How to Steal Your Family Inheritance

Today I received an email asking if I "Want to legally hijack some major cash today?" Sounds intriguing, but as luck would have it, I just this week discovered an ingenious method of hijacking  cash (as well as other assets). Ok, so it's not 100% legal. And it takes a little more than a day. But it's most definitely a hijack.

The idea is brilliant in its simplicity: Steal your own inheritance.

I'd like to take credit for it, I really would. Alas, my brain is not wired for financial intrigue. I don't have a criminal mind.

The beauty of this idea is that even the most diabolically challenged (like me) can pull it off.

Step One: The Trust

You will need the following: Two elderly parents, a lawyer, an unsuspecting sibling, and some patience.

First, set up your FAMILY TRUST. There are two components to the trust: financial and medical. Obviously, your interest is in the financial. So as you are sitting with the family and the attorney, "graciously" allow your unsuspecting sibling (US) to be named as the person in charge of medical decisions for your parents. Since parents always want to be fair, they will naturally assign you to the lead financial role. Everyone will be happy. Especially you.

Now in this initial Trust document, there is a first position and a second position. Make sure you get the first financial position. Your US will be put in second position on the financial and you will be put in second position on the medical. This is all fair and square and makes the whole thing appear legit. Mom and Dad's future needs are now legally in the capable hands of their two devoted children. There are two decision makers for medical, two for financial. Lovely.

Step 2: The Setup

The Trust may sit gathering dust for some time. That's to be expected. The provisions of the Trust do not come into play until one of the parents becomes ill or dies. This may take some patience on your part. But trust me, it will be well worth the wait.

Now let's say the "triggering event" is that one parent becomes very sick. For the sake of argument, we will say it's the father. Suddenly the Trust document comes down off the shelf. Time to double check who is really authorized to make decisions for Dad's healthcare. Chances are very good that by this time, Mom is pretty distraught and probably not in the best mental shape to be authorizing "chemical code" or "DNR" decisions with Dad's doctors.

This is where having your unsuspecting sibling (US) as the primary healthcare decision-maker on the Trust comes into play. He will be so focused on doing the right thing medically, that he will not be paying any attention whatsoever to the financial side of things. After all, Mom and Dad still have healthcare benefits to pay for Dad's expenses. They still have income coming in. There's really nothing happening at this point that affects the financial aspect of the Family Trust.

At least, that's what US thinks...

Step 3: The Old Switcheroo

While Mom and US are dealing with Dad, you'll be busy in your own way. You'll have several clandestine meetings with your attorney. He or she will give you the high sign when it's time to make your move.

Since it's your own family we're talking about, you will know when the perfect moment arrives. It is imperative to wait until both US and Mom are totally distracted with caring for Dad. Hopefully by this time Dad will be really, really ill. It helps if he needs hospice care, as implementing hospice requires Power of Attorney.

Now assuming your US is like most, he is dead serious about his care-taking duties. He knows hospice is needed. When your lawyer suggests that he (US, not the lawyer) should obtain Power of Attorney, he (US, not the laywer) readily agrees.

However, to make this happen, Mom, who is still listed in the Family Trust, and is not sick or dead yet, needs to be disenfranchised from any and all decision-making power.

How do you accomplish this, you ask? The answer is simple. You get Mom declared mentally incompetent!

Step 4: Movin' On Up

If you play this step right you will actually be able to get your US to cooperate as your unwitting accomplice. Have your lawyer tell US that it's a "mere formality" to get Mom declared mentally incompetent. Convince him this formality is necessary for him to get Dad enrolled in hospice.

Your ojbective here is to get US to be the one to obtain the doctor's signature on a form declaring Mom mentally incompetent. Trust me. He will not suspect a thing. He'll do anything/everything he can in the interest of supporting Dad and Mom through this incredibly difficult time.

As soon as you get that signed piece of paper, grab it and run -- don't walk -- to the lawyer's office. You've now got what you need to rewrite the trust in your favor! See how easy that was?

Sing it Queen -- I got a one track mind!

Step 5: Grab those Assets

With Dad now on his deathbed, both Mom and US are 100% distracted. They will have no idea what you're masterminding over at the old attorney's office. It will be months before they find out -- and by then it will be too late. Hehe.

So here's how this works:. Now that Dad is out of the picture (figurately for now, literally in a matter of weeks or days), that leaves only Mom to contend with. Oh wait! Remember, we got Mom declared mentally incompetent. So that means that the original trust document is no longer valid. Mom is officially legally incapable of making financial decisions for herself. Luckily, she has you, her faithful Trust executor, to make them for her!

Oh my! And what a conscientious little trust administrator you are! You are so on top of things and so diligent about managing the Family Trust that you don't waste a second. No sirree. The minute you get get that "mental incompetence" declaration signed, you get the lawyer to rewrite any/all sections of the Trust document that don't suit your needs, and off you go!

Money for Nothing

Step 6: Laugh all the Way to the Bank

De facto, you are now the only person with any legal claim to the Trust. With the mere stroke of a pen, you've obliterated both Mom and US from the document. Instead of the Family Trust, you could just as well title the revised document The Bank of Me.

Now, at some point after Dad kicks, US will probably regain his mental equilibrium. This is not to be confused with Mom -- her mental competency is gone, baby gone. It's signed, sealed and delivered on that scrap of paper her doctor signed. But US will eventually start poking his nose around the finances. You see, being a true caretaker at heart, he's still got a vested interest in making sure Mom's taken care of, now that she's a widow. And that means both physically/emotionally and financially.

No worries, however. US can't touch you or Mom's money. He's been summarily written out of the Trust document. That lawyer the whole family worked with to write the original document? Sorry, brother. That lawyer now represents you and only you. Not Mom and not US. YOU are the Trust. They are -- well, they are toast.

Be a "trust buster" -- that's a GOOD thing!

Step 7: What's Mine is Mine, What's Yours is Mine

Congratulations! You're now in sole control of all the assets in the Trust. You and only you have full access to all of your parents' bank accounts, investment accounts, deeds of trust, credit cards, etc.

Basically, you get the whole enchilada, and brother gets... nada.

You may (or may not) choose to leave a little something in the till for Mom. After all, she did raise you. And it is ... oops, I mean WAS... her money. But she'll never write another check as long as she lives.

 

Step 8: Relax, Retire Early

Still not convinced? Go ahead. Be my guest. You can sit around and wait, and wait, and wait for your inheritance the old fashioned way. But who knows how long your parents might live? And how much of "your" inheritance will even be left by the time they check out?

No, my friends. In these uncertain economic times, we need to think outside the safe deposit box. Mark my words: Hijacking is the estate planning wave of the future.

After all, it's your inheritance. And besides, you know Mom and Dad always liked you best:-).

God, I hope so!
God, I hope so!

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Comments 466 comments

advisor4qb profile image

advisor4qb 7 years ago from On New Footing

Narcissists who do this should be put into jail.  Great hub, Mighty Mom.  I can only imagine what you must be going through with that sister-in-law of yours! Just remember that even if she reads it, she will somehow rationalize that she is justified in her actions. Sickening! A good keyword for this might also be "elder abuse!"


badcompany99 7 years ago

Woooo that was so so well written, with a little streak of sarcasm and venom perhaps, loved it !


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thanks advisor4qb. I will add elder abuse. It does fit, our situation. In fact, "our" attorney is working on a case against her as we speak.

Badco -- Guilty as charged, sir. I wrote it with my fangs bared:-). MM


Ms Chievous profile image

Ms Chievous 7 years ago from Wv

OK so I was thinking of a bunch of bad things to say about this hub until I read the comments.. sorry if you were the victim in all of this. I have been dealing with some of issues you have mentioned above with my father...But I have had the good fortune of dealing with the Elder Planning Center.. i don't know if this is too late now for them to intervene..

Continue to vent if you need to.. we are here for you.


Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 7 years ago from Stepping past clutter

This is based on fact? I am so sorry. I am dealing with a situation that could blow up into this type of destruction and the saddest part for me is the dismantling of family. The venom and rationalizing that comes from such an event is astonishing. But if you can turn it into a Hub like this, well, I know you are going to be ok. Thanks so much for telling your story in this brilliant way.


Queen of the Lint profile image

Queen of the Lint 7 years ago from The Laundry Room

I'm so sorry you're going through this! It's worse to be betrayed by a family member, I think, just devastating. Hang in there.


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast

Money for nothing!! Amazing the things people will go through and do in the pursuit of money. I feel for you and your husband.


Janetta 7 years ago

Wealth in only a few simple (though slightly illegal, maybe) steps! Congratulations, MM, you've just become my financial planner! LOL


emohealer profile image

emohealer 7 years ago from South Carolina

Hey, you may or may not be venting, but in the end I think you are opening the eyes of some who may have even considered this an option with their justifications in place.

Keep sharing the other side, venom and fangs are ok, sugar doesn't lessen the effects of poison and poison is what you are talking about here.

As always I enjoy your presentation style and pictorial attachments.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Ms Chievous -- Hooray! That means my hub duped you into believing I actually did this. There is no way in the world I would/could ever think of such a diabolical scheme. I only hope this hub alerts others who might encounter similar scoundrels.

Storytellersrus -- I am so sorry you are dealing with a similar situation. Quite agree with you. The money is secondary. The "trust" within the family has been irrevocably broken. I only hope the person involved gets some help. Rationalizing is a big, big part of it.

QOTL -- Who needs Bernie Madoff when you've got family members who think like this! Thanks for visiting.

TM -- I don't believe the money is even primary. It's CONTROL. Sick, huh?

Emohealer -- I hope I have opened the eyes of people who are involved in family trust situations to be careful who you "trust." And that also goes for the medical decisions. Our attorney says it is always a wise idea to have the executor be someone who is not a beneficiary. My trust is going to be rewritten as soon as all of this is over. That is, assuming Hubby and I have any $ of our own left over from the legal battle! Thanks for commenting. I am so glad you like my hubs!

Janetta -- God love you, woman! You actually made me laugh out loud. I'm operating on 3 hours of sleep and am just a bowl of emotional jelly. I sooo needed your comment this morning. Thanks!!


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

Oh Mighty Mom..........SO SORRY to hear that you are going through something this diabolical.

A friend of my grandparents and then parents when she was widowed & my grandparents were already gone became a victim to her sister who got some (evil) lawyer to declare her incompetent. This was a wealthy lady. She was slapped into a nursing home (her home & possessions sold).....ended up wearing cloths of people who had died in the nursing home......every time my parents would visit she was without her glasses and hearing aide, etc.

My parents made such a ruckus that the sister had her moved out of state to some other nursing home until the poor soul finally died.

I think people who do things like this (for money) are going to have some tall explaining to do in the next life!


Raven King profile image

Raven King 7 years ago from Cabin Fever

Hi Mighty Mom. It is scary how some family members are predators and feel justified. Scary, scary stuff.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States

So sad. Who can even think that way? I boggles the mind. Thanks for writing this MM.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Peggy W- Thanks for the anti-diabolical support. We would really like to get some explanation and maybe some restitution here in this life. We're certainly working on it!

Raven King. Predators -- good word. Predators do feel 100% justified, don't they?

Tom. I never would have, that's for dang sure! Obviously our situation is not unique. I have heard from our attorney that this is quite common. And the comments on this hub pretty much verify that, don't they?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Where were you when I needed you?


kiran8 profile image

kiran8 7 years ago from Mangalore, India

I am so sorry Mighty Mom, Hope things work out - all the best :)


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

MM, I was marvelling at how devious you could be till I read the comments...what a terrible thing to go through!


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines

Mighty Mom, hang in there! Never ceases to amaze me that siblings who grew up together or children of loving, rich parents end up duping their innocent family just to get their inheritances and their siblings' inheritances.

I'll keep the above in mind just to make sure the same doesn't happen to any of my (rich) relatives or friends. Thanks for the eye-opener!


puppascott profile image

puppascott 7 years ago from Michigan (As far as you know...)

I don't want to leave a comment if I will be incriminated in anything. So I won't.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

CR -- I'm currently advising Janetta. If it's not too late, I'd be happy to take you on as a "client" as well. LOL.

Kiran8 -- Thanks. Us, too.

FP -- It's actually taking quite a bit of ingenuity and a bit of deviousness to fight this legally. Like a chess game where the pawn is a dear 87 year old woman!

emievil -- The irony here is the parents are by no means rich. We are not talking about a lot of $$$. It's really about "control."

Puppascott -- You crack me up, friend! LOL. I'll pretend I didn't see your non-comment:-). MM

THANKS ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT. I swear, I log on a few times a day just for a reality check that there are still good, caring people in my corner. It's so wonderful in the face of this evil.


Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

Good GAWD this is awful. Just awful. So sorry, so amazed, kinda speechless. Scum-sucking bottom-feeding venomous little skank is how I would characterize your sister-in-law.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Teresa, God love ya! I absolutely love your line: Scum-scuking, bottom-feeding venomous little skank. This must be what they mean when they talk about "getting your Irish up." LOL. THANK YOU! MM


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

great hub....This is horrific! What an appalling piece of work this thieving mongrel of an(ex?) family member is - makes you wonder how long this evil plan has been germinating in that nasty greedy little brain. We have been diddled out of a couple of inheritances but the trick is to have two joint long term POA's - one being the family member; the other being the family's employed lawyer who works for the benefit of the person who requires the "care". They are then required at specified times to report their decisions and expenditure etc to the state authorities....that is what happens here ..wasn't always the way. So sorry this is happening...cheers


steffiw 7 years ago from cork,ireland

happened to me a year ago,i could see what was happening and spoke out,was told i was paranoid and evil for suggesting such a thing could be done by such a lovely lady and her daughters,result was my dad died without me being allowed to see him and rest of extended family "accidently"given wrong funeral date!we are named in trust(they are trustees)not allowed anything for 80years-i am 46,my children are 20 and 17....


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello dear ajcor -- haven't seen you in awhile. Hope you are doing much, much better thn i at this point. I have no problem having checks and balances. The problem is the transparency has been lost behind a cloud of toxic smoke. Makes my blood boil.

Steffiw -- OMG, that is AWFUL. So sorry. I guess it helps to know that no matter how bad it seems someone else always has a sadder story! Thanks for sharing. MM


steffiw 7 years ago from cork,ireland

getting stronger by the day mighty mom,i truly hope there is justice for everyone some day,miss my dad even at 46,desperately but we are the better people and we are LOVED AND RESPECTED,something these people will never have-great hub,food for thought!


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Thanks MM - haven't really been around as much as I would like - hoping to get back on track soon - I can totally understand how this toxicity and sneaky behaviour could cause bloods to boil - I just hope that justice wil prevail. We have had a situation in our family where after so many, many years the truth is finally coming to light...look after yourself MM...deep breaths and long walks could help...cheers


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Glad to hear that steffiw. There is a certain peace that comes with knowing your heart is pure. You just know your dad knows the truth. Even if Hubby and I lose our fight, I know we have love and respect. Thanks!

ajcor -- I am trying hard not to stress about the outcome. I don't want to live in fear. Deep breaths and long walks are essential. Just ate a bag of M&Ms too. Chocolate is good for the soul, too! MM


Janetta 7 years ago

HAHA glad I could make you chuckle!! :D


Iðunn 7 years ago

My brother and sister did this to me and my other sister. They took control of my father who was suffering from dementia after my mother passed away, had all the family money put into a medical trust for him with their own names attached and hauled his senile self to a lawyer at a point when he had no idea what he was signing and got me and my sister written out and in a way that they could keep inheritance taxes at a minimum. Yay for them, I guess. Dunno how they live with themselves.

I wish you better luck than I had.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Iðunn -- God Gawd, woman. Sometimes I think you and I are cosmic twins or something! Our story is almost the mirror image. It was the dad who had dementia and died first. The mother is actually quite able to express her desires. She gets rattled and can get confused, but is NOT "mentally incompetent."

Don't know how you can be so blasé about your siblings cutting you out of the inheritance. I could learn a spiritual lesson from you, obviously.

Better yet, we plan to nip this plot in the bud BEFORE it's too late.

Stay tuned... and thanks for visiting! MM


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Oh MM, this is soooooo good! What a pity you didn't know about this before all the hoo haa that you've been through!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thanks, CV. Keep on the lookout for the next installment. Trust Busting for Dummies!


mukut657 7 years ago


Erick Smart 7 years ago

Wow this is terrible! I cannot imagine just snagging the cash like that. But then I hear of worse where the one in charge after the death just takes it all.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thanks for visiting, mukut657 and Erick Smart. I could not have imagined this either. Needless to say, this is not the first time -- nor will it be the last -- this kind of power play has been done. There are plenty of lawyers who specialize in this exact problem! Who knew? Wish I didn't!!!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

I believe that one of the worst things you can do in life is benefit/make a profit on the dead, especially when the dead is your own kin! I invite anyone to try this because for doing so, they will roast for it! Truly, this is a great hub and hope that people that read this will benefit by only learning from it and nothing else!


Iðunn 7 years ago

mightymom, it wasn't a lot of fun but it follows a family history of money as priority, lies and garbage so it was less surprising than it could have been... to me, anyway. my sister karen was pretty mad but that was because she used to be one of those finagling freaks who benefitted from and expected the remainder of my parent's money and boy was she surprised when it ceased being the three of them screwing me over and ended up with two of them screwing us both over. I still think my brother david will clean out the bank account and rip off the final sister over time, if he hasn't already but I quit communicating with them all finally. it's like that game show where people keep dropping through the floor randomly until only one is left.

I fled the game early in life and had few expectations and I'm sure I was the better for the flight. toxic people, all of them.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

dohn121. Thanks for your comments. I hope someone is able to benefit from this information and prevent the same thing from happening to their own family.

lðunn -- Sounds like in your version of the game those who got out early are better off. Those left standing in later rounds got screwed even more because they didn't see it coming. The final sister is in for quite a revelation when your brother turns on her. So sad.

I cannot imagine (correction: could not have imagined until this happened0 having that kind of non-relationship with my brother and sister. This has really made me appreciate them so much more!


Iðunn 7 years ago

dunno if it helps but you have my warm thoughts. I do hope you come out ok in your situation, but if you don't, money really isn't everything. I mean, it must be something or two adults who both own two houses each wouldn't have stolen what would be a pittance of their own incomes from their disabled sister by commiting a felony, but whatever it takes for people to do that, I'm just grateful I don't have it in me. I'm still happy, I doubt any of the batch of my siblings ever will be, even with the money. I suppose that is something.


1kmjs 7 years ago

Just ridiculous....


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

So true. Money can't buy me -- or anyone else -- love. We have love on our side. They don't call it the root of all evil for nothing.

We have consulted counsel and have been given some very, very wise advice. Hubby and I are hoping to reclaim our own sanity pretty much as of NOW. The solution is so brilliant in its simplicity that we can't quite believe it. And NEVER would have thought of it -- for one thing, because we are not attorneys. Ours even admitted "Hey, this is a dirty business." No kidding!

