How to Evict an Adult Child From Your Home

Many parents these days are faced with having an adult child living with them who has lost his or her job, gotten into legal or financial trouble, or has become difficult to impossible to live with. Keep in mind, even though they are adults, children still should abide by the rules in your house. That could include anything from simply keeping his or her room clean or helping with chores to more difficult topics like not bringing illegal drugs into your house or not bringing people home for sleepovers (which would have been cute when they were 10, but is awkward now that they are adults).

Eviction May Be the Answer

If your relationship has broken down so much that straight honest talk goes nowhere or your adult child is doing things to endanger you or the rest of your family, it's time to take action. However, in real life, eviction is not as simple as Failure to Launch may make it sound.

For example, did you know that in most states, adult children living in their parents' homes are considered to have squatters' rights even though they are paying no rent? In an ideal world, you could simply ask them to leave or change the locks and put their clothing by the curb while they are away. However, the law protects renters—even those who don't pay their rent! There are even laws against you being able to put their things on the curb. You will have to go through the eviction process and evict your own child. It may seem harsh, but situations can get so extreme that you are left with little or no choice.

Starting the Process

A smart way to cover your bases is to give your expectations for living in your home to your child in writing. Outline exactly which behaviors you will not tolerate and have him or her sign. Get it notarized if possible. Specify the consequences, i.e., eviction, of violating the rules. This sets up a tenant/landlord relationship and gives then guidelines for behavior in black and white. Then, if they violate the "terms of the lease," it will come as no surprise when you begin the eviction process.

Get the Law on Your Side

Research the laws in your state concerning the eviction process. Every state has different guidelines. Call your local magistrate's office, since eviction is a civil matter. What they will ask you to do in most cases is sign an affidavit and fill out paperwork to start the process at your local courthouse. Some counties actually have the form on line, which will speed the process considerably. There is generally a filing fee of anywhere from $30 to $90. Trust me, if your adult child is causing legal or financial problems for you, this is money well spent!

After you file the eviction paperwork, your adult child will be served with an eviction notice. This is where things may get very uncomfortable at your home for a while. The entire process can take anywhere from 10 days to months depending on the state and even the county you live in. Many children become so incensed when they realize they are being evicted, they will leave of their own accord (a good thing). However, I have known of some hard cases who refused to budge. Stick to your guns, parents! The sanity you save may be your own!

Serve Them Notice

After children have been served their eviction notices, they generally have an opportunity for a hearing to plead their case. Yes, shocking, isn't it? But laws are set up to protect renters, even if the process seems bordering on ridiculous when you apply it to your own non-rent paying adult child. If your child has no valid defense, the eviction process will continue. In some cases, renters will be given the opportunity to remedy the situation, but if your child has been giving you grief for several years, 30 days is hardly enough to turn his or her life around!

Tough Love Sometimes Is the Only Course of Action

Paperwork still has to be filed with the sheriff's office, which often has to issue a motion to evict. The law may even give the renter anywhere from 30-90 days to vacate the property. Once the time has passed, if your child still refuses to move, you may legally move his or her things (very nicely packaged) to the curb for trash pick-up. Don't forget to change your locks!

Eviction is an extreme measure to use against your adult child, but there are cases where it is certainly warranted and the only remedy to an impossible situation. Talk first, try to come to an understanding, but if nothing comes from your talking until you're blue in the face, start the process. It's your home and you have the right to say who lives there and what goes on there!

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Comments 217 comments

fred allen profile image

fred allen 5 years ago from Myrtle Beach SC

How can this hub have gotten no comments?! Are there no other parents that face a defiant child? Have no other parents faced the prospect of a sane household or an evicted child? I for one am grateful for your research. I am thankful for your advice. This was the first suggestion in the search engine after entering evict family member on google. No idea how many found this hub and found it useful, but I thank God for this post.

God bless you!


H P Roychoudhury profile image

H P Roychoudhury 5 years ago from Guwahati, India

The hub has rightly pointed out the point of action for a discipline in the house for maintaining an environmental peace. But how can you get mental peace by evicting your own child. Any way this is a hard decision.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Thanks for the comments. I think there are more parents in this situation out there than we can ever hope to realize. When you have younger children in your household who are being exposed to things they should never have to be exposed to as a result of the adult child's behavior, it's not even a question of "should you do it", but "when?"


Justsilvie 5 years ago

Excellent Hub! Makes me count my lucky stars I have not ever had to face this problem, because I do agree tossing out your own child must be hard row to hoe.

They have a TV show here, about this subject and in all cases it seems like it was the best choice for parent and child, even when they leave kicking and screaming.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

Admittedly I have looked into this, and before now, have not seen any article to address this as you have, particularly with managing it as a legal eviction process.

This is a matter that can bring great trepidation, is complex, and heartwrenching. Helping someone out and enabling them are quite distinct, even when it's your grown child.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

It's not for the faint hearted, it's true, Ima, but sometimes it's better than the alternative.


Kathy 5 years ago

This information has been very useful. Sadly, I am in a situation where I will have to evict my 25 year old son. He refuses to work, has substance abuse issues, lies, sleeps all day, and has a general disregard for anybody else. I have tried everything, getting him counseling, treatment for depression, etc. He refuses to leave on his own, and has told me to call the cops if I want him out. (I did, and was told I have to evict him.) So, here I am....


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Kathy, my heart hurts for you. Been there, done that. What's really strange is that people who've never walked a mile in your shoes don't understand how you can get to the point where you'd evict your own child, but the constant drama is just so wearing. When is doing enough for your kids doing too much?


SweetSheree1000 5 years ago

Sadly I am in this situation with 2 adult children. My Daughter(has a 2 year old & a newborn)she isn't as much of a problem as my 19 year old son. He trashes my yard & tears up my stuff& in addition to that my Ex-husband of 8 years is always here also! I divorced him in 2005 for being hooked on methadone & other drugs & never supporting our household in any way! & Now my son seems to be acting in the same manner! He has no regard for anyones feelings, property or even the 2 year olds juice!! I just dont understand why he thinks he doesn't have to work or even pick up after his self.....I didn't raise him to be a Pig or a parasitic leech either I am at my wits end with this situation! Thanks for your research!!! I hope it helps me get rid of this problem & as far as having any qualms about it, I dont because this boy is enough to make normal people go stark raving mad!!!! So thanks again!!!


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

SweetSharee, I'm so sorry for you and your situation. Unless parents have lived through a desperate situation, they really can't understand why another parent would evict their own child. It's not "turning your back on your own child," it's giving them a heavy dose of reality, keeping yourself sane, and protecting others in your home. Sometimes parents have to take a stand and if it's showing an adult child the door, so be it.


tammy 5 years ago

Court on monday for evicting my 19yo daughter. I have to follow the law here in Va. I wish there was a support group for this type of tough love!


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Be strong, Tammy. And remember, you may be saving your own sanity! You are in my prayers.


heart broken! 5 years ago

I am doing the same thing tomorrow son daughter in law and baby!I wish that there was another way but my house needs to be respected!


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

I have a feeling there are alot more people out there in this situation than we realize. Good luck, Heartbroken.


Perfectparent 5 years ago

We've been caring and good parents, and now our daugther wishes to evict us. Dad is 81 and Mom 74 and handicap Bro 38. How do you like that ? Is there a law that can protect us?


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Wow, that's a new one on me! That would definitely be worth investigating.


enigman 4 years ago

Our adult children are 26 and 28 and my husband wants to evict them. They work, although not enough hours to move out on their own. They've never given us a day's problems and they don't trash the place; Hubby saw a Dr. Phil episode where the parents had a 30+ year old child living at home and he didn't want that to be him. Hubby moved out of his family home when he was 18, and again when he had to move back in (his roommate stole his rent money). We've been married 37 years and this issue is definitely putting a big wedge between us. He has no problems calling the sheriff to force our children out, despite my pleading with him to wait until they have more money to move out....never mind the economy. He has set a January 16th, 2012 deadline. It's as though our children are cats that he can abandon in a field, which he has done. I've been a stay-at-home Mom with no income of my own since 1997...and have stressed myself into shingles over this. :(

He planned to move from our (rented) home last July (2011) where we've lived since 1979 to force the kids out, looking for a one bedroom place somewhere so they couldn't move back in with us. (We live in a 3 bed 2 bath home.) My secret fear is that he will have the freedom to be emotionally abusive, with no witnesses. :'(

Ideally, I would buy this home (the owner is going into foreclosure) in a short sale with my children. If Hubby wanted to move out then (which he threatens to do), it would be devastating, but not as devastating as it could be.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Not a marriage counselor, but perhaps the wrong person is being asked to leave?? You need to get some legal advice...ASAP.


worthita 4 years ago

There are other parents in this situation. You can google Parents of Adult Drug Addicts and you will come up with a couple of internet lists. Parents face this every day in this country. There is support. There is also Families Anonymous, Al-Anon, and Nar Anon. There is hope and there is support. There is also judgement from those who have no clue how devastating having an addict in the family is and that rehab is not a magic wand.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Worthita,

Thank you for your very helpful comment. So many people are so quick to judge when they've never been exposed to the kind of nightmare families with addicted and other troubled adult children can inflict on the rest of the family members. I hope some of those who've read this article will revisit it for the information you have provided. Judging by the 100's of people who have read this article, it's a very common, and heart wrenching problem.


sugarhilll0 4 years ago

I just have a question. My daughter is very hard to live with at this point. I've given her chance after chance. I want to know, can I take her keys away to the house. Meaning she would only be able to get in if I'm at home. I want to do this until the eviction I serve her is final. Someone said that I do have that right to relinquish my keys.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Sugarhill, I'm not an attorney, but your local sheriff's office can advise you on this if you call them. The question is will she turn them over willingly?


Kimber Lee 4 years ago

The above scenario is quite disgusting and unlawful. We don't put any human out on the streets when they are down, especially a human you made regardless of the age. Fortunately, Civil Rights laws trump "It's my house so it's my rules or get out." If you are paying, an adult child is a renter by law and has tenant rights to behave as he pleases without interference. If not they aren't paying, just as a homeowner who has lost their source of income is protected from street sleeping by laws, so is an adult child under the same distress. This blog is for dogs, noit humans.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Kimberly, evidently you are not a parent who has ever been subjected to a disrespectful adult child who not only endangers themselves, but endangers the rest of the family. Contact me again after this has happened to you and you may change your perspective. Thanks for commenting, though.


Sad Parent 4 years ago

It is both gratifying and sad to see so many parents in my situation. The ripple effect on the rest of the family is the most serious issue. My son drops out of college after college yet refuses to work, and when asked to do simple chores, rebels. It is affecting the rest of the family, my marriage, and my daughter. I will now turn to eviction, only as the least unpleasant of many bad alternatives. Courage and hope to you all.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

SadParent,

You are so right! I wish this was an isolated situation, but judging from the numbers of people reading this article and commenting, you are definitely not alone. The worst part is when it impacts the younger children in the household. It doesn't matter if they can't see what they are doing to you, but they can they not and stop and see what effect it's having on little brothers and sisters? Good luck to you and some virtual handholding to us all!


Frustrated to no end 4 years ago

I have an 19 year old daughter whom is not mine and raised her from when she was 7 or 8 years old. She has become so disrespectful to her mother and myself and refuses to take care of her responsibilities...I've typed up a tenant land lord contract as I am tired of her boyfriend (whom I like and is a great man) doesn't leave the house until 12 am every night and I'm tired of it. There are many other things such as she has a dog that I've paid for everything to have done to get it shots and stuff. Recently her dog bit my cat and broke its leg. I wanted to put the dog down as it is now a dangerous animal to be around my cats. I just don't know what to do. I want my step daughter out of the house permanently.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Frustrated,

Please check the law in your state to see how to proceed with this problem. You're on the right track with outlining her responsibilities in writing, however, but your local sheriff's office should be able to advise you from there. Good luck!


TBPLANTATION 4 years ago

It's tougher than you think! Especially when your wife doesn't want the child to leave. There's divorce threats, threats to destroy the property, and he pointed a 22 caliber pistol at me. It's getting dangerous!


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

You need to think hard about your situation, TB. Weigh your options. If this adult child is physically threatening you, do you really want them in your house? If your spouse is resistant, family counseling sounds like a plan. This is never an easy road, but sometimes the hardest road is the best one.


Jack Cortez 4 years ago

This is a truly disgusting page of advice. If you are too incompetent to manage your relationship with your own child, then how is evicting them going to help anyone except yourself? Truly truly selfish. If you are that selfish, don't have kids. I hope you all are extremely ashamed of your actions.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

So sorry you feel that way, Mr. Cortez, but you are in my opinion extremely out of touch with the reality of a drug abusing, physically abusing adult child wreaking havoc on an otherwise peaceful and happy home. We are not talking about reasonable adults here that you can have down to earth discussions with, we are talking about unreasonable, irresponsible self-centered people who don't care who they hurt as long as they have their needs satisified. Get a grip, sir, and get with the real world! When parents have to follow the extreme course of action of eviction, it's a last resort to protect themselves and younger children in the home, not for their own "selfish" needs as you put it.


salsagirl1953 4 years ago

It is selfish to enable your child by NOT evicting them when they have been given so many chances like I have given my 2 adult children. The reason parents put off extreme action such as eviction is because they want to avoid the pain they feel when they take such drastic measures. I have a 24 daughter hooked on meth and a 31 year old son with drug addiction and alcohol problems. Both of my children are adopted and their birth parents were addicts but they were removed at birth. My late husband and I did everything "right" by them. We never smoked, used drugs, had a stable marriage, took them to church, taught them values, gave them so much love and attention. But the wheels fell off when their adopted father died suddenly and despite my efforts to get them to counseling, they refused the help and turned to drugs to blunt the pain. And the same thing has happened to other good parents as well. I cannot do anything more for them and they both feel entitled to suck the life out of me and my limited finances. My current husband and I are going through our 3rd refinance to try to hang onto our home, something we would not have to do if my children would help out by paying even modest rent. I have kicked them out before without an eviction but they keep coming back and I would take them back in. And whose fault is that? MINE. But I'm tired of being an enabler and started to get counseling for myself and have started to attend NarAnon meetings with other parents who face the same issues. My children need to hit bottom before they will ever have a chance to change. And if I continue to avoid the truth about myself and NOT stop the enabling, what then? What future will they face when I'm gone? Will they even be alive? As much as most parents find it hard to do, we have to let go, what choice do we really have? Should I allow myself to be destroyed along with them? What good is that?


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

SalsaGirl, your story and questions are heartwrenching and unfortunately being played out over in over in homes across the country, if not the world. You're right, parents hang on instead of making that horrible decision because they feel somehow to blame for their children turning out the way they did. But as you pointed out, you can do all the right things and still it doesn't matter if your children are continually exposed to negative influences at school, in the neighborhood, and through the media. It does sound like you are taking some positive steps toward coming to grips with your situation. So many parents drive themselves and the rest of their families to the brink of insanity by continuing to enable adult children to run all over them, bring negativity into the home, and endanger younger siblings. You're right, what's selfish is to continue to allow those behaviors just to help ease the guilt you would feel by showing them the door. However, continuing to enable will just encourage the behaviors. There comes a time when parents must make a choice and actively force their adult children to make a choice, to straighten out their lives or wallow in the ugliness they have chosen.


familyman 4 years ago

Good information...

Every situation is different.

My sister is in her 40's, and has been living with our mother for the past 10+ years. Sister is verbally abusive, drug addicted (Marijuana mostly). She actually works, and recently went from a part-time to a full time job... Mom asked her to move out now that she has a better job, but sister says she doesn't have enough money... Ironically, a few days later, she went an bought a $30K car!...

But it gets worse... Both my sister's children also live their (both in high school), and while they seemed to hate their mother a few years ago (because she was no spending on her children), they have now sided with their mother, because she tolerates their attitudes ( and drug abuse) much better than grandma...

These kids will literally call grandma names to he face (F###in Bi###, etc)... The grandson has even threatened grandma a few times (someday you'll wake up with the biggest headache, etc)...

Yes, grandma was an enabler, because afterall, it was her daughter and her grandchildren. But finally, she is begining to see that these "relatives" are only using her for her money (no rent, food, does the laundry, pays the bills)...

Thats why I am here, because grandma asked me to help get them evicted...

My mother has finally


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

FamilyMan,

Although your comment got cut off, I got the gist of what you were saying. It makes my heart sad that these situations are not the rarity anymore. So many families are broken now, if you keep one healthy and intact, it seems often a miracle. You hope one day a light will go on in the adult children's heads, but unfortunately, that's not always the case and they end up perpetuating the problem with their own children, as in your case. I wish you and "Grandma" luck in your situation. Please let me know how it turns out.


Verbally Abused By My Adult Child 4 years ago

My adult Child lived in my home an verbally abused me constantly. Was it all bad, no! However, when it became abusive it was very sever. Finally my adult child moved out but very close to where I live and sometimes still verbally abuses me. It is hard to believe that I gave life to my abuser. Love doesn't matter when abuse is involved. I can offer all the love I have to give yet the abuse keeps pouring in.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

VA, I'm glad to see a step in the right direction when your child left. However,letting yourself get abused verbally is still not healthy. Let your child know you will not stand for it. If you are in a conversation and it quickly goes south, say good-bye. Eventually he or she is going to clue in that if they want to have a relationship with you, they are going to have to be respectful. Don't feel guilty, you deserve respect.


very hurt 4 years ago

My 30+ grandson is living in my and my Mom's (96 yrs old) house. Mom is in a nursing home and can't take care of herself so won't be going back to her house. My Grandson stopped paying the amount of the mortgage in Jan 2012. His wife and 2 children live in the house. He feels entitled to live there as long as he wants for nothing! My name is on the loan with my Mom. I am sick about this and have to evict him. This is not the way I wanted this situation to end up. I really can't afford to pay 2 mortgages. Needless to say I am angry!


in law 4 years ago

We have this problem in our family. Mother in law has always given her eldest son everything he ever demanded. He is now 61, has never paid into social security, she is in assisted living and she expects us to carry on the tradition of keeping her son up. He has bad-mouthed us all over town, accused us of stealing, etc. It is really painful.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Funny how we sometimes unknowingly create monsters of our own children by constantly enabling, then when it's time for us to be taken care of, they are either busy taking what's left or nowhere to be found.


