Hospitals- Why You SHOULD Fear Them
"That's Not My Job"
If you read my last article on hospitals, you know all the reasons not to be afraid of them. Now here are some reasons you SHOULD fear them.
Nurses as a whole, are psychotics. A friend of mine's mother is a nurse and she has got to be the craziest (in a scary, bad way) person I know. When I was 18, there was a nurse living outside the gated community where I lived with my dad. She was one of those nurses who goes into old people's homes and does things for them. When a few of her clients ended up dead, they busted her. Not only did she strangle them with wire coat hangers, she stole their credit cards and cash. Now that's a comforting thought, isnt it? Pay attention to news stories and articles in the paper, it's astonishing to see how many nurses are committing serious crimes. Besides, they'd rather be playing "doctor" with the doctor than giving you a spongebath.
Doctors dont care about you. No really, they dont. They have tee time at 3:30. Youre bothering them with your nonsense about your ear bleeding. Get over it ya big baby.
Let me tell you the story of my last stay in the hospital. I actually wrote this stuff down as I was lying in the bed.
"That's Not My Job!"
There are good, kind, caring nurses and then there are the just plain evil ones. Most of mine were so-so. Some a little nuttier than they shouldve been but hey, at least they brought me juice. 5 nights and 6 days I am stuck in this place that smells like old people and rubber gloves. During this time I had 4 main nurses. Only 2 of them need to be mentioned here. Let's call them Nurse Koo-Koo (she was fun-I actually made her cry) and Nurse McPoophead. Now Nurse Koo-Koo was there the night I was admitted. She was funny, cracking jokes and made me feel right at home. Of course, with all the medicine I was on, anyone wouldve been funny.
Sometime during the next few days, I met Nurse McPoophead when she came into my room to check my IV. I told her the pain medicine wasnt working for me anymore. She didnt believe me and blew me off. A few hours later, an IV tech came in, saw how swollen my hand was (the IV site) and said the medicine was going into the surrounding tissue and not into my vein. Thus the reason for me not feeling pain relief. I think this humbled Nurse McPoophead a bit. But only for a short time. After they changed my IV to yet another painful place, I fell asleep. It was nighttime and none of the other nurses had woken me up during the night so I figured I would get some much needed rest. Not so. Nurse McPoophead wakes me up by pushing every single button on my IV drip machine. Beep, Beep, BEEP! So annoying. Then she starts asking me all sorts of questions, ones I had already answered to the doctor and Nurse Koo-Koo. I told her, "Geeze lady! I was SLEEPING and I already went through this with the doctor!" So she goes off on some 'little cranky old lady doesnt get any' tirade and leaves.
The next time I saw her, I told her my IV wasnt working again. The site was once again, swollen up like a pregnant woman's ankles. She suggested having another IV put in. I told her I would rather not. Then she says "Im not going to come into your room every hour to give you pain medicine. It's not my job!" Haha! It's NOT?!
Arent nurses supposed to care for their patients, whatever that entails? Personally I think some of them are on power trips. They actually think theyre better than you and your doctor. Dont argue with me. It's true.
It's not that Im a difficult patient to deal with. Well, Nurse Koo-Koo may have disagreed after I made her cry but all in all, I dont ask for much. Just dont be a C-word and well get along just fine. And DO YOUR JOB. You are after all, getting paid. One of the other nurses actually held my hand, rubbed my back and whispered to me while I was hysterically crying during a very painful IV session. Another one did everything in her power to make sure I was comfortable and happy.
Another episode I had with Nurse McPoophead was when my IV was leaking clear liquid everywhere. (I swear if they had only learned to do an IV properly.....) These were her words to me, "You shouldve told us a long time ago, because now the IV nurse is gone and ILL have to do it." Really McPoopypants, are you serious? Im sure that's not your job either but come on lady, be a sport. So I ask her, "Are you going to numb it?" At this point Ive decided to be as difficult as I can possibly be. Her, "I dont do that." Then she goes on to make a dozen other excuses and realizes that Ive stopped listening. She says, "Fine! You want someone else?" I only smiled. She storms out of the room and gets on the phone and calls the IV tech. The whole night afterward, little McPoopyface is sitting on her butt, staring off into space. I found that strange for a woman who didnt have the time to do anything for me.
So be afraid. Worry. They might be trying to kill you so they can steal your organs. They may be experimenting on you. Be wary of even the nicest of nurses. Theyre most likely the ones who are in the back room, harvesting the livers and lungs.
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