Fun Facts about Free Credit Scores

Let's talk about credit scores.

OK, this should be fun.

The first thing you need to learn is the logarithmic correlation arising from the application of Newtonian Calculus to amortization patterns in third-party reverse mortgages within one standard deviation of the norm.

Of course... but maybe you should start slowly in case someone else doesn't know about that.

No worries. What would you like to know?

What is a credit score?

A credit score represents how willing lenders might be to loan you their money.

What's a lender?

Eh?

Just kidding. Tell me more about credit scores.

Your credit score is a numeric value that changes frequently. Huge supercomputers churn complex algorithms 24 hours a day to compute your credit score.

What do I get if I win?

Unlike American Idol, it's not a competition. Your credit score simply tells potential lenders how likely you might be to repay your debts.

How can a computer determine that?

Massive ultracomputers apply cutting-edge n-dimensional calculation strategies which result in a simple integer value that accurately models the chances of you being a deadbeat.

Wow.

You aint' kidding, wow. It's all very high tech and secret. The formulas are stored in a lead-lined briefcase carried by a member of the US military trained in discrete mathematics and karate. This briefcase never gets more than 3 feet away from the President of the United States.

I thought those were the nuclear launch codes.

They used to the the nuclear launch codes. This information is obviously more important.

How can I know my credit score?

Your free credit score is available from any of the 42 gabillion web sites that provide free credit scores. They are known as "free credit score providing companies." These companies reach deep into the depths of the massive supercomputers, extract your up-to-date credit scores, and deliver them to you on your computer screen. It's all very scientific.

How many companies are actually keeping track of my credit scores?

Three.

THREE??

Yes, three. That doesn't count the creepy family across the street who wants to know everything about you. They probably charge less anyway.

So, zillions of companies strive to provide me with a free credit score, which they get from one of three companies that actually compute the scores?

Now you're catching on. Have a cookie.

Why can't I just contact these three companies directly instead of asking some intermediate web site for my free credit score?

Of course you can, but it will be all confusing. It will have words and numbers and stuff.

What information goes into my credit score?

Every time you purchase anything, repay anything, or bend down to pick up loose change, huge megacomputers immediately know about it. These devices store permanent records of your financial history in 'databases'. They know everything about you. They probably know that you're reading this.

Should I be nervous about this?

Nah. Free Credit Score companies are almost completely altruistic. They use the information only to advance the common good. Society needs your data.

OK. Thanks. I have to get back to my Newtonian Calculus now.

See ya.