Mike 4 years ago

I'm a renter in a current situation I'm totally disabled Educabally Mentally Impaired along with a speech impairement residing in Michigan, I got an eviction 3days after my 33rd birthday,I lived with my Mother my whole life with her knowing what my disability is and she hidden my documents on me. On the 21'st I was assulted by another tennant in my Mother's home with her boyfriend being on file with another police department in 2007. My Mother's boyfriend is a repetitious alocoholic and a marijuana user I have no money, nothing from social security I have nothing, what do I do?


SadSister 4 years ago

Does anyone have any success stories to share after evicting their child/children?

I am 25 years old and living at home with my parents, who are wonderful. I feel so thankful that they let me be here and work full-time and am applying to grad school to hopefully move out soon. However, my 19 year old brother just quit after his first semester of college and moved home. My parents have helped him in countless ways: counseling, depression medication, Chantix to quit smoking cigarettes, etc. They are encouraging and loving. But my brother slinks around, coming and going as he pleases, smoking pot outside our house, leaving for days at a time not letting anyone know where he is. He has been abusing substances (alcohol and marijuana) and constantly lies about everything. He says that he shouldn't have to tell me parents where he is or when he'll be home because he is a grown-up and would be in college normally. But he doesn't have a job, he ISN'T in college, and he doesn't take care of his things, show respect for anyone else, or help with anything around the house--and he sleeps all day! It is so stressful to live under the same roof of someone who is under the influence, emotionally unstable, and a compulsive liar. I am a notorious worrier, but even so, I often do not feel safe.

I want my parents to show some tough love because I don't know how else it can get better, but I think they would be more receptive to the idea of eviction if they heard how it helped others in my brother's situation in the long run.

Thank you, DIYweddingplanner, and most of the others who commented on this blog. It is therapeutic to read that we are not alone, but my heart hurts for you as well.


MostOfYouAreSelfish 4 years ago

Just to point out to all of you who seem to out right agree and "relate" to one anothers experiences, every situation is different. Don't forget that your generation has basiclly ruined the opportuinties of your kids with your decisions financially and politically, so take some responsibility and SEE your own family through till they can get on the right track. What kind of person throws their family to the curb with nothing. This isn't the 60s or 70s the idea of tough love on a depression patient could be life threatening. The post is informative on evictions for family members, however I feel that most of you will use this as a crutch to justify your own desires of ridding yourself of the responsibility of takeing care of someone you are supposed to love and cherish. It's utterly pathetic reading these other parents posting about their "troubled" adult child. Suck it up and problem solve he/she is just as scared as you are about their lives. Just ask them the simple question "do you enjoy your life and where you are at". The question is rhetorical and an obvious "NO", they don't know how to get out of their situation so they hide. I don't mind that some of you will ridicule this post but if it reaches one parent/s then atleast I didn't waste my time reaching out to an over prideful stubborn generation.


NonProfitHelp 4 years ago

Dear Mike,

I am so sorry for your tough time. I do not have the qualifications to offer specific advice, but I can advocate on behalf of seeking the services of trained professionals who could help you for free.

Is there a United Way in your area? They may be able to direct you to services. I know in my area there is an agency that offers pro bono legal counseling with real lawyers who take on civil cases and who could help you learn and understand your rights and advocate for yourself. If there is not a United Way designated to your area, contact a nearby United Way, which should still be able to give you information about services nearby.

You could also try dialing 2-1-1, a non-emergency helpline that can refer you to services in your area based on the needs you share with them. I know this exists in Texas, Virginia, and Connecticut--to name a few states--and I hope it is found in yours as well.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

To all who have posted, I feel like this article had taken on a life of its own in so many ways. The one thing that it has vividly pointed out to me is that there are so many people struggling wit this same problem. The feeling of helplessness is overwhelming at times. I would like to address a few people who posted, however. Mike, have you applied for disability? I know a friend whose son did because he had multiple issues and he was able to use his disability check to live in a group home with others with similar issues. Thank you, Nonprofithelp for posting and trying to assist Mike. Please understand that when

I wrote this article it wasn't Judy to give parents an easy out. Trust me, there is nothing easy about evicting your own child. Mostof youareselfish, why do I get the feeling you are not a parent and have never been faced with a situation where an adult child is wreaking havoc upon the entire family's life. This is about simple misbehavior, this is about an out of control person who is way beyond the talking stage and is endangering other members of the family. I advocating this as a last resort, not as a knee jerk reaction. We're not talking about being able to sit down and talk and it's all better. We're talking about extreme situations where talking, counseling, etc., etc., have been to no avail. I've heard of parents whose adult children have physically assaulted them. Please stop blaming your problems on every one but yourself. No generation

is to blame for out of control, drugged out adults who can't take responsibility for their own lives. Messing up your life is your personal choice, but that doesn't mean you should be allowed to afflict it on other younger family members. Sad sister, I wish I had an encouraging story to tell, but we are still working toward that in our family. I think it's down the road, but I will say it was a positive thing for younger siblings in the home and definitely for me healthwise, it was a positive. I think it takes some people a while for the light to come on, unfortunately.


Aaron 4 years ago

I am a "son" who was forced to move back in with my parents due to a devastating carpal tunnel injury, in which I had surgery followed by major complications, that have not improved in almost 3 years now. I also have been diagnosed with multiple mental disorders and struggle to get by on a daily basis due to the pain from my hands and the mental stress issues that I have. I have been seeing various psychiatrists and psychologists for almost 17 years. Now my parents want to throw me out after being home for less than a year (I moved out for several months but due to intense hand and wrist pain was forced to leave my job and move back home), because I am not applying for "as many jobs as they would like". What they don't understand is that it's an effort to even use a computer for me (this post has taken almost 30 minutes for me to write). I try but whatever I do, never seems to be enough. I just wanted to give an opposing perspective. Thank you, Aaron


PM 4 years ago

Thank you SO much for this article. I have read every comment and I don't feel alone anymore. We have a 20 year old son who has become physically abusive toward his dad and me. 2 nights ago, he beat us up. We called the police and he ran. We were told to get the eviction in process but we had to let him come back and live until he was officially evicted. It blows my mind that this is our house and we have to let him back in. We know he has to go. I think he is smoking weed and drinking BUT that does not excuse his behavior.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Adam, the best course of action for you in my opinion is to apply for disability. Please look into that and let me know how it goes. And most of all, keep the lines of communication open with your parents. Be a good "tenant" and help where you can.


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DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

PM, yours is more the situation I had in mind when I wrote this article. It certainly wasn't to absolve parents from taking responsibility for their own children. But there are lines to be drawn here and surely your son crossed that line when he decided to use physical violence against you. I agree, the laws seem unbelievable at times and protect those who break them.


disappointedmom 4 years ago

I have a similar situation with my 20 year old son, very disrespectful and abusive, I have taken him for counseling which helped for awhile, but he refuses to continue, he is very angry since our divorce and cannot seem to move on with his life in a positive manner. My daughter, 16 is completely opposite, very responsible, motivated intelligent, good student with a bright future ahead of her. I just feel like everthing I have done to help my son, its never enough for him to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

His father hurt him when he left and he is not the father figure type, he has hardly been in his life since the divorce, my son was 9, his dad is remarried and has a young son now, I believe my son feels replaced; since he had no relationship with his dad for so many years that he feels disconnected from him.

I know he's had issues with dealing with his emotions and have had him in counseling from a young age, I seriously am considering having him move out on his own, but can such an emotional child with issues deal with these on his own with no family support?

I have come to my breaking point and just want peace, but I don't know if this is the right decision.


Mike 4 years ago

Thanks for the advice, I will try United Way this week my legal aide said she can get the 1st eviction thrown out because she did not fill out the form properly then if she does it again she said we will get in the other stuff, I'm accused of not following house rules/aspectations and I'm accused of being verbally abusive to other tennants and visitors I'm no more verbally abusive then they are and she told me to stick up for myself after I asked her for her help then she didn't like how I stuck up for myself again this guy is a repitious alocoholic and pot smoker... are there any kind of laws that if the owner of the premisis can't serve alocohol without a liquor licens or if a person is illegally using marijuana without a license??? plus if this is a tennancy building isn't the land lady/lord suppose to have accessable entrances for individuals with disabilities... back to the accusations I never had to pay any rent or bills and there was never any "house rules/aspectations" that I had to sign or abide by... social security stated that "I'm not disabled enough" which doesn't make sense because I wouldn't qualify for Vocational Rehab Services if I wasen't disabled. I found out my Mother was getting married, and two day's ago it happened... again the guy she married is an abusive alocoholic and marijuana user his kid lives in the house too and he's an alocoholic as well as an of age adult both of them have jobs in the same place. Any of the visitors that they talk about are mainly just like the agressor, rude uncouth and they partake in illegal useage of marijuana plus with the assult I have pictures for proof, and I have some documentation left of disability and some stuff from vocational rehabilation services and possiblity from my old ssi lawyer... When I asked where my file was the land/lady said a very unappropriate phrase involving the fu. The day before she offered me a sandwich from a local sandwich shop I wouldn't think that is normal, plus I got a call from her cell phone the other day with her husband using her phone to call me and asked "who is this" the garage smelled like marijuana when I walked through any more advice would be appreciated -Mike


Kellie 4 years ago

I am living with a situation myself. Took kids in because didn't want to see grandkids homeless...now my new home is trashed, new furniture stained, carpets ruined, kitchen sink broken...toys/trash/dishes/1/2 empty pop cans and overflowing ashtrays everywhere...When they moved in 2 rules were no drugs/alcohol and keep house nice/clean. When I say something they use my grandkids as leverage (won't let them visit with me and lock them up in the room with them if I piss them off by asking them to clean up after themselves, etc). No jobs and barely looking, no contribution whatsoever, and shitty attitudes. While I appreciate your "opposite perspective" Aaron - I"m sure the majority of us (parents of the adult children) are NOT trying to be assholes, we just want the financial and emotional abuse to end, and the kids to "grow up and act like adults". They have been here since I bought this place in Sept. and now it's trashed and I'll end up left with the damages when and if they ever freaking leave. At the end of the day it doesn't matter what the issue is - it's my house and I want my peace and quiet, and my OCD wants my clean house back. I'm tired of hiding from their mess in my room because it's the only clean room in the freakin house. If they were trying, if they were respectful, if they took care of my NEW belongings (house, furniture, dishes, everything in it)....it may be a different story, but they are rude, obnoxious, obstinate and doing nothing to help themselves. I love my grandchildren dearly, but my children need to grow up and manage their own shit (keep a job, pay some rent somewhere, pay childcare - you know, all the things I had to do when I was raising them alone without child support). There comes a time to grow up and leave the nest, and for so many it is long overdue. Narcissistic personality is innate, not from how they are raised - and I am not beholden to take care of them like a sugarmama until I die.


Echos in Phoenix 4 years ago

Just chiming in to agree with parents...and assure those who are not parents who criticize, that you can't know until you have 'been there'. We have 2 kids - daughter no problem, and son who has rejected all help, all appropriate guidelines, etc. We let him stay in our rental house just to allow me to sleep at night - but he breaks into our house and steals our money whenever possible, to support his drug habit. We are looking at a restraining order to keep him away from our house - we have called police, etc, etc, but nothing changes with him and endless 'contracts' etc. have provided no change. Virtually have no choice other than to evict or virtually 'disown' him and hope that total bottoming out may engender change. It's a constant stressor and heartbreak. We love him but there is nothing more we can do that we haven't done. The rest has to be up to him, even though we fear it won't end well.


Sad from Texas 4 years ago from El Paso

We are in Texas..I don't think that law applies here. Last Christmas was the last I saw of my 29 year old son. For many years my husband and I battled with my son's attitude here at home. He is addicted to cocaine. He now has 2 kids with 2 different women. My 6 yr. old grand daughter is the one we get to see thanks to her mom. My grandson is 2 yrs. old and his mother is Lucifer all over again. My son was in and out of our home since he was 18..the addiction allows him to have no regard for others..he has stolen from our home, my jewelry, money, power tools. He has vandalized our home and cars when coming down from his high. we tried therapy when he was younger and he laughed at everyone involved. To this day he will deny all wrong doing. One week before his birthday last year my husband had an outburst with him. No one threw him out but he was told that if he didn't like the rules the door was quite open. He of course is mad at me and won't speak to me at all. I too will not attempt to have communication with him because I know we have not been wrong in how we have approached this situation. Although I would allow him to come back home when things got too hard I knew the best thing was to permanently shut the door. I now live with my sadness missing him. He moved to San Antonio,,he lives with his dad and step mother. I often wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him. He has been belligerent and disrespectful to me and my husband for so many years that I knew it was best to let him go and not hold him back. Somehow I still feel responsible for his life. I never did any drugs or never was a drunk so I don't understand that type of life. He just picked up with the wrong kind of crowd at the age of 15. I miss my son but I'm happy with my grand daughter that we are allowed to see. It' like having him all over again...and this time I will make sure I don't let her hang with the bad kids..her being a girl will be a little easier for me to hang with the girls. My hear cries for all those that have been affected by their addicted kids.May God help you with your sadness.


LincolnLights2012 4 years ago

Unless you have experienced having a son or daughter come back home to live with you, and basically have no respect for your home or rules, then please try to understand what others of us are going through. My 38 year old son has lost his job, his wife, his kids, and has a house in another town that he could have lived in but doesn't want to (that he still owns) but chooses to live with me. I'm 58, I work hard, I have a nice home. My son has ruined the carpet and the walls in the guest room. He smokes although I have always maintained a smoke free home due to my grand children's allergies, and now that he is smoking all day in the house when I am at work, and all night while he watches t.v., my house stinks! My other grown children and their spouses won't allow their children, my grand kids to come over to my house because my son is here drinking and smoking and they are furious with him and me for letting him come here in the first place. It appears I have no rights and the sheriff cannot give him a summons because he refuses to take it from them. I would be in trouble if I set his stuff on the curb. I am literally going to take a vacation from utilities and cable for 2 months (that is the minimum) and move out of my home. I'm buying a condo in a 55+ community and shutting my home down that I am still paying a mortgage on. This is not right! My son has basically ruined his own life, won't seek help, and won't leave. Why should I have to come home to this mess? He has now moved from the guest room to the grand children's big be room and is smoking in there! He has spilled his drinks and food all over the carpets in both rooms. He uses my dishes and glasses as ashtrays and leaves cigarette butts on them. No respect at all!! It isn't like he doesn't have money as he has sold a lot of big ticket items. But he blows it on smoking and drinking every day. I am at my wits end. This is not right.


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DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Lincolnlights, please, please, please, investigate the laws in your state as to what you can do to evict your son before you leave your own home! This is exactly the kind of scenario I was referring to when I wrote this article. Communicate your own expectations to your son in writing, give him a date to comply by, and then let the law take it from there.


lincolnlights2012 4 years ago

I'm going to keep trying but I am exhausted from it all. Thank you for your words of encouragement.


G and tired 4 years ago

Lincon I can relate my adult son's are disrespectful to me and my husband. I just told them to leave today and they told me that I would have to get the sheriff to get them out of here. I'm sick now and I have told them and they still don't listen they expect us to cook and provide them food and laundry soap and I'm at my wits end with them I am glad there is a site like this for us parents with children like this.


lincolnlights2012 4 years ago

G AND TIRED. It shouldn't be this way. My son was just arrested for his 2nd DUI. Now he will lose his license for sure. He keeps calling from the jail begging for me to get him out. $1000 bail. I'm not doing it. I'm cleaning the mess up he left. Packing his stuff and I will take it to storage. He cannot come back here. But will I be able to keep him out? He has changed his address to my address. I hate that it has come to this. Call the sheriff. Stand your ground! It is the only way they can start their own lives.


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DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Lincoln & G, sending positive thoughts your way. Sometimes it takes something major for our children to wake up, face the music, and realize they need to stand on their own two feet and stop blaming the world for problems they created. I think we can do too much for our kids, including bailing them out of trouble over and over again.


lincolnlights2012 4 years ago

Thank you for this column and for all the support. We love our adult children but we deserve some happiness. I'm sure this mess isn't over yet but the breather is nice. Hugs to all you parents! Parents Unite!!


LincolnLights2012 4 years ago

I am so stupid! He got out of jail came back here and did ok last night. Today by noon drunk again and smoking in my house! The vets are sending 2 guys to see him tomorrow. Back in hell again.


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DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Oh, Lincoln, I am heartbroken for you and praying for you both.


LincolnLights2012 4 years ago

What would I do if I didn't have you all to vent to. I cannot burden family and friends anymore. I don't like involving them. They are angry with me for letting him back in the door. When actually I didn't he came home while I was at work. Though he has a suspended license he drove to go get alcohol in the middle of the night. I may have to get a restraining order on Monday if they don't take him into treatment.


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DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Lincoln, unless you have proof that he has threatened you physically, I don't know that you can get a restraining order. The eviction process would be the best course of action first, then if he comes in your house after that, you can have him charged with anything from trespassing to breaking and entering. It sounds like he is in desperate need of treatment and possibly involuntary since it looks as if he probably won't cooperate.


LincolnLights2012 4 years ago

I can get a restraining order due to the recent physical threats and things he des. One morning he through a full glass of orange juice on me as I was walking out the door for work. I had to reshower the whole works and was late for work. He had the music blasting from the tv and I nicely asked him to turn it down. He refused. An hour later I came back in. I thoght he was pased out. I went to turn the tv down and he kicked me. He rolled off the bed. I came back 30 minutes later and he was passed out on the floor amongst. A mes of food, spilled ashtrays which are glasses filled with fluid and cigarette butts. Yesterday I had a carpet cleaning company come. Everything is so nice and clean. Last night he again dumped his mess on the floor. I just broke down and cried. I have friends coming in from chicago today. I cannot have them come here. He keeps coming in and out of the kitchen drunk. I am going to cancel.


LanesH 4 years ago

Were there any stories of positive outcome from evicting an adult child from your home? I had to do this about 2 years ago and our relationship has never been the same.


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DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

LanesH, I'm living the positive outcome today! I'm proud to share my daughter is back home with me, drug-free and respectful. She is starting school in a week, filling out job applications and I couldn't be prouder of her in her progress in turning her life around. We still have our moments from time to time, but I don't think we'll ever be where we were a year and a half ago again when I asked her to leave my house. I come home every day to a clean and drama-free house. You can't ask for much more than that!


