How to be a Good Hypocrite

Lousy Liars

There are so many lousy liars in our society that insist upon presenting their fraudulent activity as though the rest of the world is naïve and can't tell that they are fake! Well, if you are going to try to fool the whole world with your hypocrisy, would you please, please, perfect it? It becomes ultra-tiring catching an individual in a bad lie over and over again; worse yet, observing an individual live a conflicted life between word and deed. Consequently, there are some pointers listed below for hypocrites, that will at least cause these chronic fakes to gain a few points (insignificant though they be) with the general population - in the respect department.

Gain Respect As A Hypocrite

Listed below are some ways individuals who suffer from chronic fraudulent behaviors can gain respect in their field:

  1. Document, Document, Document - Keep track of your own lies and all of the details because we are tired of doing it for you. Purchase a notebook and a pen and when you drop a lie just take a few moments to jot it down. If the fakers of this world would just write down the lie in its original form it would save the rest of us from having to pretend that we are having temporary alzheimer's attacks on a regular basis. Also, it will virtually eradicate a lot of the mental confusion that takes place inside of the mind of a con-artist.
  2. Be creative - Husbands, wives, children and senior citizens grow weary of being able to come up with better and more believable lies than the best falsifiers. At least make the story worth listening to... so we can get a good laugh later.
  3. Tell the truth sometime - Hypocrites, you will find that this will confuse people because they are so used to getting the stupid stuff. Consequently, they will listen to your crazy banter and watch your conflicted lifestyle a bit longer if you mix the truth with it.
  4. Look Good - an ugly hypocrite does not stand a chance... so dress up, practice good hygiene, get a nice hairstyle and know how to carry yourself. The better the package, the longer you can deceive. Honest people tend to be visually driven.
  5. Learn to read body language - Fakers, when you are conversing with an individual or when you walk in a room check to see if others are trying to end the conversation politely and diplomatically. Take notice of people who are trying to avoid you by leaving quickly and respect it. Take a look at their faces to see if one eyebrow goes up, or all of a sudden someones head makes a quick nod towards the door to another individual in the room. You will save yourself much embarrassment if you do so.
  6. Always keep breathe mints or gum in your pocket - honestly, if you are going to, lie do something about your breathe. We the people, are sick and tired of not only dealing with losers but the foul air that comes from your mouth is almost unbearable.
  7. Be quiet sometime - if the worse liar would just learn to shut up ... he/she will find that people would actually come around from time to time... until you start talking again.
  8. Slow Down, Don't talk so fast - for some reason dishonest people believe that if they talk rapidly that people won't catch them ... not. People aren't trying to catch what you say anymore ... you've already given yourself away with the speed in which you spew out words.
  9. Stop borrowing money - a telltale sign that you are a liar is that you spend an inordinate amount of time attmepting to borrow money that you never intend to pay back. You may think that people don't remember or even that others don't know that you've borrowed from so many people... but your secret is out... that's why no one calls you and they don't answer when you call.
  10. PAY BACK ALL THE MONEY YOU'VE BORROWED - this will keep all con artist types from having to document extra frivolous lies; thus saving paper to document the whoppers!

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Comments 18 comments

John Chancellor profile image

John Chancellor 8 years ago from Tennessee

My first reaction was okay, this is oxymoronic - there can be no such thing as a good hypocrite.

I would take exception to your point # 1. A notebook would not do much good. An accomplished hypocrite really would need a laptop with a fairly large hard drive ... and would need a data base with a good index to keep track on the lies by category, audience told to, etc.

And you left out the mirror ... take a good look at yourself from time to time. Try to see what others see ... not that fake image you have of yourself.

Good advice ... but do you really think the hypocrite can be honest with him/herself? Probably not, so they won't even notice that this is about them.


ceounlimited profile image

ceounlimited 8 years ago from California Author

LOL! Hi John, points well taken... right over their heads!


creative.one profile image

creative.one 8 years ago from BC, Canada

This was FUNNY! I have run across a few liars myself and how annoying it is :)


Pam Pounds profile image

Pam Pounds 8 years ago from So Cal Girl in the Midwest!

