How To Deal With Nuisance Callers

Don't you just love it. "Dinner's ready" you shout to the kids, as you're in the final stages of dishing up the finest version of "poulet, frites et petite pois a la sauce tomate". They rush in and sit down with that look of feed me now I'm starving. Then ring ring, the poxy phone goes. You swear blind someone must be watching outside, waiting to ring you when your at your busiest. You think to yourself I had better answer it because it could be someone/something important like mother, brother, sister, auntie or who ever letting you know that their cat has been successfully spayed. But no, you hear "Would you like to buy some double glazing" or "We are conducting a survey" and "Congratulations your postcode has been chosen for .............". Well here are my top ten ways of dealing with these nuisance callers.

  1. Pause for a moment then say, "What are you wearing? I'm not wearing anything at the moment."
  2. On answering the phone tell them that you are not the person they need to speak to and would they hang on while you "go fetch them". Put the phone down and carry on with what you were doing.
  3. After you have answered the phone say no more words, just start barking meowing or purring then cough up a fur ball.
  4. Let them do their pitch and then for no reason start moaning and whining about your next door neighbour and how their dog always craps on your lawn and digs up your prize roses.
  5. If it's to do with house improvements, such as double-glazing, sound very interested and let them waste loads of time telling you all about the features. Sound as if you want the "deluxe" version of anything they're offering - then, right at the end when they discuss payment, casually say that "Oh, you'll need to talk to the landlord about that, because this is rented accommodation."
  6. If you have something to sell, see if you can sell it to them. Give them a taste of their own medicine. I bet they don't listen as intently as they hoped you would.
  7. Not forgetting the least complicated and simplest one. Hang up without a word. I reckon this one probably annoys them more than any other.
  8. Say, "Yes I would love to talk to you for as long as you like. I am a trained Samaritan."
  9. Wait for them to say what they are calling about, then say in a concerned voice, "Hello!". Then, whatever they say, start butting in saying, "Hello. Is this phone working?", "Hello. I can't hear you!", "I don't think this phone is working" or any other 'broken phone' type messages, before saying something like "Weird huh!" and hanging up.
  10. Get your phone company to enable, Anonymous call barring and Caller ID on your line, invest in a caller ID unit and then you don't have to answer the phone to anyone you don't know or like.
  11. If all of the above don't work then try what the gentleman in the you tube clip did below. It will definitely work and make you laugh.

These tips will never stop the annoying little b****rds from calling you or someone else again, but at least you can even up the score in some small way.

Comments 5 comments

NDBEES profile image

NDBEES 7 years ago from DEVON Author

Woohoo my first comment. Thanks Londongirl. I'm still laughing now at that poor bloke.

LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

Yes, it's great (-:

ANother possibility - "Let me tell you about my experience of Jesus...."

countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

WOW!! Those were some innovative ideas. Btw one can register here to avoid those marketing calls:

NDBEES profile image

NDBEES 7 years ago from DEVON Author

I nearly put that one in too Londongirl. If I get ten more I will add them on.

NDBEES profile image

NDBEES 7 years ago from DEVON Author

Thank you countrywomen for your kind words. I have heard of the site before. Once you sign up, and should you receive a call after, hefty fines are given out.

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