American Idol (7) – The Gay, Gay, Gay, Gayer Than Gay Season Finale!
I stopped really writing about television shows or current events because invariably someone reads it months (or in my case, years later) and then they write to me to tell me that I was wrong (as the person really DID end up staying in rehab, got divorced, etc.) and frankly it just makes me look bad but dear God, I watched the finale of American Idol last night and just couldn't resist. I don't care how much they tried to butch it up with the whole boxing match theme, there's no getting around this one kids, it was the gay, gay, gayer than gay finale!
Never mind for a moment about the contestants. I'm not the next Perez Hilton (nor do I aspire to be - frankly the thought of being in his weight class makes me shutter) however, you have the young sensitive boy and then the rocker with a receding hairline supposedly fixed by the "fucked up, I don't give a care but spent fourteen hours to make it look this way hairdo" with too much eyeliner on. So think what you will about these boys but they definitely helped the gayness factor.
Let's look at the "regulars" on the show. Unfortunately Ryan Seacrest has become so dull that the question isn't whether or not he's gay so much as to whether or not he'll ever be able to eat solid food again. He's certainly gay thin but is losing his appeal as his head becomes so big looking compared to his body that he's become a bobble head of himself. Nope, Ryan does not add to the gay factor, he's too asexual at this point. Does anyone want to sleep with him, um...no.
Next up you have the judges. Well, try as he might Randy Jackson with the weight loss surgery and his yoyo up and down weight (which makes him more of a fag hag than a gay) however between the kooky clothes and all the jewelry, he can "dog" all he wants but he's so fussy about his appearance - um, hello...gay. Paula Abdul is the closest thing that this generation has to Judy Garland. Oh don't think for one moment I'm saying she's as talented as Garland but she has that sort of diva drug through the mud now on drugs kind of sadness that the gays seem to flock to more than a sale at Barney's. Finally you have the old queen, Simon. Though I almost always agree and think his criticism is dead on, let's face it, could he be any more of a bitchy queen the way he wears the t-shirts that are too tight so you see his man boobs, his constant discontent and disdain for everything and his general, "I'm better than this" kind of attitude? Honey, you're ten minutes away from judging drag shows!
Now God knew what he was doing when he invented Tivo. I was able to watch all two hours in about 15 minutes. I don't care to see all the cruise ship/ Up With People performances like the kids all singing together or the solos from past Idol losers. I do have to say that the Michael and Carly duet was great. But all this filler in a show that has so little content just gets duller than dull real quick.
Up to the guest stars. Well, the recent articles floating about the Internet letting everyone know (no surprise) that the Dancing With The Stars production team do everything they can to NOT have gay boys on the show. (In a desperate attempt to try to appeal to what they think Middle America wants and because ballroom dancing is such a butch art form anyway.) And I hate to tell the producers but I think there are some green card marriages and some what we used to call when I worked there, "Disney Marriages" - these would be women who are married to gay men but somehow they think they're fooling everyone yet they're only fooling themselves. But I digress...so onto the gay guest stars. I don't know how much gayer you can get than bringing on Donna Summer and George Michael. If that doesn't make a gay clutch their pearls in shock and delight, I don't know what will. I'm not quite sure how she's doing it but somehow Donna Summer's looks have not changed since someone left the cake out in the rain. I know "black don't crack" but she's ridiculously fabulous looking. George Michael unfortunately hasn't been afforded the same ease in aging. Time (and public restrooms) have not been as kind to him. Is it just me or has he somehow lost his once fabulous jaw line? Even with the now signature unshaven look, his jaw looks sunken in as if he's missing some teeth or something. Could it be from chipping his tooth on the porcelain of urinal 5? I don't know but between that the sunglasses that took up most of his face, we really can't be sure if it was George Michael or just someone who sort of looks like him, can lip sync like him and was wearing big glasses.
So there you have it. If you don't see the show this way, the easy answer to you is that you are sooooooooo wrong. Honey it was like watching a cabaret act from Fire Island that was transported to Provincetown by way of the Emerald City. So while Dancing With The Stars tries to deny their gayness, at least American Idol seems to be embracing theirs!
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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