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DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

In that case, Lincoln, please do what you need to do. You shouldn't have to live this way!


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XxDedexX 4 years ago from Texas, USA

I'm in the same boat as most of you here except I'm having to evict my 28 yr. old son for the 2nd time in less than a year...and yes I know that this is my fault and I take responsibility for that. What angers me the most is that I actually fell for his BS again and put myself once again in this situation! I thought that maybe being out there in the world living on the streets might have woke him up but I was sadly mistaken! My husband and I are recently retired and are now on a very fixed budget and we are raising my sons daughter (sense she was born, she is 10 now) and neither my son or ex-DIL pay child support so it's all on us and we simply cannot afford to support adult children any longer. It is literally taking food out of our mouths and I will not tolerate that any longer. I guess I'm not like the rest of you, I am to the point where I just don't give a crap if my son gets pissed at me and does not want to see me for umpteen years or whatever. I've had enough of him to last a lifetime! There is a time when they have to except responsibility for themselves and that time is now. Do it or die, just as billions have done before .


LincolnLights 4 years ago

I'm reading a great book called Co-Dependent No More. It is excellent. It is making me think about my choices. How my enabling my son has hurt him and me. He has come back home but the first night I made him sleep in his sleeping bag on the back patio under the deck. Last night he slept in the garage in his old recliner. He has been sober the whole time but I truly keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. He had a good day with his 3 children who came for breakfast and they went to the movies together. Of course I paid, but it was a small price to pay to see the children enjoying their dad sober. Tomorrow he promises he is going to the VA and will take the services he is offered. We shall see. Thanks for everyone who listens to my never ending saga. I think of all of you often. It is easy for family to say "kick them to the curb" but it is hard to do. I'm doing my best.

M


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XxDedexX 4 years ago from Texas, USA

I guess the 3o day notice I gave my son on Sat. did some good. He got his dad to take him to look for a job today, which is a step in the right direction because he is going to need one because in 29 days he is out of my house and off of my dime!


lincolnlights 4 years ago

XxDedexX:

Good for you! My son started out patient treatment for alcohol but uses it as an excuse to continue to stay with me. My daughter will not let my grandson come from NY to stay for a week if my son is not gone from my home by then. I'm boxed in from all sides. I think i will run away from home!!


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XxDedexX 4 years ago from Texas, USA

I have learned not to feel sorry for my son anymore and refuse to listen to the excuses! I am in a similar position where my daughter is going to need my help and she refuses to come home if he is here. The aid that she is requiring is vital so he has got to go. It's all about priories. Good luck lincolnghts, I know how hard all this is.


Ola 4 years ago

My 25years old son is giving me some concern . He has completed his degree at the university and back home. He has too many friends he is always out with friends uptil late at night. He is sleeping all day while he is supposed to be out looking for job. He believe he has a right to my money and uses and dump my cars as he wishes.

When I try to talk to him he become very aggressive I am not a happy person right now. Him and his brother who had a drug issue are all I ve got.


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DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Ola,

Try some good, honest communication with your son first, presented in a calm manner. Give him some deadlines. If those go ignored, time to put the deadlines in writing! If they are still ignored, investigate the laws in your state to find out how you need to proceed.


lincolnlights 4 years ago

Ola,

Your sons know they are all you have. They need to understand that you are all they have too. Be firm. Don't give them money, don't cook for them. Don't lend them your cars. Don't pay their car insurance. If you do things for them they think that you think they can't do for themselves. The best thing you can do for them is to let them learn to be men. I have been providing a roof over my son's head or he would be homeless. His first night back after I kicked him out and locked the door, he stayed under my back deck on the patio in his sleeping bag, on the lawn chair that folds out. He was a sight. He set up his computer and watched movies. The next night was a huge storm so I moved an old recliner out of the family room into the garage. He has been set out there for a week. Now he is talking about a job and an apartment. Good for him! He has been sober for a week and going to out patient treatment every day. I am so proud of him but I know the tide could turn any moment - but for right now I will take it! His 3 children are here and they are all outside playing baseball with dad. I'm so pleased I could pop a seam!

I'm going to live in this wonderful experience as long as I can and be thankful!

Hold on to your sanity. I bought a book called Co-dependent No More. It is about us who are caretakers and give until we have nothing else to give. We are not doing our family or ourselves any favors when we do this. They will respect us when we respect ourselves.

Warm thoughts being sent your way,

M


CaliProblem 4 years ago

I have a 26 year old step son who will not leave. He does not pay rent, do anything around the house and is hateful to his Mother. She continues to avoid any conversation about him moving out and is now putting strife between the two of us.

Why do I have to evict someone who has never paid a cent to live in my house?


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DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Cali, I asked that same question myself and it goes back to the antiquated law of "squatter's rights" when land was not

"owned by anyone" and people began living on propérty without deed or verification of ownership. In effect, your step-son has squatters rights in your home once he has lived there for a length of time and whether he has paid a dime or not, you must go through the eviction process.

Getting your spouse to come to terms with it will be the hardest part.


LincolnLights2012 4 years ago

There is a 3 day and a 30 day. Let him know the sheriff will be coming by to serve him. He can save the embarrassment on himself. Let him know u will not be embarrassed as parents will see it as a smart move to help him grow up. My son has now been sober for aweek and been a great dad to his kids that visited over the weekend. He has not smoked in my house or drank. One day at a time!


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DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Amen, LincolnLights! I hope for the best for you and your family. There's a writer on here called TheCleanLife that your son might enjoy reading who struggled with alcoholism and came out on top. It might be helpful to read about another person's struggles.


Have Faith! 4 years ago

If you have a decent, productive adult child trying and down on hard times due to the economy and lack of work/hours/pay, thats one thing. Drama , disrespect, and drugs are another whether its the parent or child regardless of whose home. I believe eviction is over the top because most children would leave then leave yothe parent alone for life because who puts their child ton the streets. Disagreements are one thing withon a dwelling and disrespect is another. Know the difference before you do something you regret. Some of us have parents who are "childlike" and are stuck in the parents home due to various reasons and helping the parents in ways minus financial. After turning their parents situations and dramas around without any luck of our own ate still unemploymed and that creates tension because times/world is different and the older generation does not grasp that. So does one "follow the rules" if you're keeping everyone alive and running the home jointly minus employment? Everyones situation and child is different. I recommend prayer, patience, reputable support group, and self-evaluation for both sides. If not, it's a reason we have nursing homes and homeless shelters along with faith. Doesn't sound like a win-win to me . Open a bible and take blog advice with a grain of salt.


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DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Again, we're not talking about adult children who are respectful, clean, and helpful who are trying to look for a job, but are having difficulty due to the economy.

Have Faith, write me back when you have an abusive adult child in your house bringing home drugs and overnight visitors to your home when you're still trying to raise younger children into being decent human beings. Then we'll talk.


tammycat1 4 years ago

To all the parent's that are going through the same scenario as myself! I know exactly how you are feeling! We have been in a battle with my 22yr old son for 5 yrs now and i am at breaking point! I had to ask my son to leave 7 months ago due to his disruptive behaviour! he takes drugs! has got in trouble through this with one thing and another, blames me and everyone else for the way he chooses to live and expects us to go along with his lifestyle choices! We have had to think of his 14 yr old brother 2! I love my son to bits and it breaks my heart but I am now realising that it has to be Tough Love!! Whoever comments that that isn't the done thing to do then please consider other people! you really don't have any idea what it is like until you have gone through it for yourselves!


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XxDedexX 4 years ago from Texas, USA

Have Faith, all the prayer and patience cannot fix the problems that most of the people on this blog have with their “grown adult” children. When you have had a child look you in the eye and call you a cu*t and to fuc* off, do drugs in your home, will not look for work, sleep all day and party all night etc…come back and join the real world darlin’! Until then if you have nothing constructive to say on this blog then maybe you should not post here.


tammycat1 4 years ago

I am so pleased that I have found this Hub! although it has taken me quite a long time to realise that there are actually a fair few parent's out there that are going through the same type of problems! My son is going to crown court tomorrow for drug charges, and the sad thing is that although he could land up in prison b it now or in a months time! he is still adament that this is how he wishes to live! I was told at the wkend that his mates are his family, and that i judge him, and that i disgust him because i wouldn't alow him through the front door after verbally abusing me for not accepting him, for the way he chooses to live his life! I have had to switch myself off from him, and have told him that i will b there for him if he decides to change his lifestyle!! I am so sad inside!!


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DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Tammycat, so sad you are in this situation, but as you see from all the comments here, you are not alone. It took my daughter 7 years to turn herself around and I feel like our relationship is still a work in progress. The real question in all this is how much is too much, how much should a parent reasonably be expected to put up with just by virtue of being a parent?


LincolnLights2012 4 years ago

Tammycat,

I understand your heartbreak. They want to be drunk or high. It means more to them than anything else or anybody else. My son had 2 court events and in both got his hands slapped. He should have gone to jail. Now he is still here and drunk. Went to court drunk! I am fit to be tied. He is supposed to move into a halfway house. We will see.


ScaredinBama 4 years ago

My son is 21. He has lived with me the past two years after living with his father after the divorce. He refuses to work get help or pick up after hi,myself. He won't cook for himself but instead just goes not eating and becomes irritable. In the past two years he has torn up three rental houses I have had to pay for. The episodes of rage are getting closer together and he has done thousands of dollars damage in my current home. He puts HUGE -like a foot in circumference -in several of my walls and has broken every fan printer computer etc I own several times. His dad was not abusive physically but mentally while we were married. His dad is of no help and tells me to call police. But when I did his dad told him ok because I am just crazy. He calls me a cunt and various other words and often on one of his tirades walks around house stabbing objects with a large kitchen knife. And one time with a sword he borrowed from a friend. I have three sons he s the middle. I'm 45 and I have spent all there lives working double shifts as a nurse to raise them. there dad won't work and finally got on disability. I called the police twice in past six months. Last night was the second time. It only makes the tearing up banging bashing worse. I am tired and I am so upset I can't work adoring these tirades. I bring my dog in my bedroom and stay put praying he leaves me alone. He told his dad on phone last night that he was going to kill me in my sleep. Cops say can't do anything unless he threatens me with a weapon. I am confused. Don't know what I did that caused this. He never leaves the house so can't change locks while he is gone. If I start eviction I fear the violence will get worse. I feel like it is depression on his end but he refuses to go to the doctor unless its for Xanax. That's what he says he needs. I tell him he needs antidepressant and Xanax not answer so he won't go. I don't want to live like this. He has no money car or anywhere to go. His brothers all said he isn't welcome in their home with this behavior. I am torn because I don't feel someone I brought into the world should be someone else's responsibility. But it's getting worse. I'm missing work because I am so upset. I dread coming home. When I am here I hide in my room. When the police were here they said he had a warrant in the town he lived with his dad in. I did not know and since h s adult they won't tell me what it's for. But they talked with that town police and they didn't take him. This all just made it worse last night because he says they will come for him now since they have an address. Hate that but I don't do anything to deserve this. Try to ignore it when he starts punching holes breaking my stuff and throwing stuff in my direction. Then if I ask him to stop he tells me that since I'm saying stuff he is going to tear up the house more. So I stay quit and if he says something to me and I don't reply he says oh nothing to say well that will cost you more damage since you don't want to talk. He blatesmusic in his room for days after these tirades and if adk to turn down or i quietly shut door you goes off again bashing stuff. I'm not sure what all he hits besides what I find later broken or fom the holes in the Los and doors...because when this is going on I stay away. My dog gets scared and barks to protect me and he threatens to hurt he and has n the sat. But when that happened in past I was too scared to call police. He says if he gets arrested for this warrant he will find me and give me what I deserve. I know it's awful but I hoped they would take him yesterday. he has stolen Loran's from his grandma while visiting her. I am on anti anxiety meds due to this and have to sleep with the bottle in my underwear so he can't get the. I have woke up several times to him searching my room. Keep them in locker at work when I'm on a stretch to work. I have a younger son in Indiana with a child I was trying to get it together to ove there but he doesn't nothing to help though he wants to move up north too. He won't pick up a dish. Take out trag. Just plays video games all day which I have bought. I don't by him stuff to enable. Keep thinking if I try harder be a better mom. Give him a better leg up in life he be ok. Never ask for rent. Want him to work go college and keep his money. But he doesn't care to do any of it. He is built like football player and could easily seriously hurt me. I am miserable and I fel for every woman who ha ever called the police because an ale was abusing her because they literally do nothing. And they only get more angry and violent when the police leave. Best option is to run away and find place new to live without hi,m. But since he never leaves I wouldn't be able to get my stuff it without him realizing. And he would just follow me. I have no money saved because I use all I have to help my boys. I don't know what to do..........never had anything hurt my heart this bad. To all you people who say we folks n this situation are selfish.....I say shame on you.....I am a good parent provider and gave nothing but love and all I had. I am not selfish. I don't want anything but for him to be a happy productive adult. But you call me selfish? I guess you think I deserve it too right?


AtWitsEnd 4 years ago

I am very grateful for this article and these posts. I was just saying to my husband, "we can't be alone in this situation." Our 21 year old son has stopped going to several colleges, has a marijuana addiction, does not hold down a job, keeps his room like a pig stye, and verbally abuses my husband, my disabled son, and myself constantly. And we raised him with a lot of love. My husband and I do not drink or take any kind of illegal drugs. So reading these posts has, if anything, helped to alleviate the guilt I am feeling, that I did something wrong. We are going to start the eviction process this morning. This is all new to me and I need to stay strong to get through it. I just don't see any other way out of this. Talking to him just doesn't work. It's time to take action. Thanks for being here.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Wow, it seems as if there needs to be some sort of support group for parents who find themselves in this situation. I would never have believed there would have been so many, many families in this kind of situation where there seems to be little answer. Despite the younger generation's willingness to lay blame, many children grow into selfish and self-serving, drug-addicted adults who think the world owes them something when they have been raised by loving, caring parents What I am hearing in many situations is adult children with mental issues so severe they are a danger to their families. Perhaps involuntary commitment is ther answer? Not sure what the laws are in that regard, but there has to be an answer for parents who are so afraid of the adult children living in their house, they have to lock their doors just to sleep at night.


monicamelendez profile image

monicamelendez 4 years ago from Salt Lake City

I don't have any children yet, but I think it's completely ridiculous that some people in these comments can't see that there are cases where this is completely necessary. Of COURSE there are situations where this needs to happen.

My brother is a drug addict and lives with my parents. So far he is under control enough that I wouldn't consider him to be a danger. That said, I believe that will change as his slide continues. He will probably become dangerous and when he does...they will have to do this because I bet he won't be willing to leave.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Monica, your parents raised a smart daughter. I hope for your family's sake your brother gets the help he needs to overcome his addiction. I think those who protest the point of this article the most are the very ones that parents are trying to evict.


Ebonny profile image

Ebonny 4 years ago from UK

Guilt is the main thing that holds people back when they feel the time has come to have their adult child/ren leave home. This applies even if the adult child is relatively "house friendly" so to speak. I think there comes a time when it is necessary for a person to stand on their own feet and live independently - isn't this what we as parents have been preparing them for from day one? As we as parents won't be around/live forever, when that time comes it would be good to know that your adult child is already conversant with fending for themselves. The problem is when (what age) is it time for a house friendly adult child to go.

Very useful information here.


lincolnlights 4 years ago

Good to seee everyone still sharing here on this site. My son has been in residential treatment now for almost a month. It has been heaven to have peace and to know he is getting help. My hope is that he goes to a half way house next.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Ebonny, I love that term, "house friendly." I do think there is a time for adult children, troubled or not, to leave the nest, although I'm not sure what that magic age is!

Lincoln, I'm so happy to hear your son's in treatment. I hope it helps him and I'm happy that you are finally getting some peace.


Tejas3 4 years ago

My heart goes out to everyone on this page. It actually gave me some relief to know I am not the only one. I have a 17 year old soon to be 18 in Feb. I can't put him out until he turns 18. I imagine it is going to be rough, but it is best for me and my other two kids. We suffer terribly because of his behavior and the law is not on my side. He's very defiant. I feel like I am being held hostage in my own home. He can basically do as he please (with his defiant spirit) and if I respond I may be placed in jail. I am a single parent.. it's no way I can go to jail. Sad that parents have to live this way.. it's very sad.


Frustrated Son 4 years ago

So many of you parents talk about your kids as if they are your opponents. I have been emotionally abused by my mother since I became a teenager, and it has made growing up in her house very difficult. She constantly threatens to kick me out of the house.

I often feel that parents have difficulty looking at both sides of the story. Sure, some kids will try drugs, among other bad habits, no matter what you do. When and if I have them, I hope mine don't, and I hope to be there for them so they don't feel the need to. Still, a lot of your kids may have turned to those bad habits because they couldn't deal with difficulties they have faced or are facing at home. I am not addicted to drugs or alcohol. If I get kicked out of my house, I will not only be unprepared for success, but I will also lose my chance at a college education. I am happy that this law exists, and I am proud of our country for looking out for my generation too. I understand that you have had difficulties with your kids, but I guarantee that it is not entirely their fault. So remember: Don't put your kids' stuff out in the trash until you've proven to a judge that they deserve it. If you're wrong, they can sue you for damages.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

FrustratedSon,

I'm sure there are plenty of children who grow up with issues due to things their parents have and have not done. But there are just as many who use any excuse for bad behavior including claiming they weren't treated well at home when nothing could be further from the truth. Again, we are not talking about adult children who were mistreated by their parents. We are talking about ones who decided to take the low road of their own accord, who abuse and disrespect their parents, and serve as a negative example for younger children in the home. Write again when you have teenagers and tell me how wonderful your children have turned out. I sincerely hope you can. And by the way once tenants are served with eviction papers and due process is served, the landlord has every right to put their things by the curb after allowing sufficient time for the belongings to be picked up. Not sure where you're getting your legal advice, but landlords have every right to do so once they have followed proper eviction procedures...even if the landlords happens to be your parents. I hope you continue to not abuse alcohol, drugs, or your parents. If this is truly the case, this article is not about you.


