5 Things to Survive the White Death
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It's snowing. Be prepared. Our crucial buying guide for winter storms will help you stock up critical items necessary to keep your household running smoothly and warmly. No one wants to hole up for the season, unless it's time to prepare the manifesto.
A Snow Shovel
Perry Como sang about it but probably sat by the fire drinking herbal tea as his hired help shoveled it off the driveway of his palatial estate. No one wants to break their back scraping as little as 1/4" of White Death. The least you can do is stock up on ergonomic show scraping accoutrement. Your back will thank you as you reach up to grab your shiny new shovel from the garage rack and hand it to the neighborhood kid who still thinks that 50 cents is a lot of money.
Calm yourself even as mass quantities of snow descend from the heavens. Steaming mugs of herbal tea fresh from the microwave oven will sooth the nerves. Always keep a healthy supply on hand, even if there's no snow in the forecast. You may awaken very soon to find your driveway occluded and your car doors iced shut.
Salty saddle-shaped snacks go well with herbal tea and driveway shoveling. Sit by the picture window, sip your Earl Grey, crunch your chips, and marvel at how hard the neighbors work to clear a path for their teacup poodle to do its' business in your yard. Order up voluminous quantities of numerous flavors: modern science ensures that Pringles cannot go stale.
Miraculous advances in synthetic fabrics and third-world manufacturing enable us to order up toasty warm gloves for extremely reasonable prices. They also come in pairs. Don't plan to open the door to pay the snow removal service until you're gloved-up. That Winter wind can be biting.
Look for gloves sufficiently dexterous to permit opening the Pringles can and pouring the herbal tea. Order a second pair for emergencies: tea stains are problematic.
Your TV remote provides crucial functionality on even the warmest Spring day. Imagine a nightmare scenario under which White Death has conspired with physics to close your driveway and deplete your batteries at the same time. How will you change the channel, drink your tea, and eat your Pringles? You might have to put down your refreshments and push a button located on the other side of the room.
It could happen. Keep the battery supply in good standing.
Extra Bonus Item: Hoodie
You probably can't get married in it, but a hoodie is appropriate for just about any other occasion. Sitting at the computer ordering White Death preparedness supplies calls for reliable protection from the inevitable chill pervading the room when the heat pump kicks on. Your wardrobe can't include too many fashionable hoodies.
You never know when a computer viruses will clandestinely activate your web cam to broadcast your pleasant visage onto the Internet. If you're wearing a tea-stained t-shirt rather than a fresh new hoodie, you may be looking at a long arduous process to reclaim your online reputation.
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