Bo Bobo and His Nosehairs of Fury

It's a jungle in there...

photo by tomeemayeepa
photo by tomeemayeepa
 

Nasal hair. According to the sages, it is an important filtering device, protecting our respiratory system from the invasion of particles less than five nanometers in size. It is also one of my biggest pet peeves. Oh, not nasal hair in and of itself...just excessively long nasal hair that sticks out of the nostrils. It distracts me...sort of like a piece of spinach in between the teeth would if you were trying to talk to me. I cannot control it. You might be telling me something important but all I see is a nasty, unkempt hairy nose. And don't even think of kissing me...

A basic trimming kit

One boyfriend in particular, I forget his name...but he was a rather nice looking man, sort of resembled a young Armand Asante...oh, yes...Roger, I remember his name now. Poor Roger. He gave me a lovely sapphire ring for Christmas and I gave him a sweater and an electric nose hair trimmer. Needless to say, our relationship didn't last much past the holidays.

To my dismay, I bumped into Roger several years after that particular gift giving occasion and discovered that he must not have appreciated my well-intentioned present. Instead, he had a unique solution to his nasal hair growth problem. Roger decided to grow a moustache and simply incorporate them into the general population. In my opinion it was nothing more than a hairy booger ramp...and I was forced to cut our reunion conversation short.

Not a single nostril hair to mar this lovely photo

Photo by Nagillum
Photo by Nagillum

Obviously though, I am not the only one that finds these hairy extrusions offensive. In the Buddhist Monastic Code II on personal grooming, one can find the following instruction:

Nasal hairs should not be grown long. (In the origin story to this rule, people objected to bhikkhus with long nasal hairs "like goblins"). Tweezers are allowed for pulling them out; by extension, scissors should also be allowed for trimming them. The Vinaya Mukha notes that nasal hair performs a useful function in keeping dust out of the lungs, and so interprets this rule as applying only to nasal hairs so long that they grow outside the nostrils.

According to Islamic law as found in The Masa'il of the Hairs:

Both clipping and tweezing of the nasal hair is permitted. It has been reported by Abdullah bin Basheer that tweezing of the nasal hair can lead to a disease called akilah (cancer or gangrene).

I did some research online to find a case of akilah, or perhaps death resulting from nose hair trimming, but could find no such example. It is therefore, probably, an Islamic scare tactic to keep the western world from procreating...since I'm not the only woman that will draw up short at the sight of a nose hair poking out of a man's nasal orifice.

Christians seemed to be oddly silent on this subject, as were Mormons and Scientologists.

Good grooming habits

Taking care of those stray hairs is simply a matter of good grooming. For the "dagger hair," as one boyfriend was fond of calling them, simple tweezers will do. Sure, it'll make your eyes water momentarily, but it hurts no more than tweezing an eyebrow and women do that all the time. You ARE tougher than a woman aren't you? Yes? Maybe?

For a major deforestation, try using a battery operated clipping device. They come in both rotating and oscillating varieties...both work nicely. Try to read the directions and follow them. No need to lobotomize yourself for a few hairs. Some people, like Buddhist monks for example, use scissors...but this is a rather dangerous practice and therefore probably the option that most men would choose. Just don't come running to me when the cat chooses to jump on your back just as you cram those blades into your delicate nostrils.

Once you have trimmed those hairs, you may wish to consider a quick rinse cycle using a neti pot for total cleanliness. Just a suggestion...

A final rinse...and you are good to go!

Of course, you could always use Roger's solution and eventually become like Bo-Bobo, and his "nose hairs of fury."

While nose hair certainly stretched the HubMob weekly topic, "Hair styles, their history and how to create them", you'll find a lot of other hub contributions by going to the forum and checking it out here.

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Comments 43 comments

spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hi Research! Yeah...these broad topics are a challenge to me. I'm struggling as I try to think of something healthy for the next hubmob challenge. I'm sure it'll be way out of the box :)


Research Analyst profile image

Research Analyst 8 years ago

I would have never thought of nose hairs but what a out of the box concept.

http://Hair-Style-Hubpage-from-the-HubMob


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hi Average: I never manage to stay up late enough to watch that show...but if Amy Sedaris was talking about a neti pot, then it would be the same thing.

And thanks for the comment!


Average Jane profile image

Average Jane 8 years ago from Bay Area, California

Great article! Picture at the end: is that the cold remedy Amy Sedaris showed on Conan O'Brien the other night?


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

LOL BT! Yeah...I stumbled on it while researching my hub and it has amused quite a few people here at my office :)


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

That game is too much! I bookmarked it on Tagfoot!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

rmr: aha! holding the left mouse button down. I'll have to try that. I killed all the guys and got to the question mark ones...but got the snot kicked out of me (figuratively speaking) at that point.

