Goodbye Cruel HubPages! I Won the Lottery!

For Immediate Release

Goodbye cruel HubPages! Adios to my antagonists, my protagonists and my never-knew-you-existed-ists.

I won the lottery!

It's been fun. Stay in touch. I'll miss you all. Well, most of you. Shortly, probably even before you finish reading this I will me a Yahoo Lottery Millionaire.

Here's the Good News!

You won £500.000.00! Yahoo! Msn! Mail congratulates you!
Wow! Thanks

THE YAHOO LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL. INC
Incorporated in the Cayman Islands, I suspect

YAHOO LOTTERY INTL INC
Barley House Harold Road
It really exists! I looked it up on Google Earth
Sutton, Greater London Sm1 4te
United Kingdom.


Dear Sir/Madam,
They know me all too well!
YAHOO LOTTERY WINNING NOTIFICATION

We happily announce to you the draw of the Yahoo Lottery Intl Inc programs held on the October 14th 2009 in London. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: 56474600545 188 with Serial number 5488/01 drew the lucky numbers: 31-6-2613356, which subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category. You are therefore, been approved to claim a total sum of SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS (£600,000) for the October 15th 2009 lottery win promotion which is organized by MSN & YAHOO LOTTERY INTL INC .Every month.
Yipee!

YAHOO, collects all the E MAIL I D of the people that subscribes to yahoomail, msn, hotmail, aol, altavista, and others online, among the billions that subscribe to us only five people will be merge for winnings we only select five people every Month as our winners through electronic balloting System without the winner applying, we are congratulating you for having been one of the lucky people that won for this month..
Yahoo collects email addresses? from Hotmail?

PAYMENT OF PRIZE AND CLAIM

you are to contact your Claims Agent on or before your date of Claim, Winners shall be paid in accordance with his/her Settlement Center.
I have a Claims Agent? Cool!

Yahoo Lottery Prize must be claimed no later than 10 days from date of Draw Notification after the Draw date in which Prize has won. Any prize not claimed within this period will be forfeited and retrieved
Uh Oh. I better hurry. They plan to retrieve my fortune.

These are your identification numbers....


Yahoo! Lottery Results:
Batch number.....................Lwh 09202 Lotto number.......................Lwh35547
Winning number...................Lwh09781
Those look like real numbers to me. No argument there.

These numbers are your winning identification numbers, that you will send to your claims agent,send identification and details of claim to.


Mr. Patrick . C. Gill
Email:clanimsresponseunit@clottery.tk
Email:lllwin001@gmail.com
Tel:+44-704-578-7321
Fax:+ 44870 479 3935
Mr. Gill, you will be hearing from me shortly. Please don't do anything fishy. :)

You are therefore advise to quote the following information to the Clams Agent to facilitate them to process the transfer of your fund without delay.


Serial number 5388/02
Draw lucky numbers: 31-6-2613357
Ticket number: 56475600545 188
Batch number.....................Lwh 09102 Lotto number.......................Lwh35447
Winning number...................Lwh09788
Wait a minute! Those number are different than the Yahoo! Lottery results listed above... Oh well, Mr. Partick . C. Gill will clear that up.


Your winning fall in our European Payment Center!
My winning fall? Can it get up?

This promotion takes place every Month .
Every month? I'm surprised it took me this long to win. Something tells me I will also win next month.

Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European booklet representative office in UK as indicated in your play coupon.
As a child, I loved to play coupons.

In view of this, your SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS (£600,000) would be released to you by any of our payment offices in EUROPE.
No problem. Even though I went to public school, I know where Europe is. I found it on Google Earth.

Our agent zoned for European paying bank will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him.
I will wait to hear from my European Zoned Bank Paying guy.

NOTE: YOU ARE STRONGLY ADVISED TO KEEP ALL YOUR WINNING CONFIDENTIAL TILL
CLAIM IS MADE TO AVOID WRONG CLAIMING.ANY BREACH OF CONFIDENTIAL
DISQUALIFIES YOU FROM GETTING YOUR PRIZE.
Uh Oh. Now I blew it. Please don't tell anybody about this.

Congratulations once more!! Yours Sincerely,
Thank you for being a Yahoo/Msn Member.
Thank you for fingering me!


Mrs.Darryn Clarke
Online coordinator Yahoo
International Lottery Program. .
A Mrs. named 'Darryn'?


ATTN: ONCE AGAIN WE THE ENTIRE STAFF OF THE YAHOO INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY WE
ARE CONGRATULATING YOU FOR YOUR WINNINGS, SO IN ORDER FOR US TO PROCESS
YOUR WINNINGS, YOU ARE TO FILL AND RETURN THE VERIFICATION AND CLEARANCE
FORM BELOW TO YOUR CLAIMS AGENT THROUGH THIS EMAIL OR FAX BELOW:
It's in capital letters, it must be sincere.


