Are gays threatened by gay marriage? – Don’t Get Me Started!


So a lot of people wonder what blogs this blogger reads. Lately, with work and life I've done precious little reading but tonight I typed in one of my fave places for news and interesting points of view at a site "free of an agenda, except that gay one" that's right Love the site (and not just because I wrote a piece for them about a year ago). Well, the "article" that interested me was about a New York Times article in the Sunday edition about gays in their twenties in Boston getting married. While I can certainly understand the point of view from Qweerty asking if gays (or in my opinion, anyone) in their twenties should really be committing themselves to marriage at such an early age dare I say I detected a little something more? Are gays threatened by gay marriage? - Don't Get Me Started!

Though I didn't read the New York Times article, I take the Qweerty boys at their word when they stated the article only interviewed well off white couples. Well, think about it, who else but Sumner and Hampton can afford to get married and then go to their summer house in the Hamptons? Qweerty even went so far as to call these white boys "Stepford Husbands" and seemed to take pride in a classic "I told you so" by talking about one male/male couple who at 26 divorced. Again, I have to say that it's about the age not the same sex.

Somewhere don't you have to feel good about the fact that these boys and girls feel good enough about themselves and have a state that support them marrying? No, instead some of us gays would rather clutch our pearls over the fact that one of these couples didn't even live together before they "tied the knot." Imagine in this day and age gays not being completely stereotypical sluts! I tell you, I for one am completely outraged! (Yes, that was sarcasm, kids)

You see, I'm getting older with every passing moment and the thing that I can tell you is that when I was growing up although I did see gay couples (having done theatre since the age of six) I really never thought about getting married. I just never even thought about that being something that was an option for me. I'm not sitting on the porch knitting a scarf for the winter for my guy of over nineteen years but I'm also not clubbing looking to club a club kid over the head and drag him home for poppers and a pop (if you know what I mean). So where is my shower with the assorted kitchen gadgets and a place setting too expensive for anyone to buy so they settle for the creamer set? (Which let's be honest, no one wants without the place settings)

To be honest I don't want the shoes or the rice (or the bird seed as is politically correct these days). I want all the rights that come with marriage but I don't want to wear matching white tuxedos and link arms to sip champagne. At the same time I want gays of any age to be able to have it all if they want it. Does that make me less gay? Less of a fighter for the cause? I honestly don't know. I guess if someone told me I could only get domestic partner benefits or be able to get into my guy's hospital room (God forbid this scenario should ever happen) I would get married in a heartbeat but why should I have to just to make the gays feel better and piss off the right wing Christians? And yet do I deserve these rights without entering into marriage? I don't know, honestly, I don't know.

What I know is that if I was a woman and tried to get into my guy's hospital room, no one would ask why or roll their eyes or even deny me the right to get into that hospital room. Those are the facts, I'm sorry to say. It doesn't matter to the people who would deny us, the years we've spent or the commitment we've made to one another, it just matters that we're both men to them and that's unacceptable to me. (And should be to everyone) I don't want to piss people off, I just want a little respect for being man enough to be with the same man for so many years and still be in love. Is that so wrong? How many heterosexual couples can say the same? I don't think other gays should thumb their nose at me and the way I've chosen to live my life anymore than I should at the gays who are choosing to stay single and play the field. For me it's about basic rights and respect. And if twenty-somethings want to get married, God bless (yes, that means THE God...yours too) and we forty-something gays should be glad that somewhere, somehow we helped in some way to pave the way for the twenty-something gays to get married (and not be bitches)! Are gays threatened by gay marriage? - Don't Get Me Started!

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Boss Number 1 profile image

Boss Number 1 8 years ago from Stayton, OR

Whether you're gay or straight, I think we all run into the same nose-thumbing no matter what choices we make in life! Some people just want to feel superior to others, they want to judge others, condem others for decisions they were not privy to being part of. I was married at 21, I've been with my husband for a total of 8 years, married for 5 of them, and people are amazed that I didn't use my 20s to sleep around, party a little more, & 'find myself.' Now, do I think I'm the exception to the rule when it comes to successful young marriages? Maybe. Do I tell other 20-somethings to get married young? No. I don't because it's not my decision to make.

Bravo for pointing out what others somehow miss--no one ever has the right to belittle or judge anyone else for the choices they've made in life. The beauty of our country is the freedom we have to make our own choices, whether or not their in line with the 'norm.'

somelikeitscott profile image

somelikeitscott 8 years ago from Las Vegas Author

Thanks so much for reading and your response - much better written than I could put it. Great perspective, thanks again.

Angela Harris profile image

Angela Harris 8 years ago from Around the USA

Boss, well put.

Huntley 8 years ago

As usual, well said. I have to admit that I did get pulled in to the the last two episodes of "Brothers & Sisters" that included the proposal and subsequent union between two principle male characters. And, damn it all, I'll just admit that I shed a tear. But, I checked in on my emotional display to learn that it wasn't because of the "historic television moment" or even the "yeah, see we Gays can do it your face America." No, it was more the way the moment was written with honesty. The proposal came because they realized the depth of the love and how their heart brought them to that moment. It was about activism. The only statement was about professing love to one another. That's the part that got me. And as a 40 year-old man, I more than respect the amount of energy and courage that allows the television moment and the moments in reality to reflect that we have the option (even if symbolic) to say I love you and I want only you. And to let moment be about just that, nothing more.

Huntley 8 years ago

I meant to type - it WAS NOT about activism.

somelikeitscott profile image

somelikeitscott 8 years ago from Las Vegas Author

Huntley, Brothers and Sisters last two episodes? I laughed, I cried, I've kept it on my TIVO and watched the scenes you're talking about more than once. Thank God, we can still cry, laugh and sometimes see all of that reflected on television!

Autumn Wallace 8 years ago

Marriage is a constiution under God, joining one man and one woman. It has religious foundations and is a "ritual". It bothers religious people when someone who is not of the same religious background takes their [again, religious] ceremony out of context to apply it wherever they feel worth while. Marriage in America is founded on Christian roots, as many of our laws and practices are. Although many Americans today do not agree with the Christian religion, or the beliefs involved, marriage is never-the-less a part of the Christian religion, and should be respected so.

A non-jewish person would most likely not throw a batmitsva for their 13th year old son, why should homosexuals be married under a God that does not accept homosexuality?

The homosexuals have a legal "partnership" which mirrors marriage without overstepping boundaries that should not be divided. It is allowed that homosexuals throw parties that appear as they are weddings and wear rings as a married couple migh. Every aspect of marriage is met without stepping all over an individuals personal belief system.. But this isn't good enough for them..

I am a person who has been involved in a homosexual relationship.. And I am AGAINST gay marriage.

somelikeitscott profile image

somelikeitscott 8 years ago from Las Vegas Author

Autumn, I hear what you're saying but what most don't realize is that the "partnerships" do not provide all of the benefits of marriage as seen by our goverment. I'm still learning about all of this but some I know oh too well. My partner was on my benefits at my last job. And I was taxed on this as extra income for the privilege of having him on my benefits. So while I don't particularly want the "shoes and rice" either, I DO want all the rights! Thanks for reading and commenting - Scott

Autumn Wallace 8 years ago

Then a law should be passes providing the same benefits without the same title. Arguing "marriage" as an equal right among people without equal belief systems can be a circular discussion that is going no where among a people growing even angrier. Two emotionally presuaded peoples are being hurt daily over a matter that should have ended long ago. Let go of a fight not worth fighting. Find happiness with equal rights without taking away the rights another has to believe what they do as passionately as you may love a same-sex partner.

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