The Young Widow - Hindsight Knowledge - Life Insurance

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Is my experience enough to inspire you to look into it?

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So, a little while ago I asked a question here. I asked why it was easier to spend $35 on cable than on life insurance and I got a few responses. This was obviously a loaded question for me. I was in the midst of doing something about all the hindsight knowledge I was, and still am, receiving.

Hindsight knowledge has this way of coming down on you HARD. It sometimes makes you feel like a complete idiot. You can't help but ask yourself why it had to come to this for you to realize what you should have known all along. Hindsight is not for the faint of heart. I tend to dive into things in order to learn and understand them before making decisions. I am also the type of person that compels others to please learn from my hindsight. My mother used to call it 'Joan of Ark Syndrome'. It is my insatiable need to help others by not letting them go down the paths that have proven to lead to pain, hurt, or other negative outcomes. Of coarse, some of you will walk down the path anyway, but at least you know what to expect.

I am but a young girl. I am supposed to be enjoying my third year of my thirties along side my handsome young Prince. We were love personified and had our whole lives in front of us. I had no idea that his whole life could be counted on one of my hands. We did what most of the young married couples out there did. We planned our debt, not for our deaths. I have a daughter. What was I thinking?! How irresponsible can I be. I knew better than to have left this undone. Anyway, we planned our trips. We planned for our home. We were even working on our 3rd year of our 5 year plan to live on our own without the aid of corporate america. Then I was let go of work and 5 months later My Prince was no more and nothing matters anymore. We were level headed and had long term goals. We were doing everything right in due time. We had separate accounts and had planned to make them POD to each other or directly to our daughter. He had a life insurance policy from work, he just had to change the beneficiary. We celebrated our 3 wedding anniversary less than one month before he died. We had plenty of time. Getting all of this done was part of our 5 year plan after all.

Being left behind and having to pay for everything while out dated beneficiaries receive his assets does not make me angry. I didn't marry my husband for money. We didn't have anything anyway. I knew he wanted to take care of me and what his plans were. I know being here without him was not what we expected. What upset me is that it could have just as easily been us both. What was to become of my daughter? What good is a mortgaged home to a 9 year old? My own blissful irresponsibility has made me upset. So I picked up all of this anger, called a dear friend of mine, and asked the questions that needed to be asked. I am still in the process, but I am preparing my daughters future in the event that I am not here to enjoy it all with her. It is scary, but it is the right thing to do. It is leaving me at peace and completely satisfied.

So, thinking about this is not fun, especially if you have not lost anyone yet. Those who grieve are able to see clearly how delicate and unpredictable life is. Do you feel fine? So did My Prince. There is no earthly reason that he should be gone right now. Death tends to not make any sense. If you are married or have children or both...YOU NEED LIFE INSURANCE! There is no alternative. I pay $40 a month for my cell phone every month. Cable starts at $30 a month. That you would invest in talking nonsense and starring at a television to satisfy your need for now and not take care of your own is crazy. Especially since the right life insurance policy can get your family hundreds of thousands of dollars for that amount. Am I saying to go without the things you like, absolutely not but please prioritize. Did you know that the average, modest funeral and burial can easily cost $30,000 today? And we are talking bare essentials, nothing but the basics. Who is going to pay for that for you? Do you have it in your savings account? Life insurance can pay for it! How about the mortgage? This is what life insurance is for.

I am analytical and I like to put things in perspective. One of the policies that was offered would have cost me $420 per year ($35 per month). That is not much. Game consoles and IPads at Christmas cost more than that. In order to save the amount of money a beneficiary would receive for that policy, I would have had to live for more than 1,200 years. Okay, so I feel like I will be here for a long time, but c'mon. It doesn't take a genius investor to see that this is not a bad deal, right? I am not in the position to leave my daughter with huge amounts at all. I don't work right now. She will have a secure home & she will not have to worry about my death expenses. We talk about wanting the best for our children and giving them good lives but when did that translate into the accumulation of useless stuff and the satisfaction of instant gratification? I mean really, what do I have right now, a bunch of furniture and debt. Please think back. Would you want your mother's seventies furniture? How about the collection of videos and records (now DVD's and CD's)?

