Divorce Gift Vouchers - Are They A Joke?

You have heard of Air Miles, Buy One – Get One Free, Tax Credits and Food Vouchers, but how about Divorce Gift Vouchers to go towards that divorce you have been planning? Yes, fair Hub Pages reader, it’s the latest ultimate “Low” offered by the legal profession, and it will probably cash in on everyone’s marital misery and make a pile of cash. I bet the super rich and ever inventive Avatar director James Cameron would never have thought of this one. A few years ago, he could have probably used it, in that marital separation with Katherine Bigelow.

Divorce Vouchers
Divorce Vouchers | Source

This legal wonder comes to us courtesy of that country which will remain nameless, where power and wealth and money made from divorces has given recession-hit lawyers a novel way to make a crust in these hard times. (Okay, they made money in the good times too!) Divorce is so common now in western countries that lawyers have realised that in some situations where cash-strapped people can’t afford a divorce due to financial hardship, a Divorce Gift Voucher is just the ticket.

Thanks to changes in Divorce Laws, it’s no big deal now to buy that $300 or $1,000 Divorce Gift Voucher (there’s one to suit every pocket, wallet or purse!) for that family friend or college buddy you know and want to help get that quickie divorce from that other person who is nothing but a carbuncle on the butt of that marriage. Hell, maybe you are the reason the darn marriage has collapsed anyhow, and are just waiting to step in and claim your prize. (Aren’t you that carbuncle, then? You sly fox!)

The main thing is, you really fancy him or her, and just want to make things right, right? You wanna be a friend! Maybe its coming up to Christmas, and you just want to give the perfect gift to the perfect Victim... sorry ...Candidate! There’s a lot of people out there who are stuck in unhappy marriages and need a way out somehow, preferably a way that doesn’t include a walk along the edge of the High Cliffs of Dover. Or a closer than normal view from the top of Niagara Falls. Or a rendezvous with a Russian HITMAN. Or a visit to the top-most highest floor of the Empire State Building, where the view is amazing and the drop is a long way down. Gravity doesn't have to be the only bitch, right?

Okay, I am trying to cheer you up, seeing as this is a morose subject. And true, some countries and some of you don’t have or even allow divorce to take place. Stay with me, okay? It was either write this hub about this, or do the one about Divorce Cakes! Yes, bloody Divorce Cakes! People are celebrating their divorces now with Cakes!

So, in this modern day and age when people are divorcing each other now by text message, imagine getting that card in the mail, that card from the really good looking workmate who has been eye-ing you in the office for ages, and is now commiserating with you on the marriage breakdown...

But really just wants to get you in the sack – and cheers you up instantly as you open the envelope - and inside is a Speaking Card that announces “You’re a Winner!”

And as tears of joy roll down your cheeks, you see that it is accompanied by a tacky gold leaf Divorce Gift Voucher and a crumpled business card of a local law firm that specializes in Quickie divorces and Divorce cases. And investigating cheating spouses. Yeah, you are probably now in that market! And that perhaps... this is their way of somehow cheering you up, or making you feel good...

Divorce Gift Viouchers make the NEWS.

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But is this a real case of finding a new break-through solution that honestly saves people’s sanity and pockets - or is this just a way to fuel the fires of divorce law suits and marital separations? Are Divorce Gift Vouchers about to cheapen the whole Sacred Institute of Marriage even further? Like every Charlie Sheen has?

Isn’t marriage all about a Universal Bond of Love, Dedication and Commitment, and Promise of Fidelity - a personal and important family more that we need to preserve and worship and even treasure? Am I being old fashioned here?

So what if your other half is an ugly trollop with an arse the size of a bus, who hasn’t trimmed her uni-brow or armpits since puberty. That same person who wipes your nose when you lie sick in bed, who cleans the toilet, scrubs the floor, chops the firewood and throws the cat out at night, and who puts up with your toenail clippings in the bed because no one else will. That’s the woman who darns and mends your socks when they get holes in them. Hold those socks to your face, yes - close your eyes right now – and smell that love. Doesn’t that bring tears to your eyes?

Isn’t there an argument in favor of ensuring marriage as an important and noble concept of two people’s Dedication and Love to each other? Will all lawyers accept that? For that matter, will we?

Or will the Divorce Gift Voucher really change anything? Is it really, in the end – just a means to an end that – for some couples, is going to come anyway?

Copyright (c) 2009 - 2013 Cassy Mantis. All Rights Reserved.

Foot note

Cheeky Girl won’t get any Vouchers from Hub Pages for this hub, but she will get a higher rating if you rate her hub page here! I try to write my new Hub Pages the way the Cohen Brothers write their movies, bringing style and substance to the project. (I have mixed success, but then so do they.) I don’t want your money or gold or jewellery or anything, just your little old click on a rating for me, as I spread my message of Love and humor around the world and bring comfort to those who could use it! Thanks for making a difference!

