Well, Diane, you've come up with a question the answer to which holds a lot of
happiness for a lot of people. Since you mentioned endurance, let me say that I've been married to the same crazy man for 46 years. When someone asks me how we've lasted so long, here's what I say: We talk. We communicate, every day in every way possible. If he does something that irritates the crap out of me, I tell him and vice versa. If he does something at a social event that I think is kind and shows what a good person he can be, I tell him and vice versa. If I am worried about money, our children, our grandchildren, our insurance, our front lawn, our back lawn, I tell him and vice versa.
When the talking stops, the relationship starts to unravel. I have a friend who used to tell me she and her husband hadn't spoken for a week. Number one, how childish is that? Number two, I'm sure it's one reason they're divorced now.
If Joe seems tired, irritable or angry, I keep on until I figure out why. I need to know. He is the same with me. We are determined to make this journey together a good one.
So talk and talk some more. If you're married to someone who won't talk, talk to them anyway. Exchange funny emails, call each other during the day, talk before you go to sleep at night and when you wake up. COMMUNICATION is the answer to the question, I believe. And in addition, don't hold grudges. Number one, realize that you're acting like a 3-year-old if the other person has apologized. Get over it. How important is the fact that your spouse disclosed something you didn't want disclosed, looked at another woman's butt, belched in public, or ate or drank too much at a party in the big scheme of things? Let it go, let it go, let it go, like water under the bridge. Talk to each other and forgive each other and get on with the happiness of being together and having fun. Life is very short. Figure out what matters before you're too old to remember!!!