Glad you also have something your siblings don't have. Too bad they don't value family. Their loss. WE love you!!!

1kmjs -- It is, isn't it? Or as many people here would spell it "rediculous." Thanks. MM


pgrundy 7 years ago

This sent so many things running through my head I might have to write my own hub so I don't hog your comments section. I'm glad you can vent here and get some support, which it sounds like at this point you definitely need. ((((hugs))))) What you are experiencing sucks, there's just no nice way to say it. But what's really astonishing is how often this kind of thing happens.

I was executor on both my grandmothers and my mother's will and both times other family members stepped in to bully me and become dramatic and abusive. Only one of them was smart enough to actually hire his own attorney though--that was my uncle, a former CEO of a multinational corporation who nearly went to prison for rigging bids and other lovely types of fraud. He's comfortably retired now, a multimillionaire gentleman farmer. That was his punishment once he was acquitted--early retirement with millions. He gave his own mother a private funeral (it would have killed her but she was already dead) and told us we were to ignore her will and distribute her estate according to his wishes, which, after one of the ugliest scenes I've ever witnessed we did end up doing, just to be done with it.

Crime pays in the U.S. It pays really well. And when parents die or become ill it brings out the worst in so many people. Every rivalry, every neurosis, every resentment, comes to the foreground and if money is involved that just makes it worse. It's hard to make sure you get what you want once you're dead. My experience has been that people often don't, even after they've tried their best to insure it legally. Good hub.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Pam. Thanks most especially for the hugs. Somehow I knew you would have experienced something similar -- you always do! Please do write your own hub about your experience -- which has some different components. Then we can link to each other.

Yes, this is all too common.

The attorney Hubby and I met with last night looked at Hubby and basically said, :I can see just by looking at you you have only one agenda, to help your mom. Your sister doesn't share that agenda. It's that simple. This is a DIRTY BUSINESS." We were hoping for a knight on a white horse. What we got was a sharp poke with the reality sword.

At least we know where we stand.

Stay tuned for the saga Part II.

Thanks again for commenting and your support. MM


Moonchild60 profile image

Moonchild60 7 years ago

My grandmother always said that "money is the root of all evil" and of course as a child I could never understand why. When she died I wanted only one thing of her's. A beautiful marchasite/onyx oval cocktail ring. My sister took all her jewely (she had no money) and I got nothing. A few years later she "hi-jacked" money from my aunt that was ear marked for my father, uncle and I and I didn't get a dime yet again. I still speak to and am close to my sister (after a 2 year seperation where I had to think about this relationship). I had found out she was homeless (never was good at handling money) and found her in another state being ripped off of her welfare money by our biological mother (guess the apple doesn't fall far ha?) We are very close now and when people ask me "How can you still speak to her after what shes done? She took YOUR money" I always say "It's just money". Of course they shake their heads and think I am nuts. Just a couple of months ago my beloved father died. (In the process of writing that hub), my step mother has already gone through and gotten rid of many of his things. When I heard this I thought "hmmm is there anything of daddy's I want to remember him by?" and then thought of how ridiculous that sentence was. I need nothing to remember him by and anything I could have ever needed, he already gave me and I carry it with me always. Your sister in law will have the pay the piper one day for putting things and greed ahead of family and love. She has gotten away with nothing.


rickyracer profile image

rickyracer 7 years ago

wow good hub. eye opening.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Moonchild -- Yikes. You've really been through the mill, haven't you? I do totally agree about memories of your dad. You have everything you need in your heart!

Rickyracer. Thank you for visiting. Hope you don't EVER encounter anything like this. MM


darntoothysam profile image

darntoothysam 7 years ago from Burnsville, MN

Hahaha love it... oh wait, no it's bad! =) It sucks there are people that have done this and will do things like this any time they are given the chance.

Can't we all just get along?


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello darntoothysam. LOL. Yes, It's good info. No, it sucks! LOVE your avatar! MM


Karen Banes profile image

Karen Banes 7 years ago from Canada

I was thinking this was a humorous piece and that you had a pretty sick sense of humor, until I read the comments. Your family member will do doubt need the money in her own old age as I doubt someone like that will have any friends or family to support her! Sorry to hear you're in such a crappy situation and hope you can work something out.


bgamall profile image

bgamall 7 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

Wow I read this: http://hubpages.com/relationships/My-Sister-No-Mor

So this scam happened to you. Sorry sweetie.

I hope you would read this about a much bigger scam and maybe write on it yourself: http://hubpages.com/politics/Why-Goldman-Sachs-Is-...


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Karen Banes, I think I did intend it to be humorous. Or more satire. Biting satire. I dunno. I was pretty upset when I found out what was going on. Thanks for lending your support. We're working on the solution now.

Hello dear bgamall, Yep. That poem's about the same situation. I did read the Why Goldman Sachs... hub and it is fascinating/disturbing. I need to reread it because it struck me as just so outrageous that I could not believe it to be true. These days, however, NOTHING surprises me anymore.

Thanks for visting. I always feel better when I see happy furry creatures! MM


wesleycox profile image

wesleycox 7 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012

Well played mighty mom.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thank you, Wesley! The cards are still on the table and we've got an ace in our hand that "she" doesn't yet know about. It ain't over yet! MM


hglick profile image

hglick 7 years ago from Ronkonkoma, NY

ROFL!! Mighty Mom that was an extremely humorous hub. There's enough info here to write a book. I'm sure everyone can identify with some greedy family member that has taken much of what you write about seriously.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi hglick. Glad you found this humorous.That's how I intended it. The situaton itself is anything but. But sometimes writing a funny hub makes the harsh realities of life more bearable.

Thanks for visiting. MM. P.S. I LOVE your avatar!


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas

I'm so glad to be an only child! What a mess MM!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Yep, KCC. That's what I tell my son, too!


pollyp2000 profile image

pollyp2000 7 years ago

Funny article with just the right touch of sarcasm.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Pollyp2000. Thanks. I'm glad the sarcasm came through! MM


Jerome Morrow 7 years ago

I didn't think the sarcasm was appropriate for such a terrible deed. But let me share you my story - when my dad passed away he decided to leave our inheritance in the hand of our mother. It totaled millions of dollars. We could have lived 3 life times and still had enough. Mom kept on warning Dad that if he gave the inheritance or divided it - me and my siblings would marry horrible partners who would divorce us and run off with the family fortune. Fine, she was always super thrifty. But instead, it was mum who kept on getting conned by sweet talkers and threw our inheritance over to sweet talking stockbrokers/conmen or invested it in dubious schemes. I told her she was out of her depth as she had always been a housewife and had zero expertise in financial matters. The truth hurt her pride and she refused to accept my counsel. I mean, I was her baby ffs, what the hell would I know? So having lost most of everything, she spends the rest of our inheritance now at the casino. $10k a week. I struggle to forgive her. She's such a stubborn foolish woman who refuses to see a doctor for her depression.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Jerome, Sorry you took offense at the sarcastic, satirical tone of my hub. Since this is 100% my experience, I use humor to try to diffuse the intense feelings I have about the situation. If I don't "write it out" I would sit and spin in circles all day or tear my hair out. My Hubby, whose sister is actually the one who did this, had a dream the other night that she taunted him to the point where he shot her. He was horrified. But that is how angry we are.

As for your story, I'm truly sorry. Amazing that your dad died worth millions of dollars and didn't have the sense to know his wife would not be able to handle that kind of money. A smarter thing would have been to cut the estate in 1/2 at his death. 1/2 to Mom and divide the other 1/2 into portions for each child. That way you get "something" and Mom has plenty to live on. Then, when Mom dies, whatever is left you divide evenly.

It sounds like Mom now has a severe gambling problem on top of her depression.

Not to be diabolical, but you and your siblings should carry her to the doctor and have her examined.

Not sure, either, what the terms of the Trust state -- who becomes in charge of the family money in the event Mom becomes mentally incapacitated. Because honestly -- and I mean this sincerely and not at all satirically -- she sounds like she should be saved from herself at this point.

Is this how your Dad would have wanted Mom to use his money? And what happens when she runs out? Who then pays her living expenses or care facility????

I would consult legal counsel immediately. This sounds crazy. Good luck! MM


Jerome Morrow 7 years ago

Hi, I guess I took it the wrong way because one of my Uncles did the same thing to my dad which caused him a great deal of bitterness. Now a similar thing has befallen my family, maybe its some kind of generational curse? At least, it caused me to think more seriously about God, Jesus and life. Ah, there is nothing we can do legally - as its legally her money and she's not doing anything criminal. You can't put someone in jail for doing wasting her own money. She's not insane per se. She just does very dumb things occasionally. Dad would be spinning in his grave if he knew what mum was doing. The terms of dad's will was specific - it all went to mum. He didn't suspect she would become this way. Dad was pretty smart - academically - but he was not a very good judge of character. Poor EQ. He was more worried than me and my siblings would do something stupid with the cash. What happens when it runs out? Well, I guess mum then has to depend on the charity of the children she cheated the father's inheritance out of. Very hard. We're trying to contain mum at the moment - shuffling her from one grand kid babysitting session to another - in the hope that she'd find more meaning in life looking after grandkids than in pressing a poker machine button. It works, sort of. We pray too - that seem to be the only thing we can do.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Jerome, I wish you luck. Please wish me luck, too. And it sounds like you have spirituality going on, so let's add prayers for each other. Life is not fair. But, it helps me to know that it could be worse. And it could for you, too.

Hang in there. MM


jump mam 7 years ago

nice tips


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Jump Mam. Sorry to admit it didn't pan out for the perp. So if you were seriously going to try it, I would suggest a different plan:-). Thanks for visiting. MM


RK Sangha profile image

RK Sangha 7 years ago from USA

Wonderful hub. Its really difficult to believe that this has been written by a poet. You are a competent writer. Congratulations.


The Rope profile image

The Rope 7 years ago from SE US

glad to hear the legal aspect is almost over, hope the healing doesn't take years and years. we're all here for you!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Aw, Ropey (I feel like I need to give you a name of endearment) you are a sweetie. Thanks. MM


truthseeker 6 years ago

My father died 19 yrs. ago, and just found out that my eldest brother cleaned up all his accounts $180K to be exact! We signed for him to represent us thinking he was honest and will do right by everyone. Guess not! I am so furious and don't know what to do. He needs to pay somehow... but this was years ago, not sure if the courts will even consider a case against him!


Christopher Floyd profile image

Christopher Floyd 6 years ago from Kansas, Oklahoma, and Louisiana.

I see two problems with this method. First, dear old moms could have another doctor examine her and declare her of sound mind and body. A judge would hold a competency hearing, which could seriously monkey wrench the whole scam. Second, Unsuspecting Sibling could always file against the lawyer for failure to represent, adding a huge push for conduct unbecoming an officer of the court, and then ask a judge to have the lawyer investigated. Actually, this seems to me to be the way to go. Turn Unsuspecting Sibling into Cunningly Deceptive Sibling. The sibling sues the lawyer for gross negligence, misconduct, whatever... and takes not only the lawyer's cut but whatever else the court can award. Two siblings, two cons, one big happy family. Oh, and get moms in an assisted living facility where she's more interested in playing bridge and gossiping than venturing out in public.

But that's just me.


Argodamus 6 years ago

I just had something very similar happen to me... Mom died and the stepdad ran away with everything to the last penny... These people should be hunted


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Argodamus. Sorry to hear that. It seems to be extremely common. Somehow, it seems (at least to ME) more expected from a stepmother or stepdad. After all, they don't have any primary allegiance to the dead spouse's kids.

But when a daughter stabs her own mother and brother in the back? That hurts.

Yes, they should be hunted and thrown to the wolves. Oh wait, that would be throwing them with their own kind:-)!!!


sickbastard 6 years ago

Gawd! I loved this! You know my oldest half-brother actually did something similar to our father (who's by the way, suffering from lung cancer)? But he not only stole the cash from him, he actually took all five businesses that our father had major shares in, leaving my mother to meet mine and dad's financial needs alone. Now we're fighting it out in court to get dad's will probated. Your article actually cheered me up a little as I got to see what was probably running through his mind for the past two decades. Hope you and your hubby win yours! :)


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi sickbastard. Sounds like you are misnamed, as your oldest half-brother is (IMHO) quite SICK and a BASTARD.

It's a rude awakening to realize the person you've trusted has been scheming for years.

In our case, we were able to boot her off the trust. Luckily we caught wind of her plans early enough that she hadn't drained the accounts -- yet. Unfortunately, she still gets 50% of whatever is left when the Mom dies.If we have our way, Mom will use up every penny before she goes. Tee hee:-).

Thanks for visiting and I hope YOUR court battle ends up favorably. God bless. MM


SteveoMc profile image

SteveoMc 6 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

It may be a disaster but the hub is hysterical. I too love to see the humor in the stuff that happens, okay, so it is satire....the best kind of funny in my mind! But then again my mind might be a little mushy. I hate whiners, but this presentation is perfect. Thanks for sharing a horrible situation in such an entertaining way.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Dear SteveoMc. I could claim my hub was not intended as satire, but that would be a lie. And if I am to claim the high road in this situation (which obviously I do), I cannot allow even the smallest lapse in veracity.

So I will simply say, "Thank you!" for visiting and commenting. I agree 100% that taking a humorous look at incomprehensible events is the best way to process them and (try to) make sense of them!


The Phone Lady  6 years ago

This is obsurd!!! I swear my sister did exactly this . How are anyone post this to the internet...this is so wrong!!

You should be ashamed of yourself for putting this on here

Grow up get a life , a job and go to hell


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Dear Phone Lady,

Of course it's so wrong! My sister-in-law is the one who tried to do this. Not me.

This piece is intended as humor.

I'm sorry if you took it the wrong way.

And trust me, the people who have the minds to think of this kind of thing (I never in a million years could have conceived of this scheme -- my mind doesn't work this way) don't need to read about it on Hub Pages.


Robyn 6 years ago

I have a question concerning this article. Specificly to the author. I am the youngest of four and my father is a very wealthy man. My older siblings have done everything to damage my relationship with my father, to the point where I can't even come around anymore. However my father still visits ocasionally to see his grandson. He visited two times this year to see us. My oldest sister is the executer of his will, then my other sister, and then me, and then one of my other oldest sisters. I am not sure how it all works when he passes away. But I am at the point that if he did I would be afraid to even show up to his funeral because of them. They have done that much damage. Anyway, my father says he wrote the will in a way that no one can dispute it. But even if it could be disputed I would not even no how to do that. But I have this feeling their going to make sure I don't see any inheritence. They are already talking about putting him in an old folks home, but never told him their thoughts. He drives just fine from one state to the next. I honestly think he would be pissed if even knew they have talked about it. My dad is divorced/single. So my mom has nothing to do with his health decissions. If I even told my dad what they have been saying, he would not believe me. They have made me into a liar in my dads eyes. I am completely torn. Should I just forget about inheritence and focus on my family or is there a way to protect myself from them. please I could use your advice. thanks


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Robyn,

Your situation sounds very sad. But from what I am learning, not that uncommon at all.

The fact that your dad still comes to visit you, even twice a year, shows that he is not believing what your older siblings say about you. He sounds like he is a strong enough man to make his own decisions. But then, I don't know the whole of the story and how your older siblings were able to do this damage to you.

I have a couple of thoughts for you. And please, remember I am NOT a lawyer. I have just lived through this situation twice.

Best case scenario (which is what happened with my dad and our family trust) the sibling who is appointed executor is honest and ethical and takes the duty very seriously. Does everything fairly and according to the document.

Worst case (which it sounds like you are afraid of happening) the executive is not so honest and hides money or hides money from only one beneficiary (you).

Since you say your father is a very wealthy man, I would assume his estate is diversified into man different holdings. Not just a big old bank account with $5million in it. Given that, I would expect your dad to have a trusted adviser -- an estate planning attorney. Someone who helped him draw up the will so it cannot be challenged.

Do you trust that your father really did write the will fairly? Can you ask him what the will says? Is it possible he has already written ou out of it based on what the others have said about you?

As to your dad and health decisions.

Which of your siblings has power of attorney for medical decisions for your dad? This is VERY IMPORTANT. Medical decisions are not the same as financial decisions.

The same sibling could have both responsibilities. Or it could be that the eldest is financial POA while another sibling is medical POA.

It is important for EVERYONE to know who is medical POA in case your dad ends up in the hospital and care/end-of-life decisions must be made!

As to putting your dad in a home. Ah. I know that trick!

As long as your dad is mentally competent (and there is a test his doctor or a lawyer can administer to prove this) he doesn't have to go to a home if he does not want to. If he is still mobile and driving and living fine independently, why would they want him in a home?

It would not hurt to run the numbers on the cost of a home. Typically the nice ones are private pay -- so your siblings would be "spending down" their own inheritance by putting your dad in a home which could cost more per month than he is spending now!

Sorry for the long response. In answer to your last question, I have come to believe focusing on here and now, the time you still have with your dad, is much more important and beneficial than obsessing about his money.

Do whatever you can to repair the damage with him. Let your son know his grandpa. Prove by your actions that you are NOT the liar you have been made out to be.

Your dad must be smart to have become wealthy -- I bet he sees through the calculated moves of your siblings already.

Other than that, I can't offer anything but my good wishes and good karma. MM


Robyn 6 years ago

Thanks Mighty Mom!

My dad had a really good lawyer. He actually told us at a sit down some years ago about what he did. He said he has watched his friends pass away and then see their kids fight over inheritence. He did not want that to happen to us, so he said the inheritence would be divided in four. For each of my sisters and me. Which pissed my older sister off. She actually told my mom that she said she would get more money because she had four kids. I couldn't believe it when I heard it. But when I got married there was a big fall out in my family. My sisters stopped talking to my mother and she wasn't allowed to see her grandchildren. They made her out to my dad as if she was some horrible person. My mom isn't very wealthy and its hard for her cause my dad just waves money and everyone goes running to him. My mom doesn't have that kind of leverage. Which is sad that their even like that in the first place. I think that is why my dad and I have a rocky relationship to began with. I don't come running when he waves money. And I think my siblings use it against me. Basiclly I don't kiss my dads butt. I just know there is so much more to life then materialistic things. But again it would be nice to have money to pay your bills and plan for your childs college education. I am not going to pretend I don't want the money but I am just not going to change who I am and manipulate my father. I have always been honest with him and to the point. I think that bugs my siblings. My mother thinks I should fight for my inheritence and not just let it go. She says to do it for my son, but I don't want to be like them and I don't want my son to ever grow up thinking money is the most important thing. It's a nescesity to live but I don't want him to scheme and cheat other people to get it. Anyway I just wasn't sure if I should get a lawyer now or not. I just never dealt with this kind of thing. I am sorry this happened to you by the way. It's rotten when people do these kinds of things. And their affair with money is always short lived especially if they never had that kind of money before. They end up blowing it. I knew of a girl who inherited 50 grand and blew it in a month on drugs and her boyfriend who happens to be my brother n laws brother. It was funny kind of because she kept bragging how she was going to be rich. 50 grand is not rich but i am sure its nice to have. Well after the money ran out the boyfriend left. Duh

Anyway people can be real ignorant when it comes to money. My dad always said when you have a lot of money you have people coming out of the woodwork claiming to be your friend. But he said their not real friends.

