Rejected New World Wine Labels

New World Cliches

There are thousands of wines in the world, each trying for its own unique brand and marketing angle. Every wine that doesn't want to be a bland chateau on a blander beige label goes to the same marketing and design team to come up with a kitschy new world wine label.

When I walk through the aisles, I'm not surrounded by intriguing, mysterious cellar wines. I'm instead being assaulted by bright colors, cartoonish drawings of exotic mammals and a variety of curse words designed to make me chuckle so hard I forget that bad wine isn't worth $10. This site is a tribute to those wine brands! Here are some more labels in the same spirit.

Animal Labels

Platitude Platypus is a wine that attempted to tap into the noblest of creatures. There are five extant egg-laying mammals, a handful of venomous mammals, and several creatures with duck bills, beaver tails or otter feet, but the fantastic platypus is the only one to carry all these titles and attributes at once. It is the motley hero of many an Aussie tale and the PR team really thought they could tap into the public's unconcious love for the near-mythical beast. Unfortunately, it never really happened.

Being Lewd

A lot of marketers, in the last throws of rejection just started writing dirty words in their sketchbooks. One graphics guy's misguided attempt to call his client a fat bastard was soon immortalized by a behemoth distribution agency and now we can buy Fat Bastard, Utter Bastard, The Bitch and many other lasciviously titled wines. Here is the next generation.

Bollocks the Loon flirts the line between another uninspired animal label, dirty words and an eccentric British aesthetic. This image comes from a collection of scans from old books.

Bunghole is an exceptional label because it is a technical wine term, but it sounds too insulting to put on a bottle. The bung is a stopper used to plug the hole on the side of a barrel. The hole on the side of a barrel is thusly named the bunghole.

Being French (similar to Lewd)

A series of wine labels have tried to ride the coat-tails of fancy sounding French names on cheap bottles like Red Bicyclette, Lulu, Bistro, etc. Here are the ones that didn't make le cut.

  • Le Megot
  • Pierre la Cigarette
  • Crachat

Comments 6 comments

Blogger Mom profile image

Blogger Mom 8 years ago from Northeast, US

We first bought Fat Bastard because the name was funny. Ended up liking the wine, and have bought more since. I might have some Fat Bastard tonight! =)


mroconnell profile image

mroconnell 8 years ago from France Author

There's nothing wrong with buying a wine you like, Bloggermom! I'm glad you found one you can enjoy. I make wine at a vineyard near Fat Bastard (so I have to pretend they're despicable competiton) but our wines are very different and everybody can coexist in peaceful harmony. I just like making gimmicky new world labels.

Do you think I have some potential with Bunghole Estates? Or Bollocks the Loon?


stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

I have enjoyed some of the Bitch wine too - LOL. Its really not that bad. (wonder what that says about me?) But I agree that sometimes the labels get a bit gimmicky. Bollocks the Loon I like. Not sure I would buy Bunghole Estates...


mroconnell profile image

mroconnell 8 years ago from France Author

The Bitch is a good under $10 wine. It's not just sweet. It's got that sort of pruney grenache feel and it's a funny label. You might also like Evil wines or Suxx which are made by the same vineyard. They're not award-winning but they're decent for the price. If you want really good wines for 15-20 bucks, you should find a way to buy MY wines. And for once, I'm not being ironic. But there's nothing wrong with a good 9 buck bottle for the day to day.


stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

I am interested and certainly game to try new wines! I'll check out the links below and see if the store at which I shop may find a way to get them here (If I cant'). I've tried the Evil wines too. :-)


SpikeTheLobster profile image

SpikeTheLobster 7 years ago from South Coast, UK

Best new wine label I've seen is for a French wine from the Chateauneuf region. It has a picture of a cat sitting on an egg and is called "Chat-on-oeuf". Brilliant.

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