Frustrated Son 4 years ago

I understand what you are saying about due process. And why aren't we talking about "adult children" who have been mistreated by their parents? If my mother were to add to this blog, she would make me out to be one of the same monsters from some of the parents' posts above. And you would respond to her exactly as you have to every upset parent - with support and prayers for their situation. The trouble here is that you don't know all the details. Who knows? Maybe you have inadvertently made some 20-something-year-old's life a little bit harder, by supporting an abusive parent or parents. Sometimes parents don't even know that their treatment of their child is abusive. Most of the ones who do know that are buried so deeply in denial that they will continue it until the day they die.

What I am trying to get across to you is that for every frustrated parent on this blog, there are thousands of these "adult children" who are trying to grow up and become independent while in a hostile family living situation, with no other viable options. We, the "adult children," living at home, are already running uphill in the political and economic climate that your generation has left behind for us to fix. Please don't get involved unless you fully know the implications of your actions. It's easy to give advice to a one-sided story.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Again, you are missing the point. I am not talking about respectful, contributing adult children. I lived this situation. I do know what I'm talking about. If you are unhappy at home, them you need to find a way out through the social services avenue, your church, a relative, or another route. This article is not about adult children who were mistreated by their parents. Perhaps if you feel that strongly about the topic, you should write about that instead of trying to plead your case here.

In THIS article, I am talking about situations where the adult child has become a danger to family. No one should be forced to have anyone in their home who is dangerous. I'm sorry you don't understand that, and hopefully, you won't have to go through what I and many parents have had to go through.

The blame game that you're playing blaming your troubles on "my generation" is not helping your case any. Stop looking for a place to lay blame and get yourself up and out! If you're truly an adult child who's got their act together, why are you still at home?

If you think this is one-sided, instead of wasting your time and energy arguing here, write about the opposing side. I'm sure you'll have plenty of supporters who are looking for someone to blame as well.


lincolnlights2012 4 years ago

Well fellow parents, my son came back from rehab. Though I asked to be involved in his transition plan prior to his release I was not as he is 37 yr old man and did not want to include me. Therefore they dropped him off at my house after his 30 days of rehab and he was somehow able to get in and was drunk by the time I got home from work at 5:30pm. That was Thursday. On Saturday he physically assaulted me. They arrested him but he was out on bond in 2 hours. I have been staying in a hotel. This morning I filed a protection order. In a couple hours I will know if the judge signs it. My son says it was my fault as he has ptsd so I should no better than to cross him. I have spoken to 3 attorneys and cannot get anyone to take my case as I do not have a lease agreement with my son. Yes these are very big steps but I am afraid and have no other options. Feeling hopeless.


lincolnlights2012 4 years ago

My son was removed by the police today. Worse day of my life to see him told he cannot have contact with me for 1 year except through counseling through the veterans center. He had no intention of leaving. He had been drinking. Very very sad. At the same time I hope to get my life back. Just afraid he will get intoxicated and come back. Then I must call the police which will be hard. But I will have to. I hope this is his bottom and he will get help now.


tammycat1 4 years ago

My heart goes out to you lincolnlights! it sounds like you have done the best you could for him, so you must stop punishing yourself, I know it's easier said than done because I am the same and so are a lot of others on this site! My son has to appear at crown court for the second time now this monday coming! not sure wether or not it will be adjourned again or this will be the final thing, we have once again allowed him to stay with us for a couple of weeks until we see what way it goes! he knows that he can't stay with us for ever because I know that it won't work between us! I have been referred to a counsellor by my doctor because I keep feeling guilty for everything that has happened! I will get there though because I have now realised not only from this hub but through other people that I am not alone like yourself and we have done our best for our adult children, and theres only so much you can do! may be wrong! don't really know!!!


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

I think parenting has to be the most difficult job in the world. The majority of do our best, but there are so many factors working against us. Drugs, alcohol, violence, the media, peers, you can try to do all the right things and then practically overnight, it seems you're raising a stranger in your home. Not only a stranger, but someone who feels they have every right to come and go as they please, bring guests into the home at all hours, and in general create havoc and upset and frighten other family members. Parents take on so much guilt, they feel sure they've done something to create this monster, when many times, the truth is, the monster is of the child's making. How much are parents supposed to have to take simply by virtue of being the parent? Where is the cut-off point where they finally have to stand on their own two feet and we get to have peace in our own homes again?


lincolnlights2012 4 years ago

Thank you all for being there for me. Your support has been so important to me. Let's all continue to check in as we all need each other. The creator of the blog keeps it real for us all and protects us from those who don't get it. Thank you dyiweddingplanner! Tammycat1 and others hangin there! As much as I hope the road will be easier now I am sure there will be chalenges ahead. Bless you all!


jenniedavis161 4 years ago

This was very helpful. Yesterday I had to have my 19 year old son (will be 20 in three weeks) removed from my house yesterday. Over the last 4 or 5 months it has gotten so bad. My husband and I have tried everything to get him to work, however he just won't. He takes the car after we go to bed, comes and go's at will, sleeps all day and shoplifts all the time. He is so mean and hateful to us that we have avoided even coming home for months. Yesterday he tried to assault me and attacked me when I tried to get in the car. He punched the window by my head. It was so scary and I called 911. My husband was not home at the time and I was truly scared of my own son. I would like to say we were bad parents, but we were not. We pretty much gave him everything when he wanted it, even gave him my car so he could enjoy his high school years. He trashed the car. I know now, maybe giving him things was not the right thing to do. in that I was a bad parent. I just never had anything my whole life and wanted my son to have better. I feel awful but I know I did the right thing in having him leave, It is just so hard to dedicate you life to ensuring they have the best childhood and chance for a future then to feel like you failed. I hope this is what pushes him to grow up and I am sure I will be fine. I do thank all the comments on this page because you need to know your not alone and someone else somewhere has been through this. Thank you.


a son 4 years ago

seems like everyone in here is speaking from a child who has drug problems or has a kid who hangs out all night....none of you seem to have a kid that works 30+ hours a week, attend college fulltime, dont eat food from the fridge, dont use your car, dont ask for your money for food or bills, and dont do drugs or drink or club or have sex in the house. sometimes parents get power trips and forget to treat their kid like an adult. the way they say things to their kid normally hits in ways they wouldn't say to anyone else. the parents lack understanding even when they are the ones who told the kid stuff like i'll help you until you get on your feet or until you get through college. i hate how parents think its ok to give a helping hand then as soon as they dont agree with the kid they treat the kid like he is worthless or not worth common respect. i truly feel for all the people who's kids have substance abuse issues or depression issues because I have found my way to become depressed too. from a father who had HPV and cheated on my mom and how he couldn't have an honest conversation until i ended up with HPV when I didn't know the disease even existed, or to how a father treats other his kids differently because they arent under his roof when the other kids dont come by to wash his car or cut his grass or do nothing....or how the dad can ignore the fact that he has a good kid thats stressed at his 11 dollar an hour job in a major city where he would live in the slums because 300 dollars after taxes doesn't pay for much in DC....the eviction would all stem from him not valuing my ideas and treating me like an after thought because I didn't do everything he wanted right when he wanted.


OasisMike 4 years ago

The most important skill you can pass on to your child is the skill of using dopamine appropriately. When children are deprived of the experience of forming the most appropriate pathways to their dopamine, or what's also called "The Human Reward System," you can expect many sub-problems to develop, including addiction, hoarding, gambling, sex problems, excessive television viewing, and use of anger and self-righteousness, drama, or sentimentality to access a moment or three of dopamine, but remain constipated emotionally, blocking the most natural pathways to our dopamine.

Our ability to succeed is dictated by our ability to stay on task, and only dopamine is associated with that human trait.

The truth will not be televised - because they want us to watch more television (we are the product, after all, us, the audience they sell to their corporate sponsors).

If you can't get them in tune with their real need for dopamine, they will not be able to satisfy them. If you continue to buy-into the corporate (rich people's) version of reality, you will only see the surface behavior, and not be able to get to what is real underneath. Then it seems like growing rotten tomatoes and complaining they don't taste right.

The poor-man's tool-kit to developing dopamine pathways is religion. Prayer isn't for everyone, but knowing it WORKS, and knowing that people of EVERY religion show the same trait - brain scans don't lie, just Google dopamine brain scan prayer or dopamine brain scan meditation. Every religion is the same - when anyone prays or meditates they can increase their dopamine, after they get good at it. Then it's just a matter of transferring that skill to real life, and working on getting better at it.

Peace be with you - all.


Angry sister 4 years ago

I have a brother of 26 yrs who is still a child and needs to learn to experience the real world. He occasionally has tantrums and displays aggressive behaviour that can turn abusive. He always causes my mum distress and everyone else in the family. He does not contribute in any way to the family and doesn't even try and yet, he's still here. Recently he went off whilst I was making lunch for my sister at the kitchen table. He violently pushed all the plates and food to the floor and was yelling at me, accusing me for silly things that weren't even my fault. I hate his guts. What I'm mostly angry about is the fact that my mum does nothing. She does tell him that he should move out, but ultimately nothing has happened. I need to convince her to evict him soon enough, but I doubt she would listen. Bloody hell. It's annoying that he has a lot of power in the house because he's older and I do not dare go against him directly because I might find myself in danger. It is absurb that the most unreasonable, silliest person in the family has a great deal of power.

/End of life story.

Nice post by the way.


step father W/lazyson+30 4 years ago

what if they refuse to cooperate with signing anything and just like to drink, party, stay on internet all night and be a bum at home while they run you bills up and you and the mother work all day. he's 31 and were turning 60.if your a cop, you can't afford to make them angry or they will call in a false call and say you hit them or threaten them and then domestic laws cause you to lose your job or become suspended


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

I'm going to have to reasearch this question, but I would direct it to the proper authorities in your state or county since these laws differ from state to state.


concerned father/grandpa 4 years ago

30 yr old son his wife and 2 yr old grandson have lived with us for 3 yrs.he has had drug abuse issues but clean for 1 yr.his wife has never had a drug issue and we have a great relationship with the grandson.our son cant seem to get a job so we support them its getting old, im 54 and retired on disability, my wife works full time, we hope to buy a home in the next 7 mths the lease is up on the house we all live in at that time and my son knows that and they are supposed to be on their own by then.i dont think he has tryed hard enough to get a job, to picky on what job he wants. my wife and I are having a hard time. We really enjoy having our grandson live with us he has been my healing angle when I was close to death with my disability no matter how bad iI felt just seeing him made me feel better.so to insist they move out meens him also.all i imagin is our grandson living in a poor inviroment.my wife and I have been married for 30 yrs and we disagree on things with this issue.overall we have a very good christian relationship.What to do ?


guest 4 years ago

yeah someone take my 19 year old away I don't want him! he's disrespectful and horrible and not a child anymore! he is an adult and its time he's held responsible for his actions.


FromOneWhoHasWalkedInYourShoes 3 years ago

Cant believe there are so many other parents out there feeling the pain that I have had to endure for many years. My story is so similar to many of yours and too painful for me to want to relive it again by typing it all out. I am currently fighting the urge to NOT take in my 21yo son and his 20yo pregnant GF again as I KNOW it will be a BIG MISTAKE for ALL involved. It has been heartbreaking to watch my son struggle all these years but I know that is the only way he will learn to deal with his life choices of past, present and future. Sending prayers for strength and hope that ALL of US make the right decisions to truly help our children grow and learn to live responsibly.


looreta 3 years ago

Makes me sick to see what all these parents are going through. I'm a 64 year old Grandmother. My husband of 13 years has a son (30 years old) that asked his father if he could live with us for a couple months with his 2 year old daughter. This was a temp living situation its been 3 months now. Well now my stepson has told his father he is tired of me invading his privacy, and going through his things in the room he is sleeping in. I can't imagine why he would think that I would want his dirty laundry all over the floor of that room. I did go in his room to put a little pink christmas tree for his daughter and a trash can for all the trash that was all over the room. He put some fuel in me, and started a fire. I confronted him and now he has been avoiding his father because of me and he has kept his grand daughter away from him for christmas. His has hurt his fathers feeling not bringing the little girl to grandpa for Christmas. So his son intentially kept her away so she would not get gifts from grandpa. It makes my stepson so proud to do this to us because he can. . I then told my husband I wanted to clean up the room upstair and he suggested that I not clean it up in case he came back. I told him if he came back to our house I would have no other choice but to move out. My husband then told me that it was between his son and me. I'm truly in shock, but it has left me no other choice but to just move out. I sure hope 2013 brings me better luck and I will get myself a bachlor pad so no one else can invade my privacy.. Happy New Year too all you parents who get no respect from your children... The generation we have now are out of control....


ohmo 3 years ago

My story is similar I have a 90 year old mother who had a stroke this past summer, and my 50 plus y.o. brother who works part time is refusing to leave her home, even though she is in a nursing home now and facing applying for Medicaid. I am POA and have to evict him now as it has been almost 4 months and I have been paying her utilities, etc. and even paid to correct a foreclosure action against her home as he had also stolen most of her assets over the past 10 years (I only recently rec'd POA). It is horrible to have to evict a brother or sister or other relative but I need to do what's best for Mom. I am worried though about him coming after me and hurting me or my children in some way during this time. Stuck between two very bad choices and I am very, very angry that he has put me in this position.

I have tried talking to him and he can be very agreeable but when it comes time to pay even a small amount nothing happens. I can't sleep at night over this and just want it over. Wish me luck as tomorrow I have to post a notice to vacate at the house. UGH.


Keltykn 3 years ago

I feel for the parents out there; it's tough being a parent, even more so when you have a difficult and disrespectful adult child living with you, I'd imagine. I was once somewhat like that (didn't help as much as I should, etc) and after voluntarily moving from my mother's home, did I see what my Mom was talking about-because I received the same treatment and worse from a few roommates!

In all honesty though, it's my husband's 50 something year old father that is acting like this around our house and I stumbled upon this gem of an article. This makes our course of action so much clearer!

Also, to 'MostOfYouAreSelfish', try having someone, ANYONE live in your house under some of these conditions, and see if it doesn't change your tune. Don't seek to judge others so harshly when you don't fully know all the circumstances.


osmondheart 3 years ago

Absolutely disgusting article.

"Did you know in most states your adult child is considered to have "squatters rights" in your home even though they are paying no rent? In an ideal world (fantasy...sigh!), you could simply ask them to leave or change the locks and put their clothing by the curb while they are away. However, the law protects renters. even those who don't pay their rent! There are even laws AGAINST you being able to put their things on the curb. You will have to go through the eviction process.and evict your own child. It may seem harsh, but situations can get so extreme that you are left with little or no choice."

What kind of disgusting world do you want to live in? One where you can leave someone out to die because you don't like them? If any parent agrees with this, I hope you rent a house and I hope you are left in the mother***ing snow with all of your personal belongings. The hell is wrong with you people?

We have laws to prevent someone from leading another into a false sense of security to control them with the thought thought that the tenant's personal belongings can be thrown out with no regard for their wellbeing. Not everywhere has a homeless shelter within 5 miles and not every homeless shelter is free. You are disgusting for thinking that such is a perfect world.

I was homeless a while back and I was told that I could work for a place to live. My boss/landlord decidded that he didn't want me working anymore so he locked me out. Period. NO NOTICE. I wasn't officially paying rent, I'm just GLAD AS HELL that there were laws in place to protect me while I looked for another place to live. People like you disgust me. People who feel that their child is a worthless slob and that his/her life is not your concern. Your OWN CHILD is worthless. I find it disgusting that you would want a world that you could freely do this to anyone, but your own child, really?


Charlie 3 years ago

Well here I am. I just read through the posts to try a gain perspective as I contemplate eviction of my 19 year old daughter. I am a former police officer who on many occasions saw first hand the ugly arrogance of young adults still living with their parents behaving badly. Now its is happening to me. My wife and I rearranged our lives some 23 years ago to raise our family. Our two older girls have been very successful in college and are working on graduate degrees. They stay in our home when they are not away in school. They are considerate, helpful, respectful, and its delighful when they are home. The youngest one however has chosen a different path. Upon graduation from high school she opted to do nothing. We provided each of our girls with autos so they can get to college and work. They youngest used the car to ride around with looser friends, buy spice and get high. Police have called stopped her and called us to get her. At home she treats my wife disrespectfully as she did when she was younger. Her spice blunt and cigerette smoking has moved into our house. Despite out demands for her to stop she continues to smoke the crap contaminating our house. Since spice makaes her fall asleep we have found burn't clothing and linens in her bedroom. Emotional outbursts continue. Money is now missing. I had to sell the car which had substiantial interior damage from her smoking. My daughter has threatened to harm us. I have taken spare keys to our cars and locked them in my safe. Our daughter has created an unhealthy and unsafe environment for my wife and I. Before reading this article I sent my daughter a text as follow-up to a conversation that about the need to establish a landlord/tenant relationship based on a lease agreement. As the property owner all I would like to see is no smoking in our house, no illegal drugs, no sleep over boyfriends, houskeeping work in common areas where she has prepared and consumed food, washing her own laundry, respectful behavior and willingness to help with household chores. I plan to draft the agreement and present it to her next week. If she can do those basic things then we should be ok. If not then I'll use breach of contract as grounds for eviction. Hopefully it will work. My daughter is not entitled to my property or my money. Having reached 18 years old my wife and I are no longer required by law to feed, cloth, or house her. Likewise we are not required by law to provide transportation. I wish and pray for her.


ohmo 3 years ago

I would like to reply to "Absolutely Disgusting Article" posted about 12 days ago. Interestingly, the day you posted my Mom of 91 was dying in the hospital. The final 4 years of her life she was neglected, abused and isolated by my brother, who lived with her without paying anything toward utilities or rent for 10 years. During the course of those ten years (unknown to my sister and I) he stole over $100,000 from her IRA, charged $68,000 on her credit cards, and an additional $70,000 to a line of credit in her name. When I was finally able to gain control of her finances I saw that for the past two years, even though he told all of his friends and our relations how hard he worked taking care of her, he actually used her checking account and social security as his own, paying his car payment and personal bills. Last October her home of almost 60 years was in foreclosure, the interior in ruins, and 3 YEARS of back taxes owed with tax certificates sold.