Anyway sorry for my long message. lol\

but you have been really helpful. I could never find anyone to talk to about this. The people i did would just look at me with a blank stare and say they can't relate. Which I wasn't asking them to relate but anyway thanks so much for your reply. I really loved your article and sarcasm. I love good sarcasm. It's just sad that that had to happen.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Robyn,

I think you have answered your own question, and the answer is quite simple. Your dad made out his will to divide his inheritance in 4. Presumably with each daughter getting 1/4 -- regardless of how many kids they have (ridiculous).

Your dad seems to know what's right and what's fair.

But if waving money around is the only way he can get his other daughters to come around, that is sad.

If you want to be sure your dad hasn't changed the terms of his will since he initially drew it up (sounds like there has been turmoil in the family since), why not just ask him? Not in a way that sounds like you are money-grubbing. Just in a "As your daughter I want to be sure your wishes are carried out and everyone knows their role." You might start the conversation by asking who he has named as his medical power of attorney -- who is in 1st position and who is in 2nd position. Probably it is two of your sisters.

I am not sure about the legality of this -- but it certainly makes sense (unless your father has specified he does not want his will read until after his death). As a beneficiary, you might be entitled to a copy of the document so you can see for yourself what it says. 99.9% likely your dad has a copy in his important papers file.

I wish you good luck. It totally sucks to be at odds with your siblings, that's for damned sure!

Oh, and thanks for the compliment on my sarcasm. One poor reader thought I was serious. LOL!


okmom23 profile image

okmom23 6 years ago from Midwest, U.S.A.

MM, I agree with you, this is a very common situation.


pinaone 6 years ago

You guys are lucky i'm in the middle of a double header theft. my sisters trying a trifeca but i'm ruining her and her attorneys plan AHHH I feel so bad for them they are going to rot in hell. Only people I know could steal from My dad My Mom And dead brother pay her children but is doing the best she can to forget my children. how do you guys deal with the attorney? They are the ones enabling them any ideas sorry all, glad i found you guys


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello pinaone. I'm sorry you, too, are having family betrayal issues. Once the lawyers get involved the only ones who win are ... the lawyers!

You don't give enough of your situation for me to understand all the players and how your sister is plotting the trifecta and the double header theft and also who in the family has attorneys.

I would say this. You mention that the lawyers are the ones "enabling them." Lawyers can only do what is legally prescribed in the terms of (I presume) your family's trust.


pinaone 6 years ago

Please everyone, go to Rate your Attorneys blogs? sites and sent them here.they can see what the results are from their hard work. Destruction,deceit, hate greed,family destruction how sick we got hope there proud. thanks mighty mom i will tell you this soon not over yet but please do this for our parents, ourselves and our siblings that were enabled to destroy us


pinaone 6 years ago

I have posted to avvo.com which any if you haven't already, go please i am trying to get attorneys to hear are handtied stories. one arrogant Attorney calls this "Banal" what arrogance. If There are more free attorney sites please list someone out there must have a good heart and good advise.


pinaone 6 years ago

Hi all and mighty mom, this horror continues. what i meant by my sister going for a trifecta or in hockey 3 goals a 'hat trick' myFather passed in 03 while my brother and i cared for him and Mom 8 straight months in a row while big sister was going for second time to attorney trying to all his assets that belonged to mom some gifted to us 3 children, she succeeded with us knowing a thing. I just found my power of a atoorney she almost threw out last month, as soon as he was buried she had my mother go and write her will only thing was that she had one already written but the new attorney wrote a new to make her an executrix and trustee avoived the powers of attorney all 3 of us had to act together for Mom. since my mom does not drive or speak English my brother and took turns taken care of her and her finances. With help from big sis when she wanted to go see attorneys. 3 years later still not knowing where my fathers Trust and where his will was filed. My brother has sage 4or 5 cancer and was told he had about 8 months to live. I took him to Drs Apptointments drove him while taling care of mom and Him. We planned our masoleum crypts together he was divorved and noone in our family wanted to be near so i vounteered so we would be in the sunshine and wacthing our parents. while my sister timed his death with this now 3 time attorney to manuver his money around so it would mostly go to her family and not mine or mom's. she had him chane a large IRA from mom to herself only. I went with them to make out his will the first time with my sister of course. then a month later my brother asks wher did i go when i was supposed to at attorneys office with him and my sister. i said no where why i thought you were done he said no my sister took me again and said i was busy and couldn't come. i told him that was not true and ended it. (She had him chang alot the second tie when he was in and out from medicines) not thinking anything terrible with my sister and her friend attorney.my sister sets up a home hospice for him until the day he died and the last words i hear from him were SISTER CALL THE AMBULENCE I WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL" I freaked and ran and told my sister he doesn't want to die Iam going to call. Since he belonged to the member there would have been no charge but regardless she sai absolutely not! he wants to die at home I was so sick. He died in August and on Sept 1 guess were we went. Yes attorney for 2 reasons to tell us she has control of his whole estate he left her his IRA and we are not to ask (mom and i any questions) and after that we had gone back again with a new will already prepared for mom with my father and brother's name still on it and she had the super power of attorey while i had the caring part. how she became an extrix and trustee over night was mind boggling to my mother and I. That's when I said something's wrong here.she had her family over day one taking home and shipping stuff out of my brothers house till there was not a thing left. i was so upset I was screaming at my brother in law. we didn't speak for months until things cooled off oh and i went back to the attorney the following month to change powers of attorneys to act together She and attorney were so upset and after four years i found out. my sister gave us beneficiary notices of ourinheritance much later and already wanted to be my moms executor. my mom has to be explained over and over but my sister lies to her so she finnally told her no. everything will be equal to the penny when i die. so i let her and her family take my inheritance but not my childrens. no info was given to me in 4 years until one i asked her for a statement of my children acct in my brothers estate for our accounts. well she cursed and screamed at me likei was asking her for something so odd. flag!! went up and since then i know all about how she and her high priced/ profile attorney were not only taking me and kids for a ride but stole my dads trust money mom's money that she put illegally his name on used fake powers of attorney and e- bank tranferrals to her name and family without my mothers consent. had all my brothers expenses paid plus a large ira which she has never claimed to irs her kids took out most of their money no questions no age asked. her attorney wrote 3 more lw and t for my mom which weren't necessary they were all rigged for her benefit. the attorney threw me and and after writing moms final will threw her out too.i brought her to court after informing myself about all this not to sue but to get information an when my children will be getting there money it's late like almost 3 years. a compel of accounting where none at all was done.What was evenually submitted was asolutley fradulant i'm still laughing over it. i wrote my own real one with my mom.so mom is getting agry over this court situation because it's costing her to much in lawters fees handle it yourselves. i sai ma Last time i do anything for her. so i said ok i wrote, emailed her and her attorney who has recused herself from court. no reponse i finally sent her a certified letter, return receipt with her husbands name on it and heard nothing in a month that i completely forgot about. now my son and daughter get a letter to compromise from this attorney but the stipulation was i can not use computer talk to my sister, mother any third party basically all my constitution rights have it notarized and send back so my kids will get there money????? Hello, not that stupid here. # 1 how dare she get involved again the deal was no lawyers or courts #2 where was my no money request while her attorney charged my sisters 1 day at court 14 thousand to my kids accts they never got?? i crossed out anything that i didn't like and they said just send it gets the kids money and end it. As of today they have still not reported an accounting to court no information as to when where how and amount of money they will be getting.im giving them a few more days.. I looked at my brother will one last time and i see in the very back of it a word called Collateral Decendents do not have to receive if voted on by the majority which of course my sister has and my children were adopted at birth. so they know no other uncle but my Brother. he left them 1/6 of his estate sale of his house they are named and all. i have poa's for them and wndering what they will be up to next.......Anyone want a sister and a the lowest form of a human called an estate Attorney for enabling her to pull this off? MIGHTY MOM GLAD U ASKED? LOL I can't wait till civil time comes i'm already packed up..Bye all


pinaone 6 years ago

I forgot to say the most important thing as my parents always told us" I don't care how rich or poor any of you are, when i die if i have three pennies left then each of you will get one, and do what you want with it.. i said that's great the lesson that was hidden in there that my smart ass sister never learned was that I would give my penny(inheritance i did anyway) to her in a second, if i knew she was stuck finally, Don't steal from me and children, ask for it, hint around i'll understand. Stealing i don't! cause I am dirt poor now and she knows it but, i wouldn't steal from her or anyone.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello pinaone. All I can say is no good deed goes unpunished. The meek shall inherit the earth. There does not seem to be any benefit to being the "good child" and doing the right thing by our parents and, in your case, your brother. Except knowing in your heart you did the right thing.

Reading your trifecta explanation turns my stomach. It's so eerily similar to what we went through with my sister-in-law. Hiding in the shadows. Conniving. Scheming. But on the surface pretending she's right and we're wrong.

It still makes me sick.

I don't even want to say anything about remedies for your situation. But as long as your mother is alive and mentally competent she CAN get this changed legally. The question is, is she up for another court battle.

I'm so sorry this has happened to your family.

If I take any lesson from your experience it is your very last post about the 3 pennies. You are a good, honest and giving person. I am proud that you took the time to post to my hub!

Good luck and please keep me posted if you make any progress. MM


pinaone 6 years ago

ok, it gets better, now my 2 children are adopted from birth,they are young adults now. I am wondering why my sister and attorney have not yet paid my children. but there's were/ leaving me to beleive that 1- they are up to no good nd trying to run out the money before this no tax year is over or 2- my children were written down on on moms will ( still alive) as Collateral Decendants? But an un born fetus is on the will. no blood relatives can inherit. i looked up most recent law and all I found out was this was a very vague subject, but only the blood relative me can get their inheritence. now what if i'm dead tomorrow? There are so many diffferent family setups ( stepchildren, half sisters, children from 2 different spouses,same sex adoptions ) Could you beleive the law would classify children as such.my children know they are adopted and they know their uncle for as long as they lived, their Godfather, and custodian of their trust. he listed them unconditionally,I just don't get it they will never end. The less information they give me the more afraid I get my newphews wish death on me are you kidding me? Anyone have adopted children let me know Bye MM and all


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

I'm not laughing at all, but noting how friggin' complicated it all is. And of course, the laywers do it so they can make money. If it was simple, they would not be needed.

Honestly, your situation sounds CRAZY. Maybe you should consult an attorney yourself (?).

Good luck and I hope your kids get what's coming to them! MM


Joe 6 years ago

Dang, you and my wife could be related after reading this scenario which is nearly word for word what is happening to her, except for the fact that the parents are reversed, mother passed on first. Oldest sib did exactly what your article says and had her buddy, buddy attorney help her all the way. Had their father committed and suddenly he doesn't have the money he said he did? All possessions taken by the oldest sib and one other that went along with the plan, while the rest of the kids (including my wife have nothing of their fathers personal belongings) let alone any kind of inheritance (it's been over two years and it was a trust). My wife did hire an attorney but it just costs too much money to fight it out and the crooked attorney just loves a good fight in court to drag it out so you run out of money to fight. Sadly I know my wife will get nothing while the two other sib's take everything. Sometimes you just can't win no matter what anyone says.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Joe. So sorry to hear of your wife's situation. It's been shocking to me in writing about what's happened in our family to find out how very common this is. Sad.

Nothing tears a family apart like greed.

Ours will never be the same again -- even though we were (thankfully) successful in stopping my SIL in her tracks. Because of that she will never speak to us again -- like WE'RE the ones who did something wrong!

Don't know what else to say except I'm sorry.

If your wife is a named beneficiary in the family trust she has a right to see an accounting of where the money is and how it is invested, etc. Who is the executor of the estate? Probably there is no payout yet to anyone as the father is still alive. But this is all speculation on my part... not knowing the terms of the trust.

Again, good luck to you and your wife and God bless. MM


bobbieoma54 5 years ago

i THOUGHT THIS WAS A GREAT ARTICLE, THIS IS ALSO HAPPENING IN MY FAMILY. The lawyers are the ones that win.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Dang! I'm sorry it's happening to you, also, bobbieoma54.

And you're absolutely right. The lawyers win and everyone else loses... Good luck with your fight! MM


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workingmomwm 5 years ago from Kentucky, USA

I'm so glad I read through to the comments. I was beginning to wonder exactly what kind of advice this was. So sorry it's based on a real-life situation. It's terrible how siblings can be to one another over something as fleeting as money. But then, I guess that's the point. Money's fleeting, they don't have any, so they feel like they have to steal from someone else. And who better to steal from the ones who are supposed to love you, right? Aargh!


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello workingmomwm. Yes, I've had a couple of people who aren't familiar with my "humor" become incensed at this advice. Honestly, I could never, ever come up with a scheme like this. My mind simply doesn't work this way. Nor does my family (thank God). It's a shame that my husband's sister put money over her relationship with her mother and brother. We saved "more or less" the money. But the family will NEVER be the same.

Aargh is the perfect word. Thanks! MM


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toknowinfo 5 years ago

Hi Mighty Mom,

Your hub is great. I am glad it at least worked out given the terrible situation. It is sad, but better to know the truth about the way your sister in law is. We need to fill our lives with positive people. The older I get the more I realize, we get one life and we have to be choosy who we allow in it. I too am going through something similar, but different. I don't know the end result yet. I only know about deceptive and shallow siblings who didn't care about my mother when she was alive, but are overly involved now as they divide her modest assets. They exclude me from decisions, and accuse me of taking money from my mother.I was listed second as power of attorney, executor, and health proxy. I was my mother's care taker. I handled my mother's health concerns and my brother was busy hovering over her meager assets. My mother and I trusted him, it was my sister none of us trusted. I was always there for my Mom. My mother's lawyer told my Mom the trust my brother fooled her into signing, actually was a trust where she signed over all the rights of her money to him. She died shortly after finding this out, feeling betrayed and hurt that she was going to have to sue him to get her own money back. It hurts me so much, that my mother left this earth feeling like that. There are other siblings who also only looked to get her house and her money for years. My mother passed away 3 months ago. I am trying to grieve, while they busy themselves with calculating how they can cut me out of the modest estate. While my mother was alive, they tried to get her declared incompetent, but that didn't work. She was sharp up until the moment she died. My sister hauled my mother from doctor to doctor last year trying to get a doctor to say she couldn't live by herself so they could put her in an assisted living and sell her house. That didn't work. As I became more protective of my mother, they threatened to accuse me of elder abuse and my mother of self neglect. They had no proof, in fact doctors, said just the opposite. This is only a few of the stunts they pulled. They only came to see her about twice a year except for the doctor hauling scheme). They have probably already divided up her cash from the trust and excluded me because they told me I have to give 3 years proof of where my mother spent her social security checks. I haven't hired the lawyer yet, the house still has to be sold. Every week they add more accusations like billing me for jewelry that was taken in a robbery nearly 20 years ago. At this rate, I am sure they will tell me, I owe them. They can try to take away my share, but they can't touch my memories. They don't grieve because they infrequently saw her. I saw my Mom every day. Whatever ends up, I already lost so much because I lost my Mom. They are handling her house sale from from the next state away, even though I live 9 blocks from where my mother lived. I am just trying to get through the grieving process, they are trying to pretend they are honest. I will have to fight for my deserved share. I worked hard to take care of my Mom and I miss her. I hurt, but I would rather be me. Thanks for letting me vent.


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello toknowinfo. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. It's so hard to lose a beloved parent. It's even harder to have to face/deal with sibling betrayal. The money itself is secondary. It's really the shock of seeing the family broken up this way.

If you haven't already, get yourself a copy of the current trust -- the one your brother duped your mother into signing. Find out how the beneficiaries are identified. As long as your name is in there you have a legal right to your share.

It just boggles my mind how callous adult children can be when it comes to their own parents. So much of what you outlined is EXACTLY what we went through. My hubby was just saying a few minutes ago that his sister lost a lot more than we did. She has lost a lot of precious time with their mother that she can never get back. Of course, the time is "precious" to us, but obviously she doesn't value it at all.

I continue to be grateful that my family has made it through both parents' deaths and the disposition of my dad's assets. My sister has done an admirable and extremely HONEST (to a fault!) job in her duties as executor. I can just imagine my sister-in-law if she were given access to the amount of money my sister has had to divide between 3 of us. It would not be pretty, I can tell you.

Hang in there and try to focus on your grieving. That's what's really important. Come back anytime and vent. Hub Pages is great for that! Good luck. All the best, MM


mysticone 5 years ago

my family was so abusive and hurtful when i was a teenager, i mught just do this and be glad i am finally getting them back after all these years


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

hello mysticone.

I'm very sorry to hear about your family's abuse.

This "almost" happened in our family, but luckily we caught the perpetrator in time.

If revenge is what you're after, go for it. Forgiveness will make you feel lighter and healthier in the long run, tho.

Good luck, and thanks for visiting! MM


MrTrustStore profile image

MrTrustStore 5 years ago from Oxnard & Santa Clarita, CA

Wow, that was seriously hilarious! Thanks for the great laugh!


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello MrTrustStore

I'm glad you saw the humor in it! Some commentors berated me thinking it was for real. Actually, it WAS for real and happened in my own family. Luckily we were able to cut the perp off at the wallet, so to speak!

Thanks for visiting.

Cheers, MM


MrTrustStore profile image

MrTrustStore 5 years ago from Oxnard & Santa Clarita, CA

Hi MM,

Yeah, I saw those comments. I think that's how you know you've done your job REALLY well. Satire at it's best! I find the hub really interesting from numerous standpoints. Perhaps the most important of which is that you had a real life experience and are able to educate people about the seriousness of it without them falling asleep. Which I know first hand is a challenge when speaking about death and taxes (or in your case elder abuse and fraud). Glad to hear things turned out well in your circumstances. I am hyper-cognizant of how important choosing the right agents, trustees, and executors are in estate planning. I always focus on this with my clients to make sure they are truly electing someone who is trustworthy. I believe in many situations, there is a history of dishonest behavior by such individuals who are not trustworthy. Parents may not want to admit this to themselves about their children of course. But this is another example of why finding the right attorney can make a huge difference in the end. They know how to ask the right questions and know how to draft an estate plan that takes each person's personal situation into account. Delicately working around the rouge sister-in-laws of the world is part of the art of estate planning. Anyhow, don't worry about those who don't get it. Those of us who do find your hub priceless!