Amanda: It isn't pleasant looking up somebody's nose is it? :) Hmm...I never noticed about the correlation between smokers and yellow nose hairs. Do you think this person smoked? And thank you :)


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 8 years ago from UK

Where did you get that totally gross up the schnozz photo at the beginning? It made me cringe just looking at it. Have you noticed how old guys who are heavy smokers get yellow nose hairs? Ugh! Gross! There was definitely more about nose hair in this hub than I ever needed to know, but it was very funny also.


rmr profile image

rmr 8 years ago from Livonia, MI

He finally finished the game. He tells me that you hold the left button on the mouse to build power in your hair punch. You have to beat up all the other guys before you can get to the bridge. Also, you get farther if you punch while the other guy is winding up to punch you.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hey Sixty! :) See! I knew you were a dapper dude...despite tha suit you described in your own hair article. (Are there pictures of you in that suit?)

rmr: My apologies for that...sincerely. Umm..how far has he gotten? I'm stuck on the question mark guys at the bridge. If he's figured out the meaning of the power bar, I'd like to know that too.


rmr profile image

rmr 8 years ago from Livonia, MI

You're killin' me here, Spryte! The damned jackalope has been playing that nose hair game all morning!


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

Spryte I take a timeout to actually write some hubs and what do I come back to! Side splitting stuff. BTW regarding your comment, my dearly beloved insists that I regularly trim my nosehairs. She does the haircut (shave if you will) and ensures that there is no trace of tundra growing out my ears! All hair limited to a couple of millimeters long at all times, to keep me groomed. I also have my toenails seen to on a reular basis. Cannot bear to have toenails as seen in  Mariesue's hub. Old unkempt men are not pretty! I am an aging meterosexual and proud if it!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Yep! I concur!


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Nostril hair product - genius! That would need afiliates, this sounds like a job for Shadesbreath.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Shirley: 

LOL!  Yeah...I have to admit the imagery from Paulie's confession had me wondering too.  I mean, what goes in...has to come out right?  Depending on what was up his nose, would they have to close the beach?

Hmm...a nostril hair product.  You might be on to something there.  I don't think anything has been marketed for this problem...yet. 

rmr - I have to say I've never noticed ear hair as much as nose hair, but I've heard it can be just as off-putting. Still...I'm not sure it would gross me out as much. It would be more like having some furry eared pet....maybe?


rmr profile image

rmr 8 years ago from Livonia, MI

I don't know about nostril hair, but I'm pretty sure I've seen ear hair combovers in the past. I also thought about trying a netti pot once. Once.


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

So funny, Spryte! A few things:

- the thumbnail pic is gross and it took me a second to realize what it was

- Paulie said that when he snorts ocean water the damn breaks....to where? I see him on the beach, swimmers screaming and running out of the water, small children crying and clutching their mothers.....ewwwww! Yet so fitting with the comments here.

- if a guy couldn't/refused to remove the offending hair, could he not use a little mousse or gel and either stick it back up inside the nostril, or do something stylin' with it?


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

gwendymom: *blush* awww thanks! I'm so glad I made you laugh!

Shade: Bah! My husband is a very well groomed individual...which is why I married him. You think I'd settle for some neanderthal that didn't know how to pluck a nostril hair? :) But I did give him your sympathy...there are so many other things he can use it for!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

Spryte, while I appreciate the possibility of your reigning over your husband with a pair of braided split reins wrapped round his skull originating in his nose, you've already made it quite clear that that poor bastard you married likely gets hounded mercilessly if even the slitest tip of a nostril hair peeps out from one of his nose holes like a timid bunny or... dare I say, curious jackalope.  The onslaught of that gift to that unsuspecting man that Christmas in your hub speaks volumes to the hygenic misery your poor husband must endure.  Please tell him he has my sympathy.

(Oh, and I looked at that picture again... still riotous. God that's funny. I wonder how much she got paid to do that.)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

Spryte, wow, this is great! You rose to the challenge and then some. Great read alot of laughs.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

How about, "I found Elvis up my nose and then I ate him".

Even worse!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

*falls over laughing* stop, stop,stop!! My sides are hurting...

I keep seeing the headlines in one of those daily rags.

Housewife claims "I found Elvis up my nose!!" followed by a close up shot of the booger...with a few nostril hairs still embedded in it.

Nah...it's "snot" too much of a pun :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Iccckkkk! I bet it would too, how scary is that? "I found Elvis up my nose".

Is it too much of a pun to suggest we may be "picking" on these boogers?


