Buy Survival Gear
The End of the World as We Know It?
If the Mayans were correct, the end of the world is scheduled for sometime in 2012. We should all be prepared. No surviving Mayans offer useful advice pertaining to their mysterious calendar, but laying in a few crucial bits of equipment cannot be a bad idea.
The world could end in many ways. Fortunately, food, shelter, and water remain the three crucial components of survivability regardless of how things go bad. You may find yourself heading for the hills with nothing but your family and a bug out bag. You may have a few hours to gather up a limited amount of precious possessions before jumping in the Hummer and heading off to the bunker. You may even take up residence in the bunker in deference to a world that's already circling the proverbial drain.
Regardless of your survival strategy, you need a few specific components to improve your possibilities of remaining extant. A wide range of odds and ends can be ordered online: you must shop, but shop wisely. We have evaluated over 5 different products designed to enhance survival. Our careful evaluations are presented here.
Travel Toothbrush Holder - Brush Guards
You'll never meet your post-catastrophe mate unless your teeth are clean. Don't plan on storing your unprotected toothbrush in your overalls if you intend to stick it in your mouth 3 times a day. Lay in a few gross of toothbrush covers - these handy items may become more valuable than dehydrated toothpaste.
Toothbrush bristle guards double as protective coverings for other survival gear such as spoons and tootsie rolls, both of which will become crucial as the apocalypse drags on.
Black Ultimate Survival Knife 15" W/ Compass
No survivalist strides confidently across the burned out landscape of what was once a thriving strip mall without a survival knife. When you have a knife, everything looks like something needing to be cut.
Nestled in the handle are additional accoutrements of survival gear: fish hooks, matches, fire starter, and fishing line. The entire assembly rests in a very durable sheath: you won't find a sheath store after the apocalypse hits.
Visualize yourself crouched over a small campfire, staring off into the middle distance, sporting a strategically stubbled beard, and idly sharpening your 15" survival knife in advance of another foray into the zombie zones to search for diesel fuel. It could happen.
Bear Grylls Men's Survivor Pant
Yes, it's true: after the end of the world, pants will be optional. Few fashion consultants will survive. Most online fashion blogs will convert to waterless recipe blogs. Great hordes of survivors may wander from town to town wearing no pants or very unstylish pants.
Don't let this happen to you. When society rebuilds itself, you don't want to be shunned because you have no pants. These pants will survive your survival effort. Everything you need to arrive on the other side of the End Of The World in style can be tucked into numerous stylish pockets. No self-respecting zombie will rip into your flesh if your flesh resides behind these pants.
Ms. & Mrs. Mini*mergency Survival Kit
Imagine your frustration over facing the end of the world without Hairspray, Clear Nail Polish, Nail Polish Remover, Emery Board, Lip Balm, Earring Backs, Clear Elastics, Sewing Kit, Double-Sided Tape, Stain Remover, Deodorant Towelette, Pain Reliever, Breath Freshener, Dental Floss, and Adhesive Bandages.
Add this unfathomably useful product to your bug out bag, just above the dehydrated beans and just below the battery powered waterproof satellite telephone that Tom Hanks should have had when he was stranded on that island. Learn from the mistakes of others.
Griffin iPad 2 Survivor
Don't expect the Apple Store to remain open after society folds in upon itself. If your iPad breaks, you're on your own. All the Apple Geniuses will be long gone, taking with them all the Apple Knowledge and Apple Spare Parts. Protecting your iPad is your responsibility.
Ensconce your iPad in military grade rubberized protection. If the Mayans knew about this stuff, they'd still be around to explain their stupid calendar.
Israeli Civilian Gas Mask w/ Nato Filter
Even the coolest cargo pants don't have pockets sufficiently voluminous to carry this crucial survival product. When the survival bunker starts to get a little gamey, which will happen if the apocalypse takes longer than a few days, this handy apparatus will provide a personalized breathable atmosphere.
Caution: recognizing zombie threats may prove problematic when they hide their scabby faces behind Israeli Civilian Gas Masks.
Men's ColdGear® Survival System Socks by Under Armour
Socks represent one of the top 100 most important items of survival gear. They offer functionality unrivaled by anything else except a fully stocked 24-hour WalMart, which probably won't be found on every corner when capitalism skids to a stop. Use your socks for water filtration as well as keeping your feet warm. Deploy your socks as gloves: oddly enough, gloves cannot return the favor as sock adjuncts.
As you while away the seemingly interminable days until free markets rebuild themselves, comfort yourself with the clever Under Armour logo that is emblazoned on each sock, for a total of two emblazons per pair.
These amazing foot cradles are brought to us by the same folks that clothe every high school kid and NFL player in the Northern Hemisphere. When it comes time to survive, slide a pair onto your pair of feet and head for the hills in extreme comfort. Your tootsies will thank you and your Visa bill won't come due until corporate America has collapsed anyway.
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