free writing: Broken Reflections

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He found himself standing on a roof top of a eight floor building staring down at the crowd that started gathering, each one calling the other.

" Oh my God" one of them said, " This man is crazy. I don't think he is really going to do it. He has to be really insane to jump."

"Jesus! Merciful God ," a woman screamed.

A moment or two a voice cut through the crowd saying in a very deep yet shallow tired voice .The voice said in an uncertained manner, " You cant do that , for you cant simply run away from your problems like that. You once had a life . Remember all the great memories . Don't do anything foolish that you would probably regret . Dont!!"His words had this magical effect , that they threw the man in a black hole and landed his tormented soul without its body straight to the beginning of time when it all started; back to childhood.

He has heard different versions about his birth, yet none as painstaking as the truth, so sour that he wanted to kill himself the first time he acknowegded its existance. It happened on one miserable damp night when Janet , a young struggling worker was heading home from work after a terrible job at an office as a maid. The dark was so freaky that even the bravest of all beasts would never enter that alley, which was also thought to be haunted by spirits of people who died without a chance to say goodbye." Only a fool would do that"; people used to say among each other for no one dared to enter that alley alone and especially at night.

At first her heart told her not to, but it was her only free ticket to head home without taking the bus, thus saving some money to help her old mother.

Janet felt worried as she felt her way through the walls of the demented alley. She felt really scared when she heard footsteps echoing in the abounded alley. She increased her pace convulsively but the dark being didn't seem to let her free. She cried aloud desperately , " Hellooooo! Any one there??!!! It's not funny! It's all in my head, Jesus!". When she finally took a grip of herself, she continued in her dark quest to home. It was around 12:30 when she was startled by a high pitched laugh in the dark.

Oh, she ran as fast as her feet we go! She pushed so hard that you would think she had wings that helped her glide. The miles kept rolling and she gave it no turn to look back whether that monster was behind her or not. Finally, a couple of feet before the exist she crashed into this human wall that didn't really look like a being, with all its black broken teeth and that stupid yet frightening smile.

" Where ya goin' hunny" , he said moving in a suspicious way.

" Home", she answered reluctantly.

" Not goin' anywhere tonight , unless I say so "

Oh! That was here darkest secret, and she wished a thousand no a million times that she hadn't survived it. She was dead of disgrace and haunted by the past. The first few months were full of sympathy. People seemed to sympathized with the 24 year old, but their sympathy killed her from inside time after time.

That same thing turned into blame and disgrace after her belly started growing. They told her numerous times that the thing growing in her belly is just a monster like the one she saw in the alley. But she was not ready to give .She thought she could keep the child but she was judged by people's looks wherever she went. Everyone blamed her and no one considered that it simply was because she was at the wrong place at the wrong time. This thing, ate her alive and condemned her for life as a "Sinner" to eveyone.

Chapter : Two the Giveaway:

As soon as she was able to walk again, she decided to let go , and for once to live a relatively normal life which she didn't have for the last nine months. She walked there by herself with no one's help, looking every five minutes behind searching whether her nightmare was following her again.

The miles kept rolling, yet through the five hour walk she didnt take a glimp at the defenseless creature that lied in her arms. To The young mother, those short hours seemed like enternity.

Finally,she reached a near by town; " Springfield". It looked so peaceful and warm; a good place to keep her son, the monster's son. She made up her mind of leaving him behind. This way , he would have a normal life and she'd have ,well nothing new, but less pain for everytime she looked into that baby's eyes she saw a reflection of that monster's face. She observed the houses one by one scanning for a so called possible nurturing home for the young boy.

A couple of minutes later she found the perfect match. It seemed so peaceful , that it brought a flood of memories into the mother's mind.They flowed so easily as she remeber her old home, how beautiful her mother was 16 years ago, and her younger sister who died from TB as a kid. She also remebered her father, who simply was way above normal. Some people didn't really blame him for all what he endured, for his father too was unstable and serving in Viatnam made it even worse .Yet, again that was a long long time ago and it seemed like a whole century had passed by so fast that she barely remebered anything about him.She did prefer it that away .At least she spared herself some pain and hoped that one day she will have a normal life.

And not until the present time that she noticed that she has been sheilding herself from the past. As she went on a journey through her memories, she noticed that her father never appeared in any part of her childhood.

To him crying was a sign of weakness , and he had no weak whining children. So , when young Janet would cry due to teeth ache or fever he would order he to shot up in this monsterous manner that even the kid would cry harder than before.He always blamed Janet for her sick sister , as if it were her fault. He would look at her with those accusing eyes and stare for minutes, minutes that seemed like eternity to her. She would look into his deep dark furious eyes and wonder about what would be going in his mind.Yet she never understood. She would keep on looking , staring as long as he did . She thought it was a game at first but she was completly mistaken .And finally, he would break that wall of silence and yell like a monster who has been kept in a cage for years out of fury; "Dont look at me with those eyes! You go to your room and think about all your sins! Now!!!And stay away from Jessica! If i ever hear you whining or crying i will come up to your room and you will be really sorry! Did you hear me! GO! GO! Go up the stairs, one, two three, faster soldier, or you'll be dead by midnight!" Dicipline was everything in his life. Simply, his household was a reflection of his days in the army. The kids didn't even breath in his presence. As a six year old Janet leatned to cook her own food , feed her younger sister, clean the house, do the house work, and not say a word nor complain. This was the perfect kid anyone could have.Yet, on holidays, she wouldn't even dare to ask her father for some change to buy some icecream for her sister. She'd simply stay at home waiting for her dad to ask for anything and she'd run bolting into the kitchen to bring it.

