such as: "Hey, Frank! See that baby over there? He looks like our pet chipmunk! Isn't she sweet?" Now if you love your liquor, food and a good parking-lot brawl on a Saturday night, be my guest and make an idiot of yourself. Otherwise watch how much you drink and say.
FORCING YOUR WAITER TO GET DRUNK for huge tips, is not acceptable. I don't care if you are vice-president, Joe Biden. This is wrong no matter how you slice it. Waiters and waitresses depend on their jobs for paying their way through school, rent and clothing. Be a good guy or gal, and leave the waiter and waitress how you found them, sober. And leave a generous tip so that gesture will cover the fact of how rude you became when you had your sixth "boiler maker."
IF YOU ARE SICK, STAY HOME this is as plain as I can get. Do not be afraid of the scorn your friends will give you for having an upset stomach from eating three-dozen raw oysters that as you said, "taste funny," the night before. You do not need to go anywhere, but maybe to the rest room. If you do go with friends to eat-out, you run the risk of "up-chucking" at the table and be the "laughing stock" of your friends as well as the entire restaurant. Be smart. Be sick at home.
NEVER TRY TO TAKE the men dancers at your place of dining home with you. Sure you and the girls had one too many, but hey, no one told you, in your drunken-stupor, to climb onto the stage and give these guys your home address or worse, beg them all to take you home. This, girls, is way not good, especially if your husband is at home when you and your male friends arrive at 3 a.m. But if you are excited by the taboo that overdoing booze can give you, have at it. There is always a divorce lawyer just waiting for your partner's business.
IF YOU ARE AN OLD MAN and love the taste and affects of liquor, plus you "think" you have this talent for dancing, then stay seated. Most elderly guys with a "snoot full," will go to the nearest young girl and expect to dance "The Charleston," with her. And some young girls, out of pity, will dance with you for a moment. Until a younger, sober man comes to "ease you" back to reality and to your seat where you will soon pass-out and a huge grin appears on your wrinkled face. Be wise, elderly men. Save your integrity. Leave the young women alone. If you must drink yourself into the "Twilight Zone," stay at your table. My logic is: you will still cause some embarrassment by passing-out at the table, but as much as you stumbling over yourself being laughed at by people on the dance floor.
EAT SMART when you dine-out. Watch where your fork or spoon is going. Spilling good food, to me, is a sin. A waste of the cook and waiter's time. Just take your time when you are eating. You will be okay. Sure, a crumb now and then is fine, but an entire plate of collard greens and chicken and dumplings is a definite no, no. If you must spill, or have this urge to spill, get someone else to feed you. This will eliminate any humiliation you might bring on yourself, your party or the restaurant.
NEVER PUT YOUR KIDS up to saying profane, vulgar words to the waiter or waitress. This is cute to some parents, but most, no. The child will hear you laugh at him or her and think that you are so accepting of this anti-social behavior, and if not corrected, he or she will grow into an adult who loves to say vulgarities to waiters and waitresses for fun. If you have to hear your cute son or daughter say anything, have them say, "I love the service of this place," and that way you will look like a million bucks. And not be told, "don't come back here with your foul-mouth kid again."
Right now, I confess. I am very tired in body and spirit. But I am not complaining. If you only knew how very-much that I care about you and your social skills, you would shed a tear of two.
GIRLS, IF YOU SEE ANOTHER GIRL
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