WHO KEEPS WHISPERING?

Let's Clean House!

Perhaps all of us have little voices or whisperings inside our head. Perhaps if they are part of a psychotic process, you might be considered lucky, and have half a chance of controlling these voices with medication.

Some of us have little voices as a result of intense emotional experiences or trauma. The voices represent the “split off” parts of self, the part of myself that had to “go away” in order to survive.

These “voices” may warn and caution us so we do not get hurt again. So they may tell us, consciously or unconsciously, not to tell someone “I love you,” because the last person you said that to, left you or dropped dead. These voices may warn you constantly of non-existent dangers or lead you to believe that the dangers are fatal when, in fact, they are just “normal” risks of every day living.

Then there are the voices that are a result of “introjection.” We take in these voices and make them a part of the on-going conversation between the thinking brain and the emotional brain. For more detail, check out the blog

http://hubpages.com/hub/HOW-OUR-BRAIN-WORKS.

The normal dialogue between these two parts of the brain becomes undermined by a myriad of input from the big people in our lives. These introjected voices say things like, “you’re a liar....you’re manipulative....you’re fat....you’re ugly....you’re stupid....you do not see what you think you see....I was not driving erratically.....you do not smell anything funny on my breath....you will never amount to anything....you do not deserve anything.....” The voices are endless.

I struggle every day with these voices. For me, they are more like whisperings, almost undetectable to the ear, but LOUD to my unconscious brain. Unfortunately, the whisperings have invaded my soul, my heart, and even my muscles.

I am fully aware that these “whisperings” have been passed down for generations. I know many a story from my Dad’s life and his father’s life (and his father and his father) that have given rise to these whisperings. So even though, I know these stories backwards and forwards, let’s call them the transgenerational pathways, and even though I know the whisperings are totally false, for whatever reason, I continue to invite them into my daily experience.

And why? Good question!

The whispering for me follow a common theme. “It’s not in the cards for you....you don’t deserve.....You’re not good enough....”

So today, I decided enough was enough. Yes, that too is one of those whisperings, but today, I will use it to my advantage. I am going to clean house--evict those pesky pesty whisperings. I also know that I may have to evict them again tomorrow, and again the next day, but I am committed now.

And one more thing.  I just noticed the picture below which is of clouds seen through pine trees in the mountains, at night.  I love this picture for many reasons.  But just now, when I looked at it, I saw lips, teeth, a mustache perhaps, the mouth is not pleasant, and whispering!  Can you see it?  If not, do not report me!

Insanity

Who Keeps Whispering?

The annoying voice,
Well,
It’s not even a voice.
It’s a whisper,
A deadly whisper.

Is today the day?
It’s as good a day
As any.

Who are you?
Where are you?
Yes, you are
Like a little mouse
Who incessantly scratches
Till I stop to take notice.

Then you elude me
Only to whisper
Once again
When I am most vulnerable.

Not good enough!
Not good enough!
It’s not in the cards for you.
You do not deserve....”

Today,
I will hunt you down,
Searching every nook
Every cranny
Till I find you.

You can no longer live
Here,
Neither in my heart,
Nor my soul,
Nowhere in my gentle body
Is there room for you.
Nowhere in my consciousness
Or unconsciousness.

It’s time,
Time to pack up your cruel whispers
And leave
Me,
And all the little ones
Inside me,
Alone.
And leave
All the people most dear to me
Alone.

You have wreaked enough destruction.
Too many
Have believed your insidious taunts.

Yes,
I see you, now.
And yes,
You must go.

I recognize you
Now.
You have plagued
And preyed upon
Generations
Before me.

You have slowly destroyed
My loved ones
Like a cancer.

And so now I pray.
Bidding God’s healing blessing
Upon all those
Whose soulful lives
You have somehow
Been allowed to erode.

Parents and grandparents,
Sisters and brothers.
Husbands and wives.

Go now.
It is over.

I will live
The rest of my days
Speaking
The truth.

“We ARE good enough.
We DO deserve....
It IS in the cards for us....”

I will allow no one,
No one,
To speak or whisper
“It’s not in the cards for you...
You don’t deserve....
You’re not good enough...,”
Such insanity,
Ever
Again.

It’s over.


Addendum

Check out the comment from palmerlarryray. It reminded me that I am nurturing some very loving and supportive voices in my head. I believe one of them might even be God!! I know, I need to stay on the meds!! But I'm not on any!! I know I need to be!!

So I will get another blog up here soon. A sequel about the "good guys"!! the good voices.

THANKS FOR READING.

