Hillary's Dark Powers Explained

Is there a connection between the Presidential candidate, Sen. Clinton and the turmoil repeating itself in the Congo last week?

Of course, I’m talking about the story last week out of the Congo where 13 sorcerers were arrested for suspected penis theft.

There was a wave of panic as accusations of penis thievery spead through the city of Kinshasa in the Congo.

The local radio shows were advising people to beware people riding the communal taxis who where wearing gold rings.

The supposed victims, of whom 14 were also held by police, claimed the sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear.

Now, this might sound a little silly to some, but I say different strokes for different folks.

Is it any nuttier than some of the stuff people believe here in the U.S? Have you been to San Francisco lately?

We have all heard about Senator Clinton’s famous testicular lock box, but has anybody explained HOW she does it???

I could not find a reference to Hillary ever going to the Congo. But, as first lady, how hard would it be to have Sorcerers practiced in the Penis Stealing Arts flown into the White House to teach her the dark art of penis stealing while she was there.

If she wasn’t so liberal, I could see a huge benefit of having the Commander In Chief have the ability to wisk away the willy of Osama ben Laden, Hugo Chavez, or Putin. Maybe even the loony (by our standards) Kim Jong Il would start behaving himself.

And then there is the extortion element of this spell where one can pay the sorcerer to get their male genitalia back to normal (at least!).

Think how this might be used against some of these men leading other countries that have no cahones. You could promise to give them bigger equipment for a price or concessions of support.

I bet even Senators Kerry, Reid, Kennedy, and others would be interested in getting their original equipment back.

Of course, many women have trained in and practiced the “shriveling art” on men. They use certain evil spells known to have a deflating effect on men. These spells often involve pointing and laughter. Or any of a number of incantations like…

“Isn’t that the cutest little thing you ever saw?”

At least they didn’t steal the whole thing.

And lastly, has anyone else thought this might be a great rape defense?

“Oh yah big boy, I’m trained in the Congoese Penis Stealing Arts. So take that…one touch…and shazam… no more willy.”

Not to be confused with the crude, but equally effective, “Bobbit Technique.”

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