Bachelor Jason ep 4

 

Why was Chris Harrison trying to pass off this whole "Write a song for a date" thing as a new idea? Duh, that's how Jesse scored his one-on-one last season and ended up winning. Everybody knows that right, Shannon? I really don't think she needs to remind us that she watched every episode of The Bachelorette...100 times each on her TiVo.

What on earth was Lauren babbling about? Melodic...good ear...sell a song... Honey, this isn't American Idol. You're not going to be discovered. Sorry.

Nikki seriously needed to cut the tears in this episode. If I commented on every breakdown, I would run out of space--on the entire Internet. Someone needs to remove the ginormous stick from her booty, and I'm sure she'd be a pleasant girl. By the way Nikki, if you'd really rather have a tarantula crawl up your arm then you should go around the corner to Fear Factor. You and Lauren obviously got lost in the reality show hallway together.

Sometimes Jason doesn't make sense (or the lines that the producers feed him don't make sense). How was he "turning it around" on the girls by making them write and perform the songs? That's exactly how it was done last season. It's not like DeAnna sang and the boy who liked it the most got the date. Maybe he wanted to rap again and try to score a record deal. Ha!

Overall, the girls' songs were pretty bland and not nearly as good as the guys' songs last season. Shannon actually managed to be both dirty and boring. That's an accomplishment. Speaking of inappropriate, what was Megan singing about? Yikeys! I hope her kid skips this episode if she ever decides to watch Mommy on TV in a few years. Then there was Stephanie. Take your opera act on the road...and get lost in the woods, please! Lauren really thought she won Star Search (How many reality show references can I make in one hub?). Too bad she lost this challenge--and all of my respect. Why was Nikki singing to her baby? What baby? Molly's song was cute and not creepy, so I guess she seemed like the safest to take on a one-on-one date.

More than once in this episode, I shouted at my TV: SHUTUP LAUREN!! She took a huge nosedive from the top to right out the door.

I told you Molly is a sleeper cell! I did make a new observation about her this week, though. She's a cute girl, however, in some of her interviews she is straight-up creepy looking! I'm not sure if it's makeup or what, but it was very Jekyll and Hyde! Obviously Jason doesn't agree with me because, "Her eyes are star-gazing amazing." I just threw up a little bit.

I forgot Molly was the golf swing girl from the introductions. I'm glad she dropped that gimmick. I liked their conversation: "Are you up for that?" "I'm down." Good, we're all around then. I wonder if Molly's comment on being "the first girl in Bachelor history to do the walk of shame" was fed. If you really think about it, the girls/guys who stay in the "Fantasy Suite" are proud marchers on that well-worn path, so she's not really a pioneer. I was actually surprised that some girls didn't cry and/or go home immediately once they saw Molly in his clothes. There was plenty of both in this episode, anyway.

How is going to General Hospital that exciting for Naomi? She's from Carlsbad, CA...that's pretty darn close to LA. I guess I would have been more annoyed if she hadn't been impressed at all because she's so Hollywood.

What the hell was on Jillian's head? She looked like a drag queen! At least Jason recognizes that he's a terrible actor. But Lauren is way worse-and she doesn't realize it.

Excuse me, I need a time out. I'm drowning in Nikki's desperation.

Jason's chemistry was better with Jillian than with Megan. It's obvious that he digs Jillian much more-tranny wig and all. Megan's kissing was more like chewing his face. What was up with Naomi's emo moment at the wrap party? I almost started to like her until her desperate cry for attention. What was up with the huge raincloud over the girls at the wrap party? Stop crying and attempt to have a good time before he sends you all home.

Megan said was "in love with kissing Jason." Ok, drama queen. She is "straight crazy" and just needs to accept it and move on.

Lauren completely misread Jason. Their alone time was AWKWARD! That was probably some of the most uncomfortable I've been watching this season-even more than watching the nutbags worship him! Lauren's crazy stripes started to show, just in time for her to get the boot.

It goes without saying, he seriously digs Melissa. She's remaining my front-runner. Meanwhile, Shannon put on quite the parade of desperation. Begging doesn't look good on anyone, sweetheart. However, the look on Jason's face was classic. His eyes even said, "Uh-oh, this bitch is krazy!" The true low-point of that conversation was when she said, "Just come home with me." How ‘bout, you just go home Shannon. That really works better for the rest of us. Thanks. The napkin scene was hilarious. I can almost guarantee that will end up on The Soup this week.

Nikki gets to go on a date, yay! Oh wait, you mean to tell me she's upset about it? Shocker! Is anything up Nikki's alley other than pageants? Ahem, trophy wife.

Jason's left eyelid is a little quicker to close and slower to reopen than his right. Just an observation.

The dance instructor's speech comparing the waltz to the leading/following in relationships was a bunch of crap. How much do reality TV writers get paid to create ridiculous monologues drenched in illogical metaphors about romance? Sign me up!

I think Nikki actually showed a little bit of the hidden snake inside her. She was sneaking in some jabs at Stephanie for being a single parent. In Nikki's mind, there appears to be some Get-Husband-Here line that Stephanie is trying to cut in front of her in. Like Stephanie already used her voucher, and she can't just go and get married again before all the single ladiez out there get a husband first.

For once, I have to agree with Megan-both Stephanie and Nikki need to go home. Then again, Megan needs to hit the road too (Thanks Jason for making that happen!).

FYI, when Nikki says she plans to get married and have kids "someday," she means like tomorrow. Tonight, even, just let her get the dress out of her suitcase.

Jason made zero sense, once again, when he declared "Everyone I can imagine adores you, Nikki." So, all of his imaginary friends were really rooting for her?

Lauren was completely clueless when she was trying to be playful with Jason and he was not getting it. If you're joking around with someone and they turn and say to you "Are you mad at me?" it's time for you to stop attempting to be funny. Then she tried to force romance right down his throat with her tongue, and just ended up ramming heads with him. Yuck.

I like that Jason sent home more people than he was supposed to this week. He helped me out by clearing out my "Need to go Home" list from last week. I knew I liked him!

Shannon went home because that was a hideous dress she was wearing. Go home and French kiss your dog. That sounds delicious.

The tag on this episode was awful. We really did not need to hear Lauren's dreadful song again. That's disappointing because I usually love the random clips they show during the credits. Oh well, maybe next week.

Girls to Watch:

Melissa

Molly

Needs to go home:

Stephanie

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