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Comments 23 comments

The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Suburban Poet,

Wow! That was fast. I didn't even realize I had published. I thought I was still editing. Well! Thanks for reading and commenting. And I will follow your link.

Vern


palmerlarryray profile image

palmerlarryray 6 years ago from Macon, Missouri

Get out of my head, Vern! My little voices are my friends.... lol. Well, most of them are my friends but there's a couple in there that are purely evil little sons of b!*%#$ and they are good at creating a mob following to go destroy things....

Great Hub. 99 out of the 100 voices in my head approved this message. The other one says he's sleeping off a hangover and I should ask again later.


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Larry,

This is one of the best and funniest comments I have ever read.

You know, I should go back and add an addendum because I think we do have some good voices, some helpful and supportive and loving voices and I am working at nurturing those all the time. Thanks for the reminder.

Hope this is an awesome week for you with thanksgiving coming up. I am going to travel to Fresno to spend with my sisters and family.

Happy Week. We all have a lot to be grateful for. I am grateful to have you as a friend and supporter.

Love ya

Vern


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 6 years ago from New York

Hi Vern!

'Voices in my head'....lol

Who can know that better than me. The voices are so loud sometimes that I've to visualize my brain shutting down for a few moments. Thats the only way I can breathe at times. I wish there was a way to quieten the vicious ones that only pull me down and make me feel inadequate. Hope some day we are able to strengthen the good voices and bury the bad ones. Like you said, survival would become much easier that way. Great read!


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Hi Anjalichugh

I am looking forward to reading your latest hub before the day is over. Want you to know that. That is one of the voices in my head, one of the good guys!! As far as the negative voices, I have conversations with them and that seems to help a lot. I have conversations with them rather than them having conversations with me!!lol, Some of my "dissociative" voices seem to come from a place deep inside of incredible pain and I am just beginning to let the pain rise to the surface which then helps the voices become part of me rather than split off. The introject voices, you just have to evict them with some kind of ritual. Writing a poem about it helps me. Just got to shew them out. "Out, out, out, out, out.!!" Like you're shewing cockroaches or flies or mice!!!

AND,I'm glad I'm not alone. thanks for reading and commenting and sharing

Vern


Anaya M. Baker profile image

Anaya M. Baker 6 years ago from North Carolina

This is great stuff! I'm always fascinated by the inner workings of the mind. I have always had a very persistant inner monologue. My voices just won't shut up. I think over time I've gotten better about banishing the critical ones though.

Really enjoyed this hub. So often when we try to talk about the ways our brains work, people just think we are nuts. Well, maybe we are, but thats besides the point. It's just that the act of observing mental processes sounds crazy to those that have never taken the time to do so. But self-reflection includes mind reflection, and the mind can be quite willful and disobediant at times. We should all take the time to do the necessary task of giving those voices a stern talking to from time to time. Or maybe a hug.

Cheers!


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Hi Anaya

Thanks for reading, commenting, and sharing. You are right. sometimes those "poor" pitiful voices do need a hug!!! I love my brain and am learning as much about my brain--and everyone else's--as I can. It is really wonderful stuff. I will be checking out your profile and hubs. thanks for stopping by

Vern


justom profile image

justom 6 years ago from 41042

I argue with my voices but sometimes just laugh at 'em. They talk too much!! I'm glad you're kickin' the bad ones to the curb Vern and I hope the good ones bring you Peace (you deserve it!!) Tom


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

OUT!! I need to get them beyond the curb--too close to sneak back in!! Thanks for reading, Tom, and I am beginning to laugh at mine as well. One I recently laughed at was the voice telling me it was a sign from God that I deserved to buy a bottle of single malt scotch since it was on sale, down to 24.00, which really is a deal, but hardly a sign from God. Well, who knows?!! But I have been sober now since September 17. So what I do deserve is that peace you wished me and thanks, Tom. If I don't chat with you before hand, Happy Thanksgiving, Bro, and I am grateful for you being in my life even if it is in this interesting way. Seems like we are old friends eventho we have never "met"" but we have, right?

Yes

Peace and love ya

Vern


justom profile image

justom 6 years ago from 41042

Damn Vern, funny you should mention the scotch (I did have a time with Johnny Walker) but my day today was just bad enough to make me stop for a pint of bourbon. I don't drink much anymore but once in a while you just gotta' do it. Self control is something I have now:-)You have a wonderful Thanksgiving, I will think of you on that day brother because we are old friends. Sometimes you just know that kind of stuff!! Peace and Love!! Tom


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

I used to keep Johnny Walker in a shoe box in my dorm room in college!! And he never complained!! When you stopped for that pint of bourbon, what was it doing? Silly, I know!!