This hub is dedicated comedy writers and comedians everywhere. This is mere humor with a tinge of seriousness thrown in. And no, I am not telling you the girl's name - even if she is a hot chick!

Check out my other hubs
:

Jennifer Ellison - Actress and Model

Cheeky Girl - First Encounters

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Comments 45 comments

TattoGuy 6 years ago

I was so loving this Hub CG as you know I am seperated so I was planning an Xmas Voucher lol. Then I saw the dedication at the end and that has cheered this Irishman up this freezin Monday morning, cheers moi friend x


HealthTip 6 years ago

I enjoyed this hub as well, it was nice of her to dedicate it to me as well. Anyone ever mention how much you look like me TattoGuy, well except I am sexier. Anyways thanks for that you lil vixen ; )


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

To TattoGuy: Yes, it is you here at the end of the Hub! And you deserve that and more because you are a very wonderful and funny guy, but then you already know that! I deliberately made it funny because I felt that way and out it came! I know about your situation, I am glad I made you smile on this freezing cold day here too! LOL! I hope life brings you everything you desire in life, my friend! Warm Christmas Hugs to you! XX


CabinGirl. 6 years ago

A Merry Christmas to you as well my friend, but hey you left out my female alter-ego and methinks yer dedication to the Captain has put words in my head, tis been a while since the Cabin Girl wrote a Poem, on Wednesday just for Christmas I will write one in yer honour xx


Philipo profile image

Philipo 6 years ago from Nigeria

I enjoyed this hub. Thanks for sharing.


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Cabin Girl: Gosh what a very nice comment I am getting here from you! You get Warm Thanks for that! I have read the poem, I'm gonna read it again! *chuckles here* A Very Merry Christmas to You to! XXX ( And yes - the Captain is quite a guy!!)


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Philipo: Glad you like the Hub! Cheers! : )


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Has anyone noticed how TattoGuy and HealthTip look in no way whatsoever like each other? LOL!


janiek13 profile image

janiek13 6 years ago from Florida's Space Coast

You crack me up!


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

@ janiek13: That's good to know, my friend! : )


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 6 years ago from East Coast, United States

Cheeky Girl, when I saw the title to this hub, I thought it was a joke. That these things are for real is just another example of what is wrong with us here in America. Divorce vouchers are...I can't even think of the word. Is it decadent? Or ridiculous. Or pathetic. Or just plain stupid. Great hub!


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hy Dolores. No - you are right. I thought the very same. I thought someone was having me on. Then I found out. Boy, was I surprised. So I did it in a mock serious tone with shades of mirth and a wee bit of humour too. I could have written a serious hub, but simpy didn't feel like it. I couldn't dignify Divorce Gift Vouchers with seriousness, no matter how hard I try. (Maybe the world of Law and Order is gone to hell in a hand basket.) I'd just recommend a valium and a long sabbatical! Thankyou for your wonderful comments, my friend. : )


alexandriaruthk profile image

alexandriaruthk 6 years ago from US

hmm money money, James Cameron hehe, her wife got a lot from HIM LOL< Thanks for this cheeky my girl, Maita


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hello moi friend! Yes, his wife did get a good deal there. Think she got a movie script there too as part of the deal. Not sure if it was the Point Break film script that Cameron wrote, or the Strange Days (Ralph Fiennes) film he wrote for her. (A Sci fi-film!) I wonder did she get some divorce gift vouchers? Or did he get them? She got her revenge with the film "The Hurt Locker" anyway! I bought the DVD of AVATAR earlier yesterday! Pity it's not 3D! Cheers!


Astra Nomik profile image

Astra Nomik 6 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

We should exchange it for the 3d when or if it comes out. Ha.


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Yes, but we'll have to get a new 3D TV, dear!! : )


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

Cheeky Girl, WOW who knew, when I get divorced, and I have, I just want the heck out, like the song goes take it all it means nothing... Peace :)


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hello Katie: I am sure getting plenty of reads from you today, moi friend! That's a bit of a record! Thank you so much! Yup, the divorce vouchers sure come in handy! Hehehehe! I deliberately put the humor spin on this. I think it needed it! Cheers! Have a great day! Thanks for checking the hubs! : )


nikipa profile image

nikipa 6 years ago from Eastern Europe

Really cool hub! :)


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hello nikipa: thanks for the nice comment. I will check your great hubs! : )


dracaslair 6 years ago

i dont think i want to give my ex a gift.lol


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hello dracaslair: oh it is all in good fun, so please - no worries! It's probably a wise choice! Heh! Thanks for the comment! Take care!


Alya rose profile image

Alya rose 6 years ago from From beyond the reeds

Ha HA!Cheeky your a crack up

"Or a closer than normal view from the top of Niagara Falls. Or a rendezvous with a Russian HITMAN. Or a visit to the tippy top-most highest floor of the Empire State Building, where the view is amazing and the drop is a long way down."

