I Am Offended You Are Offended By Hallmark
I'm Offended You're Offended By Hallmark For This - Don't Get Me Started!
So supposedly, Hallmark pulled a card that some gays found to be offensive. The card, designed for Father's Day read "Dad how about a Father's Day picnic?" on the front of it and the phrase, "Too queer? Yeah, I thought so too" on the inside. Have we really gotten to this point where even Hallmark, the maker upper of holidays that have no true value other than to sell cards, has found a way to offend us? I'm offended you're offended by Hallmark For This - Don't Get Me Started!
Come on people, they've put in a line of cards by Maya Angelou, they've put cards in Spanish, they've even put in a few more Jewish holiday cards (although they're always smaller than Christmas cards, not boxed and on the bottom shelf). How can you be mad at a company that helped put "sweetest day" on the map? A holiday, incidentally, that was created by candy companies to sell candy but somehow is supposed to celebrate those you love while reminding you to also think of the sick, aged and orphaned all on one day. Um...wouldn't that be everyone? Well, start hoarding your candy as the holiday is the third Saturday in October each year. My point is that all you have to do is walk into a Hallmark store to see what it's all about. Have you ever been in one? Let me walk you through it.
The employees are (now don't anyone get offended) predominantly white women of a certain age from another era. An era where Tupperware parties still reign supreme and the most important things in their day is straightening the resin statues with biblical phrases on them and wondering what they're going to feed their "men" when they get home at night. These women have been lost in time, completely. They blush when the cards came in with the male stripper on the front exposing, dare I say it, his nipples <blush> and wearing nothing but a Speedo. These women are six minutes away from creating a bake sale at any given moment. And this my friends, is why we've seen Hallmark card stores dying out like the dinosaur they are, having only slightly changed with the times. So no wonder they would produce a card that has a queer joke in it. Look at their employees and consumers and the whole story reveals itself. Here's what I think the "ladies" at Hallmark would say about all the fuss. "After all Helen, I don't see what all the fuss is about, those gays have that television show about five "queer" boys who "fix up" real men on the television. Of course I didn't watch the actual show but I did see an advertisement for it while I was watching something on the Food Network. Oh it was a yummy looking casserole that had tuna and get ready for this...some sherry in it, if you can believe that. Can you think of anything so daring? Oh wait, no it wasn't on the Food Network, I think one of those queers was on the television selling pants suits on QVC right after the brooch hour. I got the most stunning bumble bee pin made of painted enamel in 24 carat plated gold and two Diamonique stones for the eyes. No, I didn't watch the queer boy. After all, I had to get John's dinner ready."
The thing that is so funny about all of this is that all you have to do is look at the Hallmark offerings online to see that they have a completely different sensibility online. Have you looked and listened to any of the Hoops&YoYo cards? They were obviously written and voiced by either some gays or people who've done a lot of hanging out with the gays. How Hallmark has managed to live this dual life this long without them crashing into one another is pretty amazing actually. (Maybe Jim McGreevey is running this company!) Let's just call it functionally dysfunctional. (But don't most of us fit into that category?)
I get why some gays were offended by the cards but aren't we all tired of being so offended by everything and everyone else? I don't know about you but for me it's simply exhausting. Should I be offended that there's so much to get offended about or is it offensive that I've lost my barometer on what's offensive due to the fact that everything I read is telling me to be offended by everything else?
We shouldn't be offended at Hallmark, they are what they are and we should accept them for their choice to have no grip on reality. Their's is a reality of butterflies with glitter on the front of cards with things like, "To Someone Nice To Know" on them. They should leave the humor to people who can better handle it, the online Hallmark consumers who send e-cards like Hoops&YoYo and people who buy cards from MikWright (Love them - http://www.mikwright.com/ ) and close all the Hallmark stores. Or do you find that offensive? If so, I'm offended you're offended by Hallmark For This - Don't Get Me Started!
Read more Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
More by this Author
Here I thought that there would be certain phrases that we would never have to hear again. You know, like "Cowabunga" from when the Simpsons first came out or "What's uaaaaaaaaaaap?" from that...