We are old friends and who knows maybe we are!! I will think of you as well. I am heading for Fresno to be with my sisters and families. Peace and Love and gratitude galore

Vern


BennyTheWriter profile image

BennyTheWriter 6 years ago from Northeastern U.S.A.

Vern,

Another stunning hub. I can relate so much to what you're saying here. I have those voices too--we all do, but some of us are much more affected by them--and I too realize, if I'm going to make a positive difference in this world, I must hunt them down and smoke them out of their holes, the holes they've made in my self-understanding.

Awesome poem as well: it communicates the urgency of finding these demons and taking them out, one by one. Because, after all, if we're allowing our lives to be controlled by these thoughts, we're not really living, right?

Larry's comment was hilarious and very perceptive as well--some of those voices ARE our friends, and those are the ones we need to nurture and encourage.

Bookmarked and rated up in every way! I will tweet this as well. Great stuff! Hope you've had an excellent Thanksgiving!

Benny


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Thanks, Benny,it is always an honor to receive comments from you. They add a little more insight. Got together with family the last several days and we talked about these voices and their genealogy in our family!!

Happy Holidays to you

Vern


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago

The voices come and the voices go. But they are welcome to visit often, the positive friends, the negatives can stay away and hopefully they will see the "NO VACANCY" sign I put out! Thanks for an encouraging hub! It really is nice to know we are not alone out here in this great big world!

Blessings,

Laurie


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Thank you, LaurieDawn for reading and commenting. I like the NO VACANCY sign. No, we are not alone. There is only one huge vessel on the ocean of life. It is old, rusty, leaking. And we are ALL on board! There is no luxury liner for those who have it all together, because there are no passengers for that boat which does NOT exist!!

Vern


daydreamer13 profile image

daydreamer13 6 years ago

Oh my God! Brilliant!


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Well, thank you, daydreamer13. Thank you much.

Vern


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Negative feelings don't project as "voices" in my head, but thoughts I think. I may not be clear that you actually "hear" voices or think these thoughts. As I don't want to go looking for trouble, I'll just leave that alone. I have a hard time fully understanding what is literal or interpretive in this complex subject. Nevertheless, I wanted to let you know I find your writing extremely interesting and well thought out...brilliant.


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Hi Amy

Thanks for reading and commenting. I find your questioning in the comment, good stuff. I like it. You have a good mind!! Yes, unless you are sure that you are all growed up and cannot get into trouble anymore, and I hope you adhere to that saying--I am all growed up and can't get into trouble anymore--could become a new voice--you do not want to go looking for troouble! But if you are all growed up....., then looking for trouble can be very freeing and life giving! Whatever "they" are, voices or neurological pathways, they influence us for better, for worse, and can, with increased consciousness, bring about change and healing. At 65, I love my voices!!! The voices I refer to in the poem are the destructive comments said to me over the years and said to all of us. Sometimes these "voices" are connected to feelings which we may not have conscious access to, so sometimes the voice is in the form of a feeling, like shame, for example. Anywho, we might end up with another hub right here in the comment section. I appreciate the word brilliant. Makes my afternoon, my day, my week! Thanks again for reading and commenting

Vern


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Your comment, Vern, opens up a floodgate of more questions. I now understand the voices and I appreciate your patience in explaining this. I am intrigued by your "all growed up" reference and "looking for trouble can be very freeing and life giving!" Is this explored in any of your pieces? I think it's what I'm looking for... After my father died, I spoke with a "mediator" recommended by a friend. It was very enlightening as I was not completely open to this concept, but was blown away by the specificity of his words. One of the many things he told me was that my maternal grandmother watched out for me, which I do believe. He said she told him that I was very stubborn and revelations are not always in the form of a burning bush...they are whispered. Is this within the realm of what you believe or is that crossing over into the supernatural as opposed to the psychological? Just let me know if you have written a hub regarding this as I do not want you to have to spend time explaining something you have already addressed, kind sir. Thank you very much.


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 5 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Amy, check out the THE FIRST FEATHER and then check out the link to the feather blog connection. You will be pleased. I believe our loved ones passed watch over us ALL the time. Let me know what you think about The First Feather and the feather blog connection.

There are numerous blogs re the whole growed up theme and one of the first chapters in my book, "From The Frying Pan To The Jacuzzi" addresses being all growed up in relationships. You can purchase the book on either Amazon or Barnes & Noble. Feel free to ask all the questions you want. I enjoy responding. that is what this community is all about.

Vern

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