Best,

MrTrustStore


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Wow. Thanks, MrTrustStore! Feel free to use my hb in your client education if it fits the circumstance:-).

The biggest problem (which I'm sure you deal with all the time) is you don't usually know going in who the rogue sister-in-law is. She presents well. She appears to have her act together. She is clever and charming.

We had no reason to suspect as the trust was being written up.But once the treachery was done, it became the job of our two attorneys to sort out who was the good guy and who was the bad guy in the "family squabble."

And don't even get me started on the trusted advisers involved. I think my next hub will be about our fiduciary. Makes the lawyers look like superstars in comparison.

But compared to how it could have worked out, it's ok.

We sure did learn a lot!!


Sjguri 5 years ago

I am on a similar situation right now. My sister and I had 3 irrevocable trusts in our name. She insisted in taking financial care of my father since he lived with her. We both had power of attorney. My father has dementia and is not able to take care of his finances. I was taking care of my 89 year old Aunt, also with dementia. After a period of a year my father said to me he thought she was taking his money. I investigated and found out one of the CD's. Had been moved into his checking account and she was writing checks using her POA and paying her personal bills and buying herself things. Like 7 fur coats and a new car. I am on the process of trying to get back the money. I will never speak to her again. She is a thief and goes to church every Sunday. Apparently she is not listening when she is there


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Sjguri,

And let me guess. Your sister believes she has done nothing wrong. In her mind, she is fully entitled to that money because

a) She is caring for your dad (and you are not) and

b) She has power of attorney

In some siblings' mind, getting that title is an open invitation to spend the trust money however they want.

It is so tricky when one parent is still alive but not able to make their own decisions. They are at the mercy of whichever child is executing the trust for them.

The thing is, the trust probably does not spell out how/when money is intended to be moved from savings accts to pay for your dad's living expenses.

Although in this case, it sounds like they are not your DAD's living expenses, just a power-drunk sister who is too stupid to keep her greed under the radar.

I am so glad your dad raised a red flag for you!

I am actually glad, too, that your sister went on such an outrageous spending spree that there is no doubt that she is misappropriating the money.

BTW, you are aware, I hope, that as a beneficiary of the trust you are entitled to a yearly accounting of all monies in and out of the trust. BY LAW.

I assume you have consulted a lawyer to help retrieve the money.

You really should consider taking legal action to remove your sister as POA and put the remaining trust money into impartial, professional hands. She has proved herself to be negligent in her duties.

We got my sister-in-law ousted from that position.

We didn't get the money she'd spent back, but at least we cut off her "personal ATM."

Good luck.

My heart goes out to you.

I am adding your sister to my prayers. She needs help.

MM


angel Graham profile image

angel Graham 5 years ago from USA

Definitely elder abuse. Is there any way to find a lawyer who will talk to you without charging a fee to find out what other charges. Sounds like a lot of fraud going on with the "sister" (Won't dignify making it an actual, she's not acting like one at all.)

So sorry you are going through all this. It just isn't right. *sigh*


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thanks angel Graham.

Situation is contained. But it's been a big ol' eye opener and writing this and reading people's comments -- goes to show how COMMON this is.

Disgusting. Money IS the root of all evil.

Thanks for the supportive comment. I needed that tonight! MM


ForReals 5 years ago

My sweet angel of a cousin, who showed all family members how evil of a person I was, (LoL), did this to his mother, (my aunt). She is dying in a nursing home, while he lives in her house. Beware people who speak poorly of other family members, in his case it was all a master plan, a card trick as it were, look at my left hand, because in my right is the knife that will stab u in the back. It was a sick, sick thing he did, sadly I am still ousted from the family, mostly because no one is willing to say they made a mistake by believing all that he said. He played them and won.....


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

If I didn't know better, ForReals, I would think you are my husband writing under a pen name (LOL). That's exactly what my sister-in-law did. DESTROYED his reputation with the family while making herself smell like a rose (although over time the rotten stench has overcome her).

You put this so beautifully -- And I'm so, so sorry your family is unwilling/unable to admit they were duped. Sounds like their pride is the problem.

*Sigh*

I officially welcome you to the Wronged Family Members Club (WFMC). You've earned your place here with us!

Thanks for writing. MM


.josh. profile image

.josh. 5 years ago

This is an absolutely shocking read - wow. You could really make quite the story out of this...

Happy to hear all's 'contained' though.


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Contained, I wish!

There's a nasty new development that will soon be turned into a hub. No good deed goes unpunished.

Thanks for reading and commenting, Josh! MM


sweena 5 years ago

HELP.... after readin this i really think someone cud help me..m 22 and of indian orign..my father expired 2 yrs ago. n somebody got some paper signed by him when he was on his death bed..now my father used to run a business. the place where he used to run the business is in my grandfathers name(father's father).my dad paid for the place but didn get the name transferred to his. so now my grand parents along with my uncle are not givin the land and i was away pursuing my education so cudnt take immediate action. now i am in a fix..as i dont have any legal knowledege..n the place i belong to is a small town so i cant hire a lawyer ...if i do my uncle willget to know...my uncle recently bought a car out of the business profits and my family is getting no financial help form the business....my business also is divided into three distibutorships owned by my mom, grandmother n my manager...i dont know who has the power of attorney. m so fucked with ths...i cant resume my job because i hv to be here to sought out stuff....anyone please help me....


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi sweena,

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. It's very, very common. It appears that some people in your family are unscrupulous and using the legal documents to their advantage. While others are being left out and passed over.

I have two suggestions -- neither of which is guaranteed to make your situation right.

1. Talk to your family members about what their plans are for the business and your role and your family's role. In other words, appeal to them as family not in an adversarial role. Ask to see the legal papers associated with the business.

2. It sounds like you already know that you DO need a lawyer. But they are $$$ and you don't want to spend a lot of money only to find out you have no legal claim (the classic lose/lose situation).

That's why I would go with the "appeal" route rather than confrontation.

I wish you all the best and hope that you can work things out within your family better than we have in ours!

Thanks for visiting. MM


MyFather'sDaughter 5 years ago

Thanks MM for this great read..and all the comments. Did you finally resolve in court your hyjacker?

I to am going through this..my Father passed almost 3 years ago and left his new wife of 6 years, as trustee/and personal rep for his trust and pour over will..she received a life estate on the ranch. We have not received one thing of Our Father's. She was not an heir in the trust. She has gone through all the trust money to remolded her life estate, and sold property to her children at under market value..all with the help of an estate lawyer paid for by the estate..now all the money is gone..We are now on our 4 lawyer..and hope to go to court soon, but trustee and lawyer cancel the dates over and over..it's a mess! She even threw out my Dad's ashes..no kidding..thanks for the vent..it is much more detailed than I can go into..it would take pages and pages..good luck to all here..I'm praying for all of you. Thanks again MM..


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Oh dear, oh dear.

I'm so very sorry to read of your situation, MyFathersDaughter.

Those evil stepmothers -- they definitely get the rep they deserve, don't they?

Bear in mind that as trustee of your father's estate your stepmother has LEGAL responsibilities with regard to honoring the terms of the trust and securing the assets of the trust for the heirs.

If she is taking money out of the trust for herself that is called self-dealing and is ILLEGAL.

Get yourself the biggest, baddest TRUST LITIGATOR you can and fight the bitch.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

MM


MyFather'sDaughter 5 years ago

Thank you.


Another Betrayal 5 years ago

Unfortunately, this happens all the time.

Things done is secret & adult children that feel they "deserve" it all ----Perhaps this is a topic that should be given more publicity.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Another Betrayal.

Unfortunately, you're right.

It does happen all the time. I had no idea until it happened to our family.

It absolutely needs more publicity and needs to be brought out of the shadows and more help available to victims...

Thanks for your comment.


sonburned 5 years ago

My spouse has also encountered a similar situation with a "greed Obssesed" sibling. It is pathetic what one family member is willing to do to another. All in the name of a few greenbacks. Your not alone! Best wishes.


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello sonburned. Clever name!

Thanks for the support.

I hope things work out for your spouse, too. MM


Snowed 5 years ago

This goes on much more than you think! Mine was stolen by my only brother and my uncle. I trusted them, my mistake. We were always a close family, or so I thought, that loved and respected each other. To find out too late what had taken place after my Grandmother passed has caused emotional scars that seem like at this point will never heal. I have lost so much love and respect for them. There are just some things you should never do for money and screwing your family over is one of em'. I'll never feel the same towards them again. Was it all worth it? I think not. Get your priorities straight people!


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Snowed.

I am discovering how very, very common this kind of family betrayal is.

If a family member's priorities are getting their hands on money by any means, there is no way they're going to change their priorities to respect family.

The problem, as you found (and we found) is you just can never predict who is the ticking time bomb.

Thanks for commenting.

MM


claire 5 years ago

how distgusting that anybody can do this to their own family. i feel for all of those who have been affected and hope you find justice.


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thank you, claire.

Two years and counting.

Back to the lawyers.

They are the only ones who profit from any of this.

I think it's time for another (followup) hub.

Maybe more venting will make me feel better.

Cuz I'm not counting on the court to bring any kind of justice.

Justice may be blind, but the legal system is a good old boys' network that slaps each other on the back and slaps anyone not in their club down.


Linda 5 years ago

I have a sister-in-law who is a nurse. While on the job at the hospital, she met an elderly couple where one spouse was a patient. They had no children. Once home my sister-in-law and her husband (this is a guy that does no charitable acts for anyone in the family) started caring for this couple and their farm. Next thing you know the couple had passed on and all their assets somehow managed ended up in the name of my sister-in-law and her husband. The dollar value was well over $700,000.00. My sister-in-law at the time of all this activity had at least 4 kids and one was a newborn. Later I heard she was taking her kids to nursing homes and visiting the elderly. She was heard saying "there are so many elderly with farms and no children to help.

I've already warned my husband if I hear of her doing this again I am calling the State's Attorney General. What a low life scammer.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Linda,

Well, that's a new one on me, but doesn't sound all that novel. Nurses are in a perfect position to meet and influence the elderly. That is really low life. Really low.

It's simply amazing to me the "creative" ways people hurt and steal from each other!

Thanks for sharing. MM


Sarina 5 years ago

Dear MM, My siblings look like they're planning to do what happened to you.


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Sarina,

My heartfelt sympathies to you. It's unbelievable isn't it?


holly 5 years ago

omg we are going through the same thing. my sister in law moved my mother in law in, while she was on hospice and cleaned her out. my husband went to the bank with her yesterday to close the accounts and transfer things into the estate and the $34,000 that was there in 2010 is now $12. My husband almost threw up. Not to mention she convinced my mother in law to take out a reverse mortgage and give it to her as her "inherritance in advance" but she is now declaring she got none of that and everything is 50/50 just like the will states. she robbed her house 12 hours after she passed, stole all of her jewelry, cash in the house, checks she had as proof money was not a gift. It is such an absolute disgrace. We are going to Challenge the Will, claiming that mom always wanted things 50/50 and she intended for the cash advance to be apart of that. This is sick. I can NEVER imagine doing this to my siblings.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Dear Holly,

Welcome to the suckers club.

As I'm learning (the hard, expensive way), there are two types of children. Dutiful and deceitful.

The thing I've learned is those who are deceitful are way more clever and evil than we could ever imagine. In short, they're always several steps ahead of us.

I'm very, very sorry for your situation.

The question is, how was your sister-in-law able to get her mother to agree to these things? Did she have legal control (Power of Attorney)? Or did she exert undue influence? Sounds like she is FOR SURE guilty of financial elder abuse.

I suggest you seek out the best attorney you can find to issue your challenge. It's very hard to second-guess someone's intentions/desires after they're dead. Whatever is written down in the will is what the court has to go by. I hope it's all well documented.

Otherwise, your sister-in-law may just pull this off.

Hate to say it.

On the other hand, SOMEONE got the money from the reverse mortgage. There will be documentation of when that was executed and in what amount.

Wherever the proceeds from that are, your sister-in-law is going to have to account for them.

I'd also suggest getting a forensic accountant involved... Find out how much money your mom had and where and where it went.... Follow the money trail back.

Good luck.

My heart goes out to you and your husband!

MM


justice 5 years ago

wow! what wickedness. would it not be better to kill your parents and eat their flesh? think of that meat going to waste. there is only one type of person who would come up with such a plan. you must belong to one of the 12 lost sheep of Israel.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Killing would be too easy and too good for my in-laws. Better to let them (and my husband and me) rot over years without access to money. Waste is one of the goals, you see. If she can't have it -- no one will.

I suspect you didn't read my hub carefully. Or else its satire is not as obvious as I intended.

We're the victims here. In fact, it's been 2 years and we're STILL being played for fools and money is STILL being squandered!!

Thanks for commenting, tho.


Baby of the family 5 years ago

As the baby my two older sibling actually had a new will signed by my brain damaged mother after my father died. I never knew how they resented the relationship me and my children had of love and care and devotion to my parents until now. Everyday when I wake up I feel anger and pain and it is so stressful and as i fall asleep I hate them so much. It is unreal that it happened and that it has happened to me and my children. Beware if you are the youngest who takes cate of your parents. Your older siblings are waiting to swoop in for the money and fuck you over right as things go downhill and at the demise of your parents.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Baby of the family.

Oh no! Not you, too?!!! This sibling rivalry gone diabolical seems to be reaching epidemic proportions.

You have a scary lot in common with my hubby! He's also the "baby" of his family and also the caregiver who got royally scammed -- circumstances quite similar to yours except in our story, none of this would have happened if his other sister hadn't died. If she was still around, the oldest sister wouldn't DARE try to pull this crap.

But it's done.

And thanks for reminding us all that all this jealousy and rage seems to come out at the worst possible moment.

BTW, if your mom was brain damaged at the time of the signing of the new will it is not legal.

I'm not advocating that you try to contest it, but it sounds really shady to me. Trust me, I'm an expert on fraudulent wills and evil older siblings...

Sorry about your situation. I hope something positive comes out of this for you. At least you know you are not alone...MM


P FARMER 5 years ago

OK MIGHTY MOM, SUPOSE A MEMBER OF THE FAMILY FINDS OUT THE HEAD OF THE CLASS IS NOT MENTLY ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF THE ESTATE , AND THIS OTHER PERSON FILES A COMPLAINT AND TAKES IT TO COURT. THE COURTS FIND IN FAVOR OF THE SECOND PART OF THE FIRST PART. WHAT THEN.OH YES THEAR HAS WRONG DOING OF THE FIRST PART/


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello P Farmer. I can't second guess what the court found. All I can say (from my own experience) is this kind of thing is very common in families. It may be obvious to the person bringing the suit that there is wrongdoing. But knowing and proving are not always the same thing. And wrong morally isn't always wrong (or provably wrong) legally...

Sorry to say!!!


slywillits 5 years ago

I'm disgusted to hear how many of you have had problems like this. My own mother took $100,000 my grandparents left for me in a trust. As badly as I feel about this, even though I am disabled and not particularly "young" I also am not elderly and living on "extreme" budget constraints. I am a FIRM believer in what comes around goes around...Karma is a ....]


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello slywillits. Thank you for sharing your story. I can't say it's 'good' to see that it's not only the younger generation stealing from each other. I can only hope your Mom lived to make amends to you. That's a lot of money to steal from her own child.

Karma is slick. You just never, ever know when it's going to come back around. Only that it will.

In our case, it's in the works as we speak.

Hate to say it's nice to see her squirm. Being outed is her worst fear. Oh well. She should have thought of that before. Tee hee.


slywillits 5 years ago

Mighty Mom:

I'm so glad things are starting to work out for you! I hope that you get immediate resolution to your absolute satisfaction. I'm finding in some cases you can gain up to double your "actual" damages.

In my case I'm just getting started so no my mom hasn't yet, nor will she probably ever live long enough to make amends. I've only recently made the decision to take my childrens grandmother to probate court to try to recover my money. In the meantime my firstborn grandaughter is due in December. Her first Great Grandchild! The shower is Saturday...Oh what a tangled web...


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi again, sly (mind if I call you sly?)

First, God bless on YOUR granddaughter! That is happy news for YOU, no matter what happens with your mother.

I wish you success in probate court. Don't know where you live, but my experiences with probate court (this is my 2nd time through) have thoroughly disgusted me.

Immediate? Ha ha! We filed our petition in early September. We've sent our attorney to court twice already only to have the whole thing continued. The judge is making us attempt mediation. Due to the other side's foot-dragging we are looking at MAYBE February 2012 for that. So not immediate.

But I am learning PATIENCE!!

Can't hurry love or the wheels of "justice." But our case is really strong and we have an awesome attorney.

If we only recover the money that mysteriously never made it into the trust, perhaps some of the money that the fiduciary squandered by not paying attention, and OUR attorney's fees (obscene amount of money) and deny the fiduciary and her attorney any right to fees, we will be happy.

In the process, we cannot help but unmask my sister-in-law who started this whole sordid ball rolling. Her reaction has been comical, really.

She thought she was safe but LOL the fiduciary has actually been the one to expose her to the light of scrutiny.

I should write a new hub.

YOU should write a hub -- your situation is really fascinating.

How are you going to retrieve $100K (or even $200K) from your mom?

Yes, it sure is special dragging your parent into court. We've lived that one, also -- from the defense side (we were on the side WITH my mother-in-law).

Sorry for rambling.

Take care and good luck to you!

MM


mrsmad 5 years ago

I feel that my brother is trying to dupe me too.

Mum has dementia and has had to move into a home.

We agreed to wait to clear his house until I got back from holiday.

I got back and the house had been cleared of all the good stuff....mum had been taken to the solicitor to make a power of attorney and it was made so that either my brother or myself can sign alone.

My brother wants to auction my mums house but I dont agree.

Im so angry and feel so betraid by how my brother has acted.

The power of attorney still isn't final but I dread what will happen when it is.

I fear he is going to fleece mum for as much money as he can.

Im stressed and worry constantly about mum and her finances.

To make matters worse I dont live near by so dont have any contact on a regular basis.

cant believe how some people lie and treat others.


slywillits 5 years ago

I don't mind sly at all. As for starting my own hub I kind of like talking to you, as I feel connected to you in a way only two people that have been ripped off only in this "special" family way can.

I truly hope all your patience in this situation pays off! I really know how frustrating it can be. I've waited since March to even decide to take legal action, trying to spare my children the embarrassment, etc.

I have no idea how I will retrieve the money. But lucky for me my mother bought several assets with the money that hopefully can be sold.

I threw the double damages part out for you in case that might apply to your situation! After all you've been through I thought that might help and I feel like you deserve it!

By the way I live in Missouri bought my grandparent lived in Kansas.

