Mistress Confessions Part VI: A Man Never Forgets
Mistress: One Man's Definition
The "significant other" or "love interest" of a married man. I don't believe that a physical exchange is required. She is either the "soul mate" you found too late to marry or the one you didn't know you had. And in your haste, pain, confusion innocence or ignorance... you substituted her with another.
- A.C. Williams
I had intended to continue this series in progression, with Chapter VI of my book. However, my "significant other" recently brought a much needed point to my attention: A Man Never Forgets
Here we go ladies...yes, I know a man will claim that he can't even manage to remember to take out the garbage. When you question him about his past relationships or feelings - he has no recollection of even having a romantic past or of knowing any other woman but you...or/and his wife, if that be the case.
It's a lie. If you don't believe me - ask him about that fishing trip he took with his buddies ten years ago. You'll regret it!
Now, this is not to say that you should (or even have the "right" to) "push" or pressure him for more information than he claims "not" to remember - that would only piss him off.
Men, unlike women, find no comfort or "release" in revisiting past relationships. Especially if the relationship was important to him and failed for whatever reason. When it hurts....when it really hurts - men shut down. Yeah, yeah...this is the part where you say - "but I tell him about my past relationships. So that we can learn from our mistakes."
Yeah, well, I bet you don't tell him about "the one that got away". You see, that one was "The One". You know "the one" that you secretly hope will come back into your life - or maybe not - because you wouldn't know what in the hell to do if he did. Since you've "moved on" and all.
We all know that life isn't fair - it hurts - it's hard - and it's a bitch! I don't care who you are or how much money you have...we all have a story to tell that rips us apart every time we "go there". Men have those stories too.
And for those women who feel as though you were left behind or that he has forgotten about you...don't you believe it for a second. If he loved you, and I mean truly loved you (now that you are older you should know) and the two of you are apart because of your inexperience at the time, or his family or yours didn't approve, or you just didn't have the strength to endure. It doesn't mean that it wasn't real.
I will share this with you - my significant other - my "soul mate" has loved me for over 20 years now and I have loved him. We were young and we were weak - we could not stand up to family. We both respected our families and even though the disapproval was one-sided - we (both of us) thought that perhaps they saw something that we could not.
What they saw was "love" - and sometimes when people see real love - it takes them back to something that they either lost...or never had. Every day...every year since we have been apart - we have had to make an effort to stay apart. There is marriage, there are children, there are people that we both love and care about, who we have no right or desire to hurt because of our mistake. Every year, every day ...it hurts.
But it is he who has says that we have been poisoned or cursed. (Tristan & Iseult - the book not the movie).
And for those of you who judge (as I know you must - because that is what you do) please know that there is a difference, albeit a fine line, between love and obsession. There is something deeper that both he and I wish we never knew or felt. If you do believe in a higher power - then the idea of one soul being torn apart is not unfounded and I would not wish our feelings of in-completion on a dog.
This segment of Mistress is from BOTH sides - I am writing today from me and mine...a man's love can be as real and as hard as a woman's. And there have been days when we have both wished we could either honestly let it go...or die.
But that would be too much drama.
Here is our curse...if only I could love God as much as I do you...my salvation would be assured. - khalid
Derek & The Dominos