Zuma Gives Cat Advice

While deciding what to post next, I thought I should peruse my computer files and see if anything previously written would stand the test of time and be publishable here. To my surprise I found quite a few that passed scrutiny. I hope you enjoy them!

This particular piece was written in March, 2002 for my personal webpages under a monthly blog called "A Bird's Eye View." My inspiration for the piece was a combination of having nothing in particular to say and taking some pictures of my most photogenic cat. It gave me an idea...

This month's featured columnist: Zuma

So you think you know cats? Here's a test...

In the picture above, my facial expression indicates:

a) I'm so excited about writing this column for my mistress I could choke on a hairball

b) My food dish is empty

c) Yes, I know I'm adorable. Take the damn picture and go away.

d) Good....you didn't find the dead goldfish yet.

The answer is of course, "if you stuff me in this basket one more time I'm going to puke up something nasty in your slippers." What do you mean it wasn't one of the options? I'm a cat and if you and I are going to get along, you are going to have to stop expecting me to give you the answers.

Let's face it...cats are cool. If you need a good example, look at cars. Jaguars, Cougars....the ever popular "sign of the cat." Nobody has ever driven a Beagle or a Schnauzer. There is no "sign of the dog."

Undesirable women are referred to as dogs, mutts or bitches. However, the anatomical region which holds the most fascination for the male of the species is named after us.

10 Things a Person Can Learn From Their Cat

1. Tongue baths are an essential part of life

2. No problem is so big that it can't be solved by taking a nap

3. When you screw up...act like you meant to do it that way.

4. Blame the dog

5. Even when you fall, you can still manage to land on your own feet.

6. Nothing soothes the nerves like getting goofy on herbal toys.

7. Walk softly but keep your claws sharp

8. Curiosity NEVER killed the cat.

9. Blame the dog.

10. Live like you have 9 lives...but remember you only have one.

That's it....if you want more, find a guest columnist with a larger attention span....(and opposable thumbs wouldn't hurt either).