So I ask "disgusting" who is actually disgusting here? I took money out of my own meager retirement savings to keep her home from going to the sherrif's sale, and my sister and I just paid for her funeral. During the past 6 months while my dear Mom who was the nicest person in the world was in rehab and a nursing home my brother paid NOTHING for utilities, taxes or upkeep, so what choice did I have but to try and evict him?

What is really disgusting is all of the adult children out there who use guilt as a weapon, and prey upon parents instead of just taking responsibility for themselves and their life choices. If you hate your parents so much, just leave them in peace and go your own way.


Kris 3 years ago

Hi

We have a slightly different situation than some here. I live with my fiancé and his 23 year old son. I consider him my step son...so I will refer to him as such.

My step son has issues such as childhood abuse from his mom, a strained relationship with his father due to his father having to work to support both of them...


tammycat1 3 years ago

Hi haven't been on here for a while! not going to goon about my situation because it will take up to much space! anyway i have to say that i totally agree with you ohmo especially what you wrote on your last paragraph! and as for you osmondheart, writing that you think the article is disgusting well there seems to be a hell of a lot of people/parents that are going through these scenarios! and im one of many so you need to come off of this site and jog on!!


rich 3 years ago

My ex-wifes 37 y/o daughter came to live in my house 6 yrs ago when she divorced her 2 nd husband. She has two children 6 & 11, one from each. My Ex-wife moved out 3 years ago leaving her daughter and grand-daughters behind. I , thinking i was helping her save money to get on with her life let her stay. She has spent the better part of the last 6 years in bed sleeping, possible perscription drug use. I 've asked her to move many times but she always has one excuse or another, nomoney, not feeling well, kids school, ect...

Her temper id explosive and at any conversation will blow up at me to the point where we have not spoken to one another for over 2 months. in her last episode she screamed at me how she doesn't care about me at all and the threatened to punch the lights out of my lady friend. It scared us so bad that we both vacated the house for over 6 weeks. I asked her to get out via email, she's refussed.

I called the district court, Stoughton Ma for the eviction process and was told that as far as they were concerned she is a guest in my house and I could lock her out. when she kicks the door in, which she will, I can have her arrested for willful destruction of property. I'll be doing that this weekend...I'll let you all know how that turns out.


FrayedGrandma 3 years ago

My 36yo son is a raging alcoholic but won't even say the word "alcohol". He passes out smoking almost every night, and I'm worried about fires. He hasn't bathed for 4 weeks, sleeps in his clothes, and trudges to a part-time job where his boss doesn't care. Thank God for that at least! If I am not up-beat, smiling, and super-complimentary to him, he turns in one second from a "great guy" into a spitting fiend, calling me a f* b* and saying I'm a horrible person. There is no talking to him. I had a clean house when he moved in 4 years ago, and now it is completely trashed. He lives on the couch in the basement, and is always drunk. I am a disabled grandma, and am afraid of him. He started following me around the house all night screaming at me, torturing me psychologically, and sometimes physically. I have managed to start a business in my bedroom, but the checks go into his account, and he uses my food stamps card. I am really worried because he hasn't eaten in like 2 weeks, and his short term memory is starting to go. I can't get him help--can't force him to do anything. I've asked him to leave over and over. I finally got him to leave me alone and stop following me around yelling at me by taking off my clothes. It was the only way I could get him to leave me alone. All I want is peace. I know he can't live on his own. He spends all night every night on the computer with friends and drinking like he's a bad teenager, but he's almost 40. I'm getting old, and just want peace, but I'm frightened. Believe it or not, I love him dearly. I know he won't last much longer like this, but he won't even admit anything is wrong. He lies as easily as h breathes, and now he's added pot to his drinking and smoking tobacco. I am not perfect, and never have been. I just want peace, but am too weak to know even where to start. I get up my courage when he's really bad, and then he's nice to me for a day and I sigh and give him everything. I know he's really sick, and can't live on his own, but I had him when I was just 18, and he's been a problem literally since he was born. I've lost everything that meant anything to me in my life partly because of his behavior. I just want some years in my life where I can have peace. If I don't detach now, I'll be taking care of him in the hospital soon, and he'll have stolen my whole life. Just want some peace.


Scott Krumland 3 years ago

I am grateful for any and every little bit of advice I can get on this subject. I have a son living with my wife and I, who feels it is his right to insult and demean us however he deems is OK. This has gotten so bad, I am going to evict him, and thanks again....


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DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Good luck, Scott. I know it's a hard decision, but many times you're left with no choice.


KenSch 3 years ago

My brother and I still live at home with my widowed mother; I'm in my late 30s and my brother is 42. About 12 years ago my mother (at the time about 65 years old) began having physical and psychological issues, and because of my brother's work I had remained at home. At the time it seemed that this was the best option for taking care of my mother, but as the years passed the arrangement has become increasingly frustrating. Not only has my brother's work always taken priority, he has had a long-term, long-distance relationship with someone from Asia who has been - they claim - "studying for her PhD" at a university in Asia. So over the years this has meant lengthy visits (usually my brother traveling to Europe) from time to time. To make a long story short, in late October of 2012 the "girlfriend" came to "visit" - my brother claimed that it was to be "for a month or two" but come Christmas-time she was still here. When I confronted my brother about this he stated that she was staying until the end of March; I reminded him what he had said about "a month or two" and his exact words in response were "no I didn't". End of March rolls around and I was informed by my mother that the "girlfriend" was staying for another month. When I again confronted my brother about this he said that she was staying for another "month plus a month". (Why he put it this way instead of just "two months" is beyond me.) I'm skeptical as to whether she will ever really be leaving - I suspect that there will be future excuses to extend her stay. During all this time they have been trying to live a certain lifestyle, one that means daily cooking lavish meals and imbibing wine and other alcoholic beverages. All this despite claims by my brother that things are not going good with employment and that he can't afford to move out (yet they can afford regular international flights and had been paying her rent in Europe). Over the years I have always had to acquiesce, I've held my tongue in order to avoid conflict; the last thing that my mother needs in her declining years is an outright power struggle between her two sons, although the current arrangement has hardly been ideal and has caused her a certain amount of grief. As a result of my acquiescence, I have had to try to earn money through a home-based business, but now that's not going well, and given my limited work experience, I now find myself in a particular bind. I do not expect my future to be all that great, but nevertheless things need to change soon - the current arrangement is simply not in my mother's best interest anymore, and if I want to salvage anything of my life I need to get on with it. But I want my brother to leave first - he's 42 years old, has been in a relationship for about 15 years with his "girlfriend" and he apparently has no (and never did have) any intention of moving out. It appears that somewhere along the line he designated himself sole heir and 'patriarch' of the family and thinks that he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants. I have told him to move out, and is response has always been "if you don't like it, then why don't you?" I certainly don't like the situation, but I don't see why I should slink out of the house simply to accommodate him and now his "girlfriend". I am not sure what legal options there are (I'm from Ontario, Canada) in this case - whether I can actually force the issue on my mother's behalf (she's still with it to a certain degree, although usually quite depressed) or not.


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DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

KenSch,

If you have the resources, look into getting yourself an attorney dealing with famly law at once. If your mother's health is declining, someone is going to end up having to have power of attorney and if your brother hasn't already beat you to the punch, I would strongly advise you to consider talking with your mother and getting a legal power of attorney at once. I'm not sure what the laws are concerning your situation in Canada, but I can see this heading toward nothing good if this situation continues.


KenSch 3 years ago

I appreciate your response. My brother brought up the issue of power of attorney maybe a day or two after he told me that his "girlfriend" was coming to stay and I had told her I didn't want her in the house. He said that it was a form that can be downloaded from the Internet, no lawyer necessary. I dismissed the idea, although it's clear that my mom isn't getting any better. I have asked her several times what she wants to do in terms of the house and living arrangement, but she's so ambivalent now that she just shrugs her shoulders and says something like "I don't know". I have thought of going to her lawyer, or to a lawyer nearby who is in family law, but I hate to say it I'm a bit concerned about what could happen. I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I should have done years ago, and how since then I've really dug myself into a hole and I'm embarrassed that I've allowed myself to get into this position thus be in part responsible for the predicament.


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DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

KenSCH, I don't know Canadian law, but I would think a legal document like that would still need to be filed in the courts somewhere to be legal. Your mom's ambivalence and basically "checking out" of the processis kind of an indication that you need to be ready for the time when she no longer is capable of making ANY kind of decisions for herself.


ohmo 3 years ago

KenSCH,

It seems to me you at least know that you should have done things differently, which is really half the battle. It also sounds like you want to make sure Mom is protected, but don't want that misinterpreted to look like you are just doing that to serve your own needs. I am not sure of your age but it is NEVER too late to start over regarding employment. When I was in my 50s I left a marriage with nothing but my children and the clothes on my back, and eventually created a new home and much better life. If you aren't working now you could walk dogs, house-sit, etc. and then from there see what you are capable of... you may be pleasantly surprised. It sounds as if your brother is a bit bossy, and your independence from both him and your mother should be your main concern now. To protect your Mom though see someone about Power of Attorney, get your Mom to the attorney's office where they can explain things to her with you, and get it done! Please don't delay, and hope all goes well.


Royseisagirl 3 years ago from Owasso, Oklahoma

My husband and I had been asking our daughter to save her money since last August. She is a thief (stealing from us and her sister), she refused to follow the rules. I'm very ill and I cant clean up after her. Nor could I deal with the stress. My husband and I did kick her out. We didn't give her any "official notice". I didn't realize we had too. She kept her room so nasty that for two years we had to battle mice who left droppings all over the floor, where she kept clothes, blankets and bedding. She is very angry at me. We were just at each others throats and I wanted peace! My other daughter is a joy.


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DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Why is it that two children that are raised in the same household can be so different, Roysei? You're lucky that she would actually leave when you put her out. We live in an "I know my rights!" world and adult children are getting smart. Many of them are smart enough to research eviction laws, but not smart enough to look at themselves, improve, get a job, and move out!


Tdaffy 3 years ago

I will have to start the process next week--They are 29 with a 8 yr old & 23 with a 3 month old. The bills are almost a $1,000 now. The grass is up to my butt with a working lawnmower in the yard. This has been the hardest thing to do in my WHOLE life--but my 85 yr old father lives across the road--& is sick to death at looking at it.


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DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

I'm right there with you, Tdaffy. We've kind of slipped back into some of our our old ways at my house, so I'm thinking a December eviction notice may be order!


sscheibner 3 years ago

I want to thank you so much for this hub. I am very thankful I found it & now know that I am not alone. I have a 21 year old son who has put me through the ringer the last 2 years. My heart feels shattered, my hope feels gone. NOONE can understand fully unless they are in the situation., so please don't judge. He likes zanax. He drinks. He gets into trouble with the law, has even spent 62 days in county jail & 30 in a rehab because of it. He has his ups & downs, which leaves me with such hope...then crushed. I have for 2 years continually been a support to him, encourage him, let him know he is loved & pray for him. He is still in the same spot if not worsening. I have 3 other children, his sister is 20 & very respectful. She is quite wonderful. Also 2 small children & ofcourse my husband. I can no longer allow the disrespect, sneaking girls in the mid night, being violent, cussing at us & stealing from his lil sisters $ & electronics. I called the police & I was quite taken back when they said they cannot do anything about it one night when he was high screaming at us. They said file for an eviction. Im sorry but the slaps on the wrists of these kids & my son knowing an officer will not do a single thing to him, wont even send a car out, enables these kids to become bullies to their parents! We are victims in our own homes while these kids are allowed by law to take us over! unbelievable! We are starting the eviction process now, my son says he will not leave (& I believe him, he wont) so this is all very heart wrenching. He has a suspended license & warrant for tickets he never bothered to show up for (which I was going to pay if he went to court) now my car insurance is increased. I want to cancel him from our policy but I am afraid he will get hurt or hurt someone while driving drunk or something & I will be sued. What a position we are all left in. I'm sorry we are all going through this but I am thankful I am not alone. (((HUGS)))) to all the broken hearted mothers, try to not lose hope!


Jerry 3 years ago

wife son (my step) hurt his back in a car accident 6 yr. ago has been on pain meds .for all that time. works on computers. came over to store his things in our loft including himself, 4 yrs ago,says he can not afford to live on his

own. his living here is causing a BIG strain on our marriage what can we do?


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DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

What kind of income does he have? How dependent on the pain meds is he? Is his income sufficient that if he found a roommate, could he afford to live on his own? Alot of factors come into play here.


At-my-wits-end 3 years ago

Is it different for someone who is a renter? I rent my property, and my granddaughter is not on the lease. I'm at my wits end. I've been raising a grandchild for the past 15 years. Despite years of trying to teach her to be a good person and setting boundaries and consequences, she just hasn't listened. Over the years, it has only gotten worse. She has a diagnosis of oppositional defiance disorder. Having a diagnosis doesn't make it any easier to live with. I've taken her to psychiatrists, therapists, meds, etc. I took away her cell phone (which I didn't give to her - that is another story) because 2 Fs on her report card and grounded her for 2 weeks for other bad behavior last year. I explained she would get her phone back once she brought her grades up, and if her behavior improved, she wouldn't be grounded anymore. She reacted by sneaking at of the house at night, cutting school, and getting failing grades in all her classes. This is how it has been since she was young. Someone punishes her, she just does something worse. Even at school. They stood her in the corner for talking too much, and she picked the paint off the wall in retribution. She told her friends that she was being locked in her house and I wouldn't let her out, and one of the friend's parent called the police. After the police talked to us, they realized that she was full of it, and just started shaking their heads. They told her to go home and listen to her grandparent. Now she is a few months short of 18, and she is telling me that she can go and come when she pleases now, do whatever she wants, and there is nothing I can do about it, and she refuses to clean her room or do anything to help. She leaves dirty dishes in her room until it smells. When I take them out, she yells and screams about me being in her room. Her boyfriend came and cleaned her room (seriously) and she tore it back to its original squalor in less than a week. When she was sneaking out of the house at night, she was going out the window, leaving me vulnerable with an unlocked window, and she has threatened me. I'm afraid of her. When she is 18, I will have to evict her? She refuses to go back to her parents, and I can't get them to come get her. I wonder why? For the people who would criticize me, you haven't really walked in my shoes.


INSTIGATOR2 3 years ago

After years of the struggle, I filled out the eviction notice today. The last straw was when my not-working, drug-smoking, lazy 20 yo told me to chill the F*** out after I told him to get out of bed. I work all week and on Saturdays everyone else is doing chores, except the "prince" himself. I stopped paying for college last year when I realized he was partying more than studying. Now with younger kids to raise, he is not a good influence. I know it is difficult to get so drastic with your children but I have tried everything else. His brothers wash dishes, cuts the lawn; not him. Enough!


lincolnlights2012 3 years ago

To sscheibner and others,

It is heart wrenching what occurs and interesting that parents can put teens on the streets and get by with it but we cannot evict our grown children. It was not until my 37 year old son lived wit me a year and physically assaulted me that I could get a protection order and have him removed from my home. He is in jail for assaulting his girlfriend now. We should have laws to protect us. I suggest that if your son has been violent, get a protection order and have him removed.


Frustrated mom 3 years ago

Plan:

Starting the eviction process tomorrow. I have reached my boiling point!


Barbara 3 years ago

I have a question that I cannot seem to find the answer for. I know a young adult (20) that has been diagnosed as being bipolar 1 (the most severe form) his dr has deemed that he will never be able to hold down a job. he lives at home with his father. His father is a control freak. So he is constantly kicking this young man out sending the young man into a state of freaking. If he isn't kicking him out, he's threatening to start eviction proceedings. Can he evict/kick out this kid? Is it illegal to kick out a disabled, unemployed person in the state of SC?


ohmo 3 years ago

The large picture is that it is not healthy for a mentally ill person to live in a stressful environment. If this young adult is disabled, then they need to apply for disability benefits, and then also get into a group home (or on the waiting list for a group home), or find help through whoever is diagnosing/prescribing their meds. I went through this with a severely disable sister with schizophrenia. After finding the right doctor and meds she is now living independently with financial assistance from SSI. It is not fair to the parent or the child, and is not a long term solution, to have mentally ill children live long term with a parent. I have lived it; it never ends well. If you know this young person then perhaps you can persuade him to speak to his psychiatrist (he must have a psychiatrist or he would not have a diagnosis or meds) and have the him or her get this person to the correct agencies for a long term solution.


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DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

I agree with, Ohmo. I knew a young man who was able to move out on his own with several other youn men once he had SSI benefits. You could consult legal aid, but I feel sure they would tell you it's not against the law to evict, even though it seems cruel.


petitefeet5 3 years ago

This young mans dr, deemed him incapable of holding down a job when he was 16 at 18 after numerous incidences because of his condition he applied for ssi. Disability and was rejected. Social services claimed that his dr could not have made that assessment if he had never held a job. Now at 20 he is unemployed, he has been fired twice, he is uninsured, not medicated and cannot see a dr for lack of insurance. He does not have the cash for a lawyer to fight ssi. This truly is a mess.


ohmo 3 years ago

Does he live in the US? If he does then he should reach out to NAMI (national alliance on mental illness), as they can provide help. He should be eligible for Medicaid if he has no income and no assets, and Medicaid will provide medical coverage. Medicaid also provides in-patient psychiatric benefits for those under the age of 21, so it sounds like he needs to get going on getting benefits. Please see if he can reach out to either agency so that he can start getting treatment, let us know how it goes and don't be discouraged by paperwork. It can be tedious but the coverage does get paid for...


petitefeet5 3 years ago

Hi,

Yes he lives in the US. I will tell him to contact NAMI Ty

I totally agree that he should be eligible, but bureaucracy is what it is.

I will definitely keep you all informed. Thank you for the advice and keep your fingers crossed for him please.....


ohmo 3 years ago

He is eligible for Medicaid. That can get processed in a month or so, so wishing you success!


