Mistress Confessions

How In the Hell Did I Get Here?

First Things First:

•1. If you are a married woman - DON'T READ THIS - there will probably be a lot of things in here that you don't want to know...trust me.

•2. If you are a married woman who is thinking about cheating on her husband - DON'T READ THIS - don't start something that you're not prepared to finish.

•3. If you are a single woman who feels that she is "caught up" or "in love" with a married man - THEN THIS IS THE HUB FOR YOU!!!

•4. If you are the married woman mentioned in criteria number one - okay I lied - there may in fact be a passage or two that you might find interesting. You never know - you may even learn something about yourself!

•5. And finally - if you are a woman who is trying to find out why your man is "cheating" on you, the best way to answer this question accurately is for you to - go and ask him!

NOW FOR THE JUICY BITS - in other words - The First Confession

I have been his mistress for the better part of 20 years. Some could perhaps make the judgement that I am a sorry assed skank of a woman who is a lost cause. One of many out there in the eyes of those who would make such a comment. However, I would ask that you examine the circumstances and desires surrounding myself and women who are in similar situations.

As for myself, in the beginning I desired three things: unyielding devotion, his name and of course the "privilege" of bearing his children. Now for any of you that have an ounce of sense - you can already tell how young and naïve I was at the time. But in our defense, we were both very single and very much in love when this began. In the end I gained only one of my three initial desires - his unwaivering devotion.

Every passage that I write in this Blog will be an honest account of my experience and it is my hope that others will feel free to express their opinions (positive or negative) or seek a bit of advice regarding their own experience.

Remember - True love can be like a poison within the soul for which there is rarely an antidote.

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Comments 20 comments

MOmmagus 8 years ago

I wouldn't agree with "unwaivering devotion," he's married, right?  So, you are sharing the devotion with his wife.  Does the wife know?  If not, then you have been kept a dirty little secret for over 20 years.  that's sad. 


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ELFNTRU 8 years ago from United States Author

Hello! Please feel free to comment "anonymously" if you like on any of my Hubs. You can even create yourself an account and become a "secret" fan. Don't worry no one has to know who you are - but again feel free to express yourself! In the meantime - Thanks for stopping by! :)


emmabalmer 8 years ago

Love will certainly make people do some crazy things. I know it made me do some pretty crazy things, but for me, it all worked out wonderfully.


leanne  5 years ago

its still wrong so better look for someone not committed ..


ELFNTRU profile image

ELFNTRU 5 years ago from United States Author

Leanne: Thank you for your comment. I am sure that you already know that you are in the majority regarding your views on this subject matter. I am sincere in my appreciation of your opinion...just wanted to let you know that I hear ya! Take Care!


elaine chua yu 5 years ago

i am a real mistress, i forced my husband to marry me by offering a canadian visa but the truth is i know from the start that he is married and had a girlfriend


elaintsik 5 years ago

MARGIE HILARIO, SISTER OF HAYDEE HILARIO CASSIDY U ARE THE REAL MISTRESS. U HAVE A FOREIGNER BOYFRIEND JUST TO FEED YOUR REAL FAMILY IN THE PHILS. NOW U'RE TRYING TO FLIRT WITH MY HUSBAND. KAPAL NG MUKHA MO! KABIT! KERIDA!


Anon 4 years ago

Elfntru,

Its true, love can cause you do due risky or crazy things. I was what they call a "modern day mistress" for a little over a year. Its over now. I believe he couldn't open his heart to me, he was afraid, for all the typical reasons. And she was still bringing up fights, growing more suspicious, checking his phone, etc. And stressing him out. So we decided to "take a step back" as he called it. But haven't spoken since the end. Children were involved.

Married because he got her pregnant when she was 18...he was 21. So young. Too young to know who you are and what you will do with your life. Either way, what's done was done. And fate allowed us to meet, while they were briefly seperated. But after he and I started dating, they got back together because of the kids, and he was still torn/confused by his feelings.

In my beliefs, there is no confusion (or if you understood, you shouldn't be confused). Everyone has more than one soul mate, some more connection to you than others. Most people in my generation married young, and/or married due to accidental pregnancies. And when you marry when you are legal age to marry, and marry one of the first soul mates you come across, which is usually in your young to mid 20s, that's where the issues start.

ONce your married, you have to relaize there will be other LOVES in your life. And when you marry so young, by the time you are 30 and finally realizing your goals and dreams and who you are and why the heck you married who you married, its too late.

So most of the men I meet now are either married or divorced. Not a bad thing, but can be complicated. This was the first time I was involved with someone married. Never say never, is all I can say about that! I use to judge men and women who cheat, but once you find yourself in Love with another who married the wrong soul, its very difficult to go against your heart. He loved me, I loved him. There were a lot of things we couldn't say or do. His heart legally and to some degree, still belonged to his wife. Anf there was no one who could change that but himself.

