Rejected New World Wine Labels
New World Cliches
There are thousands of wines in the world, each trying for its own unique brand and marketing angle. Every wine that doesn't want to be a bland chateau on a blander beige label goes to the same marketing and design team to come up with a kitschy new world wine label.
When I walk through the aisles, I'm not surrounded by intriguing, mysterious cellar wines. I'm instead being assaulted by bright colors, cartoonish drawings of exotic mammals and a variety of curse words designed to make me chuckle so hard I forget that bad wine isn't worth $10. This site is a tribute to those wine brands! Here are some more labels in the same spirit.
Platitude Platypus is a wine that attempted to tap into the noblest of creatures. There are five extant egg-laying mammals, a handful of venomous mammals, and several creatures with duck bills, beaver tails or otter feet, but the fantastic platypus is the only one to carry all these titles and attributes at once. It is the motley hero of many an Aussie tale and the PR team really thought they could tap into the public's unconcious love for the near-mythical beast. Unfortunately, it never really happened.
A lot of marketers, in the last throws of rejection just started writing dirty words in their sketchbooks. One graphics guy's misguided attempt to call his client a fat bastard was soon immortalized by a behemoth distribution agency and now we can buy Fat Bastard, Utter Bastard, The Bitch and many other lasciviously titled wines. Here is the next generation.
Bollocks the Loon flirts the line between another uninspired animal label, dirty words and an eccentric British aesthetic. This image comes from a collection of scans from old books.
Bunghole is an exceptional label because it is a technical wine term, but it sounds too insulting to put on a bottle. The bung is a stopper used to plug the hole on the side of a barrel. The hole on the side of a barrel is thusly named the bunghole.
Being French (similar to Lewd)
A series of wine labels have tried to ride the coat-tails of fancy sounding French names on cheap bottles like Red Bicyclette, Lulu, Bistro, etc. Here are the ones that didn't make le cut.
- Le Megot
- Pierre la Cigarette
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