What Happens When A Gay Blogger Gets Happy?
I don't know when it happened, okay that's a lie. I know exactly when it happened. For the past eight years I worked at a job that made me furious just at the thought of it. I know that Oprah says to follow your bliss but when you're in the day to day of a miserable ten to twelve hour a day job you can't see your way clear to tomorrow let alone taking time to figure out where you're bliss went, why you can't even imagine it anymore and so most times you just settle for some red bliss potato salad that makes you fatter and gives you even more reason to be unhappy. My anger about my day to day work made it easy to write about being pissed when someone called me "Ma'am" for the fifteenth hundredth time or the fact that someone was on their cell phone on line at Starbucks. And so when I left the world of miserable behind me something happened and I think some of my readers are not loving it as much as I am. What happens when a gay blogger gets happy? - Don't Get Me Started!
Now all of this is not to say that I still don't get angry (and funnier) faster than most or that I can't still become bitchy faster than my Mini Cooper can tear away from a stop light but a lot more rolls off my shoulders now. I'm not in my dream job (which would probably be directing at a theater somewhere while writing novels and doing book tours) but I'm working with people who share mutual respect for one another and I guess I underestimated how great that can really be when you spend the majority of your hours with these people. I always think about Holly Hunter in the movie, Broadcast News. I love this movie but even more so a scene in which the head of the station says to her something like, "It must be great to be the smartest one in the room." And she replies, "It's awful." At my last job this was how I felt every day. I was the smartest one in the room and yet it was awful because here I was among these people who didn't get it; yet they were making double my salary and making all the wrong decisions, running a business with 1500 employees' lives into the ground. Frustration took on a whole new meaning. But now (although sometimes I still get that nagging suspicion that I may be the only one who sees things as clear as they need to be) for the most part, I like being the spectator and I've almost learned the lesson of when to keep my mouth shut and when to speak up. And more importantly that the decisions made are not life and death. Not to say I'm not still a complete control freak and that I don't sometimes feel as though death is imminent due to my decisions but it's less than the way I used to feel. Not quite at the "let go, let God" phase - don't know I'll ever want to be there though. I'm more "Dear God, let's go" on the whole.
I guess what has amazed me is how much people want to cling onto my bitchy side. I've had people write in to tell me that I've lost my edge or they seem angry that I haven't posted more often. The facts are simple, I'm in an all life consuming (right hand red, left foot green, etc.) and when I'm not working I want to spend the time with my guy, my cats and my family rather than be scouring YouTube for more Broadway clips to post on the site. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this because for two years, I used my blogging and website as my only creative outlet. I hungered for it. But now I get to be creative every day. True, in my new life as "Attractive Betty" (probably more Anne Hathaway in Devil Wears Prada but my boss is too nice for me to be comfortable using this as the reference) usually the most creative thing I do is figure out how to get four executives from Vegas to all the corners of the world and back for their next meeting but the energy of creativity is in everything I do.
So what's going to happen is anyone's guess but I know that whatever happens, I'm still me. So those of you concerned about me losing my edge or my cute funny gayness, fear not. All those characters still live within me and will show themselves from time to time but for now being less of a bitchy gay blogger and getting back to the "roots" of the word gay, I'm happy (and still ten pounds overweight). What happens when a gay blogger gets happy? - Don't Get Me Started!
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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