Because of my situation, I decided to let go of cable in order to do this. Your situation is different. You didn't have to go thru the pain that I did to learn this and I pray that you never have to in order to gain some perspective. My decision gave me a wonderful gift as well. I have no health insurance. I always hated paying it and hardly ever used it but grief gives you a lot of 'symptoms' and can make you nervous. When choosing a good life insurance company, they actually do a complete blood work up. I hate needles, but I didn't have to pay for it and I am as fit as a fiddle! They even came to the house to do it!

Derek Desalvia took amazing care of me. He customizes to fit any budget and the plans can be added to when things are better (financially). He works for a national company, so it doesn't matter where you are, get your questions answered!

Many Blessings!


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Comments 42 comments

Deni Edwards profile image

Deni Edwards 4 years ago from california

I completely agree. Life insurance is so extremely important, and something that my husband and I made sure we had at the tender age of 23...always thinking ahead.

Unfortunately, the policy was cancelled a few years ago when the economy took a nose dive. When you have to make a choice between buying food and paying life insurance premiums, the choice is, obviously, food. But, life insurance is something that I plan on re-instating as soon as possible because I understand the importance of it. It really is a necessity, and I think you summed it up perfectly.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Wow, you started really young. I am happy to hear that and hope that everything evens out for you as soon as possible.

Unfortunately, this is not a hub that I expect to get a lot of comments on. I appreciate that you stopped in and read it and commented.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Cable's not so bad to cut away. You can always get your favorite shows on DVD when they come out. I would probably choose to cut away cable just not internet since internet might actually be sometimes a necessity.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

The examples were just used for perspective. They were to show what we prioritize. I find, a lot of times, that our perspectives are skewed. Its the reason that we will buy a $7 smoothie at a shop or restaurant but we won't by the cherries at the supermarket because they are $4 a pound and that is way too much. We don't buy $15 cuts of meat for home but will spend $50 for dinner out. I find our ways to be amusing.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I took an independent living class each of my last two years of high school. I learned a lot about this prioritizing.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

"I am supposed to be enjoying my third year of my thirties"

Does this mean that you're only 35 right now? I'm only 20 about to turn 21.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hahaha, I am 34. I figured you were in your early 20's from your talk of college goals.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

You've been through a lot in such a short time.


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 3 years ago from Arizona

Good advice mom's secret, life insurance is important, I'm sorry you have gone through so much


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Its how I know that I would never want to be immortal. It feels like I have been here forever already.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

It is nice to meet you April. Thank you for stopping in to read me. No need for sorry. We each end up with our stories. It seems that there is more to go.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

To be immortal, you mustn't love. You mustn't hate either for if you hate, you might want to die in order to release yourself. You mustn't show emotion which is humanly impossible.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I don't believe that you mustn't love but the human notion of possessing and attaching to that which we love can't exist for an immortal. Hate is so temporary. I am sure it would come and go but I assume envying the mortals would be normal. I would have to say that emotions are okay but not the dramatics of mortality.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

You can love if you are an immortal and show emotion but it will quickly lead to curses.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCI99p02ayU

I'd rather die young than live forever.

Ecclesiastes 6:3, 7:1-3 - If a man begets a hundred children, and lives many years, so that the days of his years are many, but he does not enjoy life’s good things, and also has no burial, I say that an untimely birth is better off than he. A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death, than the day of birth. It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting; for this is the end of all men, and the living will lay it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of countenance the heart is made glad. (RSV Catholic Edition)

Whoever wrote that has to be the wisest person who ever lived.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I feel like I have already been here forever. I can't say I would rather die young or grow old. While I don't fear death at all, I do fear the void I would leave in others, especially my daughter so I always say that I would prefer to go when she is old enough to understand and cope.

Wise men word play their opinions well but still an opinion.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

In death, all one's worries about voids go away. I would say death is better. But being a stillborn is even better. And being a pessimist is being a realist.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I have seen a lot of darkness and still believe the experience of life was not only something that I would have chosen but worth it. Skipping it seems easier but there is a lot to miss down here.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I guess the darkness has to be there. How would we be able to taste the good?


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hahaha, exactly, that is the reason that... well, its the reason for many things.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

How did he die?


