Weird Things My Refrigerator Has Said

Weird Things My Refrigerator Has Said

Obviously, your refrigerator is the most vain appliance in your kitchen. Refrigerators provide functionality and utility only dreamed of by lowly toaster ovens, dishwashers, and cheese graters. The attitude of the icebox becomes understandable when viewed from the perspective of complexity. No other kitchen gizmo is smart enough to keep cold things cold and frozen things frozen while concurrently providing water in three different forms (liquid, cubed, and crushed.) Open the door and a light pops on: we implicitly trust that illumination ceases upon door closure.

Those of us who mistakenly tried to store T-bone steaks in the dish washer have learned these lessons in a dramatic fashion.

Weird Things My Refrigerator Has Said

Given the superior position of the refrigerator in the kitchen appliance pecking order, we expect our frozen friend to come up with entertaining and unexpected bon mots once in a while. Should you be unfortunate enough to miss out on the ruminations of your frozen friend, we present a sampling of weird things my refrigerator has said. Your personal refrigerator probably doesn't hold equivalent views, but you may find an icebreaker (!) or two.

"You don't buy a refrigerator, you only rent it."

How true this rings. Every refrigerator ends up standing morosely at the curb, waiting for the inevitable trip to the dump or the recycling center.

"History tells us that such refrigerators are often gone but not forgotten."

Who among us will ever forget their first refrigerator? The trip to the used-appliance superstore, the tireless hunt through rows of mismatched handles and trim pieces, the eventual realization that we can only afford a unit that reeks of some else's moldy cheese.

"My one regret is that I only have one compressor to give for my household."

Oddly enough, this refrigerator was made in China. We appreciate the sentiment in any case.

"That's one small step for an icebox, one giant leap for domestic food preservation technology."

I heard this one shortly after the completion of a particularly satisfying defrost cycle.

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. Your milk is beyond its' expiration date."

Wow. That little icebox sure was a lifesaver.

"The only thing we have to fear is leaking refrigerant itself."

Truer words were never spoken by appliance or sentient human.

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and don't let my ice maker freeze up."

We heard this one several times over the course of a hot and humid Summer.

Conclusion

We have presented a brief synopsis of weird things my refrigerator has said. A truly amazing appliance, as far as you know. Never underestimate your refrigerator.

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Comments 15 comments

frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 5 years ago

Brilliant! And at least you're not handing out really dumb advice :)


Robwrite profile image

Robwrite 5 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

This is refrigeratorist and perpetuates refrigerator stereotypes.


timorous profile image

timorous 5 years ago from Me to You

You think your fridge has attitude...you should check mine out:

[see my hub about Kitchen Appliances]


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

Nicomp - This is one of your best. Hilarious!!!!! Unfortunately you are not good at following directions. Put a link back the the Killer Hubs post so that the judges won't have to disqualify you.....


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

nicomp - thought you had really flipped out until I realized this was all a part of Stan's far-out hub requests.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 5 years ago from Moundsville, WV

nicomp,

My refrigerator spoke to me also back in August during a huge power failure. He said,"Tom I'm not working without electricity and now you must buy all new food because your's is now all spoiled rotten!!!!!!!!"


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Your refrigerator is smarter than the average citizen. You are in good company.


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

Or the great comment, "Great legs, you are built like a refrigerator!"


nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@dallas93444: I like that! After waiting a few days, I may steal it.


ltfawkes profile image

ltfawkes 5 years ago from NE Ohio

nicomp, you're on a roll. You MUST have first prize sewn up because you're in with such an impressive "body of work."

True story: just this morning my refrigerator said to me: "No more ice for you, Toe Jam. You were supposed to replace my filter three months ago. Happy now?"

Would it kill refrigerators to be just a little more - I don't know - nurturing? Oh de well.

L.T.


SpaceAge 5 years ago

Wacko! Appliances don't talk...........


nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@SpaceAge : As far as you know...


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

I saw an old Maytag washing machine wink at me when I told her she had "cute legs..."


nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@SpaceAge : Write some hubs so we can tease you!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 5 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Hello again!

You know what I like.

I'm Waaaaaaaaiiting...

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