The New IT Gay At Work Hit On Me...I Think...
What to do when a co-worker gets a little more then friendly
For those of you who don't know, IT stands for Information Technology. These are basically the technical janitors of any company. They make all the systems go, including your laptops, blackberries, etc. and are much like auto mechanics. You know, they fix one thing and then three things don't work on your computer so they tell you to "re-boot" and everything will be fine when in actuality they have corrupted your code, are talking in code you don't understand and you suddenly have nothing left on your computer at all except an hourglass that continually spins while in your head you hear the Wicked Witch of the West saying, "Auntie Em, Auntie Em" as she appears in the big crystal ball. Now I want you to know that I say all of this with love, as my brother is the VP of IT for a major pet supply retailer (you figure it out) but let's face it, the reason these IT guys are the janitors is because much like when I was teaching in the public school system (can you even imagine?) the janitors (or in this case, the IT guys) are the ones to suck up to because they know where everything is and how to get you whatever you need...if they like you. So I have always been overly friendly with the IT staff in my Home Office (located in Los Angeles). I come here about once a month and so during my visits I have to compensate for the other twenty-seven or so days when I'm not here. So it was in this friendliness-for-a-reason vein that today when I thought I was being delightful the new IT guy thought I was being "friendly" ugh. The new IT guy at work hit on me - Don't Get Me Started!
I met him for the first time two days ago when I arrived at the Home Office and it was just the usual, "Nice to meet you, oh, you'll be responsible for that? Well, we must talk as I do a lot of stuff that interfaces (one of the three words I know from being a bi-techual) with that system." And because I'm really still kind of naïve (what some would call stupid) I never really thought about him being gay or not gay. Afterall, when you've been in a relationship with someone as long as I have, you lose your flirt sensor so I just thought, "Oh someone else to suck up (not on) to in order to get what I wanted gadget-wise."
So today when he stopped by my office to ask how long I was going to be in town, I was still being the coquette with visions of new software (not hard) in my head. I was being flippant about what bad communicators the executives were in a corporate bonding move and as we would probably be working on some projects together I was apologizing in advance for being an over-communicator to make up for it. He said he was the same way and so I was just thinking that we were sort of doing that whole work thing you do to make mock-friends who will get you what you need when you need it at the last minute because you've created a work-rapport. (Not a real rapport mind you, like with your mate or with that woman in your life who is your best friend and you dress but a work pal who when you're about to miss a deadline will help you out in a pinch.) And that's when it happened. As we were doing the typical work talk, he leaned forward and said, "Well, how long are you in town?" When responded that I was only in town until tomorrow night he said, "You should drop by so we can chat some more before you leave." And just as my Spidey senses were tingling I looked at his neck and there it was...a leather cord necklace with beads on it that made "the rainbow." AHHHHHH!
Now I have never had a rainbow anything (except suspenders in the 1970's when I thought I was being Robin Williams) so to me the whole rainbow thing should be left to Dorothy to dream over and not as some sort of farchacta symbol for gays. That said; I know that it is in fact a huge thing for some gays and they love to wear it and put it on their cars with bumper stickers that say, "Hate is not a family value!" (Go lesbians) I remember that a gal pal of mine bought me a t-shirt from Provincetown once that had a triangle design incorporated on it. I went into a store and the very swishy sales clerk giving me the "hubba hubba" eye roll said as he was ringing my purchases up, "I love your triangle." I was so grossed out I never wore the thing again. Not to mention the fact that the triangle is five minutes away from being the pink triangle they put on gays during the Nazi reign so between that and the yellow stars they put on Jews, if I were to go along with this whole rainbow, triangle and stars thing, I look like I had every fucking Lucky Charms marshmallow on my coat!
So as the new IT guy walked away it suddenly dawned on me that he had been hitting on me. I felt dirty, as if I need to be scrubbed down like Meryl Streep in Silkwood. When you've been with the same man for as many years as I've been you lose your flirting skills let alone the skills to know someone is flirting with you. Like I said to a pal at work after this happened, "They'd have to have their dick up my ass before I would get that they were flirting with me." I'd be like, "Oh, you like me like me? I thought I was just being charming and getting a new laptop not a lap to sit on."
Now I'm sure this guy is very nice and please know that I don't think I'm someone so attractive that everyone hits on me or that I'm Lance Bass who hooks boyfriends because they want to be caught by the paparazzi. And never mind that this nice guy looked like Hermey the elf from the Island of Misfit toys with glasses. The point was that if he thought he was making a love connection, he needed to know that it was midnight at the oasis and he needed to put his camel to bed because he wasn't going to bed with this guy. Chalk it up to low self esteem or being really happy with the guy I've been with monogamously for nineteen years (at the end of this month) but I am being completely honest when I say I don't understand who would really want to "be" with me, whether it be one night only or as a life partner (other than the man I've been with for a million years). So I'll need to re-group before I see him tomorrow and when I do, I'll be as nice as can be (because honestly, regardless of how I write, being nice is all I know how to be out of being taught a little thing called, "manner" and my desperation to be popular) but as we gays know, being nice and being horizontal are two different things. But as Scarlett said, "I can't think about this today, if I do I'll go crazy, I'll think about it tomorrow. Afterall, tomorrow is another day." The new IT guy at work hit on me - Don't Get Me Started!
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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