A Wildflower, not a weed.
I once referred to myself as a "weed in the garden of life." A very kind and intelligent woman said "Nonsense, you are a WILDFLOWER! Now, that's the right attitude!
So here I am, beginning a new life...again. So much has changed I'm no longer the same person, but I haven't figured out that much about the new me. So this is how my garden grows, sometimes quite contrary.
Becoming disabled doesn't come with a textbook. It took the medical field years to even research some of the things that make me different. It's frustrating and down right cruel. Every new insight is received with relief, and sometimes anger, when it turns out so many have suffered the same way, while being told "oh, I've never seen this before. Must be in your head."
Yes, it is in my head. Physically in my brain. Also, in my body. I'm refusing to be written off by "professionals" who know nothing about the problem, won't listen and blithely pass by. Unless you are a psychiatrist, you don't qualify to tell me it's all in my mind.
Now, I'm going to use that mind, faulty wiring and all, to make a new life for myself. Four years ago, when I started this post, I was asked what I wanted out of life. I had no idea. The subject really hadn't come up, I was busy being a single mom, a wife, a daughter, a breadwinner. Now, unable to work, I had no way of realizing any of the vague dreams of my youthful being.
When I was eight years old, my ballet teacher told me if I fell down, try to make it look like I did it on purpose. Cats do this naturally. I've observed animal behavior for many, many years. They learn by trying, failing, trying again, passing on what they have learned. That's exactly what we need to do with the unknown. Try, learn from failing, try again, communicate.
I've always been an artist. Then even that was taken away from me for many years. But being creative is so much a part of me, I have to express it. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know for me, it will be creative. And for now, that's enough. For today.
Shout out! What have you learned? What are your dreams and what do you need to reach them? No one without disabilities is going to understand what we deal with, so let's help each other. And along the way, the healthy might learn a few things too.
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