He has to realize that he will always have a love for her, she is the mother of his children. But I know he is not IN LOVE with her.

Most people settle for this life. I could never do such a thing.

Although the heartbreak still lingers...i know in my heart that other soul mates for me exist out there. I leave it to fate. Bad timing for us and the circumstance was always an issue. We enjoyed our time together, I learned a lot from it. I don't support Extramarital affairs, but they are so much more common today because so many folks married so young, especially when the war started in 2001and then there was a baby boom. And with divorce still being very difficult on many levels, esp with kids involved, what you have is an increase in affairs (and divorces, naturally). Its inevitable.

I don't think this trend will ever change overnight, but I do sense these days many people my age (30s) are waiting. And for good reason. Once your 30, you realize much more of who you are, and how diff you were when you were 18-25. Its amazing! I could have gotten married 2x, but I listened to my heart. im glad i did!

Either way- doesn't change any of this.

To the author- and to all the men and women out there that have had this happen to them (and IM not talking about those doing it for the SEX, or wrong reasons), knwoi9ng every circumstance is obviously diff and unique to their lives and love, I don't judge you. Its a growing situation.

If I had a jeanie in a bottle, one wish would be to enforce a law that prevented people from getting married until 25. A lot still happens in your life from 18-25. And that could change with regards to school, jobs, locatoins, and meeting people, new loves etc.

I will never in my life forget him saying to me one night, 2 months into our relationship, "God, your so smart, so wonderful...so understanding...where were you 10 years ago?".....

:(

(If only he had waited)


4 years ago

i failed myself by loving a married man.. but i never regret that i love him so much for many reasons that i cannot tell.. i never wanted to hurt someone... all i can do is not for him to give her up for me... If only he had waited... =(


The One That Got Away 4 years ago

I have been a mistress for about 3 months. I knew my "married man" years ago&we were attracted. to each other but couldn't do anything about it because of a age difference&my family. So we spent about 2yrs thinking about the times we seen each other at my mom's a. I became his mistress when he asked to come over because he didn't want to be at a party anymore. The 1st night he told me that we felt right, everything was natural for us. I almost cried when he left. We spent the next 2 months meeting up just to talk about how we were doing&everytime he would ask me, why could we have took that risk all those years ago mamas? I'd tell him because we respected my family&each other. He recently told me he's going away for 4 months, I don't. know how I'm going to handle those months without him. The best love to me is the love that is forbidden.


asero 4 years ago

i am a mistress for over 6 years now, we have 2 kids together and i just read some articles about the reality of being a mistress as shared by those who are of the same situation..i don't have any regrets, i wish he can be mine and he can father our children but i also not wanted to destroy his marriage and the spirit of his two kids with his wife.one thing that's really hard to swallow among the things that i can do for him is the thought that i am only second to his wife.A lot of people asked me why on earth am i even in this situation..I am known to be pretty, intelligent and independent.in fact, most of his colleagues envy him for having me, all that i know is that i love him so much, and i am willing to compromise just to keep our relationship and our family.when i was not in this situation, i used to judge mistresses as slut, dirty, homewrecker and opportunist, now i don't because though i am a mistress i know i am not those that i've mention..i am just a girl who fell in love with the right person in the wrong time.


amelia 4 years ago

i like this page, you are able to express how you feel and know one judges u bt oh well who cares when you judged by others who do worst finks.

i have been in a relationship with an engaged man for more than 6 years and during the time i met him i was only 17 years and he was having problems with the wife. he told me the truth but because i was soo young at that time i never really asked questions. i was still with him and i loved him for the way he treated me and i always wanted him to introduce me to his parents because i wanted to have a future with him. but as i was growing and becoming more matured, i noticed things were not adding up and certain things didn't make sense to me until i found out that the wife who he was having problems with was having a baby. to tell you the honest truth, that came as a shock to me because i never saw it coming and i was upset because i felt betrayed. i tried not to talk about it and move on with my life but he wanted me to be in his life till eternity and wanted us to have children. the question i always asked myself was if he will ever leave the wife and be with me or if he has been lying to me from the day he met me? i guess that is impossible because he always said he wanted to get married to 2 women but it never hit me till months ago.i was happy with him because he treated me like a queen but the thought of sharing a man samtimes made me feel angry. you can never pleases people. so many things have happened during the start of the year and it made me realise that i will always be the nxt woman. the wife nos about me and try to get more info but i am sure he always denies it. it hurts but i guess is time for me to move on with the seed that was given to me by him.


lola 4 years ago

It is hard being a mistress, I should know. I was one for more than five years. Like many of the readers here, I never thought I would be "one of them" some day. It was a conscious decision though. I knew he was married, but I let myself be caught up in the feeling of being in love.