OSA CLAIMS PROCESSING LOTTERY AGENT
Contact Person: Mr. Patrick. C. Gill
Email:clanimsresponseunit@clottery.tk
Email:lllwin001@gmail.com
Tel:+ 44-704-578-7321
Fax:+ 44870 479 3935
.
CONGRATULATIONS ONCE AGAIN.
Thank you once again, Mr. Gill


VERIFICATION AND CLEARANCE FORM

1. FULL NAMES:__________________________________(BENEFICIARY NAME)

2. RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS:_____________________________________________

3. SEX:_______________

4. DATE AND PLACE OF BIRTH::_________________________________

5. MARITAL STATUS:________________________________________

6. OCCUPATION:________________________

7. E-MAIL ADDRESS:_____________________________

8. TELEPHONE NUMBER:_____________________

9. FAX NUMBER::_____________________

A. BATCH NUMBER:____________________SERIAL NO:__________________

B. TICKET NUMBER:____________________ WINNING NO:________________

10. BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF COMPANY/INDIVIDUAL___________

11. AMOUNT WON:___________________________________

12. COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE:________________________________

13. NEXT OF KIN NAME AND ADDRESS:________________________________

14:DATE NOTIFIED __________________________________

15:PASSPORT NO:________________________________________

I have to provide the Amount Won? Doesn't Mr Gill already know that?

PLEASE NOTE: You must have to attach a scanned copy of your international
passport, Driver's license. Is mandatory
I must have to attach my international passport. Where'd I put that international passport?

DECLARATION:
I do declare!
I...............................................................HEREBY
DECLARE THAT THE ABOVE DATA ARE TRUE. IN CASE OF ANY UNFORESEEN
CIRCUMSTANCE, MY NEXT OF KIN HAS THE RIGHT TO CLAIM MY TOTAL WINNINGS.
(OVERSEAS SUBSCRIBERS AGENT) SHALL ACT AS MY AGENT IN FACILITATING THE
TRANSFER OF THE TOTAL FUND TO ME.
DATE:
YOUR FULL NAMES:
Who wants to by my next of kin?

Upon receipt of the duly requested data, Our agent will proceed for proper
verification and furnish you with the contact information of the payment
Bank in the region where your winning numbers fall within so you can
proceed with effecting the release of your claim in anyway you deem fit.
I deem that this is fit.

The Yahoo.com staff
Yahoo.com http://www.yahoo.com

More by this Author


Comments 20 comments

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 6 years ago

Congratulations!!! Wow, what great good fortune. Just think a terrorist will now be able to enter the country under your passport and he can then drive around selecting his targets with your driver's license. You are so incredibly lucky...


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@breakfastpop: Whhaaaaa?? Terror-who???


jim10 profile image

jim10 6 years ago from ma

I always find it funny that you win the Yahoo Lottery but, the person you are to reply back to uses Gmail. They hate each other.


Aya Katz profile image

Aya Katz 6 years ago from The Ozarks

Nicomp, if I had a penny for every time I won a trillion dollar lottery, I'd be a rich woman!


jiberish profile image

jiberish 6 years ago from florida

Nicomp, be sure to submit said photo, so they can identify you! LOL your avatar picture will do.


SimeyC profile image

SimeyC 6 years ago from NJ, USA

Sorry I would be your next of kin, but I'm looking for my own next of kin for the four lotteries I won last month! Perhaps that nice Nigerian girl that wants me to adopt her, with here $20,000,000 would be willing to help me?


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

A pity you're leaving nicomp, please remember to send us your recipe for jugged horse before they come and take you away.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@The Old Firm: Not leaving just yet... I still have another Fractured Fairy Tale to unleash.


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

I thought that this was it!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@The Old Firm: No, this nugget includes dry sardonic wry sarcastic observational humor, no puns.


cally2 profile image

cally2 6 years ago from Paraparaumu, New Zealand

I won too! See you in Barbados


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

nicomp - You noticed!


Stephen Beck profile image

Stephen Beck 6 years ago

Your sense of humor slays me. Glad I checked in today! And p.s. why haven't I won the lottery yet?!!!


EYEAM4ANARCHY profile image

EYEAM4ANARCHY 6 years ago from Las Vegas, NV.

Fortunately, I won the Yahoo lottery the same day that the FBI and Office of Homeland Security informed me that they are investigating me. Hopefully my winnings will get here before they do, so I'll have enough cash to go on the lam with a woman who sent me an e-mail through HubPages saying she wanted to pursue a relationship with me.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@EYEAM4ANARCHY: OH MAN! I guess giving Mr. Gill my social security number might have been a bad thing.


cjv123 6 years ago

VERY entertaining! LOL


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon

If only it were so easy....we would all be rich beyond measure - there are so really frightening things out there though for people who maybe don't have 2 brain cells to spare!


Flightkeeper profile image

Flightkeeper 6 years ago from The East Coast

You are too funny!


J. McCoy profile image

J. McCoy 6 years ago from CA (originally)

ROFL!! I love those things!


Rebecca E. profile image

Rebecca E. 6 years ago from Canada

I love it, I love it, this is by far teh best hub I've read in a while.

Your humor is the best, this just made my day, it is put on stumble upon.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working