Perservarence 3 years ago

My 32 yr old son is back again. I can relate to scaredinbama . I'm afraid to evict him. He is dangerous and owns guns and I truly fear he could kill,me. Eviction? I wish!!! He is drug addicted with many health both physical and mental problems. I don't know how to get my life back he has been back for 5 years and although he started with promises of seeking help,he only goes to doctors to get drugs. My house is all I own so me moving out is impossible My life is so stressful now it has effected my health.


ohmo 3 years ago

Dear Perseverance,

If your son owns guns and is on medication it is time to contact the police plus whoever his doctor is, to make them aware of the situation. You are probably not the only person in danger. Particularly after Sandy Hook and other recent shootings, you can't let this go on. What if a child is killed? Whatever you do, have an escape plan, and a "safe" place, that he doesn't know about, that you can go to if necessary. Do you have other family or friends that you can stay with? I would get the heck out until he leaves; I had to do that and it was hard but the best choice. If he hurts someone you may be held liable since you knew he had guns and was on meds and didn't alert the authorities. Personally I would get ready to hide, then when he isn't home round up all his weapons, notify the police and get the weapons to a place where he can't access them. Then go to the safe location and file a restraining order. Please be safe I'll have you in my prayers.


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DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

I agree with Ohmo, other than the part about leaving my own home. But it's so true that more and more parents are having the finger pointed at them when their teenager or adult child has run afoul of the law. If you know he has weapons, they may be illegally obtained, considering his history. Get the police involved and don't wait!


Unappreciated 3 years ago

At-my-wits-end , your granddaughter sounds like my son. He has Oppositional Defiant Disorder too. He was horrific at age 12, tough in his older teen years then seemed to snap out of it. Now he is 26 and the past 2 months have been a nightmare. He has enrolled in college a few times but skips class after a month or so, does not turn in his work & falls so far behind he always just gives up & then fails. He has been out of work for 2 years now & is not try to find work anymore.

He sleeps for a day or more, then wakes up & starts talking crazy, asking when I'm going to tell him "what is going on here." He is paranoid and thinks he is followed everywhere, that he is famous & is getting messages from people who are real celebrities. He thinks the motion detector in the house is filming him & tries to block it with furniture / couch cushions. His room is a pig sty and he tells me I better not ever go in his room - he won't clean it or allow anyone else in to do it for him. I point out that "his" room exists in my house and to fix the pigsty. He won't. He pays no rent, and occasionally will do a chore but only because I won't hand him $ otherwise.

He is defiant and tells me what a rotten mother I am, when I was a single Mom and always put him first. I only had 1 child and he had a very sheltered life, I never remarried because the men I dated did not seem like they would be a good father to him. His own Dad took off and was put in prison, lies constantly & a sociopath. I am afraid my son is taking after him. He would rather lie than tell the truth, twists everything I say & conveniently forgets the threatening things he has said to me. He has stolen cash from my wallet, used my credit cards, to the point I have to hide them or lock them up.

I have back pain and needed to have prescription pain meds. He stole them, the first day I got a bottle he stole half! Then had the nerve to tell me I didn't really need them. I had to carry them in a little purse I wore at all times, even sleeping - otherwise he would sneak in my room to steal them. I started to lock them in a safe but he managed to pick the lock. After that he got more sly and would only take a pill or two at a time. I finally resorted to buying a high end biometric / fingerprint safe. Thank God for that. Now I don't have to carry my pills around with me all the time. Once I was in the shower he snuck in to grab the little purse of pain pills - he is really that much of a low life. I chased him out with a towel around me and grabbed them back. The little jerk just laughed like it was a funny joke.

I have called the county MHP to come evaluate him. The problem is even though he is crazy as a loon, he is a smart one and will probably not say anything to get him locked up or any help. He refuses to go to a psychiatrist now, or to a ER to get evaluated for help. I feel terrible about wanting to throw him out, he tells me he will be homeless. He plays me. He also tells me constantly that I'm a terrible mother, calls me every filthy name, tells me I'm a whore, and that no one can stand me / I have no friends. He is hateful, I don't even know who he is anymore. Sometimes I get so depressed & feel like I will never be free of this monster. It is so sad because he was such a loving little boy. I don't even know who he is anymore, but I want him gone. I deserve better than to live like this.


Unappreciated 3 years ago

Sscheibner - have you considered signing the car over into your sons name? He is 21, so if the car is in his name I think that would shield you from being sued if he got in a wreck.

At my Wits end - I was just going to add my son does the same thing. Punish him and he just acts worse - ever since he hit puberty. When I would take away a privilege for swearing at me or anything - he would immediately go on a field day of doing whatever behavior he was not supposed to. Throwing garbage around the kitchen, throwing my favorite dishes on the floor to break them. Calling me a nasty name 300 times.

And what you said about the boyfriend cleaning the room & she just trashed it again. I spent one whole afternoon picking up a million t-shirts from the floor of his closet & hanging them up. He had a tantrum later that evening and threw every last one back on the floor again.


Unappreciated 3 years ago

Sorry to Sscheibner for the bad advice - I didn't see that your son has a suspended license. If it is a car he has the use of that is in your name - either sell it & get it off your property or put one of those "clubs" on the steering wheel - make sure the key to it is not accessible to him while he has no drivers license. IF he is stealing the family car then call it in to the police & make it clear he did not have permission. Take him off your car insurance policy since if he drives with a suspended license or drives while drunk I don't think the insurance would cover an accident or injury anyhow. Good luck to you - to all of us living this nightmare. They don't know how much we love them & how having to get tough causes us more pain than it does them.


Sscheibner 3 years ago

To unappreciated, no my sons car is in his name not mine. Do you think we would be in the clear then if something happened? Yes he is 21 so no one could sue the parents even if his residency claims to be here? By the way, the eviction date for him is 8/11. Please keep our household in prayer, he is very crazed & violent. He stays gone for the most part but a couple times a week now he has been here at always 4am breaking things & acting crazed. Cops don't help or even come. They say he has a right to be here & he is not punching us. SERIOUSLY???? A fraction of my heart is grieved but I have to do this to protect my family.


Andrew 3 years ago

I am a 50 year old man that has raised 3 sons. Get your house in order. All this whining makes me sick. What is wrong with you people? If your children have alcohol or drug issues-you get them help-you don't kick them out. If you and your wife are having issues-like 90% of what I read-don't kick your kid out-kick the spouse out. You guys make me sick. Your mid-life crisis will not be solved by trying to go back to 1975. Protect your children-no matter what.


ohmo 3 years ago

Wow Andrew if you have raised (3) sons then you should know the best life skill you can give a child is the ability to live independently. Protect your children? These "children" are adults now. And as far as drug and alcohol issues go, adult children are just that, adults, and a parent can't force them to get help. This site is not about mid-life adult crisis, it's about adult children who are taking advantage of their parents by trying to make the parents feel guilty. I have a brother that used my mother's guilt to give him housing, and when she wouldn't willingly give him more money, he stole all of her savings and social security income. She is now deceased, and I'm paying the funeral expenses to the tune of $9k. I don't care where he ends up now, but believe me my Mother didn't do him any favors by taking him in.


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DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

I got a good chuckle out of the mid-life crisis comment! How I would've loved to have had the luxury to have had one of those! Instead, I've been spending the last four years paying off credit cards that were stolen and run up on whatever my adult child felt she needed at that particular moment. I threw away $1000's in counseling and drug treatment programs and am now raising children who aren't my own. Andrew, if you have something intelligent to lend to the conversation here, I welcome your comments. Until then, get your head out of the sand and comment when you know what you're talking about!


Mike & Anita 3 years ago

My daughter and her husband live with us. She is 33 years old and he is 35. I thought she would move out after she got married two years ago but no she will not. She is afraid to live alone. Her husband is not working, we thought he was in the Army but found out he in in the National Guard and only gone two weeks a year. They never help around the house. Its my fault for not using tuff love.


ToughSich 3 years ago

Have a 50yr old brother living with my widowed Mom for 6yrs. Now with his girlfriend. No job and has no interest in looking for any work. He plays the Mom needs me card and is completely supported by her........FREE. Plus cash to play with! She is supporting him......she still drives, walks everyday and is in basically great health. She is afraid of his unstable outbursts and paranoid research online of doom and gloom end of the world crap, but, won't take action because I know she's pychologically become dependent on him being around. Frustrating trying to make her aware of her enabling effect and how it's effecting his future growth, her happiness and the inequity of future inheritance issues. Mom would want fair adjustments later, but need to address without setting off my little brother while he's in the house and I live across the country......any advise


ohmo 3 years ago

Wow Toughsich-- you better do something now rather than wait. I made the mistake of waiting, and when you talk about "future inheritance inequity issues" guess what, if your brother has already been there for six years and isn't working, he's probably gone through most of what your mother has already! Just do the math; an average adult needs at least $20k per year just to live (food, transporation, gas, access to vehicle, clothing, etc.). So figure $20k times 6 is $120k of her money he has spent. I would check the title to her home, ask her for a copy of her credit report, and see if you can set up someone local (a CPA or attorney) who can review and report any adult financial elder abuse. I believed my mother when she said she had everything under control, and by the time I took action it was way too late. When she passed away her house was in foreclosure (due to unpaid property taxes and an unpaid equity line that my brother had used), all of her IRA funds were gone, and my brother had been helping himself for over two years to her social security by putting her bank accounts on line. Please do something now, before it is too late.


Mike Michaelson 3 years ago

Of course, there are situations when step parents are involved and the son/daughter is ill and can't take care of themselves. I was in that situation and moving back home for me was heartbreaking, I moved out when I was 18 and never thought about returning home until I was 40, had lost my job due to illness and couldn't take care of myself.

Without a solid diagnosis though, I knew it was only a matter of time before my heartless stepfather forced me to leave. Ended up homeless and almost died, got so sick I couldn't stand up. Fortunately, I got a diagnosis and treatment and now I am staying with a friend and able to earn a little money.

Point being, a lot of times when kids come home they are truly in need and don't have any other options. After all, what man in his right mind at 42 would WANT to live at home? Wondering which asshat is responsible for this article, not all adult children living at home are deadbeats.

As for my stepfather, revenge is sweet. Caught him cheating on my mother, filmed enough to convince my mother and she kicked his fat diabetic ass to the curb! lmao


John Dere 3 years ago

Makes me sick to read some of these comments, a lot of these adult children are mentally ill or chemically dependent and parents just toss them out on the street, shameful. They stop loving their kids because they don't, or more likely can't measure up to the world's expectations. Not everyone is going to be able to handle being on their own and in that case, parents need to at least make sure they have support and a place to go before kicking them out.


ohmo 3 years ago

Guess what John and Mike, we are NOT talking about children who are mentally ill, handicapped, or otherwise disabled. As far as chemical and alcohol abuse goes, ask any decent AA group or counselor, and they will tell you that it is the unhealthy FAMILY dynamics that many times keep the person addicted (parents are great at enabling). So why on earth would a chemically dependent person want to live with family?

What we are talking about are those selfish adult children who REFUSE to take responsibility for themselves, and use up parents and siblings resources with no remorse. I have a sister with schizophrenia, and my brother, who had lived with my elderly mother for the past 10 years and put her home into foreclosure, used up all her assets, and then even sold her wedding ring and claimed Mom had "lost" it, claims he "took care" of Mom. Meanwhile, my responsible sister, who takes her meds, works full time, etc. and I had to fight to even visit our Mom in her own home (brother would lock us out).

If someone is truly disabled, they qualify for SSI, and transitional homes for the mentally ill. I will always support my sister, but she will never, ever live with me. Nor would she want to.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

I'm the "asshat" responsible for this article and if you had read ALL of the comments, you might understand what many of these parents are going through. Again, we are not talking about mentally or physically ill adult children. We're not even talking about step-parents. Please READ before commenting! However, with a vocabulary like yours, that may not be an ability you possess.


ssmith 3 years ago

I am so happy to see I am not the only gullible parent being used by grown children and grandchild. Reading the other situations makes me feel that I am not alone. I now know I will have to give up my co-op apartment and move. I will not receive my money back because the time it will take to evict them, will cost me anyway. I pray for all the parents in this situation.


Mom with troubling step kid 3 years ago

I need help and I don't know where to start I have a step son who is 20 and hitting my 6 year old handicap son not just a pat on the butt but slapping him in the face and holding him down and pushing him around ... His father won't do anything about it ... Do I have him arrested or. What I am confessed but I don't want my son hurt anymore then he is ? Please help


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

You have to be an advocate for your child! You cannot allow this behavior in your home. If your husband won't support you in this, take your younger son and leave!


JaneDoe 3 years ago

This information is incredibly helpful. I am trying to help my mom evict my soon to be 18 year old younger sister so as to protect my little brother. I am 28 and have lived on my own since I was 18 voluntarily. Those people who say that these people who evict their children are bad parents obviously do not and have not experienced the situation and are so quick to judge without living in their shoes. It makes me sad that there are so many judgmental people. My mom has gone through every step possible to help my sister and try to talk to her and any other possible way, including going through DSS and other social services, to no avail. And the way that my sister treats my brother with no sense of remorse is disgusting. And the way my sister has nothing but disdain for my mom who has worked so hard to be a good mother and of course in my opinion is a great mother is also disgusting to me.


Lost 3 years ago

I have a soon to be 21 year old daughter who is extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. I am a single parent and feel I have given my daughter a good life. Now I deal with name calling, threats to call my job, threats to smash my property. I love her so much and I don't know this person she has become. I have simple rules she acts like are not even there. She live like a slob, destroying the room she is in. I lock my room so she can't steal from me. Most of her anger comes from wanting money from me, thinking a horrible parent for charging rent. She has legal and substance issues, I've tried over and over to have adult conversations about her behavior but she will not participate. If I don't give her money she says she will kill herself. My mental health is suffering tremendously. I'm filing eviction papers thurs and feel guilty.


Lost 3 years ago

my daughter has held dishes over my head threatening to "smash my face in" held hammers to my car threatened to "fu.. Your car up" she works but doesn't want to use her money for rent or things she needs. She wants to use it for etoh, drugs, driving around with friends. She calls me horrible names, "crazy bi..." "Fat assss cu.." She says being around me makes her want to kill herself, she tells me to go kill myself. She tells me "all my friends and their parents think you are a horrible mother for charging g me rent and trying to kick me out" I called the cops once and she lied and told them I assult her "all the time" which is not true. The officer suggested that I leave my home. "To give her space" I'm working on eviction but I'm scared what might happen to me and to her when she gets dragged out by the cops, and is on her own. She has already told me the only way she will leave is if the cops drag her off. Are there any chat support groups anyone knows about, is anyone able to provide support via email? I need help


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Anyone? We certainly are not alone here. Maybe it's about time we formed a group. Former commentors??


Yaries 3 years ago

My 21 yr old daughter is verbally abusive; doesn't work or go to school. She has made all kinds of excuses to not finish or even start her GED. Now I am unemployed after 20 years of teaching for the Archdiocese of NY; am semi-disabled after ankle surgery; and am verbally abused almost daily.

While she has filed applications with various companies, because of her shakey work history, no one is hiring. I cannot take the abuse any more. She has the TV on almost 24 hours per day; eats and cooks whenever she wants and rarely cleans up after herself. Now I am at the point of no return. I will go to court to see what recourse I have to get her out of the house..


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Good luck, Yaries. As you can see, you're not alone. Adult children, count your lucky stars if you're allowed to live in your parent's home while actively looking for a job! Be a good tenant by doing dishes, cleaning you room, doing yard work, cooking dinner, and most of all being respectful to your parents!


ohmo 3 years ago

Hi Yaries and DIY I'm all for forming a group... I still have to evict a brother after the title on my Mom's home transfers and am dreading it. But he should have moved out about 20 years ago. Let me know if you form a group that would be great and thanks this forum does help.


AncientScotIrish 3 years ago

From the other side - my Dad walked out when I was 14, more than 60 years ago, and I knew I'd need to look after my own life and prospects - did as well as I could in school, got summer jobs from the first summer I was age-eligible, got a scholarship to university, completed ScB and PhD, all while my Mum never got a job, I moved away to another country - no staying at home for me - I did go back to help them occasionally. They had given me a good enough start, and 14 was old enough to know what I should do. I thought I was an ordinary kid, who could explore what was possible if I tried, and was given the chance to try. It can be done, so why not give it a really serious try?


zullu 2 years ago

Hi, im 19 years old, i go to college and i just got my first job. My parents never really helped me. I had to do things on my own, i wasn't allowed to get a job in highschool. Believe it or not, ive never went to parties, i always stayed home and cleaned, made straight a's, and never had a curfew because i never went out except for the occasional chaperoned slumber party. My father is an abusive alcoholic and my mother is a chimney smoker, i clean the entire house every day. I clean my parent's room the kitchen and syblings included. My mother us so lazy she

will flick er cigarette ashes all over the computer. It all went down hill when i finally had my first boyfriend, good typical guy, goes to college, does nothing bad except the occasional speeding ticket. I was going to join the military to escape my home life but he convinced me to stay and try college first, so i did. My parents were pissed when i decided to go to college, and told me i was to dumb to make it. I never cried over shoes presents or money really. I appreciate that they pay my 30 dollar phone bill, but my parent's never gave me a curfew. So one night icame home and all the doors were locked. It was 1:30 a.m. and it wad raining, i called my mom and dad a million times, they never picked up their phones, so i had to open my window, im glad that i left it open. But they continue to lock me out all the time, what should i do? Since in an irresponsible, inconsiderate teenager, who cares about no one for but herself. Im just tired im trying to move out and live with it, but they just continue they won't even look at me. When u try to talk to them they will act like im not even there, what should i do?


