Dumbledore Is Gay? I Don't Think My Gaydar Is Working!
Dumbledore Is Gay? I Need To Get My Gaydar And My Magic Wand Fixed! - Don't Get Me Started!
I love the Harry Potter books. I've read them all and if J.K. Rowling ever wrote another one, I'd be the first to sign up on Amazon.com to have it delivered to my door on the day of its release. But even reading all the books, nothing prepared me for the news that came out of Rowling's own mouth this past week. The whole proclamation that Dumbledore was gay threw me for a loop. Dumbledore is gay? I need to get my gaydar and my magic wand fixed! - Don't Get Me Started!
Am I just naïve? I don't know. I just never really thought about any of the characters from the Harry Potter books having sex. And guess what? That's strictly okay with me. It's sort of like imagining your friends or relatives having sex, you know that they have sex but for God sake, you don't want to think about it. (Well, at least I don't) There was something so wonderfully magical and pure to NOT have to think about Hermione and Ron "getting it on" or Hagrid jerking off in his hut that right now even writing that makes me shudder.
The thing is that I'd like to be mad at Rowling for "spoiling" my innocent pleasure of reading her fantasy novels but what I'm more pissed off about is the fact that once again my gaydar appears to be on the fritz. After all, I guessed that the Sorcerer's Stone was in Harry's pocket in the pivotal scene from the first book. My suspicions were right about so many of the plot twists throughout reading the books but Dumbledore being gay? What's wrong with me, why didn't I see it? Sure he wore a diamond in his beard but I just took that as being where wizards wore their diamonds. Yeah, he was always redecorating the sky in the great hall but I thought of that as more than just showing off for the kids. And the whole long fingernail thing I wrote off as an absent-minded professor who was so genius that he didn't have time to think about personal grooming. Okay, after reading all of that, I admit it, I should have known. But frankly, if I had to pick a character that was gay in the Potter books, I'd have to lean toward Snape (as it sort of explains his whole nasty demeanor - you know, can't admit he's gay so it makes him a miserable person...Senator Larry Craig are you listening?). If I forced myself, I could see Snape and Lucius Malfoy at a leather bar but Dumbledore?
And what about all that "loving of Harry" that Dumbledore did? All the protecting Harry and them spending special time in Dumbledore's "private office?" You know the office where you said a magic word to make the stairs rise...wait, I mean rise like a phoenix, he had a phoenix bird, remember? Abracadabra, no, I can't think about Dumbledore being attracted to Harry because if I do I'm really going to be ill. Too late, already I can see the title of the porno - Hairy Potter and Dumbledore's Secret Chamber. Eeek! I mean, even with the adorable Daniel Radcliffe playing Harry, I never thought about having sex with him or him having sex with any of his fellow Hogwarts classmates. (I guess this means you can definitely never accuse me of being part of the whole man/boy love culture. Just one more thing that separates me from Michael Jackson)
If Hermione were only here, she'd know an incantation to clear my mind of all that has been thought. But alas, there is no Hermione (here or anywhere else) and that means that there's no Dumbledore either so on some level I'm safe. Besides, there was nothing ever really all that sexual about Dumbledore that could have really tipped me off. So if he is gay (and the author says that he is) then he is like the Will Truman character on Will and Grace, you know, almost asexual. Even when he had boyfriends I never really thought about him having sex. True that's another fictional character but then there's always Lance Bass, I can't (and won't) imagine him having sex either. But that's a blog for another day.
I know I should be glad that Dumbledore is gay, right? A major character in a major book series is "outed" so that should make me feel validated, right? Not so much. It just makes me want to re-read every book and see if there were some clues I missed. And maybe just maybe that's what the clever Ms. Rowling was really intending all along, a way to get us to all break out the books and keep Harry Potter on our lips a little longer. (Boys, honestly, minds out of the gutter) Dumbledore is gay? I need to get my gaydar and my magic wand fixed! - Don't Get Me Started!
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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