Very good points, ceo...and very humorously put! I'm a firm believer of "what goes around comes around". So I remain optimistic that these kinds of people will ultimately step in their own you-know-what!!

An enjoyable hub! Thanks!


ceounlimited profile image

ceounlimited 8 years ago from California Author

Thanks Creative - I'm glad you were entertained by this hub... it is annoying and frustrating to see such potential placed in a losing game.

Hi Pam, I agree... you get what you plant.

And thank you both for taking the time to read this hub!


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Wonderful Hub.  I am so tempted to print it out and deliver it into a number of people's mailboxes.  LOL. They would think the message I sent was delivered in error.

That's the beauty of a hypocrite...they really don't know what they do.  It's up to us to protect ourselves, not to reform them.

Looking forward to more of your Hubs.

Regards, Sally


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

Got a chuckle and snort from me on this one.  I agree with John tho, they'll read it and nod and go, "Yeah, totally," and have no clue.

Hmm... like we all just did?

Damn. 

How's my breath?


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Shadesbreath, your breath is minty and fresh, always, and much better than my doggie's.  I think John and I are saying the same thing.  Or maybe I have bad breath?


ceounlimited profile image

ceounlimited 8 years ago from California Author

Wowzers! I'm glad to see that I am not the only one that is fed up with this kind of foolishness. Shadesbreath - just to let you know - I've read some of your hubs and you are doing good... you are a breath of fresh air! Sally, thanks for the encouragement and the compliment ... it means much to me!


sschilke profile image

sschilke 8 years ago

coeunlimited,

I enjoyed your humorous take on duplicitous behavior. Thanks for the laugh.

sschilke


ceounlimited profile image

ceounlimited 8 years ago from California Author

Thanks S! I love to spread chuckles in this serious world. Thanks for reading the hub!


cvaughn570 8 years ago

I am with everyone else! I have a few people in mind that could stand to use this advice. Not that they would read it and think that it was targeted at them, but it would sure feel good to deliver it anyway.

Great Hub! Carol :-)


Jewels profile image

Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

Duplicitous - what a word!! I had the most adventurous experience only a week ago with a human being parading as a Phone contract salesman. Seeing through the hypocracy of his statement - 'I am here to make your life better', I saw the huge rat attached to the back of his neck. As he would not leave my doorstep and after he energetically and then personally ended up inside my house, I proceeded to blast his lies with the power of my voice. So persistent was I in nailing the young man's conditioning to someone else's wall, he succumbed to my strength and proceeded to tell me exactly who had the best phone deals in my country. As it turned out it was not the company he was working for. How do these people sleep at night. Hypocracy comes in many forms and I proved how tired I am of dealing with them. God it felt good and I'm still feeling good about that conversation.


ceounlimited profile image

ceounlimited 8 years ago from California Author

lOlrh! (Laugh out loud really hard) Jewels! You are soooooo cool! Why do I feel your relief? Why am I glad I wasn't that phone representative? Ha, ha! Hey... let's definitely keep in touch! I'm still laughing


Jewels profile image

Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

Sure, I still giggle with pride!


cindylangwho profile image

cindylangwho 8 years ago from Michigan

GREAT hub!

But if the hypocrite is unaware, then I wonder how many of US, the commentors, this actually might apply to. HMMMM? (raises eyebrow) Makes you think. <grin>


ceounlimited profile image

ceounlimited 8 years ago from California Author

Hi Cindy, Sorry it took so long to get back but in answer to "... the hypocrite is unaware" ... the hypocrite is always aware, that is the beauty of being one. They (the hypocrites) just believe that you are not aware because you are not smart enough... kind of makes you mad, doesn't it? Don't let them get to you... Awe the arrogance of humanity!

peace


atheist 2 years ago

good!

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