How To Attract Women By Being Yourself


What is it about some guys? No sooner have they entered the club and are lining up for a drink, they are surrounded by women salivating like wolves. The next five minutes is an oestrogen-fuelled battle of stilettos, push-up bras and lipstick as the hottest girls fight for the right to take home their prey.

Meanwhile every other guy is standing around scratching his ass wondering what he has to do to even get a look-in. For the guy who's gonna go home and get gang-raped by a pack of lingerie models, it's just another Saturday night. For the guys going home alone whistling Pink's Just You and Your Hand it's just another Saturday night.

And the most fascinating thing about it? King Dick wouldn't be able to tell you what it is that has all these beauties tearing at his clothes. "Dude, just be confident," is his sage advice. "Just be yourself," he says, echoing every woman who has ever given dating advice in the history of the universe.

It's good advice. Just be yourself. The problem is 'being yourself' is getting you laid about as often as the Knicks making the Finals. So you want to be better than yourself. You want to be like one of your buddies who seems to have a different girl every night. And two on Thursdays.

We all have that friend who is just a bit too good with women. So we watch him in action, noting what he says and how he behaves. Surely if we act like him we will get results like him, right? Not quite. Take our friend The Asshole for instance. He tells girls they look fat in those pants? The girls let him take off their pants. You tell girls they look fat in those pants? They give you a matching fat lip. Despite all of his advice to treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen, it just doesn't seem to work for you.

Why is this, you may ask? One reason is women have a much more finely tuned radar when it comes to analysing body language, voice tone and facial expressions. The result is on a deep level they know when a guy is putting on an act or trying too hard, often resulting in, "Something about him just didn't feel right."

Whereas our friend The Asshole was saying the same things, everything else he was doing was matching his words. This is known as congruency. He is just 'being himself' and the end result is that girls get wetter than Niagra Falls. Because to them it just feels right, they can see he is confident and comfortable. They can sense his congruency.

A man with a strong sense of identity, a strong sense of who he is, is attractive to women. So the problem with trying to copy another guy's style is you aren't putting your true self on display. Some guys even go to the extent of learning so many rehearsed lines and stories they've heard others use successfully, they don't even really know who they are anymore. At this stage these guys are always looking for the newest technique or routine to make sure women will like them, and they have lost the ability to simply be themselves and have fun when picking up women.

Every guy has his own natural seductive style, and the sooner you find yours the sooner you will find success with women. Don't feel like you have to act like a jerk if you're actually a nice guy, and don't feel you have to be sweet and romantic if you feel uncomfortable in doing so. You want to develop a style that puts you at ease around attractive women and which you can maintain long term.

It's no use being able to put on a show and convince a woman you are her dream guy, only for her to discover it was just an illusion. Samy is an attractive 26-year-old Londoner who has encountered many of these guys. "At first, a lot of guys come across as funny, interesting and charismatic. But then I'll see them again and they act really intimidated by me. It's so frustrating," she says.

Whether these guys can't shine without alcohol or they were simply putting on a front, it's clear neither of them are on their way to getting any action. So how exactly do you go about finding your own style to charm the pants off every lady you meet?

One exercise worth trying involves some creative visualization. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a year from now, enjoying the type of success with women you've always dreamed of. Imagine you are with your ideal woman, and she is head over heels for you. Or if you prefer, heels behind her head. How did you see yourself approaching her? Using humour? A compliment? Asking a question? Then once you are talking to her, how do you notice yourself acting with her? Very flirtatious? Sexually suggestive? Having a deep and meaningful conversation?

However you picture yourself attracting this woman is a key insight into what your core, natural, seductive persona is. Spend a few months practising this same style to meet women at every opportunity and you'll soon start to see some success. So if you see yourself being romantic and chivalrous, forget about copying your buddy The Asshole no matter how well it looks like he's doing. Because when it comes down to it, if a woman doesn't like you for who you are, then what's the point? Who knows, you might even end up with your own pack of lingerie models.

More by this Author

  • Top 10 Conversation Starters

    We've all been in this situation before. It's a Saturday night and you're out partying with friends at your favourite bar. The drinks are flowing, the music is pumping and everybody's having an awesome time. When out of...


No comments yet.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article