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 2 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

You are an exceptional teenager. Either your parents are borderline abusers or they are mentally I'll. (Maybe a little of both!) Do you have a pastor, a friend with understanding parents, a teacher , etc., who can help, give you a place to stay, or advise you?


mari 2 years ago

I am 32 I live at home with my mom and her idiot boyfriend my stepdad...I left home at 17and a few times after and came back ...no one wants to be a burden on there parents and have daily rules as an adult ...I have depretion anxiety and a bunch other psdt disorders I push aside and still try to work and I cant cuz of my criminal record...now I just contribute my food stamps and try to stay at my new boyfriends rented room but there I have to hear the owners mouth about me cooking and always cleaning her entire stove and bathroom so I find myself bouncing back and forth...I feel like dying sometimes such a disgrace having no independance being able to provide for myself I hold it inn but its hard having to depend on others to take care of you...my mom trys to rush me off with whoever im with just to get rid of me...she even says I hope when you move its farr. And always saying ooh when you leave you can take this table with you out of the blu...or in stores talking to strangers she says I cant wait till she moves shes 33and still at home or under my skirt rill shes fortt....im 32by the way...im bearly at home and when I moved out the last time with a guy she rushed me to he turnd out to be a drunk druggie who would disapear for a day and verbaly abuse me...this guy now bearly calls he always working or tired and sumtimes would disapear for a day drunk said his cell had no charge but if we live together he wouldnt stay out all night...I see the same thing happening ...and the store owner lookt at her and said his older son is married and wants to move back home and that his daughters moved out at 23and he wishes they were home...he lookt at me and said good stay home ...she isnt married...I guess that wasnt the answer my mom wanted to hear...it seems when kids have good parents they are bad kids...but when kids are sweet like me my mom can be a mean and hurtful person...even when I would give her 20or 40bucks she said it easnt inuff to keep it she didnt want itt...or she would say its about time...I stay in my room almost allday I dont bother her and it seems when im around her everything bothers her part of the legal trouble I had in the past was due to her constant...trying for me to move out vBulletin I workt I payd her and still she wasnt happy so I stole to have a place I ended upp in more touble now ..whoever comes along she is dying to move me out with them I havent even nown this guy for 6months he has expired ids passports speaks no english I dont think he loves me even tho he says itt but im not trying for it ro end sour and have ro move in again like the last guy...she lies and says I just want u to be happy she doesn't she wants me outt..or him living here paying her 300a month till he saves toget a place...but she wont stop nagging she just got a carpet for 2thau shoes always have to come off and god help u if u drop something...or the ceiling fan she says I leave it on and her electrick bill will be high...but they leave and keep the tv and ac runing...she has a house alarm but says its for security reasons ...bottom line they make rules but only for me to follow they do what they want I cant even watch tv in the livingroom its there huge screen tv...a month or to ago she was loosing the house she was told she didnt pay the mortgage for ti years I think ...they have a boat in the yard 4cars one isnt working the other they just boght a navigator huge truck used but there house is in jeapordy...so my stepdad said he claimed bankrupt and that all the bills are finally caught up but the gas bill came for 800and the wayer 400 and I havent been here much...and she wants my boyfriend to pay her 200and a bill ...and she says there less than 100and she says im lucky for her to offer him to stay here to save for a place that 300isnt rent that thats nothing....to her nothins ever inuff...bottom line family should do things to help without expecting nothing in return ...if not dont help to complain about it later throwing it in my face that I just contribute food or nothing to her in her eyes isnt helping the help given will not be forgotten or reimbursed eventually in payment or in other form its human nature if your a good person when I win my case if I do for ssi she nows I will give her something but she dont deserv it or a daughter like me ill leav it in gods hands ...there are kids 21iv seen curse out there 52yr old mom and there spoiled rotten im not one of them..my mom like her bf like to show off and have alotta luxury items..acting like there rich...I dont consider a roof over my head much help when its been given in vain or thrown in my face to make me feel infrrior I have a lisence and I walk she never lends mr her car even when she leaves town I watch her house..she came back a week later feom florida yelled at me for her fence being broken...she didnt even apologize ...there was a storm and it broke her fence door ...she said I was suppos tobe watching her house I boght cat food detergeant fed her animals got her mail cleaned took her trash out...I could of stay at my boys house he wasnt alowed over but I had to watch her house and she wants him to move in ...at sum point ...but cuz she wasnt here he isnt alowed over or me to watch her living room tv...id be a fool if I listen with no one home too many rules ...for nothing some people arnt meant to be parents ...she had me by accident so its no wonder im in hell and my sisters 5hrs aways rich happy withand im stuck with court fines moms bitching and selfishness and I was facing jail time a few weeks ago ...and im not a bad person my idiot x was homeless so he rold me to sell my meds I ask one guy turnd out to be an undercover and there goes my future no job will hire me ...it just happend to be a cop and my 1st time asking someone its like im cursed life has and is difficult always for me maybe she should of had one kid only ..my sis of course she praises and her kids I dont have kids I was tild to get out if I did I c ok uldnt live here...but I still cant anyways ...its all about money food she has every month wether im here or not I give her 180in food stamps...its greed its money and theres worser pwople out there worse off life is hard inuff ...without being in the street so I tolerate her bs and try not to be here that much I still get yelled at of course my presence irritates her cuz shes 56old miserable and should of had one kid only the rich one that spoils her now and thenn...peace love and try not to sweat the little things...no wen your kids taking advantage or its nesesity dont push them ro ruin there life...


mari 2 years ago

I am 32 I live at home with my mom and her idiot boyfriend my stepdad...I left home at 17and a few times after and came back ...no one wants to be a burden on there parents and have daily rules as an adult ...I have depretion anxiety and a bunch other psdt disorders I push aside and still try to work and I cant cuz of my criminal record...now I just contribute my food stamps and try to stay at my new boyfriends rented room but there I have to hear the owners mouth about me cooking and always cleaning her entire stove and bathroom so I find myself bouncing back and forth...I feel like dying sometimes such a disgrace having no independance being able to provide for myself I hold it inn but its hard having to depend on others to take care of you...my mom trys to rush me off with whoever im with just to get rid of me...she even says I hope when you move its farr. And always saying ooh when you leave you can take this table with you out of the blu...or in stores talking to strangers she says I cant wait till she moves shes 33and still at home or under my skirt rill shes fortt....im 32by the way...im bearly at home and when I moved out the last time with a guy she rushed me to he turnd out to be a drunk druggie who would disapear for a day and verbaly abuse me...this guy now bearly calls he always working or tired and sumtimes would disapear for a day drunk said his cell had no charge but if we live together he wouldnt stay out all night...I see the same thing happening ...and the store owner lookt at her and said his older son is married and wants to move back home and that his daughters moved out at 23and he wishes they were home...he lookt at me and said good stay home ...she isnt married...I guess that wasnt the answer my mom wanted to hear...it seems when kids have good parents they are bad kids...but when kids are sweet like me my mom can be a mean and hurtful person...even when I would give her 20or 40bucks she said it easnt inuff to keep it she didnt want itt...or she would say its about time...I stay in my room almost allday I dont bother her and it seems when im around her everything bothers her part of the legal trouble I had in the past was due to her constant...trying for me to move out vBulletin I workt I payd her and still she wasnt happy so I stole to have a place I ended upp in more touble now ..whoever comes along she is dying to move me out with them I havent even nown this guy for 6months he has expired ids passports speaks no english I dont think he loves me even tho he says itt but im not trying for it ro end sour and have ro move in again like the last guy...she lies and says I just want u to be happy she doesn't she wants me outt..or him living here paying her 300a month till he saves toget a place...but she wont stop nagging she just got a carpet for 2thau shoes always have to come off and god help u if u drop something...or the ceiling fan she says I leave it on and her electrick bill will be high...but they leave and keep the tv and ac runing...she has a house alarm but says its for security reasons ...bottom line they make rules but only for me to follow they do what they want I cant even watch tv in the livingroom its there huge screen tv...a month or to ago she was loosing the house she was told she didnt pay the mortgage for ti years I think ...they have a boat in the yard 4cars one isnt working the other they just boght a navigator huge truck used but there house is in jeapordy...so my stepdad said he claimed bankrupt and that all the bills are finally caught up but the gas bill came for 800and the wayer 400 and I havent been here much...and she wants my boyfriend to pay her 200and a bill ...and she says there less than 100and she says im lucky for her to offer him to stay here to save for a place that 300isnt rent that thats nothing....to her nothins ever inuff...bottom line family should do things to help without expecting nothing in return ...if not dont help to complain about it later throwing it in my face that I just contribute food or nothing to her in her eyes isnt helping the help given will not be forgotten or reimbursed eventually in payment or in other form its human nature if your a good person when I win my case if I do for ssi she nows I will give her something but she dont deserv it or a daughter like me ill leav it in gods hands ...there are kids 21iv seen curse out there 52yr old mom and there spoiled rotten im not one of them..my mom like her bf like to show off and have alotta luxury items..acting like there rich...I dont consider a roof over my head much help when its been given in vain or thrown in my face to make me feel infrrior I have a lisence and I walk she never lends mr her car even when she leaves town I watch her house..she came back a week later feom florida yelled at me for her fence being broken...she didnt even apologize ...there was a storm and it broke her fence door ...she said I was suppos tobe watching her house I boght cat food detergeant fed her animals got her mail cleaned took her trash out...I could of stay at my boys house he wasnt alowed over but I had to watch her house and she wants him to move in ...at sum point ...but cuz she wasnt here he isnt alowed over or me to watch her living room tv...id be a fool if I listen with no one home too many rules ...for nothing some people arnt meant to be parents ...she had me by accident so its no wonder im in hell and my sisters 5hrs aways rich happy withand im stuck with court fines moms bitching and selfishness and I was facing jail time a few weeks ago ...and im not a bad person my idiot x was homeless so he rold me to sell my meds I ask one guy turnd out to be an undercover and there goes my future no job will hire me ...it just happend to be a cop and my 1st time asking someone its like im cursed life has and is difficult always for me maybe she should of had one kid only ..my sis of course she praises and her kids I dont have kids I was tild to get out if I did I c ok uldnt live here...but I still cant anyways ...its all about money food she has every month wether im here or not I give her 180in food stamps...its greed its money and theres worser pwople out there worse off life is hard inuff ...without being in the street so I tolerate her bs and try not to be here that much I still get yelled at of course my presence irritates her cuz shes 56old miserable and should of had one kid only the rich one that spoils her now and thenn...peace love and try not to sweat the little things...no wen your kids taking advantage or its nesesity dont push them ro ruin there life...


healinghands1668 profile image

healinghands1668 2 years ago from Chicago, IL

I am 28 and living at home. I work two jobs and I pay for car and health insurance. I have offered to pay rent, but my parents declined because I am working and saving and I help out around the house. Plus, I am a massage therapist, which means my mother is a bit more reluctant to let me out on my own. ;) She pays me my professional rate, but I know she likes having me living there so scheduling massages is that much more convenient for her.


Phil 2 years ago

I am a 40 year old male who has temporarily moved back in to the family home after living abroad for 10 years, basically just while I get settled back into the home country and look for my own place. I am paying 'rent' to my mum to cover my stay, I do feel a bit guilty since it's a lot less than what I was paying to landlords previously but she seems happy with the arrangement. Most of my siblings flew the nest years ago, except for two of my sisters. One sister who is 5 years older than me, moved back in after her divorce(over a decade ago!) and has been living here ever since.

Now, despite the fact that she doesn't work(I think she claims welfare) and doesn't pay any rent or bills, the rest of the family would be content enough with her 'sponging', 'mooching' or whatever you want to call it. However, this is not the worst of it - after our dad passed away a few years ago, she now acts like she owns the place. She and her two teenage daughters have taken over half the rooms in the house, she shows no consideration for anyone else in the house and complains if others do something she doesn't like eg* use the washing machine/dryer on the weekends.

Yet even that is not the worst of it, she has done one thing that has really roused my ire and that of my siblings: a couple years ago she invited her boyfriend to come live in the family home, and she didn't obtain the express permission of our elderly parents. Now there is a stranger living in our family home with my sister, despite the fact that he works full-time he pays no rent to the home-owner my mum, doesn't help with the bills or even with maintaining the property beyond mowing the grass in summer and has claimed several rooms in the house for himself.

My mum has tried repeatedly to get them out but my sister either makes empty promises, excuses or threatens my mum with never seeing the grand-kids again. I wonder how a grown man can feel pride and not shame for leeching off someone else's mum, let alone his own. I wonder how my sister cannot feel deep shame for inviting some guy into our home and encouraging him to leech off her parents. The 4 of them are racking up huge utility bills and don't care how much they use, presumably because they've never had to pay out of their own pocket.

Most of all I worry about what happens when our elderly mum passes away - although the house is currently co-owned by my mum and the other sister who is living in the family home(she is very placid and quiet), I fear the problem sister and her partner will either attempt to squat permanently or maybe even try and claim the house - leading to future legal battles, a torn-apart family and even more enmity.


helplessintx 2 years ago

I am 45 yrs Old I was my Mom 24hr care taker from the time she started getting real bad; sick till the day she died didn't do it because I had to did it cause I loved my mom now my step Dad of only three years has filed eviction on me to get out of my Mom house that she has had the past 29 yrs before he came momma promised me I would alawys have a this house to live in not only for me but so the grandkids would akways have a place to come to what can I do to stop this


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 2 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Do they have legal aid where you live , because it sounds like you need an attorney, Helpless.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 2 years ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Wish more adult children were like you, healinghands!


Dennis Howard 2 years ago

i want to thank you for this information. I just went through divorce after 29 years of marriage and my 25 year old son has become destructive and violent. I feel I have no choice but to start an eviction especially in light of the fact that he crossed the line last night attacking me. One point not addressed is how do you protect your property when they become incensed at being evicted and start destroying things. However, that being said I found this information very helpful. Thank you.


Totheselfishones 2 years ago

I honestly feel bad for some of you parents who just kick your children to the curb. I have a mother who is completely selfish, emotionally unstable, and a pathalogical liar.She wans to evict me because I got home at 12 last night after spending time with my freinds family who I cherish so much. She provoked the argument by locking the top lock forcing me to knock on the door just to open it and yell at me. Im 19 years old, I go to school as a full time student, I dont do drugs or drink. However I do have a life and I cant always be home when she wants me to, I go to school and I think that its okay for me to do whatever I want as a reward. My note to you parents who dont try to understand that the ppl you live with do have lifes of their own and you cant expect them to follow YOUR schedule. Its such a selfish and cowardly thing to do to evict YOUR child based on things they arent doing within your time frame! If your child does drugs SHOW THEM LOVE, DONT EVER SHOW THEM TOUGH LOVE BCS IT MAKES THEM FEEL UNWANTED and encourages their drug use. People who do drugs feel lost at some aspect in their life. I could never imagine evicting my future children bcs of stupid petty shit like that, with no where to go. That is SO SELFISH. Larn how to be better parents and learn to understand your child.


mikurotoro92 2 years ago

iam 22 years old & still live at home & i WANT to move out im sick & tired of burdening my parents i want to go to japan & become a game developer but im stuck i live in a small town with no jobs im stuck here bc i have no other choice so not all adult children want to mooch off there parents i want to get out but i can't my life is hell 24/7 & i can't take it anymore what should i do? thanks in advance!


Laura 2 years ago

Totheselfishones - sounds like your mom is very manipulative. However most of these parents are the ones being manipulated. Drug addition does require tough love. Which has been done in trying to get their children help but you cant make someone want ot better themselves. Usually they have to hit rock bottom when they go that direction ans will take everyone that is willing down that spiraling fall. Unless your an addict yourselve or so co-dependent that you are wanting to go down this road then eviction is sadly the only method. Its really sad that parents become abused and are many times raising the children of these addicts and non-paying/supporting of children. I see too many 65 year olds raising 10 year olds now. When is their turn to take a break and retire. My family has persoanlly witnessed this in which we all have tried to help and offered place to stay in trade of going to school and working part-time. It has failed every single time.Even paying 4k for property so she wouldnt live with my mom. I stupidly let her have property in her name for possible legality repercussioins and she sold property later for 8K and now torments my mom every day. Although my mom has been an enabler to her for years d/t the grandchildren she has raised while sister has collected child support and food stamps keeping for herself 80% of the time its a horriable situation for my mother. I know for a fact I would kick my child out and live with the guilt. If one doesnt the entire family gets pulled in and it becomes an eternal hell for all involved.


ohmo 24 months ago

TotheSelfishOnes - word of advice, if your mother is unstable and emotionally abusive, then move out. Lots of people at age 19 go to school and work full time. Also, going to school after high school is not to be "rewarded", rather, it is a "privilege" that people earn. If you mother is paying your tuition, then she deserves respect and you should follow her rules. Best Wishes to you...


margeaux 19 months ago

i have an 18 year old with an 9 month old son,she is not abusive but do to no experience with baby or children ever she tends to be neglectful in his well being.To me she is disrespectful,verbally abusive in front of anyone throughs things,if I lock my bedroom door she bangs on it screams out loud steals from me any mess never cleans flips when i ask ignores me.lazy with baby except when she takes him off the shelf to play if you understand what I mean,leaves him with me to lies about wheres she going.So much more.We left her dad due to abuse and I feel like that mouse trapped again bringing back memorys getting mentally weaker.I want her to leave with or without my grandson Im willing to keep him till she gets help how do I go about it what step first.Pleasehelp


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 19 months ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Margaux, if you can afford it, get a family court attorney to represent you and go to court for an emergency hearing for you to get emergency custody of your grandson. Document everything she is doing in a diary and share it with your attorney. You should be able to get a hearing quickly. At least you can keep your grandchild safe until she can get control of her life.


JDoe 18 months ago

"And why aren't we talking about "adult children" who have been mistreated by their parents? If my mother were to add to this blog, she would make me out to be one of the same monsters from some of the parents' posts above. And you would respond to her exactly as you have to every upset parent - with support and prayers for their situation. The trouble here is that you don't know all the details. Who knows? Maybe you have inadvertently made some 20-something-year-old's life a little bit harder, by supporting an abusive parent or parents. Sometimes parents don't even know that their treatment of their child is abusive. Most of the ones who do know that are buried so deeply in denial that they will continue it until the day they die."

^THIS. A thousand times THIS. I was considering responding but this man put it perfectly.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 18 months ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Have you read any of the comments above? If you have and think these behaviors are ok, and even worse, blame these people's parents, you, my friend, are part of the problem.


Geri Wendell profile image

Geri Wendell 17 months ago

I need some advice I have been living with a family member for over three years.I have my space and it usually work out.But in the last few months if I'm not doing thing their way they threaten to kick me out. I attempted to talk things out but nothing works. Is there anything I can do to protect myself? I pay my share of the bills ontime and pay for things when they break around the house. I'm not a free loader....


bob 17 months ago

Hello. I know that this comment may go unnoticed but I care for your input. I am a young adult who just turned twenty, today actually, and am thinking about making my future, but need time. I have been looking for a job, and have been told to find one, repeatedly, and have being never asked even for an interview with clubs, volunteer work, ap courses, and a solid 3.0 rising to about a 3.3 in my first semester of college: I have not been asked for a job interview out of a dozen jobs I have applied to, and this includes taco bell.