Thanks for your concern in my situation.

Best Regards,

sly


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Oh no! Another one.

I'm so sorry to hear your story, MrsMad.

It's all too familiar.

I hope there is a legal document (will, trust) in place outlining your mother's wishes as to what happens to her assets. That will override any decisions the current POAs can make.

Don't just stand there and seethe. TAKE ACTION!

(Or another way of putting it is don't get mad, get even). MM


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello again, sly:-).

You are ALWAYS welcome here to keep me/us posted on how you fare with you suit.

From my own horrific experience, once a family member betrays the family in this way, there is no going back. The bonds have been broken and you will never be the same family again. The reality to your kids is Grandma stole their mom's money. It's sad. But it's real.

Hard to wrap your head around.

Glad to hear your mom put the $ into tangible assets that can be sold (assuming you win back the right to own them). That's better than squandering the money on travel or booze and drugs. There's no way to get that money back...

Stay positive, my midwestern friend.

Knowing you are out there fighting the good fight makes my fight easier, somehow.

I'm simply amazed at the number of us GOOD KIDS that are going through the same thing. I don't like to use the word "victim" -- maybe we can come up with a word of strength and hope to describe us all.

Other commenters you are most welcome to join in as well.

Thanks for sharing, sly.

Take care. MM


Janet 5 years ago

Sometimes there is more to the story than told. My grandparents divorced, and Gramps was legally told to sell house while grammy paid for apt. For 10 years he stayed in house. As soon as casket was closed on Gramps, mom swoops in. Grammy moved into house. Lawyer friend was called. So I took Grammy to a lawyer, and did the talking (she didn't want business told). Mom gets house (under)sold, and Grammy pays for apt again, after Gramps got 10 yrs free. I am on the black list. My dad dies, and due to mental instablities my brother moves into mom's house with his drunk wife. Mom goes into hospital twice, and at least once into a rest home because she would not stay in wheelchair. Mom signed house over to Bro. for him to "make repairs." Before she was out of the rest home, house was sold, and it is not known where the money is. Her things are missing other than a bed and table without chairs. Clothes, shoes, junky jewely is gone. She moves into a senior apt complex, living off of $500 month, plus meals on wheels. Some time between Grammy's situation and aft. Dad's death, Mom gives away Dad's family land to only 2 of 3 adult children. Land had been in family for 150 years. Oldest child is spitefully left out of land dividing. Child 2 stole mom's house and things. Child 3 is in prison for 20 on child (I can't even say it). So, its a mess. What comes around goes around. Remember the greed of taking grandparents house? And now Mom's is gone out of greed or something. There is always more to a story that isn't told...


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Janet,

That is one classic story you've told there! What comes around goes around. What goes around comes around.

Karma's a bitch...

Thanks for sharing. Sorry your family is embroiled in so much greed. Wish I could say I couldn't relate. But I can!! MM


kmacnbama 5 years ago

We are going through something eerily similar to this. This article seems to have been followed to the letter. My stepfather was cornered by his two biological kids to transfer roughly a million dollars worth of property into their names in his final weeks of life (while in hospital and on hospice)....My parents were married for nearly 20 years and my Pops left my mom 1/3 of everything so that is was evenly distributed. They saw the will and took matters into their own hands. We have tried to settle and they even agreed to settle, then they turned their nose to us, so now we will have to sue. The worst part about this is, this was "family" and when you think you can trust people, this is what happens. I don't know how they can justify taking from a widow woman who took care of their father until his last day of life. I wish there were laws in place to put people like this behind bars. This is stealing, and they knew it. If they can sleep at night after doing this, then it shows what kind of people they really are.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello kmacnbama.

I assure you, those who have it in their minds to do such a thing do NOT need a playbook! They seem to know intuitively what to do. They consult willing lawyers who listen to only their side of the story (they are not judges, they are out to make a buck. Actually, a lot of bucks).

When there are mixed families involved -- heck, even when there are not -- people get the oddest notions in their heads. And they are able to justify their actions by their own belief.

I wish you family success. It seems an easy case to prove. Your stepfather was not legally able to make that change while in hospice. That's just awful.

They will try to worm out of this and stall and keep that land. But you know what is right. AND you know what your stepfather INTENDED.

Being able to stand behind knowing you are carrying out your parent's or in-law's wishes helps us through many a dark, dark night.

Good luck to you.

MM


kmacnbama 5 years ago

You know, that is what keeps us going in this...We are doing what he intended. A couple of months back my stepfather and I had a conversation about the will (my stepbrothers were approaching mom weekly about it), and I asked him to have the boys stop approaching her. He told me, that he has it just like he wanted with everything in thirds and that he would ask them to leave her alone. It makes no sense a few months later just before he died that he would "sign" everything over for 30 dollars ($10 dollars for 2 parcels of land and a condo for $10)...Thanks again for your response...I will keep you posted on how this goes...


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Sense has nothing to do with it. People who convince themselves they deserve the whole pie will do anything because they believe in their stony hearts they are justified.

I hope you get justice. As I've been told, justice may not come in this life. But it WILL come because you know, like I know, what is right. Never forget that!!

Good luck to you.

MM


jeannieology 5 years ago

After my husband, an only child, was deprived of his inheritance after his only blood relative cleaned out my now late elderly mother-in-aw's bank account -- I decided to start a website.

I hope you like it.

http://inheritanceheisters.wordpress.com/


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello jeannieology. Yes, I can see you and I have a lot in common (alas). I loved your telephone game example! Also loved the kugel pudding -- the scary thing is, that justification makes perfect sense to a perp like yours (and ours). Entitlement is king, baby.

Anyway, I very much appreciate being brought into your blog loop (I've signed up, btw).

It will amaze you, as it has amazed me, how very, very many of us there are. Which just shows how very, very sick people are walking among us wearing the title of "family" and we don't yet know it. Sooooo sick.

As the Boomers get old and die, and as more people succumb to dementia, this problem is going to reach epidemic proportions. Where are the laws to protect our elderly? Where are the laws to protect decent sons and daughters??!!!!


kmacnbama 5 years ago

I like your blog jeannieology!

I emailed my congressman to see about imposing a law against this sort of thing in AL...FL has a law in place where if things are stolen (that's right I said stolen) and the person dies, all transferred property from within the year prior to death must be brought back into the estate. It's sad we are even having this conversation but it is what it is...we just have to fight this sort of thing! Keep up the blog, I can't wait to get registered!


jeannieology 5 years ago

I'm going to keep it up. I plan on writing my way to justice. I am a published writer -- the legal system failed us (Don't ask). We're $60K in the hole and the perpetrators made off with $400K after changing my MIL's will/POA transferring funds and systematically emptying a bank account. My father in law left the perpetrator $20K in a will - she ended up with everything -- my precious husband $0.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

I am about to lose my breakfast here, jeannieology. When you write "the legal system failed us" that makes alarm bells go off on my head. We are in the process of a legal battle right now. We are about $20K in the hole engaged in litigation with the paid fiduciary who was supposed to be minding the money AFTER we got the evil sister-in-law off the trust as successor trustee. Out of the frying pan into the fire.

Needless to say I would be very, very interested in your story.

The legal system has nothing to do with justice, has been my experience. It is rigged even worse than Congress. *sigh* so good for you for extracting revenge in writing. I'm working on taking our story -- which is not in the least unique -- to the media.

Anyway, thanks for writing your blog.

You are doing ALL OF US disenfranchised good guys (and gals) a service. MM


jeannieology 5 years ago

Going to the media? I'll go with you -- we can go together.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

I would love your participation, jeannieology. This is an institutionalized gig we've uncovered here. It was bad enough at Phase I (allowing my sister-in-law to write a trust document and have my father-in-law with documented Alzheimer's to sign it and have that stand up to legal scrutinty) and Phase II (my sister-in-law fighting my mother-in-law in court when SIL took over said trust (as had obviously been her plot all along) while my mother-in-law was next in line as successor trustee). Now we are in Phase III. There have been some irregularities with fiduciary who was "appointed" by the lawyers involved in the mediation to remove my SIL from power. Net result, the fox has been minding the henhouse. And as I've researched the whole scenario, I've discovered this is not an isolated incident. Not hardly. I kind of think Dateline or 60 Minutes would like to know, as the elderly population is increasing as the Boomers hit retirement and start losing their marbles.

There needs to be stronger protection.

Probate Court is a frigging JOKE.


jeannieology 5 years ago

Here is my story. My husband is the only child of a difficult mother who for 30 years has mistreated me, his wife, and controlled the whole family. My husband was the only one who wouldn't be controlled and at every turn defended me against the family shrew. Let's just say when we married no one in his family came to the wedding under threat of death. Truth is, I didn't meet the woman until 2 years after we were married.

My husband's closest relative, his cousin, her husband and mother stood by us emotionally over all these years...told us that she was unreasonable, but did so while maintaining a relationship with MIL.

Every few years my MIL would pull some shenanigans and there would be a falling out between hubby and MIL. The last falling out, over a glass of rose wine, cuz' and company swooped in, got MIL to change her will, POA etc, sold and moved her out of her home, into theirs and in 2 months cleaned out her bank account and spent the next two years with ATM cards and withdrawal slips emptied her bank account leaving her with $.04.

At 87 she was unhappy living in a one room apartment, with no heat or stove sleeping on a loveseat, my husband would visit her weekly. Let me backtrack she was increasingly getting more and more demented. I saw signs in 2007 -- they moved her out in 2008.

This past year she started asking "Where's my money," my unsuspecting husband never suspected cuz' who was chatting with us on the phone the whole time she was selling, moving, changing and withdrawing. Anyway we took MIL to live with us this past April...she was sick from day one, in and out of the hospital. When we couldn't get her 24 hour care we decided to apply for guardianship...that is when we found out my hubby was disowned and my MIL didn't remember how it happened.

Cuz and her mate counter petitioned for guardianship because they knew if my husband got guardianship over his mother he could petition the court for her lost assets.

We spent 4 months in court. My husband and I both questioned on the stand battered for doing nothing wrong...accused of so many things it was stunning. The judge, court evaluator and even the security guard knew what was up and that the shysters scammed us all -- we were due to go back to court this monday and cuz's slimy lawyer who knew MIL was in hospice took a 2 week vacay.

MIL died this Monday morning...surrogate lawyer is saying after wasting $60K in a guardianship case and being left with funeral bills and medical bills that it could cost another $50K to try to get what is rightfully my husbands (I don't know if I mentioned my husband's late father left $20K to the robber and everything to his son in 1998) that will was overtaken by the shamster's 2008 version.

The lawyer also said, we could win and never collect, so he can't take it on contingency. We're out of $ and the crook, who's a doctor by the way, and her fat ass, lazy, disability expert, retired husband get away with screwing us.

There is nothing we can do. So I'm going public. I'm not sure yet but I intend to figure out a way, since the courts and the law are willing to overlook Elder Financial Abuse and inheritance heisting, to nail their sorry asses to the wall.

Blessings - Jeannieology


jeannieology 5 years ago

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that one of the power of attorney responsibilities is fiduciary oversight which I'm sure you know includes protecting my MIL from with her POA did to her...now I'm sorry, I think that is against the law -- where is the law? Where is the DA, on vacation with cuz's lawyer?


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Yeah, I just read the POA link on your blog.

"Fiduciary oversight" is an oxymoron.

When we're talking about a family member taking on the POA duties they basically can act with impugnity.

In our case, the fiduciary is a paid, professional fiduciary with POA powers. Doesn't make her any more attentive regarding the administration of the trust assets.

I think the very, very gray area here is what is civil and what is criminal. We're mired in the civil side of the legality, trying to deal with what the actual trust document says and what has/hasn't been done vis a vis its execution.

You're talking about criminal activities with the DA.

Which I would -- believe me -- LOVE to pursue. I think the little triumverate of evil in our case would look fetching in orange jumpsuits. All should be made to pay for what they have done and continue to do. It IS criminal.


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

I read your POA comment first and commented on that. Now have read your story. Since I live in a perpetually nauseated state over an eerily similar situation with my MIL, reading your story just tipped me into active projective vomiting. I cannot, cannot, cannot believe how evil these people are. And the lawyers are the big winners in the whole thing.

Our story is coming down so similar to yours -- the "other side" continues to continue the case. We know they are just waiting for my MIL to die. They think we will crawl back into our hole let it drop.

I have so many questions -- but what about this? what about that? None of which matter.

But honestly, why isn't the fat cuz bitch on the hook for all that medical care for MIL since she was POA?

How was cuz named POA over your husband, since cuz isn't even a direct relative of MIL?

But those kinds of "coulda shoulda woulda" backtracking doesn't help you, I know.

WHERE is the demand on your lawyer's part of a full accounting of all the money the cuz/POA was responsible for during the time she had that power? I mean, where did all that money GO???

If it makes you feel any better (not that I think it would), my hubby has guns. Don't think we haven't thought about taking justice into our own hands.'


jeannieology 5 years ago

I'm hoping the DA refers this to the DA...he may still do that. Cuz' is her niece so she was made POA, health care proxy and executor...

When my MIL was in intensive care the first time ... cuz' didn't even tell my hubby she was health care proxy.

When the court evaluator called her for an interview, which she refused to agree to, her only question was: "Do I have to give back the $" she never once asked how her aunt was.

I'm gonna write a book.


jeannieology 5 years ago

Sorry the judge refer to the DA.

BTW I pitched an article to More magazine -- so the drama is just beginning.


Jeannieology 5 years ago

I really hope cuz and her husband find this website and make their way over to mine. I want them to know that in the made for TV version of Thieves with PhDs, if I have anything to say about who plays cuz's part, I'm going to suggest they cast Chaz Bono.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

I soooo hear ya, Jeannieology. I have been careful about writing under my assumed MM name and not my "real" name because I didn't want to incur some kind of slander suit. As you have lived, the lies and accusations the guilty can spew out at the innocent is just incredible. That's all we need is SIL coming after us. In fact, in her own now (inebriately inept) way, she has tried to do just that. But I have not named names. Getting close now, tho.

Let me know how the More Magazine pitch goes.

AARP would be another good one.

Chaz Bono -- that's sick. I can just picture your cuz.

I think her long lost sister lives here in my state.

In fact, she sounds like the exact twin of our fast assed do nothing fiduciary.

MM


jeannieology 5 years ago

I already spoke to my lawyer truthfully telling a story, and even mentioning names -- is not slander.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

You're right. I seem to remember hearing that just the other day on NPR. The laws are different in US vs. UK.

I'm at the point where I don't want to jeopardize our case. But I don't want to sit around like a patsy waiting to be reamed up the butt AGAIN (as I suspect will happen, as I have so little faith in the legal system after it failed us so miserably the first time).

But thanks.


jeannieology 5 years ago


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

I'm getting your feed so following along and commenting as often as practical. Don't want to hog all the comments for myself, as I know there are tons of others with similar interests...


jeannieology 5 years ago

Feel free to hog -- no one yet besides you...I'm getting some readership but not much yet. Heck I started the blog Monday -- we have to give it time.

Glad to have you and glad to have met you -- Blessings to you Mighty Mom.


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Mighty Mom 5 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Ditto. I feel like the inheritance heisters equivalent of Al-Anon:-).


jeannieology 4 years ago

My husband is starting to sound like me he's talking things like: "day in court...on the stand...brazen effrontery" - and I'm liking it.


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Brazen effrontery -- that's good.

In cases such as these it's not "don't get mad, get even" it's "get really, really mad and get even."

Good luck to you in your revenge. You (and your hubby) deserve it.


Dufour 4 years ago

What advice does anyone have to someone who is afraid a

hostile, narcicisstic sister and her husband will do to me what was done to you? What do you wish you had done to protect yourself? They have already tried to push me out of the family, not included me in family outings, taken things out of the family like family photos, etc, talked about me behind my back, alienated their children from me. My sister was always my mother's favorite, now my father has just died, and although my mother insists the will is to be divided equally between the three children, I see the handwriting on the wall. Because my sister has a high executive position in her bank, and my mother just dotes on her, I see trouble ahead. My mother wanted my father's things thrown into dumpsters within weeks after his death, and they cleaned everything out, including throwing things away of mine I had stored there, and I went over there and got upset, and now they are trying to make it look like I'm the bad guy. I said some things I shouldn't have said, it wasn't my finest moment, but these are High Conflict Personalities who have been treating me like crap for years and years, and now they have this "proof" that I am this terrible person. It's just a nightmare dealing with these people. What can I do to protect myself BEFORE it happens? I can see my mother appointing Power Of Attorney to her- I'm sure it's going to happen. There are 3 children, and my sister can so easily manipulate my brother. I appealed to him, and he came back and said that I should really apologize to my sister because she's "having trouble getting over" being yelled at. They bait you for years and years and then when you finally blow, they are so happy because then they can look like the injured party. What do you do when you see trouble ahead- how can you protect yourself?????


kmacnbama 4 years ago

Dufour, one thing I wish I would have done, and it is sad to would have even needed to do this, but I wish I would have checked regularly online to see if any property has changed hands before my Father passed. If we would have caught the first transaction we could have had it overturned immediately...Everything happens for a reason.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi kmacnbama, thanks for stepping in to render the voice of experience.

Dufour -- My heart aches in anticipatory agony for what you are facing. In your favor is catching this before (we hope) the real damage has been done. You are smart enough to see what your sister is really like. And see where it's heading. So you won't be blindsided like my hubby was.

What I suggest is the simplest and only thing you can do, which is to take a look at your father's will (or trust or whatever legal document is in place that expresses his wishes). Have a lawyer review what it says and be clear on your standing as beneficiary and the language it contains. Does you mother NEED a POA? Is she mentally competent to manage the estate left by your father? Definitely look online and see if any property has changed hands. That's a huge giveaway.

I don't think apologizing to your narcissistic sister is any guarantee of her not screwing you over. Sounds like she's just exerting control and manipulating the situation. Your brother sounds a lot like mine (not involved in our family mistrust drama). Doesn't want to make waves. Probably couldn't believe any ill of your sister. In other words, not helpful (and probably just as likely to get screwed over by the sister as you, I'm guessing).

What I have learned through all this is that the coolest head prevails. Get angry, get hysterical. But only in private. It's the art of war, my friend. Be the patient warrior. Be prepared. In the end, you have no defense against the evil, warped intentions of a sibling. Except the legal document.

Also a smart idea to get yourself named onto the new POA as well. As second behind your sister. Or offer to be the POA medical for your mom. There are ways to dilute control. But nothing, unfortunately, is foolproof.

I'm really sorry. I wish I could be more helpful.