People say these men wouldn't leave their wives. I must admit that's largely true. I had to find out the hard way after losing everything I ever had during the past two years.


Funny 4 years ago

It's funny to the point of being hilarious how people "justify" what they are doing by somehow blaming wives.Are you serious?Circumstances,wrong timing,life changes,marrying young...stop deluding yourselves.If your situation is do different,and these men actually love you,then why are all their stories the same?Don't be ridiculous,staying for the kids???THEY ALL SAY THAT.How many women would actually have a relationship with a man who turned around and said,my wife is great,I love her so much but I just want sex with someone different?I don't think many women jump at the opportunity to be an unpaid prostitute.That is why they say these things...play the sympathy card,so that you fall in love and become willing to share this man.Right,here's my story.Im not a woman who's let herself go,I didn't ignore my husband or treat him badly.I worked full time,looked after the kids and didn't ask for any help around the house,I was find doing everything.I encouraged his hobbies,got his business up and running.Booked trips,festivals,concerts,infact,the only thing that changed in our lives was the kids we had which I looked after.Fast forward 7 years into our marriage,I felt something was going on between him and a client.Turns out I was right.she actually thought I would stop him from seeing his kids.According to her,he was staying because he felt trapped as we had kids and a house and 50/50 responsibilities.I then told them that I was packing my bags that night,he can have the house and the only thing I expect him to share responsibility for is our kids.The shock on his face...you see everyone always talks about men leaving/not leaving their wives,he was shocked because he thought I'd never leave him???yes it hurts,yes I'm upset but they took an important decision out of my hands.Do you mistresses not realise that men also change during this period of time?infront of his mistress who was apparently his soul mate,the love of his life,this amazing women,my husband,this man I respected fell flat to the floor begging and crying for me not to leave.Did he honestly expect me to stay with him?I did nothing wrong,heck he had everything he could ask for and more.His mistress turned to me and said I was putting unnessasary pressure on him,wait,hold on,WHAT?they had 2 years to decide what they wanted and I'm adding pressure because I've taken control of my life?im not this weak person and neither am I am I a callous cow.what you married men and your mistresses need to realise is that just because you are happy to knowingly share a man,a wife will not be.the minute I found out,he was willing to throw their special relationship aside,to salvage ours!i mean if his life was so bad,why fight for it when you have your soul mate and perfect relationship infront of you.Well it's been a year now,he's beig forced to sign the papers.As promised he's kept the house,and we share our parental duties 50/50.My life is easier in the sense that I have less work to do at home and spend time doing things I enjoy.He's had a glimpse into staying home with the kids while I go out with friends.He hates his life,begs everyday but I can't even think of getting back with him.the thought of him with another woman makes my skin crawl.His mistress emailed me apologising,but what for?Is she apologising because they got caught,because after a year he's now blaming her,because I ruined her dreams by not turning out to be the nightmare he described,or is it because she feels stupid for just listening to him instead of checking all his "claims" out for herself.I don't hate her,I don't feel sorry for her and I am getting on with my life.To all the women sleeping with Married men,stop and think.The story you are hearing is tried and tested to work.Wives are not these pitiful people and deserve the truth...if your men love you the way they say they do then they should be with you.Give the wives the opportunity to make decisions for themselves.yes we were young but my soon to be ex husband has come to realise that he has lost me and instead of happily ever after,his mistress has realised that everything they shared is an illusion that kept her hoping and wishing.The reality is they are the losers,not me.i won't judge anyone,if they want to live sordid lives,go right ahead,just take me out of the equation.that's not what I want.hope you all get out before its too late.6 years waiting is a long long time.


Peaceful 4 years ago

First of all .. Wow to read about other mistresses is a real treat . You know that you are not the only one keeping this dirty secret but don't dare speak of it . I began my affair over 10 years ago now. I have lived, worked and raised my children. At the beginning of the affair we talked about how and what we should do. During the first few years he had separated 3 times. I was married at the time the affair began but asked for a divorce the day after I began cheating. I knew my marriage was over. I was free and I wanted to begin again, but I didn't know if this love affair was just the straw that broke my marriage back or the love of my life. My children had to come first and I couldn't make a mistake in bringing someone into their lives.

We started as friend truly enjoying each other company and we thought we could end on a friendly not and go our separate ways. Didn't work...not because we were bad people but because we had become close friends, we talked shared and inspired each other. We made the decision to carry on with the affair but to have agreements and responsibilities to one another. They are re-visited annually. LOL! I have no malice toward his wife. Frankly, I feel sorry that they both struggle in their relationship so much. I have tried to help, give advice. I love him, therefore I love his family. He has been a better husband and father because I was in his life. Because I choose this difficult path, I have had to give up a lot. It is worth it. The love and respect and closeness required to sustain a relationship like this is unbelievable... after 10years ...come on it isn't about the sex or the sneaking. I have struggled with the questions of right and wrong, but I am satisfied that his family, my family are happy content and peaceful. I am sure that it will end someday.. I don't think we can work out a retirement home situation. I am also sure that we will never use the word regret. I would say to the unhappy married people .. the woman who have husbands to stray. Sex with a woman in one thing, but if you truly love who your man is and he can feel it , he will never fall in love with another woman.


