Have A Nice Gay
If you've ever seen the movie Annie Hall, you'll know what I'm talking about and if you've been reading my blogs since they started in 2006 you may also have heard me mention this before somewhere along the way. There's what I consider the classic scene of Woody Allen and Tony Roberts walking down the street in New York and Woody Allen is going on and on about people who he thinks are being anti-Semites. He quotes things like a man who asked him, "Did Jew eat?" instead of asking, "Did you eat?" He swears that this is what the man said to him. Well, although I'd like to believe I'm not as neurotic as all that, today I had my car washed and there's an older man who is the cashier and at the end of the transaction I'm almost certain that he said, "Have a nice gay!" - Don't Get Me Started!
Silly right? But when you're a Jewish gay man you've been called just about everything in the book so the least of your worries is someone telling you to have a nice gay. But what exactly does it mean? Of course I had to delve into it. Does it mean have sex with a nice man? Nah, probably too Jewish motherly thinking that's the meaning. Or does it go back to the days of old when having a "gay old time" was something the Flinstones had at the "courtesy of Fred's two feet" (This is the line that no one ever remembers from the theme song from the Flinstones and of course I know it. And now that I've written that it feels all dirty and like some strange fetish - not my original intent but hey, probably a nice gay old time for someone, if you're into it.)
It sort of reminds me of the time I chose my doctor when we first moved to Las Vegas. I was convinced that I needed to have a gay doctor. I went through all the search engines, community centers and everything else until I finally found him (all the while under the protest of my guy who just wanted me to find a good doctor). Well, this guy may have been gay but was dull as dirt and I don't think he exactly graduated at the top of his class in Honduras or wherever it was he got his degree. I remember the first visit and him asking me all these questions. You know the ones, what about sex, do you have it? How often? With how many people? Have you ever made love to a Hoover vacuum? (Okay, don't know where that came from) But being the monogamous guy I am, I assured my doctor that I had been with the same man forever and that he could test away for all the diseases but that I was as clean as my grandmother's coffee table (which was cleaned every day with lemon Pledge until there was more lemon Pledge than there was wood on the table). He was taken back a bit by my explanation of my relationship and seemed at a loss for words. When he could finally speak again all he could say was, "Oh. You've been together for twelve years? Oh. Well, good for you." (Of course this was years ago and we'll be celebrating twenty years this August) Although I just smiled and nodded at the time, I had no idea what this gay, I mean guy meant. Did he mean, "Good for you" in an "I can't imagine anyone putting up with you for twelve minutes let alone twelve years" kind of way? Or did he mean, "Good for you" in a "Yeah, right...a monogamous gay relationship, what is this guy with a penguin?" (Note: Penguins mate for life). When he confided in me that his boyfriend of three years was a lawyer I exclaimed, "Oh my God, you're a Jewish mother's wet dream!" He didn't laugh and seemed almost offended in a "didn't get it kind of way" so I'll be offended. I eventually found a good doctor who wasn't gay but most importantly he was a good doctor.
Thing is that I rarely confront or question anyone when they say something. It seems impolite, right? You smile, nod and then call them a Nazi later, right? Isn't that what you're supposed to do? I also think I was born for short attention span theatre. I tend to not be able to repeat back to someone what they've said verbatim but instead tell them what I thought they said from my emotional perspective. So maybe he didn't say, "Have a nice gay." And what's so wrong about saying that right? I mean, I'm much more offended by the "Have a blessed day" people than I would ever be about being told to have a nice gay. And since I consider myself a nice gay, it can't be much of a leap to have a nice gay while still having a nice gay, right? Don't Get Me Started!
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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