Renaissance People Scare Me
Renaissance Faire People Scare Me - Don't Get Me Started!
I don't get it, I simply don't get it and I never will. To be fair (get it?) I've never understood any of the "reenactment people." From Thanksgiving plays to Civil War to even the cheesy reenactments that they do on some of the like 48 hours investigative shows. If it's not the real deal, I don't care about it and the top of that list are the people who go and participate in those Renaissance faires (or as Michael and I call them, "Rennies" - short for Renaissance and how cute they think they are in their costumes.) Renaissance faire people scare me - Don't Get Me Started!
My seven year old niece is visiting this week and so it came to pass that my mother bought us all tickets to go see The Tournament Of Kings, a renaissance inspired dinner theatre production at the Excalibur (how perfect) hotel and casino. This show lets you eat with your hands, see horses gallop and it could "thee" and "thou" you to death by the way that everyone is talking. It may shock some of you to know that this was my first visit to this type of environment (and if you're shocked you obviously have not been reading any of my blogs so welcome thee, I guess).
From the minute you line up to walk in all you have to do is look at the "Lords" and "Ladies" in the line to discover exactly who this show is catering to as an audience. Basically, it's people who like to eat with their hands and have an excuse to be loud. They're all ready starting in the line with their ripped Nascar t-shirt on that is filled with stains from the $1.99 shrimp cocktail eating contest they just lost downtown Vegas when they only managed to stuff 37 in their mouth while Bubba from Tennessee got 43 down his gullet. Of course there was much controversy about the decision as Bubba had no teeth and therefore some of the other contestants thought he should have been given at least a 5 shrimp cocktail handicap but such was not the case. At any rate, now they're getting ready for the show and they can't wait. You hear them "oooh" and "aahhh" as they walk into the arena that is lined with cement tables with theatre seats behind them. You wonder if they could ever get this place clean enough to make you feel comfortable eating there but then you just get over it and go with it (otherwise you'd be miserable alone). As you look around you know that this is not the Cirque de Soleil crowd whatsoever but to these folk it may as well be and God love them, they love the pounding on the cement table, clinking their plastic mugs against one another and pulling apart their Cornish hen with their bare hands and devouring it like Henry VIII. This is high entertainment for them.
I could go on about the show (which was just okay) but more important to me are the people who really take this renaissance thing so seriously. I don't understand these five hundred pound women in their forties in these empire waist chiffon gowns (trying to cover their multitude of sins but you can still see their stomach sticking out, making them look like Barbra Streisand in the pregnant bride number from the movie Funny Girl) while they wear their pointy hats and gloves that don't cover their fingers. The men who grow their mullets long and proud who wear tunics and tights that bunch around their knees and ankles. Am I missing something? Is this enjoyable? Who are these "rennies" and don't they scare you as much as they scare me?
I love to generalize so I will once again for you. It's mostly people who are overweight and don't want to shave (men and women) who seem to be the most attracted to this whole thing. Is it because of the loose clothing or the chance to say, "Look at me, I'm just like they were then, a mutton sleeve on my tunic and a mutton leg in my hand! Pour me the grog!" It can't be that any of this crap tastes good but I guess to them it does and we shouldn't judge them but between us, they're three minutes away from becoming mimes to me.
Having been in theatre I have known some "rennies" in my time and they are all as weird as shit. That's not to say that actors, singers (especially opera singers) and dancers aren't weird but I'm telling you that the "rennies" take weirdness to another level. They're the medieval version of Star Trek and Star Wars fans. The thing is that they're so proud of it. "Oh, we went to the faire and I had on my new crushed velvet doublet and everyone was dying to know where I got it. Some thought that I had cheated by using a McCalls pattern but I told them that I found a woman on the Internet that has patterns that her grandmother had saved so you must know that it's much more authentic than what most are wearing around the faire. Hoozah!"
And just why is it that so many of them seem to have such an odd smell? I think they get off on the whole no showering thing "back in the day." It gives them an excuse to be pigs. Oh they can try to cover it up with the authentic patchouli that they used to wear as a Knight getter in the olden times but I say go for it and at least spray a little Right Guard when you're the King's guard to save us all when you hold up your spear.
Bottom line, I have never been and never will be a "rennie" and I'm really more than fine with that one. I don't say that everyone has to like what I like or be like me, certainly not but these people who love the reenactments are just a little freaky. Or as I like to say now, they are "Fa-Reaks!" Can't help it, that's what you are so wear it like a badge of honor on your diaphanous gown or on your fake chainmail knight suit and have a time of it but please just stay away from me. Renaissance faire people scare me - Don't Get Me Started!
Read more Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
More by this Author
Here I thought that there would be certain phrases that we would never have to hear again. You know, like "Cowabunga" from when the Simpsons first came out or "What's uaaaaaaaaaaap?" from that...