The thought and the sight of her father kept her thinking all night long, yet she remembered when her sister passed, things started to clear up.On that cold December also known as Christmass , Jessica only at the age of six passed , leaving a greifing mother and a blaming yet demnted father behind. Soon , the father started missing " Dady's little girl",and his anger was poured now all on Janet. For no reasons why, Janet was blamed for all the family's misfortune. And from the beginning, it was known that young Jessica was the smart good looking one between the girls. " She would have been a heart breaker"; the father said once on the dinner table.

Janet couldn't remain silent , for she was so bitter from inside that she yelled at her father ; " You mean you wish God has taken me and kept Jessica alive??!!"

The father went into a raging state ; yet struck by the truth he answered;" Yes!".

The forteen year old couldn't believe what she heard and fired back;" Not because you're mad at God , you take it out all on me ! It's not my fault that he took away your favorite and spared me !"

The truth to be said, Janet only remembered that much of her childhood and she decided to sheild herself from all those traumatic experiences especially when her dad comitted suicide and blew his brains out of his head. Since then, she started building walls around herself. Deleting all unwanted memories , and living each day by itself .

That home looked like heaven compared to her old prison.Her heart felt numb, as if she has had it plucked out of her chest. She took a very death breath as if she was diving into the unknown, wraped "him" tight, looked at him and said;" I never wanted it to be that way, but; " her voice broke and soon she reduced into tears; " It is the only way! Hopefully, these folks will take good care of you! Take care!"

The first step was heavy , hesitant, yet she had to ring that bell sooner or later, and at some point she did ring that bell, yet no one answered . She did that twince, and ran into the bushes and hid . Her heart pounded heavily.

It was pretty late judging from the atmosphere. And for the first time she noticed the mist, that covered the place.A lonely star stood there , in the above sky watching , looking down at the little creature that thought she was making the right choice. The wind was so cold and harsh. She had never felt like that before. Her face was was cold that it turned pail white, yet her chest felt as if it was on fire. The pain started getting harder and stronger as a person searched his way through the dark road and finally reaching the switch , lit the lights and looked really surprised to see that lonely diffensless creature on his porch.

A mist of betrayal followed by a storm of disoreinted thoughts flew to cover and surrounded the mother, soon she found herself walking the dead, into the dark that seemed to take her no where. She went delusional and imagined the sky so dark that she felt she was going to be swallowed into a black hole and so through her thoughts the sky started shooting burning flakes of ice from heaven and to her it seemed like even God was mad at her for leaving that defensless creature behind.

Chapter Three: Hope and Faith:

Nadia and Jack were such a miserable couple a second ago, before heaven blessed them with the most valuable gift a person would wish for on Christmass .

They've always wanted to start a family of their own.Yet, life has its misterious ways of working things out.They have been married for almost five years ,and when they almost were going to give up, heaven dropped for them an amazing gift.

Jack had been to church more than any person in this world.Yet, life didn't smile at him. He recently lost his brother Jimmy for war. And he was a struggling farmer , working hard in his land that seemed never to give to feed him and his wife.He has lost faith after his major loss. Jimmy meant everything in this world to him. And yet, again the injust world claims anoter innocent soul for nothing. He stopped going to church after Jimmy's death and lost faith that life can be just in many ways we humans can never imagine. He has wished a thousand times to have a child of his own. Yet, at some point he thought he has to "get his feet back to earth". He thought if heaven wanted to bless him with a family, it would have done that ages ago.And yet, Heaven works in misterious way man can never understand.

Jack and Nadia were a struggling couple and heaven would testify so.Jack would plant the land on fall,and Nadia would make those little baskets out of hay to sell in the nearby market. She would also help as a midwife to other neighbors who were blessed by young infants. On those raging winter nights, Jack and Nadia would stay in their cold room hugging each other dreaming of those warm summer nights they spent together watching the sun set or the full moon. Again, heaven, and though it claimed Jimmy's life, brought hope into Jack's family. The government found that it was better to compensate the families of their fellow soldiers who protected their countries with their souls. And so , Jack, being Jimmy's only living family, was compensated with a 1000 dollar.

Nadia was still in bed when her husband shouted from the door surprisingly;" Nadia honey, get out of bed and see what has been left on out doorway!" The couple were silent for a short period that sounded like eternity. Unable to believe her eyes, Nadia held the young creature between her arms , so affectionatly, that even the angles that night would swear that she was made for that. During the first few hours, she gave that little creature all the love and attention . All that held back motherly love poured out in every second that baby spent with his new adopted family.

Though they never had a child before, the couple new how to take good care of the infant that stayed with them.The first couple of hours, seemed like a dream.Nadia and Jack thought they were in a dream .They found themselves floating out of happiness. Heaven seemed to pour all the happiness in the world in that young family and everything seemed really stable on the Christmass night.Nadia would stay till past two in the morning looking at the child in her arms. Her husband , who would be trying to sleep, yet out of excitment would tell her;" Honey, go back to bed and i'll take care of our little miracle. You need the sleep , seriously it's getting cold out here."

When jack almost lost faith that life could be worth living, heaven sent him an angel so pure to tell him life is not over until the Creator says so. On the other hand , Nadia had never lost faith. Though, the couple couldn't help think about the angel's true parents, they thought they were blessed from heaven.

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