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

In his sleep... Heart disease.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

That must have been a traumatic experience to fall asleep next to a perfectly healthy man and then wake up next to a corpse.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Yes, it was but I wasn't fortunate enough to have had it be that simple. There was a lot more to it. Such is life I suppose.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I have no doubt that it will happen to me one day. I just prefer the older as opposed to the younger and the ones my age.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

At first I was going to ask which one... loss or death but both are not able to be avoided. Do you fear it?


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Neither loss nor death do I fear. It's letting go that's the hardest part.

I had a professor last semester who died early on in the year (Jan. 27, 2013 it was). Her widower took over the class from that point on.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I understand why people do not let go. When called to let go life speeds right by without the life that was lost... as if it were not needed. Still letting go, to a certain extent, is vital.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I don't think it's healthy to let go. It's healthy to let life move on but you have to hold to the memories.

If it were entirely up to me, I would never let you forget Robert. Especially the good times you had. You might need them later.

I have had two pet lizards and while their loss was not as heavy as yours, I still remember them. Neither Little Guy nor Carter liked hard surfaces too much. Little Guy was always a climber. Carter had a worm heart (for a cold-blooded animal).

Their experience helped me to more easily embrace the coming death of a school pet. Losses minuscule but still there.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I don't try to forget. I have a few memories that come to me when they like. Memory in general is not my strong suit. It fades without my consent. It, like everything else, has its pros and cons. I remember the connection but the memories become flashes of black and white photos that only appear when they want to. :)


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Yes, memories do come when they want to.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

The fortunate can have memories come when they are called and the unfortunate can be tormented by memories that will not leave. Being lost in the middle is not so bad.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

What have you thought with re-marriage?


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I wasn't pro marriage when I did it... so, I don't think it is necessary but like before, I would do it if the person was worth staying connected to. Honestly, I think I am at the time in my life where I would not entertain the idea again. Still, by now you know me a little better and I never say never and do not believe in forever.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I would think a marriage requires friendship.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

The ones that have a chance to succeed and not feel like work require friendship but most people marry for false love, money, and looks.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Might I ask, did you realize he was dead when you woke up that morning?


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Yes, I knew but I compartmentalize very well and did not let it hit me until I got my daughter out of the house. I allowed myself to think that he was just asleep and deliberately doubt what I already knew. I suppose strength at times can seem cold.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I felt the same when both of my lizards passed. Of course it's not the same.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry. I'm just so frustrated.

WHY DID GOD KILL HIM?!? WHAT IF IT HAPPENED TO KENNEDY?!? WOULD HE STILL BE "GREAT"?!? WHERE IS FAITH?!? WHY MUST WE FAKE EVERYTHING?!? WHY AM I SUICIDAL?!? WHY WON'T JESUS EVER LISTEN?!? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BROKEN?!? AND WHY I AM I NOT ONE?!? WHY WON'T YOU RESPOND?!?

I HATE EVERYTHING! I HATE LIFE! IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!!


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

You are taking my pain into you heart too deeply. While I am flattered, I worry. An entity who is responsible for making the wonderous parts of the world that have yet to be touched by man can't be seen as horrible to me. If I were to get very technical, I would blame humanity for his death since his disease stems from the combination of deteriorated nutritional practices we now call normal, the introduction of various unhealthy chemicals from products and medicine, and other draw backs to our 'advanced' way of living. Kennedy has her time in this world and I hope more than anything that it is a long one and that I am gone first but not until she is old enough to understand. That being said... there is a price of self awareness... I know that I may not come back from that loss. I have never been able to be fake but I guess my way of thinking is difficult to understand. You are not the first to address it. I am sorry I was away from you... I just got caught up in the holiday rush. I was not avoiding you. I suppose you are suicidal because the world down here is harsh, unfair, and at times cruel... too harsh for some spirits. Some never feel like they belong here and grow calloused.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

My pain is off and on. Some days it is stronger but it is always there. I never understand why. I've never known pain as you have. I just ingest other's pains it seems. If I could suffer instead, I feel better. There was a woman at our parish who died recently. I cannot imagine the pain of her parents and must always ask God, "Why the hell?" That was another loss I was feeling. I look at our parish bulletin and see a cross by her name and it makes me feel empty and sad.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Sounds like you may be an empath... difficult path to travel but what a blessing to be one of the few that this place cannot make numb. I do not know of any purpose or calling that is not in and of itself a double edged sword.

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