My Grandmother's Vibrator
I recently drove across country in a Uhaul with my seventy year old grandmother and her poodle. My grandma has never been the typical grey haired baking cookies grandma. In her younger days my grandma published a dirty joke book filled with jokes that would put Margret Cho to shame. Yet, I was still surprised to find that my grandmother still has and uses multiple vibrators.
My father first learned of his mother's toys several years ago when he opened her dresser drawer to help her pick out her clothes. This resulted in an embarrassing phone call to his sister who informed him that their mother has always had vibrators. My mother has always known of her mother-in-laws secret as she had produced one for her as a gift on multiple occasions. As open as my family is, I still did not know about these toys until this fateful trip.
My grandma has been having some health problems recently and it was decided that she needed to move to Indiana from Florida to be closer to the majority of her family. Being one of the few relatives she has in Florida I volunteered to help pack up her belongings and take her on this informative trip. When packing up her stuff my grandmother kept insisting that she pack up the bathroom herself. Knowing that she was not healthy enough to do this I continued urging her to let me do it for her. She finally exclaimed, " Well, let me get my vibrators out of there!"
After my shock and embarrassment subsided I decided that I would never mention or even think about grandma's vibrators again. Grandma had other ideas. On the ride up she mentioned that her 20 years younger boyfriend had used up all the batteries in one of her toys with her, then began lamenting about how she wasn't going to be getting any "boners" in Indiana.
This has put my life into perspective. I have always believed that there would come a day when vibrators and boners would be a thing of the past, but if I'm anything like my grandma I will be asking my grandkids to sneak me in a "rabbit" or two to my nursing home.
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