dead rising

100 things learned from Dead Rising

  1. It is perfectly safe to put hand-held chainsaws in your pocket
  2. Running around with a giant lego head helmet is by far the greatest thing ever and never gets old
  3. If zombies attack your mall, dont let old ladies look for pets.
  4. Don't ever let anyone touch your camera, even if they're beating you to a pulp with the butt of their machine gun.
  5. It's okay to cross-dress during a zombie outbreak.
  6. If there is ever a zombie outbreak, Mexicans probably caused it, and stay away from clowns.
  7. It's rude to cut people off when they're talking to you.
  8. If you see a reporter who has covered wars, he knows how to use a gun.
  9. There are two types of people in a zombie outbreak. Unreliable, slow running survivers who need a photojournalist to save them, and psycopaths who ignore everyone but the photojournalist.
  10. No matter where you enter a car, you'll always be teleported to the drivers seat.
  11. Refreshing drinks make you run faster.
  12. Zombies will not attack you if you wear a raincoat.
  13. Grocery store clerks get REALLY effected by zombie outbreaks.
  14. Shooting a zombie will hurt it. Kicking it in the head with a soccer ball will kill it.
  15. If you get captured by crazy cult groups, or army special forces, you'll only be allowed to keep your boxers and your camera.
  16. Shooting a convict with a shotgun will only hurt him. Beating him with a 2x4 will kill him.
  17. Taking upskirt pictures of zombies is a perfectly acceptable practice.
  18. A single old woman, in pursuit of a yelpy rat dog, is more strong than three burly men.
  19. A gallon of non-dairy creamer will heal any injury.
  20. Disinfectant, painkillers, bandaging... Are all useless. Wine on the otherhand, will heal any injury.
  21. Survivors of zombie outbreaks are dumber than the zombies.
  22. Female zombies will attempt to give you head.
  23. Survivors will not find it odd when you give them a plastic light-saber and a water gun to defend themselves against the undead.
  24. Spit, when utilized correctly, will kill a zombie.
  25. Zombies will ignore you if you walk by while giving someone a piggyback ride.
  26. Learn Japanese in three easy steps. Find book. Read book. Speak Japanese.
  27. You require 14 bites from zombies before you die or become infected.
  28. When defending yourself against aformentioned psycopaths, rock and/or rap music will eminate from unknown locations.
  29. You will always encounter scantly clad women during a zombie outbreak. Often in groups.
  30. You can keep a steak in your pants until it goes bad, but when you eat it, you won't become sick.
  31. Your rescue pilot will become a zombie if you save black people.
  32. A fall from any height imaginable is surviveable, so long as you land on one knee.
  33. If you eat all the food in your house, you can simply leave and them come back, where you will find all your food has returned to its original locations.
  34. Wasps cause zombie's heads to explode.
  35. Steel shelving units don't weight much and make an excellent weapon.
  36. A manaquin is far more effective at killing zombies than a firearm.
  37. If you find a blackman, wearing a wedding suit and wielding a shotgun, he's not going to be much help later.
  38. When using a walkie-talkie to talk to a friendly janitor, you are unable to jump. And this is completely acceptable.
  39. Mixing two yogurts of the same flavour together, you will concoct an explosive yogurt cocktail that will allow you to run at superhuman speeds.
  40. When traveling in a vehicle at fifty miles per hour, hitting a bench will cause you top travel to zero miles per hour instantly, without causing damage to the bench.
  41. A survivor can survive several shots from a sniper, but will be decapitated if you through dishes at their head.
  42. If you kill rampaging prison conficts, they will re-appear the next night. In the same vehicle. With the same guns.
  43. Fat police officers located in clothing shops are ALWAYS lesbians. And insane.
  44. The number of zombies in any given area, has nothing to do with the actual population of the area.
  45. Be weary of entering a gunshop. A strange man will also enter, and proceed to get shot.
  46. In malls infested with zombies, people tend to hide sub-machine guns in various locations.
  47. Never piss a Mexican off. He will shoot his sister.
  48. Breaking open trash cans and finding firearms inside is a common occurance.
  49. All malls contain one store with midevil weapons.
  50. Small towns containing barely fifty-thousand people, will contain malls that are nearly as big as the town itself.
  51. A single female zombie can efficiently and quickly dispose of two heavily armed special forces members.