My parents have subscribed to the theory of tough love, as they always have, and within a year I will be out. This subscription has led me to become analyzed with moderate depression, and suicidal tendencies, while at the same time they discouraged me for my entire young life, to this point, to not go to friends homes because I could be raped and killed; as a young boy. As an adult presumably with children of her own, how would one of your children hold your attention just long enough to look towards colleges, give the financial records and responsibilities for college to the kid, and perhaps aid them in their search before offering the boot? Every time I speak to my parents they say do everything on your own but I do not have a budget, social security number, a job, credit card, car, and so on; in the north, in the country, where jobs are a fair distance from home, winter makes walking impossible to travel, and college is a little more expensive then the past generation.

I'm not trying to sound aggressive, but I don't even know my insurance information, and no I can't presume to know other adult kids, but I know my situation. I know me getting a job and help paying for food for my parents, who one is disabled, and helping around the house is better than me being homeless and having one crying over guilt. Any thoughts?


KenSch 17 months ago

Just an update -- it's still going on. I've been notified that the girlfriend will be "visiting" for another six months starting end of July. As with the last "visit" I'm the one who informed my mom. This time she literally almost rolled out her bed. Unfortunately not only do I have to deal with my mom's issues (granted, she's actually improved psychologically), but apparently now whatever it is that's at work in my brother . Nobody I've talked to isn't perplexed by their concept of relationship -- but nobody will get involved. The one problem I have is believably conveying what the dynamic in the household is. It comes across as exaggeration or fault-finding rather than an accurate assessment o the situation. My brother has always somehow garnered admiration and respect in public and people won't get that's it's different behind closed doors. I'm not up on all the psychology stuff so I don't know what he is exactly. I figure he's a psychopath. I saw a program on I believe "high functioning" psychopath corporate types and what was discussed pretty much described him. I don't get the girlfriend. I think she may be an alcoholic or have her own anxiety or depression issues (like mom). During her visit she'll spend about 98% of the time in "their" room, except when they go on their "vacations". It's almost inconceivable that a woman would put up with this sort of arrangement, but she does for whatever reason. I'll admit I had a feeling it would come to this when she "finished" her studies, but on the other hand I figured that since she lived alone while in Europe she would prefer her independence and couldn't tolerate this. Guess I was wrong...


KenSch 17 months ago

The thing that gets me too is the fact that he's claimed that she feels awkward and that I "intimidate" her (I've never, ever confronted or argued with her). One time he said that *she* thinks the situation is "pretty messed up". I was gobsmacked when he said this. SHE'S the one who's coming into the house without my mother's approval or my acceptance, and she basically ensconces herself in "their" room, and she makes it seem like the problem lies elsewhere????


adult child of abusive mother 17 months ago

My daughter who is now 16 and i have been living with my mother since she sold my home for 450,000 and kept it herself. I was also in a near fatal car accident in 2007 which left me disabled. I do not pay rent however i do all the cooking cleaning etc. She is heavily addicted to several pills and lies around and does nothing except look for ways to argue with me. She had attacked me more than once and verbally and emotionally abuses my daughter and myself. Now she wants to evict me and my daughter because she says we can not get along. Any feedback appreciated.


salsagirl1953 17 months ago

Hi Everyone. About 3 years ago I was going through the agony of kicking my kids out of the house due to drug addiction and the verbal abuse of me and my husband. I took the very hard step of going to court and having my son evicted. Despite his claims that he had no where to go, he did land on a friend's couch. He has asked me one time to allow him to come back home but I refused. Now he has a good job, an apartment of his own, and has blessed me with a grandson. We are on friendly terms.

My daughter was using meth and I kicked her out too. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. She wandered the streets and stayed with her "druggie" friends for a few months. Finally, the light bulb went on and she asked me to help her get into a drug rehab program. She has now been clean and sober for three years, has a part-time job and our relationship has never been better.

Parents, hang in there. Tough love is hard but the rewards are well worth it the heartache.


girlfrommidwest 14 months ago

I don't know if this will be read or get a reply but need to try for advice. My brother 30s, lives with mom 60s, he's manpulative and abusive mostly emotional/verbal and some physical, bruised her many times and injured in other ways once or twice. He was taken after a social worker was involved. Social worker guessed he may be schizo or similar. He was evaluated, they say it's mood disorder/ aspergers/autism but Dr wouldn't sign off for him to be put in a place. Now mom wonders what else to do or when to, he's no better than before. Will cops and/or Dr help at all or any more if know history and how acts? Don't know if to contact cops or social worker, she's not involved now so it's hard to reach out. He's pushed her, pinned himself on her, grabbed, stomped, blocked her path. He calls her "stupid" "fat" "jerk", yells at top of his lungs in her face. He's said she "should be beat", has threatened to throw her into the wall. She has actually been knocked on the floor by him. He's defiant at times keeping TV loud and won't turn down. He's belittled me, gotten in my face about to push me and has hit me in the head. Most of his anger directed at Mom though. He doesn't drive, have a job or do chores. If ever does chore very rare and limited, blames or makes excuses if not doing. There are more things he does that shouldn't be allowed but what I've described are main concerns.


LincolnLights2012 14 months ago

Girlfrommidwest,

Adult children are scary to us 60s women. You find that males who have mental health issues especially are scary. We don't sleep well when they are in the house and we become sleep deprived. The best option is that she file a protection order. Cite that he has been abusive. They will mandate that he stays away from her and her home. It will force him to get help. Call the police if he violates it. Mean it!! You can also call the adult abuse hotline. Your mom needs protected.

The longer she waits the worse it will get. Her quality of life depends on it. I had to file a protection order. It was the only recourse. Then buy a security system.


mattie 9 months ago

I have a 19yr old son my oldest of 4 sons. He just started working in dec 2015 a fairly good job that I filled out the application. So he is overly disrespectful I have asked him to pay $50 a week to contribute to the home . He will agree until pay day which is on Friday but he stays out then he comes back he is broke by Sunday but not without his $150, $200 shoes. All I ask for was $50 a week. On top of not paying he is very disrespectful to me and everyone . I have given him a 5 day notice to pay or quit. He is not taking it seriously so now I'm evicting him.


Drained 9 months ago

Any advice when it's your step children. My husband has 7 children. No all do not live with us, actually they all but one never lived with us. But 2 months ago the mother of 5 who is clinically insane found herself homeless once more and we found ourselves saddled with 3 more of the 5 making 4 of his total living all of a sudden. Ages 23g 22b 19b and 17b. I don't mind the 17 and 19 yr old, but the two adults that do not believe in work or respect have to go. I've talked, I've yelled, I've accepted month after month of promises to vacate, but dad keeps making excuses why they need to stay. I am at my wits end. They do not and will never like me due to the divorce and scorned mother and I am uninterested in caring. I just want them gone. I know it will probably cause my marriage but I willing to suffer that loss. My peace and sanity is far more important. They help with nothing. The 22yr old male aspires to be a rapper. And the 23 yr old female is a nasty bottle collecting fairy who lives in a fairy tale world of being a producer cause she makes videos of herself for fun. Neither of these adults have any in tension of living peacefully with me. I want them gone. My husband is their father and I don't expect him to choose me but I don't expect him to expect me to accept the disrespect of two worthless adults walking in and out of my home with mates and friends with at times a "hey" as a greeting. I'm a pretty solid fighter. I raised a son of my own who is a solider, I myself work for home land security and I take no shorts from folks, but a marriage is causing me to humble myself and not explode on these loaders in my home. Please realize their is alot more to my story but I certainly couldn't explain it all here. I guess what I want is to know an eviction notice is ok. I'm trying to remain calm each and every day. It's getting very very very hard....... someone help.


Jenn 7 months ago

Yes, I am a parent in this predicament. It's a very tough and heart wrenching situation to be in. You hit a breaking point after your kid has completed 12 years of therapy, 14 months of inpatient therapy, 1 year of in home wrap around services through compass health which was a joke, multiple at risk youth petitions, several court cases invloving domestic violence because your son keeps hitting you, theft, lying, getting to know every officer in the county bc you need the police at your house 1-3 X almost daily during some months, family therapy, yearly school IEP's, to hundereds of meetings with school officials over the years. My spouse and I too have under went couples therapy, personal therapy, family therapy then onto teaching new parents coping skills newly going into this process. We have run the entire gamut of things to do. We've also worked with multiple local runaway shelters as well as taken several classes on dealing with difficult children. I for one cannot wait until our son is 18, I am and will evict him immediately. I'm done, I'm so done. He know has a very serious charge pending which I will not state here. I have been emotionally tormented for too many years and now is time to take care of me. I love my son, I know in my heart there is nothing more I could have done, I have done more than most parents, I have no regrets, I have taught him well, and taught me well in the process, I hope he makes good decisions but I am done, done, done put a fork in me I'm done. All those domestic violence charges he has because he hit me, yes I sat in court with him. He yelled at me in court one time, why in the hell are you here! I said because I'm your mom, I support you, and I love you. We will get through this together. I have faith one day, I can be happy again. It's time to take care of me. He has 4 months to go until his 18th birthday. I'm currently helping him setup a plan to vacate.


Debbie 6 months ago

I have been searching for help for quite awhile and my precious girlfriend who knows what my husband and I have been going through, sent me your link. I cannot thank you enough for the guidance you put together here for people who are obviously so broken hearted, desperate and have no idea where to turn. In our particular case both of our adult children who are living in our home, no longer respect any rules or us as their parents. They think they can talk to us any way they want. They are up all hours of the night...no regard for their parents who are sleeping and who are the only 2 bringing in any money to pay the bills. They have people over all night long, stereo going, life's just a party for them. They don't contribute financially or by doing any chores. They are actually slowly destroying our home. Carpet, walls, dishes etc. etc.. Also we've had to battle over things that shouldn't be in our house too! Which is where the real deal breaker comes in for us as parents. We can't imagine we're doing them any favors by 'approving' this behavior any longer....not to mention losing our sanity in the meantime. We love them (their still our kids) but they have to go!

Thank you again...


Michele 5 months ago

I have just started the eviction process with my 23 year old son. It has been a nightmare for years. My son has been in rehab 4 times. I had just moved back into my house after living with my boyfriend for 3 years. I had renters in the top two levels of my house and a basement studio. I created this situation to help my son. The renters ended up begging to get out of the lease because of the constant partying my son was doing. People there 24/7. In addition; only paid rent twice in 13 months. I move back in to my house in March. I was woken up every night, 2, 3 or 4 am constantly. Loud partying. Drunk loud "friends". I can't even list all the sacrifices I had made for him. It's clear I became his enabler out of love for my child, but he is not a child anymore. My heart breaks at the thoughts of what my son's future will be but I have a 16 year old son that has chosen the same path of his older brother and I have to protect my younger son from the older son's abusive, destructive, drug and alcoholic lifestyle.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 5 months ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Michele,

My heart breaks for you and believe me, I understand. Sometimes hard choices have to be made and they may not be easy, but for everyone involved, they are the right ones. Keeping you in my thoughts. Good luck.


Kenneth 5 months ago

I have a terrible situation. My youngest sister is the 'Adult' child who is living with my parents. She is 42 years old. She can't keep a job. She's an alchoholic and drug addict. About 8 years ago her personal addictions caught up with her and she went to prison for 2 years. She had a boy and a girl, roughly 6 and 8 years old. She had recently got a divorce so she and her 2 kids lived with my parents. Well, fast forward 8 years, and 4 rehabs, a DUI and 3 car accidents, she is still living with my parents at age 42. About 5 years ago, my parents obtained legal custody of the kids where they were raised by my parents while my sister was in and out of prison and rehab. Today the kids are 16 and 18 years old. The oldest graduated highschool. My parents are both 75 years old and still putting up with daily emotional fatigue because of my sister and her addictions and abusive behavior. My parents have missed out on their 'good years' in life and have been forced to raise their grandchildren while putting up with my sister on a daily basis. I need to take desperate action in order to salvage whats left of my parents remaining years. Since we know there is no hope for a cure, we know that my sister will continue her indulging of drugs and alcohol until it finally kills her. My biggest fear is one or both of my parents will not live to see this day. What can my parents do legally to remove my sister from their house? Is it formerly getting her evicted and then filing a restraining order ? Yes, I fear for my parents especially when she drinks, she does get violent with them. The unfortunate thing is I live in NC and my parents live in CT. I'm trying to see what my next steps would be. Eviction seems like the way to go. Keep it within the law and then issue the restraining order after that? If i can salvage a few years for my precious parents while they still have the strength to take care of themselves, this will be so worth it. -KP


Proberts 4 months ago

I have a different situation. When my father died 12 years ago he suggested that i move in with my mother so i could be there when she got to the point of needing help. After a year my mom saidvit was ok and i have lived there now for 11 years. I just turned 65 and my mother is 92. She has always been a complainer but i lived with that. I have always been respectful. I paid half the utilities up until about 3 years ago. I was on disability for a job injury. When that ended i had no income. I got on food stamps and general relief until this year when i started receiving social security. I pay her what ever i have left each month and buy my own food but some months i don't heave anything to give her. A year ago she invited my daughter and two grandkids to move in here from texas, we are in California. My daughter had lost her job and was loosing her apartment. I had nothing to do with my daughter comming here. In the beginning it was fine but then my mom started saying we were trying to take over her house. Which is not true. My brother wants us out of here and has convinced mom to evict us. I know he is hoping that she will take me out of her will which leaves more for him. My daughter was never asked tonpay anything but to just get back on her feet. We have been staying in our bedrooms all the time, out only to make meals. At first she would eat with us ad a family but then stopped and eats by herslf. My rs ex husband died april 2 and she is waiting to see what income she will get for the kids in social security. She has a part time job two days a week.

A month ago mom gave us a 60 day notice to vacate. I am living on 88 a month and don't have anything left to rent even a room. Mom told me i can go to a shelter. My daughter won't have anything untin ss is figured out. I don't know what to do. We don't bother mom, in fact i am in my room all the time. I can't work because i had back surgery 9 months ago and have lots of pain.

We are not bad abusive children. Mom is making it terrible to stay especially for my grandkids cuz she is constantly bad mouthing them and lying to my brother about how bad we all are. Like i said i don't know what to do. I guess i could go to a shelter but i can't see my grandkids living like that. They are good kids who go to school and just started football. It a mess.


frustrated in bama 3 months ago

Thank You. I am going through the same thing.. It's good and bad to know that I am not alone. This generation of entitled brats needs to be stopped. I moved to Alabama to stay with my daughter and family 8 months ago They are 34 and 35. I am raising my two youngest grandkids and I am 58. When I came here it was all fine. For the first month.They wanted to help with the kids and all. They have two teenagers. I came here to start new. to get the kids away from the drama of the parents. BTW their mom my daughter has finally gotten her life in order and is trying and has come to live here to. I lived in their home for 5 months. During that time, I paid for their bankruptcy, dental bills, bought all the groceries and I did not pay any of their bills. Bought Christmas for everyone. Did what I thought was right. I had money in savings and a small retirement check. Since being here I have found a good job and I love it. I purchased a large house so we could all live in it. The agreement was they pay 1/2 the bills. When they got their finances in order I would sell them the house for what is owed on it. They have decided not to pay their part and refuse to leave. I am not allowed to speak to my older grandkids and if I do they lie and say I said things I didnt. They do no chores around the house unless they feel like it. THe 14 yr old grandson stays in his room on xbox ALL the time. He doesnt mow doesnt clean. Nothing.. The 15 year old granddaughter does nothing either. My daughter works.Her husband lost his job in July and hasnt tried to find another one. He stays gone all night doing Lord knows what. and she stays on the phone with him half the night crying.. I have voiced my opinion about it, but was told it was none of my business. I am not allowed to speak or state an opinion or I am a smartass, probalby because I said if the kids can work a cell phone and an xbox they can work a washer and mower. None of my business. I filed a police report last week because of the activity going on in the garage. Not sure if there was stolen merchandise or what being stored in my garage. I filed a report just to cover my but in case it was. I had a stove stored in the garage and it is missing. but they have improptu yard sales at will. I am sure they sold it, when I asked they said they hadnt seen it. I took the room above the garage to stay so there family could stay in the main house. I am not allowed to walk through their room which is off the garage to go to the bathroom, so i have to go outside and then back through the fromt. To date me and my grandkids they are 5 and 6 and there mother are staying in the room above the garage. I have a cooler of ice to keep drinks and milk cold and have taken my microwave out of the kitchen we can use it to cook. Its a sad situation, and they think they do no wrong. I placed the eviction notice on the door this morning for them. I am done. I pay all the bills, mortgage and all. they turn the air down to 65 in the house and when I go to the bathroom I turn it back up to 72. They are planning on leaving according to what he told the police on his terms. He called the police after he got mad this morning I turned the air up and the breaker blew. He accused me of doing it and called the police. I am too old and tired to live under this kind of stress. My daughter doesnt speak to me other than to cuss me. She stays in her room with the doors locked. Its really sad for her because she chooses to stay with someone who treats her badly. They have made no effort to move forward with life, ie get there finances fixed , get a job(him), pay their way. I cant speak to them without them yelling at me. Its a bad situation and I want my grandkids that I am raising to be safe in their own home. There has been no phyiscal abuse, as of yet. I'm tired of the drama. and just want a quiet peaceful rest of my life. So the process has started and I hope it ends soon.. I had my bank account and credit cards compromised last week twice so had to order new cards, and am having them sent to my bank to pick up, he is home all day and Im not sure he didnt have something to do with the theft. I'm just praying this ends soon.


jo 7 weeks ago

good info on process. Doesnt look like we have the rights they have.

Filing will cause much stress for us.


D.M. 9 days ago

Thank you for this info. I went through this with my oldest and I am quite certain I may have to again. It's good information for parents that have younger children in the house that may be negatively affected by an older sibling's actions. My job is to mother and care for those too young to do so for themselves. I had a 5 year old when I had to evict my eldest. It was very difficult. She was 18 and very verbally abusive to the little ones, so she had to go.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 9 days ago from South Carolina, USA Author

Many times I don't think parents realize the impact of the turmoil on younger siblings until the older children are finally out of the house. My own son absolutely blossomed. I had no idea how much pain it was causing him watching the constant conflict and never being able to have any attention for himself. I feel like he lost a big piece of his childhood having to witness some of what he had to see. No child should have to go through that.

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