Good luck. And let us know how you fare, ok? MM


Dufour 4 years ago

Thanks for the feedback. If you can believe this, the following day I wrote in here, the attorney sent me and the rest of the family the will. There is a trust, and my mother is the Personal Representative and if for any reason she couldn't fulfill those duties my BROTHER, NOT my EVIL sister would be the personal representative, but then if something happened to him, then she would. I was initally hurt that I'm not even mentioned as ever being a personal representative since I'm the oldest, but

then I decided it was ok since both my brother and sister are CPA's and I'm the black sheep liberal arts type AND more importantly, I really think my Dad was looking out for me when he didn't appoint my sister first. She might have been the logical choice because she's a senior vice-president of a major bank and my brother, although he has a CPA, is a real estate agent. I know I need to look into it further, but I think it looks better for me than I thought. And if my Dad did do this smart thing for me, it makes me feel his love from the grave, and it makes me think he did see my sister can be a real -----. after all. I think my Dad might have been looking out for me. What say you?


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Dufour,

That does sound like good news! I like your interpretation of your dad looking out for you by making your brother #1 over your sister. The only wrinkle I can forsee, as you originally pointed out, is if something does happen to your MOM she could appoint your sister as her POA.

But with a trust in place, you should be protected.

I do hope your family sees itself through this with some grace and that you and your siblings are able to work things out. I've found now that both my parents are gone that I really am grateful to have my sister and brother in my life.

BTW, I can totally relate. I'm the liberal arts type in our family, also the oldest. Also the one-time black sheep (probably never will get over that role completely).

Good luck to you. God bless Dad!


AB 4 years ago

Hi Mighty Mom,

Thanks for posting your hilarious story, even though it looks like it was some time ago now. It really helped me as I am going through an awful situation that makes me feel completely powerless. I have just uncovered that for the past 4 years my father has been buying properties (6 of them) and putting them in my older sister's name for her to 'manage' the tenancies. I was hurt that I wasn't included and asked for my name to be put on the properties (my sister is untrustworthy and dishonest, and I know how I would fare long term if my father doesn't sort this out before the whistle is blown on him). My sister made up some cock and bull story about how it would cost too much to have my name anywhere near anything, and now I am regarded as the 'paranoid and jealous' sister if I say anything about it. My father is a good man but he is blinded by his unfazed respect for my 'business-minded' sister and maintains that because we are family, she will always look after me!! That is what gets me - the control thing. I don't want her looking after me or being the decision holder of my life with regards to what financial help I get. A lot of my friends have told me to leave it and accept that she'll get everything in the end, but everyday I feel more and more bitter about this situation that, despite five years of trying to change, has moved nowhere. In fact, he has just invested even more in her name. She has always been a control freak and money-oriented, so things couldn't have worked out better for her. I feel like I've always been honest, caring and done my best for other people. Look where it's got me!!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello AB,

Welcome to the stupid siblings club. Feels great, doesn't it? On the plus side, I guess it's good you discovered this while your dad is still alive. But it sucks to feel powerless.

A quick aside: Our situation is anything but handled or over. Oh no. 2.25 years in from the mediation and it's still as fresh and smells as bad as the steaming pile of shit it is. And that is the truth.

I will have an update on the denouement, hopefully next month.

Now, back to you.

First of all, that is bullshit. It doesn't cost anything to put your name on the properties. It's done with the County Recorder's office. So don't buy that for a minute.

However, it all depends on whether these properties under a family trust as assets and what your dad has written down about the disposition of HIS assets when he dies. In other words, it's possible your dad is having your sister manage them and will continue to do so, But when he dies, his portion of the ownership may be divided between all the children.

Parents are easily blind-sided by a child who appears to be one way (and who lobbies them hard to get her way) but really is NOT about the family at all. If your sister is all that business-minded, that is likely where here allegiances lies. To MONEY. Not to Dad, and certainly not to you.

The conversation that I see as needing to be had with your Dad is not about your sister or the trust (no pun intended) he is placing in her to manage his properties.

It is about what are his intentions to take care of BOTH OF HIS DAUGHTERS after he goes. It shows a level of maturity in your part to ask to see the documents he has drawn up. Is there a will? Is there a family trust? What does it say?

In the same conversation you could ask about who he has appointed to make MEDICAL DECISIONS for him in the event he cannot do it himself. That is important, too.

Show some initiative but not in a jealous-of-what-it-appears-your-sister-has way. In a genuine way about carrying out your dad's wishes when he is a) incapacitated and b) gone.

Let me say this a simpler, more direct way: ASK TO SEE THE DOCUMENTATION. These properties are all assets and so what is going to happen to them after Dad is gone?

Hope my warning bell was clear enough. You are seeing writing on the wall but it may not be as bad as you think. Or, it may be worse than you think.

Only way to know for sure is to "Show me the Carfax" Dad!

That's about the size of it. Good luck to you, AB. Please let me know how you do.

MM


AB 4 years ago

Hey MM,

'Stupid siblings club' - that is classic, love it!

Thanks for your swift reply, I really appreciate it. First of all, let me say that I am in sunny old England, so the same rules don't apply as in the US. It does cost a nominal amount to put my name on the deeds, but my sister is clever and sly enough to weave this in to a story that makes it look like a bad idea. Believe me, I have challenged this informally in conversation and more formally with a written request, but to no avail. The stinker of all this is that she receives a large sum of his pension each month too to spend as she wishes, most recently on some plastic surgery. My dad is blinkered to this also and when I bring it up, again I just look like the jealous, paranoid sister. So he won't spend the money on transferring names, but she can spunk away money on getting her t**s done until she's blue in the face!!

As regards ownership, my father has absolutely NO ownership over anything anymore. He has everything in my sister's name (tax reasons for this as well) and is happy that my sister will take care of both him and myself. Happy families!!

I have asked to see documentation, bank statements etc, but he just directs all this over to my sister who ignores the requests. He has basically become a shell of a man when he used to be a strong-minded, reasonable individual. I have tried and tried to get him to see what is happening here and it's just making me ill.

What I find hard also is the fact that he has helped me financially over the years - he helped me buy the flat I currently live in and is helping with my student fees as I am putting myself through Uni again. All of this makes me feel so ungrateful but I can't help but feel bitter about the empire he has created for my sister, and the utter naivety he shows toward the situation.

I have thought about involving a solicitor but what can I do? As long as my father is happy with this situation I can't budge him. I have explained that it is only a small cost for me to be added to the names on the house deeds, but he just brushes me off. I'm so upset and disappointed that I have such little standing in my father's eyes that he's willing to dismiss my feelings so easily. I have become very emotional over this in the past, and he doesn't deal at all well with emotion, so I guess I kind of shot myself in the foot there.

My thoughts keep drifting to cutting myself off from him (I don't really have a relationship with my sister anymore anyway after this). I resent him and feel bitter towards him for putting me in this situation and refusing to help make things fair. But he's my father and it would hurt a lot not to be in contact with him.

I just don't know what I can do anymore.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi again, AB.

Well, your situation at once sounds better and worse than upon first blush.

Sounds like you have learned from past mistakes. Don't get emotional, get even!

It makes me feel better (a little) that your dad is helping you out financially. Although not remotely like your sister is helping herself out off your dear old dad (DOD), eh?

So the trick here is to stay calm and rational. That seems like what works best with DOD. That also seems to be the trick your sister uses. She's the business minded one, isn't she? He seems to admire that.

So, could you

a) Enquire what role there might be for you to play in maintaining the properties? Make yourself useful and prove that you also can handle business related work

b) Ask to see not the deeds of the properties but the overarching document that outlines your father's desires for what happens to his estate when he passes? It needs to be all spelled out in black and white. Otherwise, sis owns all the property and it truly will be up to her to decide whether to get more work done on her body or toss you a few bones.

You have not mentioned whether she is truly evil, like my sister-in-law. But she doesn't sound very nice, either. I wouldn't bet the farm that she's going to hand over 50% of HER hard work just because you have the same blood running through your veins. Not hardly.

One way or the other you need to appeal to DOD rationally and get him to explain to you -- and SHOW YOU -- what his written plans are. If he has none, then you take it upon yourself to get that taken care of LEGALLY so that you are not left out in the cold.

You don't mention whether fairness is a value that is important to DOD. Just because it is to you, does not mean that he sees it the same way. It could be that he feels that having helped you buy your flat and pay for university he has done more than enough for you. However, given that sister is actually WORKING for hers, that's a different matter.

In other words, don't assume. Believe me, I lived this one. It is crazy what some siblings believe to be "fair" when truly, the parents have no obligation to divide the spoils right down the middle. I mean, most do, if there are two kids. But not all parents keep a ledger of every penny loaned or granted to one child in 1992 and hold that amount back in the final accounting so that all children are completely even in what they inherit. But don't think for a minute that the other siblings aren't counting that $24.5K loan to Big Sis in 1992 against her.

I'm just thinking out loud here.

I will say, do whatever you can now, before it is too late. Before your dad loses mental competency and sister is signing all his legal docs.

But start with a casual, non-emotional conversation about what his overall plan for his girls is. You may be pleasantly surprised.

I just hate to see families torn apart over money.

(Especially ours -- oops, way too late for that, eh?)

Good luck to you.

I hope you are able to get some other -- more learned -- opinions that know the UK family law system.

MM


AB 4 years ago

Hi MM,

Thanks again for your swift reply and thoughtful feedback.

Yes, I completely agree about trying to be involved in the business in some way, but she has thwarted any effort of mine to get involved. She has managed to convince my father that we couldn't work together so my idea of 'helping out' in the holidays when I'm not at Uni was refused. She just doesn't want me anywhere near anything, sniffing around in her business, because from what I understand she has spent a lot of Dad's money on cosmetic procedures and other luxuries that I think would make him rethink what he's actually doing if he knew. Hence, I have asked for the 'business account' bank statements but she ignores my emails.

I will ask to see the over-arching document, although from what I have been told it pretty much details my sister as having control over everything. My father honestly believes that she will be fair-minded and rational when it comes to helping me out! More recently, there has been a suggestion that a trust deed is drawn up so that if my sister wakes up one day and so wishes to sell one of the SIX properties (probably more by now) she fully owns, I will get 50%. This doesn't seem like such a bad deal, but again the control thing just gets me. I have to sit and wait until she decides she might want to sell, and she may never decide to sell, after all she's cashing in each month from the rent payments she gets on the properties, which will be a heck of an income for her.

I'm not sure I believe she's TRULY evil, she just has had this nasty, one-upmanship side to her since we were very young. She's very insecure and obsessed with ageing which affects the way she feels about everyone around her, and has a very spiteful side which she's happy to exercise. There's a real lack of human warmth or empathy within her, and I believe she'd be happy to see me struggle as she's always seemed particularly resentful and spiteful towards me. We had a very difficult upbringing and I think somehow she classes me as part of those bad memories and has never shown any loyalty or depth of feeling towards me.

I think you're right about the fairness thing - I think my father sees things as 'all working out' in the end. Very naive! I'm meeting him today to carry on my campaign and I'm really going to have to make sure I stay calm and rational as you said - it is actually the ONLY way he can deal with things.

I know it bothers him (some) that this situation makes me so unhappy, but he says he just 'doesn't know what to do for the best,' and can't I just rub along with things for a while until maybe a better solution presents itself or I calm down and accept my fate (which is what he thinks will happen long term).

The problem is that as more time goes on, everything becomes more entrenched in my sister's name and the chances of thrashing out any kind of fair deal become more unlikely. It's so hard to know when to give up and when to carry on as all the suggestions you have made to me are spot on, but they're all things I've tried to set up either via meetings with my sister and father, or in emails. Things have previously been agreed in meetings with them, only for her to go back to him after the meeting and explain that it's 'not a good idea,' putting me back to square one.

As I said, what makes it hard here is that I'm relying on him a little financially. If I were working, I would have more funds available to me and would have paid for top advice from someone in the family law system. Part of me wonders whether I should wait til I graduate in 2014 and then I will have an income, be independent of him and therefore more able to pay for good advice and move forward with this. But will it all be too late by 2014?


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi AB,

Good luck with your meeting. Stay calm and rational.

A question arises: What are you fighting for? What is your goal? You are busy in university and pursuing your own life which hopefully will lead to financial independence for you.

You can't change who your sister is or how she feels about her childhood. But your have great insights into why those negative feelings will serve YOU poorly. She is not going to make it better for you once Dad is not there. That much is clear.

From what I can see there is nothing illegal about what they are doing. One one level it may even make financial sense. But Dad is not thinking clearly. He doesnt' seem to be able to see why this is plainly discriminatory against you.

Anyway, keep your arguments rational and sane.

Some thoughts:

1. Rather than investing ALL his money in properties, suggest he diversify. Have another "pot" of money that is not tied up in real estate. He can't predict what will happen to property values in the future. He may inadvertently be leaving your sister with a liability. What if the market turns down and she can't rent them out and they lose value? Some investment properties are great, but what other opportunities is he looking at?

2. Can the two of you work out a provision that you also share in the $ of those properties without them having to be sold? As you've outlined it, you are at the whim of your sister whether or when she decides to sell. In the meantime, she gets all the rental income and you don't get anything from them. That is NOT fair.

3. There is already a pattern of deceit going on here. We also learned never to trust anything that was said in a meeting. ALWAYS get it in writing. They (she) will always deny something that was said verbally. You need to get plans written down. An email trail will suffice for legal purposes. Be sure you keep every single email that is exchanged between you and your sister and your dad. That can save your butt.

4. But again,I go back to, what do you want? Do you want to feel included in the family business? Do you feel Dad loves your sister more because she can manage his properties? Is this underneath a jealousy thing?

Or is it legitimately about receiving your fair share of your inheritance?

You know, I bet you would absolutely blow him away if YOU took the reigns and called in a solicitor to draw up the paperwork. If he says he is willing to put the trust agreement about disposition of income from the properties in writing, then you drive that bus.

He can pay for the trust to be drawn up, of course. But this shows you are thinking like a businessperson and not an emotional sibling.

It also enables you to take charge of any other assets that need to be put in the trust (bank accounts, cars, boats, jewelry, retirement funds -- all should go in the trust so you know the full pot of $ you are dealing with).

Does this make sense to you?

Waiting till 2014 doesn't get you anywhere. Get it done now, so that if anything happens to ANY OF YOU in the next 2 years you are covered as is your sister.

Truly, it may be that your dad is happy to give your sister something to "do" (hence managing his properties) whereas he may feel that you don't need that ready-made job. He may see you differently than you even know.

The way to find out is to ask. And stay calm. And pretend you are playing poker. Don't show all your cards.

Good luck.

MM


AB 4 years ago

Thank you so much for your advice, MM, it is spot on!

You have given me a lot of things to think about here and some very wise routes to trying to resolve this big mess of a problem.

I will keep you updated on this. In the meanwhile, I really wish you all the luck in the world with your nasty situation and am also a true believer in karma. You can run but you can't hide.

Stay happy, and most of all stay sane if you can!!

Thanks so much again,

AB


beinduninbyevl 4 years ago

it looks like i am in the midst of something like this happening to me as beneficiary except worse with worse people. dont know who to turn to .


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Ok beinduninbyevl. What's your story?

Sorry to welcome you to the beleaguered beneficiaries' club, but it's not exactly exclusive. MM


grieftalk 4 years ago

Thank you for sharing; this situation is all to common. I know it is one of the life scenerio experience's that we all think; "not in my family; until it is played out."

I also agree with Mighty Mom and the referral to elder abuse. However in my situation the perpetrator and the attorney are pathological making proof difficult to find..."oh, the web they weave".


Geri 4 years ago

Pat is that you? sounds just like what happened in my family, my sister and her husband claim the memory patient "borrowed" them the money - which she probably only borrowed 10 bucks but they took $300,000 to help them self out of debt which ended up being trying to win more at the casino - guess what its ALL Gone and they are again in foreclosure and mom is in a place less than where she could have been after all the hard work, unselfishness acts, etc our parents provided us. How someone can live a conscious free life after doing that to their own mom is beyond any feeling.


Brother 4 years ago

Mom had dimentia, sis took mom in and proceeded to empty bank account, took all the money, and neglected giving meds. After discovery we reported to department of Elder Abuse and filed report with local police, but neither did anything. Claimed mom was adult and had to be the one to prosecute even though she had dimentia and didn't know she was on meds or what a dollar was. They left mom live with the sis, so we had to physically take her out of sis house and move her to a safe place. Good luck everyone. If it's abuse by a family member nobody will help you even if parent can't help themselves.


A VOICE OF A TRUTH 4 years ago

I am humble and thankful, To GOD BE ALL GLORY!!! For this hubpage,just to know good people with family value.I pray GOD HEAL OUR PAIN AND HURT IN JESUS NAME.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

As grateful as I am to get comments on my hub, it actually dismays me, too. Can this really be this common? And if it is, why is there not more help available to the innocent family members.

I do wonder if the perpetrators get together and talk amongst themselves like we do.

Good luck to all who are finding their voice and standing up for what is right.

This epidemic of evil family members has got to STOP!

Thanks again all.

MM


onedaughter5sons 4 years ago

I have a situation that doesn't involve a trust but does involve the transfer of assets. My mother chose a lawyer and asked me (only daughter) to go with her to appt. I thought we were going to discuss a trust but the attorney suggested other ways to transfer her assets, cd's and her home, that were less costly than a trust. My mother chose to follow his advise. Basically she and I went to her bank and after she spoke to the bank president alone, she came out of his office and proceeded to take her name off her cd's and transfer them all to me, leaving her as the POD. A few months later and without my presence, the attorney and my Mother deeded the house to me and she retains a life estate. None of my brothers were listed on anything but it was understood that when she dies, I am to split the money and the house equally between myself and my brothers. For many reasons, she chose not to include their names. Divorce, bankruptcy, no job, drug abbuse. She also knows that I will not cheat anyone and will do what she wanted done with the money. This was in fall of 2009. In fall of 2010 one of my brothers (no job, drug abuse)abrubtly took her to another state to live with his girlfriend and himself. She didn't call any of us other kids to let us know this was happening but it appears she did it willingly. This sibling does not have a good relationship with the rest of us and has been MIA for decades at a time. She continues to stay there almost 1 1/2 years later. Now, she wants me to turn everything back into her name. The problem is that this brother cannot be trusted and my other brothers and I are afraid if she regains access to the assets, this brother will spend every last dime and send her back for one of us to take care of penniless or she will end up in a facility. Everything was done as to her wishes and with her attorney and it was understood that this money was to remain untouched until/unless she needed it or ended up in a nursing home. I have not done anything with the money, it remains in the same bank that she originally had it in. My concern is that she is starting to talk like this brother and doesn't sound at all like herself. I don't think she is unable to make decisions but she is definitely being coeerced by him. She has threatened to get a lawyer to try to get the money back in her name but I don't think she can do anything. Has anyone had any experience with this? She willingly did what she did and now she is only doing this because of his influence. I just want to know if she has a leg to stand on. Also, she has plenty of other cash to live on, she would be just fine if she wasn't living with this blood sucker that probably has her paying most of his bills and still wants more. After reading all of the previous posts I just wanted to give another perspective, sometimes the one in control is trying to do the right thing. I am thankful that I have the support of the rest of my brothers otherwise I would just give the money back and let her let him spend it. Any advice?