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hehehe Misty...not yet. :) But think on it...what if somebody had a booger shaped like Jesus...or Elvis. You don't think that wouldn't cause a stir?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Oh Spryte, I would so love to spend a day with you too, can you imagine the giggle we would have, plus loads of wicked and naughty ideas for hubs?

Please tell me there isn't a market for transferred "boogers" on ebay!!!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

LOL! Yeah...I think so too Patty :) Thanks for dropping in...and we should perhaps check out BT's moustache. It could just be a nasal hair combover according the the evil little jackalope.


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 8 years ago from North America

Jackalopes got moustaches...

spryte - that picture of the nose watering can is hilarious!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

LOL! Misty...you have no idea how much I adore you woman!! If I could choose one hubber to hang out with for the day it would be you. Can you imagine? We'd probably have to bribe somebody to come bail us out of trouble though.

And what do you mean it isn't as if you can tell him? Hell I'd tell him!! *grin* Well, okay...if it was like Viggo Mortensen, I probably wouldn't tell him because in the event of an accidental booger transference, I could make a fortune selling the hardened ball of mucus on Ebay.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Spryte, this is great as usual. I just love the idea of nasal hair attached to your ex's moustache being a " Hairy Booger ramp" Yuk!

I have to say it is very offputting when you glance up a man's nose only to see a whopping great booger matted into his nasal hair, especially if he later tries to give you a kiss goodnight. It isn't as if you can tell him it's there, but likewise it is really hard to get out of the kiss without explaining why. If you are unable to avoid the kiss, my advice is to always keep it brief, and make sure you check his nostril after to ensure the booger is still where you left it.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Paulie - My boss swears by a neti pot whenever he has the flu. I haven't tried it yet, but the idea is intriguing. Still...are you seriously telling me that you've snorted the ocean? How cool! :)

Ryan - I bet you ran into the bathroom and looked up your own nose after reading this :) And thank you /bow


Ryan Hupfer profile image

Ryan Hupfer 8 years ago from San Francisco, CA

More than I ever wanted to know about nose hair, but an awesomely entertaining Hub!

You are truly a HubMobster. :)


PaulieWalnuts profile image

PaulieWalnuts 8 years ago from Chicago

Great Nasalography! The nasal douche works quite well for sinus problems too and even better if ya can. Take a dip in a salt water ocean. I have sinus trouble and the sea water just cleaned me out and broke the dam! It was unbelievable!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

BT:

Hmm, a nose hair combover.  Somehow that idea makes "the  Donald's" combover not so bad by comparison. 

You might want to look into registering your nosehairs as lethal weapons.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

My nose hairs have saved my life on more occasions than I can count! Very handy! I give 'em a good workout, three times a week. Now they're strong enough to pull a truck. As for incorporating them into a moustache, they make a fabulous combover for those who can't grow a good one.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Christoph: LOL! Nope...never saw that video and I can't even begin to imagine how that is possible..makes my nose hurt just thinking about it. As for the battery operated device, well I've heard the other type doesn't work so well if you stuff it up your nose or in your ear anyway.

Uninvited Writer: Thanks for the comment and dropping in :)

Dineane: Absolutely true...and if anyone could snort Maryanne...it would be Shade. LOL! Thanks :)


dineane profile image

dineane 8 years ago from North Carolina

LOL! That last picture was funny, but not nearly as funny as the mental image Shades' comment left me!!! Great take on the HubMom theme!


Uninvited Writer profile image

Uninvited Writer 8 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

Interesting take on the topic :) Well done.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

Oooo, nice angle on the hair thing. I have one of those battery ones that works great (I'm talking about a nose trimmer, not that other thing!) Works great on ear hair, too. Have you seen that video of the guy putting a handkerchief in one nostril and pulling it out the other to clean the sinuses? It's totally disgusting, but it's supposed to be good for you.

Great hub!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Shade...

Wait a second. I think I just read a hair hub on how to fraid a horse's tail. Does it look something like that? Nostril reins....interesting idea. Perhaps I can get my own husband to do something like that...kinky!!

LOL! Thanks for the comments...and I'm glad that last picture got ya!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

hah, that picture at the end so caught me off gaurd, I'm laughing. Snuck up on me and pounced like a leopard jumping out of a tree or something. God that was funny.

I braid mine nose hairs, by the way. Saves the anguish of plucking, the time of trimming, and with a little ribbon at the end of each one, it kind of looks like I snorted Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island or something.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Sixty! Now you look like a man that would know about keeping his nose hair in check. :) To be honest, I just didn't want to accidentally write on a topic already written...and I figured nose hair was pretty darn safe. :)


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

Spryte Between you and Marisue' Toenail hub urgh!.

Great hub in the hubmob vein.

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