3 years ago

I attract married men. I don't want them. But there it is.... the only men attracted to me... the only men who show any interest... are married. I am a single mother and swore off dating for two years because of this. Just when I start dating again... only a few months of innumerable first and sometimes second dates, I found the love of my life. He said he was divorced. Then... a few months later, he admitted that he had only just filed for divorce and she was still living with him. A year into our relationship, it's the same story. She still lives with him... though he professes undying love and plans a future with me. What did I do to deserve this?


scared 2 years ago

Hi, I didn't know there are many other women already going through what I feel. I am taking a divorce coz I can't love my husband at all. I love someone else and he is now getting married to another woman whom he is not in love with. He says that he only n only loves me and I want to believe his words. I can't cut off from him. He doesn't want me to take divorce and keep seeing him both of cheating our spouse. He said he can't marry mebcoz his parents don't want him to marry a divorcee. I am making a conscious decision to be his mistress. I soooo wanted to be his legally wedded wife but he says can't happen in this life. He can't leave me either but then he isn't married yet. He is the only person in thworld I am honest to. I am soooooo scared of everything. Will he love me the say way ever when he is married? He says he doesn't love his would be wife and that's why he is cheating her. I know reading the forums that I am getting into a trap but that's all he has for me and I can't lose him


Leeza 2 years ago

I have been a mistress for over 20 years, 3 years ago his wife found out and he confessed, he told her he loved me, well he has moved in with me, however, I don't feel the love like I had when I was his mistress. She filed for a divorced and it was finalized just this March. I try to make it exciting, but I feel alone, I have never ever felt so alone. Now after all these years I ask myself WHAT DID I DO?


Jennifer Rodrigue 16 months ago

I am a married woman and a mistress at the same time. He and I met through work. A little flirting he would do jn the beginning but things got more intense. Before he met me he was dating this other women who was his mistress. Its all so confusing. Then we met and since we worked together everyday it was hard to date both mistresses im assuming because he and her were no longer. At first it was intense and exciting. Very exciting. But then it was more frequent amd i started getting the feeling he was looking for a best friend as was i. He started sharing his personal life and problems with me and i did with him. And when i was sad or vice versa he was always there to make me smile. It made it easy. Because i saw him everyday at work. I didnt need the feeling to talk to him or wonder where he was at or him the same because he knew i went home to my husband and i knew he went home to his wife. Feelings started opening and we both felt it. Then it hit the fan. The previous ex-mistress told the wife about their affair. And things got complicated. She started showing up everyday at work to see what he was doing. Of course i didnt mind. Because i knew he was married. But he would. Everytime she would come into work he would jst stay quiet and tp himself. She would finally leave and he would come up to me and apologize and just hug me. Tell me he's going through alot with his wife and he doesn't know what to do. Of course i felt his pain. His pain hurt me. Then he came to work one day just sad and confused. And he told me that his wife wanted them to move out of state. She felt that it was the only thing that would keep them together. They had a child amd she was pregnant with another. What was i to tell him? No??? I couldnt do that... I told him he needs to do whats best. And that maybe we should stop this before our feelings get even stronger. Well time passed and i told him i was going to put my notice because i just didnt want to get hurt, involved.. He got so angry and told me please not to. Stay with him. He wanted to spend his last months in the state with me. My heart ached... Going to work everyday knowing soon he wasnt going to be with me. The months came and went. Days got closer. And we had to say our goodbyes. The last day we were together he just held me and told me he would see me again he doesnt know when but he will. He then gave me a gift. And said i dont know what to give a girl who has everything so im giving you a piece of me. My favorite book please read it. He then grabbed my face and kissed me goodbye. He walked out and i criedm it shaddred my heart. I opened the book and inside he wrote me a letter. That i would be dearly missed and always remembered. I am now living with the heartache. But cant express my feelings because i have my husband. I just hold it in and smile. Cause noone has a clue what secret life i lived but he and I.


Miss muggle37 10 months ago

I'm a mistress, I never thought I would ever over step the mark like this, it started out as friends at work, developed over time, months before we became intimate, we are like best friends, now we're both in too deep..I know it has to end... I shall miss him but I have to let him go, even though it breaks my to do so, if I could rewind back 9 months ago, I would never have got involved...My heart aches for him but I'm not naive thinking he's going to leave, It's TIME for me to walk away, even though the pain is hard to bear :-(

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