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Daughter,

Very interesting predicament. Thanks for sharing a different perspective. But your story does show that siblings can have strange motives and do strange things then try to justify it.

I just happened to be reading last night about "undue influence" which it sounds like your brother is exerting. Check out the link I just put on this hub (one closest to the comments).

I am NOT a lawyer so cannot advise you.

However, I would take this situation immediately back to the attorney who engineered the transfer of assets in the first place (assuming you trust him).

The fact that there is no written documentation as to your mother's prior wishes -- she simply decided to put everything into your name one day -- is either a blessing or a curse for you. I don't honestly know which, tho.

It is quite odd to me, however, that in a family with so many kids and obviously some $ involved that your mother would simply trust you to split the proceeds evenly after her death. Perhaps my reaction is colored (of course it is!) by being in a situation where even with full documentation of my in-laws' stated wishes in a family trust, their wishes are STILL not being upheld.

Having lived through what I have lived through I cannot imagine leaving my last wishes up to the supposed goodwill of one child, no matter how good I believe that child to me. Nothing personal against you, but even good children can get $ in their eyes and/or cop an attitude about one sibling not being worthy and cutting them out of the proceeds, etc.

What it does sound like is happening is the old "possession is 9 10ths of the law" rule. Your brother has "possession" of your mom and is convincing her that because he and his girlfriend are taking care of her she somehow "owes" it to them to change her previous financial arrangement.

I would definitely double check any/all documentation that you DO have about why your mom put things in your name and what her stipulations were.

Unfortunately, because you DON'T have a will or a trust in place, you cannot pull your other brothers in as 'beneficiaries' because they are not named anywhere officially!

In the end, my advice to you on a personal level is try to handle this directly with your mother. Although I just said to consult the attorney again, I don't want you to spend $ for no reason. Once you get attorneys involved they are the only ones who win in the end. Trust me on that one!

If you can talk to your mom and ask WHY she is suddenly changing her mind about her money, perhaps you can reason with her.

I don't know your mom or know what makes her tick or what her feelings are about "fairness" but it sounds like she does want to be fair to all her kids. If she makes herself vulnerable to one son who you say is on the outs with the other siblings, then she needs to be aware that the outcome will not be fair. She is setting herself up to be used by the son she lives with. More than likely, as you pointed out, she already is.

I wish you good luck. Please keep us posted.

And whatever you do, do NOT just give the money back and let her let your brother spend it.

Trust your instincts. Nuff said.

MM


Deborah 4 years ago

Let me tell you what else is going on in this country, and the reason is because the government authorities will not investigate the financial institutions who align themselves with family members that are embezzling assets out of trust accounts.

My family, including my grown three daughters helped their father embezzle my whole trust account amounting to eighty million dollars, which instantly threw me into the streets penniless with my fine credit destroyed and I'm sixty-two years old. My ex-husband who set up this outrageous crime married the girlfriend he had, who is a financial advisor. She apparently helped him. This occured as of fourteen years ago.

The authorities won't help, so I finally saw no other way to help myself but write a four part memoir, which is in the process of being sold as I write this.

The saddest part of this story, is I had set up trusts for each of my children and this apparently wasn't enough money for them.

Lately my middle daughter has been begging for me to come back into her life, but continues to refuse to admit her betrayal. She just want's things the way they use to be, but the problem is I'm living in the streets now barely surviving, so until I can support myself I doubt if we'll have a healthy relationship. My other two daughters still refuse to talk to me. Why? Well I believe it's guilt.

Yes, money destroyed my family, but because the athorities won't do anything these crimes will never stop and the criminals will never have to face what they've done.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Dear Deborah,

I am SO sorry to read your story. And you raise an interesting (and sadly, all too real) component to this. Which I believe is only going to get worse as the Baby Boomers like us become seniors. The sheer volume of potential victims out there is growing exponentially.

Please send me a link to your book. If it is sold on Amazon.com I I will happily include the link here. Even if it's not -- your story should be told.

The guilty culprits are not just the greedy family members -- although, shame on them for betraying their mother -- but as you state,the financial institutions. I would add the lawyers who write the trusts in such a way that they can so easily be manipulated. And who refuse to raise a finger (rater look the other way, or actively participate for a cut of the action).

It infuriates me when grown children betray their parents. I simply cannot imagine.

Oh wait. I absolutely CAN imagine. Because my husband and I have been dealing with exactly such a betrayal in our family.

I wish you all the best, Deborah.

Keep looking up. That's where the miracles happen!

P.S. Don't fall for your daughter's "I just want things the way they used to be" BS. That's a con. Been there, heard that one many too many times.

What she means is she wants you to forget what she inflicted on you. Why on earth would you do THAT?


Deborah 4 years ago

Dear Mighty Mom,

You are correct about how trusts are written, however in my case it was very protective. Get this , my attorney? Justice Anthony "Tony" M. Kennedy. We grew up together; he's my sister's brother-in-law and he was my attorney before he became a Supreme Court Justice.

It doesn't matter today how a trust is written because the authorities ignore these crimes and the attorneys we hire to represent us are being paid under the table to protect the financial institutions and people like Tony Kennedy.

Can you imagine? I can't even get my file from Tony Kennedy and I've tried for a decade.

We are living today in a financial holocaust, sanctioned by the government.

I am not falling for my daughter's pleading cry for our relationship to be healed. No, she's made her bed and as much as it hurts me, I don't trust her.

Thank you for your response. It's like a breath of fresh air to be understood. But, I'm sorry for your troubles too. Why don't kids realize they had it all with your love?

I'm sure my book will be on Amazon because very large publishers are looking at it now. I will let you know the moment it sells.

God Bless you.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

God bless you, too.

Brighter days are ahead for both of us.

As much as it seems the contrary, there are good, decent people around.

I can tell from your comments that you are one.

Our time is coming. I feel it.

MM


jan 4 years ago

This is HORRIBLE... this happened to me an my "handicapped" brother. My step uncle and his wife befriended my father who had three heart attacks, lung disease, heart disease and parkinson. His second wife had mental problem.

Long story.. neither people trusted these theives but they knew how to get things....everything. Now my brother is living in a group home.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Oh Jan, I am so sorry for your situation. These thieves will stop at nothing to get their way. And old people and "handicapped" people stand between them and their prize. So they must be dispensed with.

Don't tell me -- I already know. The argument was that your brother would be better off in a "nice" home where he could get social stimulation and his medical needs met better than at home. Right? *rolleyes*

I have not yet figured out what my purpose is in going through this, but I know this story HAS to be told on a bigger scale because I continue to meet people who have had the exact same situation with greedy family members.

We have to fight this.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. The theme is the same, the twists and turns and variations on the relationships between the perpetrators and their victims are seemingly limitless.


Guest of this site 4 years ago

My sister-in-law wrote the book on cheating her unsuspecting brothers.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello guest of this site.

Well, if she hasn't published it, get yourself a copy. Share it with me. We'll edit together and make a bundle. LOL. Probably will never make up for the amount of money she stole. But it does feel good to write out the truth.

Thanks for sharing.


MrTrustStore profile image

MrTrustStore 4 years ago from Oxnard & Santa Clarita, CA

Hi Mighty Mom and Readers,

I haven't visited this hub for a while but when I do, I always find it interesting. It gives me a fresh perspective on what people are facing in the "real world". It also gives me a sense of the misinformation floating around. Regarding that, I did want to make a few comments. First, people shouldn't hesitate to look for an experienced attorney in their jurisdiction when they suspect foul play. If cost is an issue, you should know that there are always good attorneys out there who will give you a free consultation. That might be enough to either explain the situation a little better and allay fears or in the event that something nefarious is happening, get the help you need. Second, there truly is a difference in the quality of trusts out there. Just yesterday, I reviewed one trust that was fantastic and another that was terrible. Both from lawyers. It's amazing really and highlights the point that you need to make sure that your attorney has experience and hopefully comes highly recommended. Of course with do-it-yourself trusts you get what you pay for and as Mighty Mom pointed out with the explosion of baby boomers, we are no doubt going to see a lot more mistakes, illegal activity, and grief. Finally, in the case where assets were transferred down to one daughter only and she doesn't know what to do, I'd like to make a couple of points. One is that if an attorney took the time to go with your mother and do some planning and help transfer assets, he or she was no doubt being paid for legal advice/action. It makes no sense that he or she would not have set up a trust for the reason of cost because it would cost less than house calls, etc. Anyhow, one reason for getting assets out of an estate is for Medicaid (or in California, Medi-Cal planning). That is, there is a belief that mom or dad is going to wind up in skilled nursing care and they are going to end up broke if some planning is not done. Perhaps that is what the attorney was trying to help your mother do. Unfortunately this area of the law is one of the most complicated and often misunderstood. Plus, good intentions are often poorly executed, even by attorneys who do not regularly practice in this area. For instance, in your mother's case, a better course of action would have been to set up a precatory third-party special needs trust that held assets for the benefit of mom's care. If there was anything left after that, it could eventually go to the children. If there are problem children it could be held for their benefit without the ability to be used for things like drugs, gambling, etc. Also, if there is not a reliable trustee, a private professional trustee or bank (with Errors and Omissions Insurance) could be used. As for what's already been done, the question remains if a gift was actually made to you. There is a legal definition of a gift. What would help is if a 709 gift tax return was filed? Any gift (in 2012) above $13,000, requires a tax return. Simply giving it all to you and expecting you to later gift to your brothers however raises further issues. Not the least of which is that you theoretically could owe gift tax for those gifts, if made. Once you get into the facts and circumstances of any particular case, you start to see how complicated this area becomes. And the list of legal issues goes on and on really, but the point people should remember is that they ought to get competent help. It is out there!

Best,

MrTrustStore


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello MrTrustStore.

Your visit today is timely, indeed! You have some awesome advice here and I would love to see it made into a hub of its own. I would be happy to link to your hubs and vice versa. Consumer education is the name of the game, here.

I will try not to ramble on here but must respond to a few of your points:

1. The family trust in question was written like a normal trust. The assets were not passed only to one daughter. The terms of the trust were spelled out clearly. The trust was for the benefit of the income beneficiary (my mother-in-law) first. Any remainder would go to the contingent beneficiaries (my husband and SIL).

2. What happened was SIL decided when her dad died to step over her mother and become the successor trustee immediately, instead of waiting for Mom's death. Because you know, Mom's old and might spend too much of "her" (SIL's) inheritance.

3. So she usurped the role of successor trustee by having Mom declared mentally incompetent. That is how she was able to put all the trust assets in her name.

4. But, as soon as we figured out what she had done and how she had done it (no one could have predicted this family betrayal -- at the time), we took legal action to stop her. And we did. We got her off as successor trustee.

5. Your advice about hiring the best attorney possible is of course excellent. But my question to you as an attorney in this area of practice is, how do we know what's "good" anyway? When my SIL pulled her shenanigans and we confronted her, she immediately lawyered up. She hired a certified specialist in trust litigation. Ok, she's playing hardball. So we sought out and hired certified specialists in trust litigation. This meant that all 3 parties (SIL, MIL and Hubby) were represented by the highest powered trust attorneys in town.

Did being from the biggest firm in town give my MIL good legal representation? NO. My MIL got thrown under the bus and her shifty lawyer continued to bill fees to the trust for months after the mediation!

Did finding "specialists" to go head to head with SIL's specialist help Hubby and MIL at all? I suppose. I don't know how strong the legal case was against my SIL. I do know MIL was given competency tests by her doctor and her lawyer and passed. So it should have been a slam dunk to remove SIL. She actually should have gone to jail for elder abuse, undue influence and fraud. None of that happened.

6. Moreover, we only JUST this week FINALLY figured out the full extent of these attorneys' shafting of us. Since 2009 we have been living with the "new" successor trustee, a paid fiduciary who was appointed in the mediation. She was of course recommended by the attorneys involved. I have another hub on the fiduciary issue, but in a nutshell. We have been screaming since 2009 for an accounting. We wanted to make sure all the assets got out of SIL's name and transferred over. The fiduciary kept ignoring us. We tried to go back to my MIL's attorney and Hubby's attorney t get the fiduciary fired. No one would help us. They just left us there with a non-responsive fiduciary. We did not know our rights but only that we could easily trip some clause in the trust that would disinherit Hubby.

So for 2 years the fiduciary stonewalled. She refused to tell us what she had or had not done.

Only this week, in mediation with the fiduciary (who managed to completely bankrupt the trust in this time) did we discover that our 2009 Settlement Agreement was not legally enforceable. The attorneys did not require a bond of the fidiciary. She had no legal power to force SIL to turn over the assets timely. She claims she was not responsible for the delay in getting the assets or any missing money.

It's a bunch of finger pointing and evading.

And who loses here?

My MIL thought she had written out her wishes in a legal document that would protect her (the trust).

Instead that document has been used to rape and pillage her and in the end, deprive her of the one thing she wanted. It's not to die with a lot of money. It's to die with dignity. At home. Now, at 90.5 she is penniless and has to move into some county home.

It is beyond disgusting.

And the lawyers did this. On purpose. To make money.

I hate to say this, Mr. TrustStore, but I would highly recommend to any/all to not even bother writing a will or a trust. Spend as much of your money as you can while alive. Your kids are only going to end up at each other's throats anyway. Don't give them any more ammunition. Who cares if your estate goes to probate?

I for one will NEVER have a family trust.

We've been burned first by SIL, then by the 2009 mediation and now again with mediation with the fidiciary.

And for what?


MrTrustStore profile image

MrTrustStore 4 years ago from Oxnard & Santa Clarita, CA

Wow, you have certainly been through the ringer! I could understand your sentiment. (I was actually referring to onedaughter5sons above and not you however.) It sounds like great attorneys were involved with your case by the way. I don't know the exact facts so it is difficult for me to comment on your case. I do doubt that the attorneys were in it for the money though... I know that that is the perception sometimes but it is generally not the case... Also as bad as your case went, it would definitely be worse to recommend not writing a will or trust and not doing such for yourself. While you are not alone, most people who engage in estate planning do not have your experience. And doing nothing practically guarantees a "wrong" result for many people. Not only might their estate pass through probate, but there could easily be unintended beneficiaries, negative tax consequences, unwanted guardians of minor children, etc. I can almost hear you saying, "but that will happen anyway"-given your experience. But that simply is not true. What is true is that when human beings are involved, there will always be some problems for some people. There is corruption with charities, governments, financial institutions, etc. Does that make all charities, governments, etc. bad? Does one villain make all people bad? I know that in the wills and trust world, most of the time there is not a villain and things go relatively smoothly... But I do agree with one thing you said: Spending it all while you are alive is not a bad philosophy!


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thank you MrTrustStore. I should be fair and say my personal experience with family trusts is only 50% bad. It's just that that 50% feels like 99%. My own family trust went just fine. Mom died first, leaving Dad as successor trustee. Since he was the financially savvy one anyway, there was no problem. Had he died first, I still think it would have been ok but who knows. And my sister has been the epitome of the dutiful daughter executress now that Dad's gone. She is scrupuluously honest. She has had a lot to deal with -- much bigger and more complex estate that my in-laws by orders of magnitude. The difference is she is not greedy and trying to use any methods necessary to steal all the money and take it from me and my brother.

The fault in this other situation is not so much with the trust itself as in the people "entrusted" to manage it. And also that both parents in this case suffered from dementia. That's where it gets tricky. It is so easy to take advantage of people who aren't "all there." And equally easy to take advantage of people who don't know the law (most everyone). IF YOU ARE SO INCLINED, that is.

In our case, too, I think what happened was to mediate the initial case, getting SIL off the trust, the lawyers said, "well, we'll just give it to our gal pal the fiduciary to manage. Put it in neutral hands." Which they did. Since all of these attorneys represent the fiduciary routinely, you might wonder (which we did too late) about conflict of interest. Either they do or do not know (and definitely don;t care) that their gal pal is negligent and this is NOT the first time she's let a trust slip. I hate to attribute motive, but I have read enough complaints about this fiduciary to know her MO seems to be to spend, spend, spend with no cost control measures, refuse to provide information to the family (beneficiaries) and one day announce "OH well, the trust is broke. Granny's gotta go in a home." Heck, my SIL could have done the same thing more efficiently. She wanted to stick Granny in a home from the get-go.

As I said, I have written quite a few hubs on my experience. I have been amazed at the number of other families who have been through the same thing. All it takes is one bad apple. You don't know until it happens which one of your siblings is going to see $ signs in her eyes and turn on the rest of the family. Money corrupts.

But you are right. It is not appropriate to paint all will and trust creators with the same brush. Clearly, better CONSUMER EDUCATION is needed.

That's where I encourage you to prove that not everyone associated with the industry is shady and greedy.


Deb 4 years ago

My heart goes out to anyone who has had this terrible incident happen to them and I get the idea that this has happened to far too many people, including myself. It is hard enough seeing your parents lose the their ability to function as they would want, but seems all too often the honest one gets all the caregiving duties, while the dishonest one (always scheming ) gets the money. From my experience with my mother's trust I would advise everyone to show this aritlce to your parents before they even begin a trust. My mother's instructions were too vague, do to the fact the attorney was my brother's friend (first mistake). And with so many attorneys, doctors and nursing homes wanting to make a quick buck, the real needs of the elderly is not their first interest. This should never happen to anyone. I had complete confidence that my brother ( his favorite book on facebook is the Bible) would do the right thing (wrong) PROTECT OUR PARENTS WISHES and your own by showing them this article.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Deb,

Our saga continues. I need to update my most recent hubs about fiduciaries and where to put Granny. It never ends. Well, it WILL end, but only when Granny dies. Which, honestly, is what Hubby and I are now praying for.

It always gives my heart a new twinge when I sign onto HP and find a new comment here. You are so right. This is all too common.

And your point about the attorneys and nursing homes wanting to make a quick buck -- with an aging Baby Boomer population they should be sitting quite pretty now and over the next several years. Unless we find a way to STOP THIS. It's gotta be outed.

I presume your inclusion of "doctors" in this comes from personal experience. Our doctor is NOT part of the problem, but is powerless to be part of the solution either. It makes me crazy.

Final thought. How symbolic that your brother's favorite book is The Bible. Don't tell me, let me guess. Your brother swears up and down he has done nothing wrong. He believes he is acting in the best interests of your mother and YOU are the one with the problem. Am I right?

So sorry.

Glad to have you as a member of my Hoodwinked Siblings Club. There is comfort in knowing we are not alone.