  52. Brutally murdering someone's best friend infront of them won't bother them.
  53. People won't find it odd if you approach them wearing a dress during a zombie outbreak. Even if you're a man.
  54. Zombies will allow you to enjoy a meal if you attempt to eat something during an attack. They will even allow you to clean your mouth if you enjoy a drink near them.
  55. If a situation requires running like hell to survive, it is perfectly acceptable to fall over, bunch up into a fetal position, and start crying.
  56. In the future, you will be able to save your progress by using a urinal.
  57. Zombies dislike bathrooms.
  58. People who are hostile towards you will become friends if you punch or shoot them.
  59. Bowling is far more fun than it appears.
  60. Shooting a psycopath in the chest with a shotgun will only phase them. Hitting them with a maniquin leg five times will prove fatal.
  61. All people, reguardless of age, race, or weight, are all the exact same height.
  62. Wearing men's clothing is "all right", wearing women's clothing is "perfect!"
  63. Taking upskirt pictures of any woman, is simply "FANTASTIC!"
  64. Killing 53,594 zombies will give you the option to become Mega Man.
  65. When entering an elevator full of zombies, simply push the button of the floor you wish to travel to as quickly as possible. This will prevent the zombies from attacking you during your elevator ride.
  66. Those who wear yellow raincoats double as suicide bombers.
  67. If you are hanging around with a group of eight friends, the only way you can invite another friend to join you is by killing one of your original eight friends.
  68. In an entire bookstore, only a few books are actually readible.
  69. Photographing a woman's bust from close proximity, followed by yelling "NICE!" will not garner a response.
  70. Giant, stuffed teddy bears are an effective weapon against a zombie.
  71. When a gun runs out of bullets, it will inexplicably explode.
  72. You can shoot a special forces soldier twenty times and they will only be injured. You can punch your fist into their chest and remove their intestines with ease, however.
  73. A zombie will not attack you if you run by with a woman while holding her hand. Women are not strong enough to maintain a grip on your hand if you attempt to turn around.
  74. If you're killed, you can simply start over again from last urinal you used.
  75. Thousands of people loitering in a mall can do so without fear of recieving a fine.
  76. Searching tree's can lead to finding items. Such as sub-machine guns. That will always be there if you leave and return to the area.
  77. Motorcycles explode after extended use.
  78. Sleeping using a chainsaw, battle-axe, or sword as a pillow is perfectly fine.
  79. If a zombie is about to bite you, jump into the air. This will confuse him and it will refrain from biting you until you land.
  80. Bloodstains in clothes will disapear after a pre-determined ammount of time.
  81. If you're being assaulted by hundreds of zombies, it is extremely rude to hang up on someone.
  82. When a group of people is sufficiently compact, you can run along the top of them.
  83. A survivor will follow a man wearing a lego head helmet without thinking twice.
  84. Reloading a firearm is impossible.
  85. A single man can wipe out an entire platoon of special forces soldiers using his bare hands.
  86. If an entire town has not a single child, its mall will still have tons of children's clothing stores.
  87. You can dye your hair in a matter of seconds.
  88. A soda can to the head is a far more effective zombie killing method than a shotgun blast to the head.
  89. Plastic frisbee's will crush someone's skull on impact.
  90. Zombies dislike perfume.
  91. You can ride a skateboard down a flight of stairs. With no problems.
  92. When your car is totaled by a tank, you lose everything you had in your pockets. Your camera remains intact and functional, however.
  93. If you give someone a firearm with one bullet left, it will reload itself.
  94. The government uses RC helicopters to patrol malls.
  95. When shooting an obese female police officer in a clothing store, you can simply exit the store and shoot her from the safety of its exterior. She will not be inclined to follow you out.
  96. Entire towns consist of clones of ten people.
  97. Mirrors have teleportation capabilities.
  98. Jewels are as effective as a shotgun when thrown at a zombie. Assuming you've taken enough photos.
  99. Ever door on the planet will open in both directions.
  100. Checking the time using your watch will cause the clothes on your arms to disapear.

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