Pre Boarders Are Ruining Everything
Pre-Boarders Are Ruining Everything For All Of Us! - Don't Get Me Started!
May I simply say that I don't care if you're flying on a first class airline or you're traveling (as I often do on my short hops to LA) on Southwest, there need to be some rules set down for all of the pre-boarders in the world in order for me to not completely lose my mind when it comes to air travel. Pre-boarders are ruining everything for all of us! - Don't Get Me Started!
On a side note, I know that Southwest claims that one of the ways it can give you cheap fares is by not assigning seats but they need to just charge all of us the extra ten dollars and stop being the "bus" airline. Between having to time it 24 hours in advance (to the minute) to print your boarding pass online to having to get to the airport early so you're in the front of your letter grouping, it's all too damn much. Is it that much trouble to say, "Your seat is15B?" I think not. (To read another one of my classic Southwest experiences click here... Please, don't try to pick me up when I'm getting on a Southwest flight! )
And with Southwest it doesn't really matter if you've managed to not only get an "A" for your flight and/or have managed to fight your way to the front of your group, there are the pre-boarders. Now these people range from the wheelchair bound to the Mormons and their fourteen children under the age of four that they're traveling with on the flight. Whatever the reason, the reason for these people to pre-board is so that they have extra time to get on the plane because of their malady or their children no matter what the airline, right?
Explain to me why, oh why then are these afflicted and burdened people, the first people up and out of their seats upon landing? They're hitting people in the head with their canes (that they've had to have the flight attendant store in the overhead bins originally but now seem just fine getting them out on their own), they're throwing two of the children into their back pack and have a third by the hand with a roller bag and a Disney princess backpack and they are pushing, nay, shoving everyone out of their way to get off the plane. Believe me when I say that we all can't wait for them to get off the plane either but then something amazing happens. As soon as they get past the actual plane itself and the flight attendant has said goodbye, they stop dead in the area right outside the plane, blocking everyone from walking the hall to the gate and airport itself. Here is where they stand waving their cane waiting for the wheel chair attendants or they decide that Jenny has to have her sippy cup immediately. They stop dead and the rest of us who waited for them to get on the airplane are now waiting again, except this time we're trapped and we don't know why. We're trying to get all our crap, turn on our cell phones, answer an email on our Blackberry and we're stopped dead, trapped on the plane for no apparent reason.
We're fighting like crazy with everyone in a three row radius to keep our position. You know, like you have been the entire flight with the arm rest. You think, "If I go to the back of the arm rest with my elbow then they'll have the front" but just then you sneeze and in those mere moments when you politely cover your nose and mouth, you've lost your ground and you're stuck with no arm rest for the rest of the flight, sitting there like a penguin with your arms glued to your side, staring up wondering if you had to would you be able to pry your arms up to reach the picture of the flight attendant. Chances are you wouldn't be able to; so you sit there wondering what it will be like when the flight is over and you have the use of your arms again. Some would say that they use these moments as an acting exercise in case they ever need to do this on stage somewhere but the rest of us just sit there bitterly waiting for someone to make a move and allow us to get back our position on the arm rest. But that's behind you now as you think you'll be deplaning when in actuality you've got at least five more minutes of hell being closer to people you don't know since that orgy in the 70's that you barely claim to remember anyway because you think someone slipped you mushrooms.
The person across the aisle from you managed to get his bag out of the overhead bin and edge you out just ever so slightly but it's enough to make you have to recoil into your row and do the bowed head pose (making you look like Igor from the Frankenstein films) while still trying to keep one foot in the aisle to at least manage to stay in front of everyone from across the aisle in seats "E" and "F." (It's like Twister without the dots, fun or anyone you'd want to reach for left foot blue with ever.) Finally, much like coming out of the Lincoln Tunnel, you're free and there they are...the pre-boarders bitching as the wheel chair attendant puts down the flaps for their feet, "I said young man, you need to be careful as I have some very delicate porcelain dolls from QVC that I brought my granddaughter. Mind what you're doing there. Ach, you almost snapped off my good leg the way you put that flap down." And the father of fourteen trying to keep his calm and collected tone saying, "Now come on kids, we discussed this before we left, you'll have to just ask Jesus to grant you patience until we get to the rental car place for the mini van." Suddenly I find myself asking Jesus for patience too and we all know that he's not someone I have never met nor do I have a chance of meeting.
With the terrorists, the pint sized only personal hygiene products we're allowed to take on planes and the fact that we're an obese nation trying to force ourselves into seats made for models, air travel is hard enough without these pre-boarders. So here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking that there needs to be a new rule. If you pre-board then you have to be the last ones off the plane. You don't get to jump up and act as if there's nothing wrong with you once the plane has landed, you just have to sit there while those of us who spent way too much time jockeying for position stare at you as we pass and smile a little smile that says, "Thought you were pretty foxy did you?" in our best Wicked Witch Of The West voice that runs through our heads. No getting the cane out of the overhead bin almost decapitating half of the left side of the plane, no rushing to get "teddy" for your two year old, no, sit there in silence and allow the rest of us to get off the plane. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing? But unfortunately, it's not reality. Pre-boarders are ruining everything for all of us! - Don't Get Me Started!
Read more Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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