I couldn't stop laughing^_^I'm sure many people benefited from this lol.^_^I'm dead serious.


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hello Alya! Just sent ya a quick email a sec ago! Yes, I had tongue firmly in cheek writing this! I do that some times! I am a cheeky lil' thing, is me! Heh! And divorce is seldom a funny thing to laugh about, so some light comedy was in order! Glad you like! Will check your hubs later! Take care! : )


Juliette Morgan profile image

Juliette Morgan 6 years ago

A sad sign of the times...but great writing thanks.


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hello Juliette: yes, pretty weird to find gift vouchers for getting a divorce. Next it will be vouchers for abortions, triple by-passes and condom laundry, or some ridiculous crap that celebrates mediocrity. Personally, I am banking on getting a voucher for flying on the Virgin Galactic Interstellar Space ship, as I can't afford to travel into space. A gift voucher ought to cover that nicely. (Yes, kidding here!)


ryanallan profile image

ryanallan 6 years ago

This is really quite hilarious, I had no idea that Divorce Gift Vouchers even existed! I must say, should me and my significant other ever decide to split ways...wait! shouldn't be saying that I suppose :)

Great hub.


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hello ryanallan: be careful what you wish for, my friend! Heh! Okay, lets not assume the worst just yet. Phew! Yes, I wanted to have a poke and a laugh at Divorce Gift Vouchers. It beats scratching my head and smiling! Cheers!


Jenny Calender profile image

Jenny Calender 6 years ago

Hadn't heard of these. THanks for the heads up.


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hy Jenny, nice to get your comments. Yes, these guys do exist. Hope you enjoyed the hub.


It's just me profile image

It's just me 6 years ago from Alaska

I know what to get my daughters as a just incase LOL


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hy It's just me: you have a funny name, ya know that? Wow, ever the optimist! LOL! Yes, those vouchers really are the thing, apparently. Heh!


tracykarl99 profile image

tracykarl99 6 years ago from San Francisco

A very funny truth ~ Seriously though, people should stay together, I think, because the problems and issues never go away, even with a divorce. Issues need to be worked through. I know, easier said than done, right? Thanks for a great hub=)


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hello tracykarl99: thanks for the comment, yes it's a funny truth, divorce vouchers, what next? One can only guess? It would be great if people tried to work out their issues instead, but that's an area I wish I knew more about, as I am not married, least not yet, but planning to. Those issues don't go away, but we have to be all positive. Thanks for the thoughts there, nice to get good opinions. Cheers! :)


stars439 profile image

stars439 5 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

Love this hub. awesome. God Bless You.


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 5 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

hello stars439, glad you liked my funny hub on divorce gift vouchers. They are a hoot! Cheers!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

HEY, CHEEKY, RAVE ON, MY NEW FRIEND! Loved this hub...every syllable! What a profound and cold, honest story you wrote about an everyday occurance. I can really get into your writing. Thanks for sharing YOUR deep talent with us.


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 5 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hey Kenneth, wow - cheers for the nice comments here! I should point out I wrote it from a non-married woman's point of view! LOL! I just saw some humor in this and the whole voucher idea is so funny, it deserved an article on it! I can't think of anything that cheapens marriage and togetherness more than vouchers for putting towards a divorce. Soon it will be coupons for having kids or something! Cheers, Kenneth! :)


nenytridiana profile image

nenytridiana 5 years ago from Probolinggo - Jawa Timur - Indonesia

Very interesting hub, but I hope I won't experience that, I love my family more than anything. It is interesting to know that anyway. Thank you Cheeky Girl!


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 5 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hey nenytridiana, lets hope that you won't ever have to experience having to buy these vouchers. You are right, family is everything. And cheapening love to the point where someone gets "Divorce Gift Vouchers" to put towards their divorce - it just says "Desperate" all over! LOL! I'm glad you enjoyed my hub! Cheers! :)


blaise25 profile image

blaise25 4 years ago from close to you...

Divorce voucher a fun necessity. LOL In my country there's no divorce.


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 4 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

I wrote this as a kind of part-comedic reaction to Divorce Vouchers, Fehl! They are just so odd! Imagine someone getting vouchers at Christmas for putting towards their divorce! How very festive is that? LOL! Yes, the Philippines has no divorce there. I'm impressed! :)


KDee411 profile image

KDee411 4 years ago from Bay Area, California

So funny, but a $1000 voucher wouldn't go far.

Kay


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 4 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Hy KDee411! I won't argue with that! Lawyers and divorces are so expensive nowadays, the Divorce Vouchers would have to be worth a lot more to be of any use! Vouchers on Pre Nups...wonder how much they go for?


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 3 years ago from UK and Nerujenia Author

Yes, we updated it! Or rather I updated it.

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