Buy Some Junk on eBay
Do you need more junk?
As the old saying goes: one man's junk is another mans litter in his front yard. Or something like that.
Tons of literal and figurative and virtual junk is for sale on eBay. Opening an account is free and bidding is also gratis, until you happen to win. Shop until your mouse finger drops. Inventory changes daily: auctions come and go with eerie regularity. Don't miss out on a single box, drawer, or recyclable grocery bag of someone else's junk.
Upon arrival at your doorstep, it's no longer someone else's junk: you're stuck with it. Most of these auctions stipulate "no returns". Take the plunge and invest in a pile of unneeded useless knick-knacks, gew-gaws, and lagniappes. Whatever you don't like can be recycled into another eBay auction at your convenience. It's a win-win scenario!
Buy Someone's Junk Drawer
We all have a junk drawer or ten, but certainly someone else's drawer of junk represents an epitome of collectables. Whatever has been tucked into a drawer in a stranger's house on the other side of the country holds much more fascination than the garbage you're presently stuck with.
Don't miss out on this tremendous opportunity for anthropological research. Envision yourself as a dedicated cultural investigator, a modern-day Indiana Jones. Dig into the junk of random eBay sellers to learn more about the inner workings of households scattered throughout this great country. Write a research paper, earn a degree, and land a tenure-track position at an online university. It could happen.
Open carefully: all the used staples and rusty scissors may still be in there.
Bid on junk coins
Junk coins are typically coins that are so worn as to be unrecognizable. Junk coins have been thoroughly examined by experienced numismatists and are assured to be authoritatively worthless, except to you. Nestled somewhere in an unassuming pile of junk silver coins may be a 1899 Flying Wombat Dollar or a seemingly average Washington quarter with the eagle looking cross-eyed. It's the thrill of the hunt that makes junk coins worthwhile.
Many lots of junk coins are advertised as 'unsearched.' Your pile of silver discs has not been pawed over by flea-market shoppers and amateur junk coin collectors. Somehow an extremely rare coin will slip through into your clutching fingers: take the risk. You won't get rich just sitting there.
Bid on vintage junk
Apply the word vintage to any pile of unwanted nonsense and immediately the value increases by 10.34 per cent, according to anointed experts on The Junk Channel. Vintage junk collected over a period of many years, transferred from house to house over several generations, and offered fro sale on eBay could be your golden ticket to fame and fortune. It's like scrounging at the junkyard without the pigeons and pathogens.
This is old junk. It's more desirable than new junk because it's made from better materials and it's had more time for mice to nest in it. Hold out for the drawer as well: it's made from real wood and authentic nails pounded by manual hammers.
Buy junk toys
Kids have no idea what they're playing with. A pile of dusty junk toys rivals any high-tech electronic gizmos when the junky stuff comes with fireworks.
Look for bright plastic toys and wooden playthings offerring holes and slots in which to insert firecrackers. Blowing stuff up offers much more fun when the stuff is junky and was purchased on eBay for little or no money.
Consult your local and state laws for restrictions on fireworks and fireworks applied to junk. Blow stuff up at your own risk: you may want that junk tomorrow.
Buy craft junk
Good grief, every sentient human has initiated a craft project, then walked away from it: it's how the craft stores stay in business. This behavior is part of growing up and may even be required by local statute in many areas. Yarn, twine. colored pencils, beads, construction paper, and white glue are all common items found in craft junk drawers.
It's no crime to start a project and give up on it, but helping out another poor crafter by assuming the debt on their junk craft drawer may earn you extra points the next time you need to make a poster with macaroni or cobble together a working volcano for the science fair.
Buy a Junk Bag
Accessorize your junk: organize it into bags before it obscures your sight lines to the television.
Don't run out of places to put your junk. Order lots of junk and bag it. Pile the bags in storage lockers, stop making the monthly rent payments, and see your junk on reality TV when professional scroungers buy your locker and make millions from it.
These bags are specially designed to hold your junk and everyone else's junk. They will eventually fill up, but that's the fun part. Just because a faceless eBay seller no longer wants it doesn't mean it won't have value to you.
Buy something that's not junk
Should you be well-stocked in junk and junk-related accoutrement, consider a product decidedly not junky. Depend on eBay sellers to properly describe their offerings: when "not junk" is in the title, rest assured that you are bidding on the best of the best.
Disregard functionality or application: this un-junky item adds panache to any garage sale or spare bedroom. eBay sellers are notoriously honest. If they say it's not junk, take that to the bank.
Bid on something to dispose of your junk
A garbage disposal offers many enjoyable hours of junk obliteration, assuming your junk is organic and fits into a relatively tiny opening. Dispose of last night's fish bones or a U2 CD: all junk is the same to this electromechanical behemoth.
Order a set for every sink in the house, eliminating unnecessary queues forming in the kitchen when everyone suddenly realizes they have junk to dispose of.
Go into the junk business
Sanford and Son had a truck, so should you. They ran their junk empire from the living room of Fred's palatial estate. Evidently they retained the services of additional employees who actually drove the truck and picked up the junk.
Your junk empire begins here. Select from a wide selection of junk-hauling trucks on eBay. No other online auction site starting with e and ending in y enjoys a greater array of applicable vehicles.
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