Wildflower's Growth

Morning Glory

A Wildflower, not a weed.

I once referred to myself as a "weed in the garden of life." A very kind and intelligent woman said "Nonsense, you are a WILDFLOWER! Now, that's the right attitude!

So here I am, beginning a new life...again. So much has changed I'm no longer the same person, but I haven't figured out that much about the new me. So this is how my garden grows, sometimes quite contrary.

Becoming disabled doesn't come with a textbook. It took the medical field years to even research some of the things that make me different. It's frustrating and down right cruel. Every new insight is received with relief, and sometimes anger, when it turns out so many have suffered the same way, while being told "oh, I've never seen this before. Must be in your head."

Yes, it is in my head. Physically in my brain. Also, in my body. I'm refusing to be written off by "professionals" who know nothing about the problem, won't listen and blithely pass by. Unless you are a psychiatrist, you don't qualify to tell me it's all in my mind.

Now, I'm going to use that mind, faulty wiring and all, to make a new life for myself. Four years ago, when I started this post, I was asked what I wanted out of life. I had no idea. The subject really hadn't come up, I was busy being a single mom, a wife, a daughter, a breadwinner. Now, unable to work, I had no way of realizing any of the vague dreams of my youthful being.

When I was eight years old, my ballet teacher told me if I fell down, try to make it look like I did it on purpose. Cats do this naturally. I've observed animal behavior for many, many years. They learn by trying, failing, trying again, passing on what they have learned. That's exactly what we need to do with the unknown. Try, learn from failing, try again, communicate.

I've always been an artist. Then even that was taken away from me for many years. But being creative is so much a part of me, I have to express it. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know for me, it will be creative. And for now, that's enough. For today.

Shout out! What have you learned? What are your dreams and what do you need to reach them? No one without disabilities is going to understand what we deal with, so let's help each other. And along the way, the healthy might learn a few things too.

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Comments 1 comment

DeafEye 12 months ago

I know how you feel. The doctors keep putting me trough the ringer too. Rare side effects and I get them? Not possible. Its rare so it's in my head. Rare strand of auto-immune disease? Even though the tests say I have it the doctors tell my Psychologist that its in my head. At least the psychologist tells the specialists to do their jobs :P In any case, life can be damn inconvenient and unfair...but the only thing worse than the cards you're dealt is to fold in pity. Count your blessings. Each day lived is a day you triumphed. Celebrate.

“People die . . . so love them every day.

Beauty fades . . . so look before it's gone.

Love changes . . . but not the love you give.

And if you love, you'll never be alone.”

― L.J. Smith, Witchlight

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