MM


azscumbag1 4 years ago

The details of the article is somewhat like the plan I used to steal my parents wills, claim that my mother died intestate when she died first, wrote up my own version of my father's will that my dad signed, that gave me first selection as my father's guardian and executor, and I also had my very ill and elderly father sign a Power of Attorney.

My sibling realized all of this and after investigation, had our state's Adult Protection Service investigate me and what had happened. The state's report frankly spelled out what I had done, correctly, and was forwarded to the probate court judge. I tried to have the report sealed, but apparently that didn't work. I even signed most all my father's investments and finances ownership over to both myself and my father jointly.

When my father died, the probate court ordered that I had to split some of the estate with my sibling, but I lied under oath and now have my parents home and most all my mother's possessions and my father's investments, stocks and annuity, in addition to my father's life insurance proceeds.

All this was done because I felt that my sibling deserved nothing, and I had two very ill elderly people to work on as well. I thought they never knew anything, but now it appears that they knew I was up to something long before they passed on.

Now, I am advised that my sibling has what amounts to overwhelming evidence against me, including recordings of others that assisted me advising my sibling that they saw my parents true wills and finances, when I told everyone else a totally different story. It appears that my parents knew what I might do, and before both died, they and my sibling protected themselves somehow, as my sibling knows exactly where, how and what I did, and even why.

It appears that my sibling has contacted no less than the FBI, the IRS CID, the U.S. Attorney, and is even authoring a book about what and how I did it, and how others can protect themselves...and I am scared to death what will happen. I could lose it all, my home, my career job, my already weak marriage, and of course all that I have from my parents.

Now, five years after my father passed on...I am worried, stone sick worried.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello azscumbag,

It's refreshing to hear from the "other side" of this kind of intra-family sabotage. I give you props for coming clean about what you did. Sounds like the probate courts in AZ are as toothless as the ones here in CA where I live. In spite of what sounds like overwhelming proof against you, you still have all the spoils of your charade. So your sibling figured out what you did and how. But s/he does not have any of the $ or other assets. You have it all. Is that correct?

Interesting that your sibling is planning to write a book -- that is my plan as well. If I can save even one family from the HELL we've been through, it would (almost) have been worth it.

I'm not really clear from your comment, however, whether you are feeling guilty and remorseful for what you did to your parents and sibling, or are simply concerned that you're about to lose all the ill-gotten gains. Sounds more like the latter.

I'm all about -- or at least trying to be all about -- forgiveness. Have you thought of throwing yourself on the mercy of your sibling and voluntarily handing over 50% of what you stole?

At the least, I think YOU should write a book about what inspired you to do what you did and exactly how you worked the system and how friggin easy it is to scam elderly people. That would be a useful piece of writing.

Thanks for your comment. I do wish you well and hope that you are able to unburden yourself. Peace. MM


Me 4 years ago

This is so messed up, unless your parents treated you like shit.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Yep. Pretty messed up. No my parents. And the parents in question didn't treat the daughter who did this like shit. All in her twisted head.

For the record (again). I could never, ever think up something like this.

But I've lived it and have spent tens of thousands of my own money to defend my mother-in-law. For keeping her dignity. It's been certifiably insane.

Messed up. You have no idea.

Thanks for commenting, me.


Daniel 4 years ago

Thank you for writing this hub and for everyone else's contributions. It really has helped me see through some anger and betrayal issues I've had for a few years now.

Background:

I am the only son with 8 sisters and one other 1/2 brother. Me and my 8 sisters were very close because my father was not a nice man growing up and we had to stick together just to survive.

How it all began:

In the early 2000's my father was thrown in jail for 6 years for abusing his second wife (surprise!) and his other son.

At the time, I was the only one willing to help him out. (I do not blame my sisters for not helping him because he really was a jerk.)

Along with his main house and his rental houses, he also asked me to take care of his other finances, which I did. He had around $1.3 million in assets.

In the 3 years I took care of it, I never once took a dime or asked for any fees or anything else. NOTHING ever left his accounts because it wasn't mine to take and as the years passed it grew and grew.

I always made all my father's financial records available to my sisters at any time they wanted to see them. Not a problem. Everything was completely transparent and above board and they were going to stay that way. I am not a thief and my father's money wouldn't make me one.

Now during this time I was in charge, nearly every one of my sisters appoached me and asked for loans, handouts, etc. from his money for "you name it" tragedies where they just had to have his money for. I didn't give it to them because it wasn't mine to give, it was my Father's. Yeah, he was a jerk but I had given him my word that I would be honest with him and I was.

My sisters were not very happy about it and they all rationalized taking it because he had been a jerk and I was a bad guy now too for not giving it to them when I had the chance.

As time went on, two of my "loving" sisters (one a VERY devout Christian by the way, just ask her) began talking to my father again and got it into his head to check to make sure I was not stealing his money. They were jsut sure I was.

He did check up and he found out everything was in perfect order and just as it should have been. In his bank accounts and in his name.

Well the two holier than thou's still didn't believe it and they worked my other sisters telling them they just knew I was stealing somehow and I was doing nothing right and I could have been making more money for my father.

They made a huge stink over everything I did, right down to why I should pay property managers to take care of his rentals when I only lived 12 hours away and I could drive up and fix things when needed.

Since I really wasn't a big fan of my father anyway and since I got worn down and tired hearing crap from him and them every day, I finally told the two sisters why don't they just take care of things themselves for a while and I told my father if he wants to give them POA, do it.

HUGE MISTAKE!

The finances that were open to everyone, now were suddenly unavailable... And how dare you even question their integrity anyway? They went to church for goodness sakes!

We found out later, one of them, the devout Christain, bought herself a house and a car and a couple of other sisters got "loans" that were not ever paid back.

When my father got out, he had WAAAYYYY less money than he did before and he was not pleased.

My father and I actually began patching things up around that time and he then presented me with a will he had drawn up that left everything to me.

It was at this point I made HUGE MISTAKE #2...

I told him I don't want it all and that everything should be split up equally between us kids because otherwise it would just cause problems and I didn't want to lose my family over money. (My wife's family had just gone through this and I wanted nothing to do with it.)

I also felt that since all of us kids had gone through the same hell with him, we all deserved an equal share of the pie.

My father also always tried to make us jump for money or pitted us against each other for money to amuse himself and I never liked that and either did my sisters so I thought this would put an end to that.

My father said that is what he wanted to do so he was not going to change it and I could do with the money what I wanted later. I never heard anything after that point.

I did, however, inform my other sisters that he had made up this will and that I didn't want all the money. I told them they could tear up the will and we could claim it never existed and we would just split up his estate equally between us.

I was tired of the games he played all of our lives and it would be our way of not letting him get to us one last time.

Well everyone heartily agreed and several years went by.

My father's health went downhill and he eventually moved in with my dear Christian sister and she became POA for his finances again, now back up to around $1.3 million plus his main house and his rentals.

As it turned out, and unbeknownst to some of us, especially me, my dear sister was giving his money to her Pastor to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars and she was even charging my father a fee to prepared his meals and another for eating with her and her family. Talk about rationalizing stealing!

Also at this same time, she had my father write up a new will (surprise!), with the ever honest Pastor as a witness of course, that left her and my other greedy pig of a sister the lions share of what was left after they robbed him for 6 months.

$1.3 million and houses turned into $650k in 6 months for his "expenses" such as preparing meals and church donations, even when he never attended church.

(My sister has a plaque on a wing of the church which I don't believe is fair. I think my name should be on it too! No? LOL)

What made this all the better was during his last two weeks of his life and months after the new will was drawn up, these same sisters called me and asked if our agreement was still good and I said yes. Everything would be split equally.

(I heard later they had a good laugh while they were doing this. Seriously.)

Then, lo and behold, as soon as he died and the casket was closed, they trotted out the new will and wah la!

When I asked what the hell was going on after whe had just talked about this a couple of weeks before...

One called me "Greedy pants" and yelled at me and told me, "GET OVER IT!"

The other told me "Maybe you should have played it differently."

Apparently I should have and I was the absolute fool for trusting them.

Never in a million years, after what we all went through growing up together, would I ever have expected to be stabbed in the back so blatantly and so callously.

I had went out of my way to make things right for everyone and, to be honest, to make everyone feel they didn't have to be manipulated by my father anymore to get what was rightfully their fair share and these two went out of their way to rip us off.

The betrayal is the worst, they can have the money if it means that much to them, but to know you've been sold for a few dimes is what I can't just can't seem to get over.

How do you sell out your own and laugh in their faces when you do?

And the kicker to the whole story is they are both well off so they didn't even need the money!

NOW FOR THE KARMA PART:

One sister has serious health issues and is miserable. Alot of it is due to stress.

AND THE OTHER... THE DEVOUT CHRISTIAN...

She just found out she's been ripped off by her new husband for almost a year now and she is now completely broke... AND THE NEW HUSBAND IS A PASTOR!

LMAO!


DANIEL 4 years ago

One last thing...

Can you guess my response when I heard my devout sister is now the one ripped off?

Yep, you got it...

"Karma's a bitch ain't it! GET OVER IT!"


DANIEL 4 years ago

P.S. Thanks for letting me vent. It helps.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Daniel,

I don't know whether to cheer or scream (or both)at your story. I was absolutely riveted reading every word.

I particularly liked the part about the Christian sister. Oh yes, the sign of any good Christian is they have a plaque with their name on it. LOL.

Glad you can be so philosophical about losing out on the money, but the whole situation sounds like something you're better off leaving in the past. No amount of money can make up for how your father treated you kids, and it sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in at least 2 cases.

You don't ever mention anything about any of the other 6 sisters. Hopefully you still have relationships with them. In other words, you haven't lost your entire family over this (as we have).

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm really glad you feel better. It makes me feel better when I get the venom out of me and down on "paper" too. I'm in the process of writing a book about our experience. If it can save even one family from disaster, it will be worth it!

Take care. MM


collegekid2011 4 years ago

This is happening to me right now! I just got my court date for the order to show cause. I can't wait to see what my aunts come up with after the judge orders them to provide financial documents from 2006 on, POA filings, real estate transactions etc.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Welcome to the sucker club, collegekid2011. I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I caution you to be hyper aware and don't expect ANYTHING from the courts. They have failed me more than once.

I do hope your aunts get what's coming to them (and I DON'T mean ill-gotten family money). FIngers x'd for you that the right comes out in your case.

Please do keep us posted.

MM


akma 4 years ago

I read your posting and all the remaining postings. We are going through the same thing.It is scary how cold people can be.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Noelle,

I hope it helps to say I completely relate to where you are and have lived most of your scenario and am happy to report that I lived through it and so will you.

I understand how that in the midst of this seemingly no-win situation it's easy to question yourself and say "What the heck and I DOING this for? I'm only getting abuse from all sides. Am I crazy?

And the answer is, no. YOu are a good person.

Something compelled you to go home and look after your mother when your father died. You dropped everything to be of real service to her. And you have been.

Now I'm going to point out some observations based on what you wrote. I do not know the laws where you live -- UK I'm guessing. But it's important that YOU research them so you are armed with facts and not just emotion.

Try to keep your feelings of hopelessness and HELPLESSNES out of it. YOu are not helpless and it truly is up to you to turn this situation around. That's why you are there!

1. If the GP is correct and your mother has advanced dementia she is unable to execute any legal document. She cannot now make a will. She cannot do anything with the property that is in your dad's name. She is mentally incapable and it sounds like that would not be hard to prove. There is likely a mental competence test used by the legal and medical systems where you are.

Do you believe this diagnosis of the GP? If so, then accept it and go from there.

If not, get your mother evaluated by someone else. As her friends have suggested, get a "second opinion" on her mental condition.

If she is in fact legally incompetent, then she will need a POA appointed. She cannot appoint one herself because she has lost that ability.

I imagine your siblings know this and are just waiting, as you said, for you to throw in the towel so they can move in and be in charge.

What is the worst that could happen if they did that?

They will more than likely put your mother somewhere. And that may be the best thing for her so she can get medical care for her dementia. It may actually be the best thing for you, as well. So you can get a much deserved break. Because if dementia is her diagnosis, it is progressive and you have a worse road ahead of you than where you have already been And with no money you will be living a nightmare worse than the one you are in.

Your mother probably doesn't (or can't) recognize your siblings as "evil" any more than my MIL could. She clearly was being abused by my SIL but when it came time to do something aout it, she simply couldn't do it.

Your mom doesn't know who to trust and like all parents, is not willing to choose you (even though you've been the one helping her) over her other children. So what can you do about that? Accept it for what it is and move on to the next challenge.

You are only trapped because you yourself are making yourself trapped. Allow yourself to think about your own life and sanity. What does that look like?

What is the principle you are fighting for here?

What would happen -- best case and worst case -- if you stay and fight? What if you let go?

Do you feel it's right and worth it to go up against your family? Is it remotely possible that they can help you resolve this situation and relieve the intolerable pressure on you?

I'm just thinking aloud here.

I will close with this. Killing yourself is the worst option of all. Killing the family is something I have felt like doing many, many times. Play the tape through. It would feel good for about 5 minutes. But landing yourself in prison just makes the whole situation worse and proves to others that you are crazy. And you are not!

I wish you all the best. Please keep me posted on what you decide to do. Your actions can help others well beyond your mother!

Thank you again for sharing your experience.

MM


Karma 4 years ago

Does the IRS enter into the picture in any way; income not claimed, etc. ????


MFMFMF 4 years ago

I say, I say SHERI who from pinole


sue 4 years ago

Hi My father past away left me and my sister as executors

we needed to pay the probate together my sister had not helped me do this and it had been left open for over 12 months so I ended up paying. Probate was granted in my name and I am trustee named on the property title.My mother is now in home has been for 4 years she has a life tenancy. The house is being used by another brother an d anyone that cares to go there can. I have been paying bills etc. I was hoping to sell the property and invest the money for by mother as part of the will. Other parties refuse and have threated legal action. I only what to do the right thing. They have treated me very badly like I am a alien not put of the family etc. I have thought about selling by part of the estate for what I have put in over the years which is about one quarter of its worth. If they do not purchase I will leave my share to 2 charitys I have had enough is this legal?.


Collegekid2011 4 years ago

Update: The judge ordered my trustees to follow through with our requests, however, they still hid a majority of assets. Luckily I have pictures of statements to show where some of the hidden assets are invested. My lawyer is still waiting to hit them with this as well as breach of loyalty until he gets paid from my first distribution which should be coming any day now. Can anyone suggest a high-powered attorney out of New York City because mine doesn't seem to understand the level of fraud that is going on here. It's now almost one year since the passing of my grandmother when this all began :-/


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi sue, hi collegekid2011 (one and the same, right?).

I wish I knew a kick-ass attorney to suggest. I'm not in NY. But suggest you look through the Bar Association and look for a Certified Specialists in Wills and Trusts -- get someone with a winning litigation record. Do your homework because you are oh so right you need a lawyer who gets what's going on and with the experience to protect you. Sounds like another situation where it's difficult to believe it's really happening -- but is.

GOOD LUCK!

MM


Diarmuid Hannigan 4 years ago

The laws of inheritance are written and practiced by lawyers not families. Since there is a lot of money at stake it is in the interest of the legal profession to leave scope within the legal framework for what I call grave robbing. Hence the book Lawyers or Grave Robbers?

Hope this adds insight to the dilemma.


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

The laws of inheritance are abused by lawyers and courts every day. And families the unwitting pawns (although in some instances the family members are part of the scheme). Thanks for the reference book. I will check it out.

Grave robbers, indeed.

collegekid -- I sure hope for your sake you get justice. Did I mention that 'fair' has no place in such inheritance matters? Chances are, however that the attorney knows exactly how far to bend the law and skate away clean. That's how they are able to do what they do over and over and over and over and don't care about your case or my case your your family or your family. It's all $$$$ to them.

But I don't mean to be discouraging. We did manage to stop a Goliath (a triad of goliaths, actually) in our case and that feels DAMNED GOOD.

If I could offer you one solid piece of advice from my experience, before you meet with the attorney, sort through in your own mind the "emotional" aspects of your case from the "factual." The attorney could care less about "he said and she did and they didn't and I'm the only one..." All the attorney wants to know is what did the source documentation say, has it been followed, who knew about the breach and when, and is it remediable within the law?? Just the facts, m'aam.

GOOD LUCK and know that we victims and would-be victims are right there with you on your quest. MM


CathRN 4 years ago

I'm seriously sorry you wrote this as I believe my sisters found it and carried it out exactly as you wrote. It's caused so much chaos and grief you would not believe. I would ask you to delete it but it's all over for me now. I took care of my parents for 10 years. was the executor of their estate for 20 years. as soon as my parents were senile they came in and took over. I had to go home and see my doctors to get a bleeding ulcer fixed, my foot had been broken for two years but nobody could come long enough for me to go have the surgery I needed, my thyroid was so hyper it was toxic and 6 years later (3 since they killed it with radiation) it's still wacky. my sisters have badmouthed me so badly, even my aunts and uncles gave me looks that could kill at my fathers own funeral. I'm ready to commit suicide, lost my parents years before they actually died, and am exiled from a family I loved more than anything. Please say something about how, anyone who does this is a totally horrible human being and my only recourse is God will get them. Thanks for listening.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello CathRN.

I am continually blown away by the number of people who have been through the wringer with siblings and estates. Your story hurts my heart. I know only too well the physical and emotional toll this scenario takes. I know exactly how it feels to do the dutiful thing with parents and then be badmouthed.

If I hadn't lived this I could never in a million years dream up such a scheme. My mind doesn't work that way (thank God).

As it is, I'm glad to have this forum to share my experience and connect with others who have done the right thing only to be brutalized and exiled for it.

I'm writing a book about because honestly, my goal is to get to other families BEFORE the unfortunate series of aging/senility/greedy siblings ruins their lives.

Meantime, my husband and I are getting grief counseling (through hospice -- that's a blessing) and it really, really helps to be able to unload the REAL PAIN of having this happen, having no one in the family believe our side (the truth) and knowing that the totally horrible human being who caused all of this chaos and devastation is getting away with it.

But I do believe in Karma and there's a part of me that hopes that we won't have to wait for Judgment Day for her to reap what she's sowed. Although I know there is a very special place for her and her cohorts in Hell...

I encourage you to get support for yourself however you can. It does help.

DON"T LET THEM WIN by internalizing the pain and making yourself sick. In your heart you know you are right and I can tell that just from what you've written here.

Hope you will feel free to come back and vent as needed. As you can see, we have a regular "group therapy" going!

God bless, MM


SusanInSFL 4 years ago

Mighty Mom, I made a post then I came upon your post of two weeks ago. I'm fighting the depression now but muddling through. My beloved Mommy died a month ago. She and I were very close. The evil one (as I call the sister who's the thief and murderer) was always jealous. She got even, or so she thinks.

The problem in my situation is that it was impossible to do much because my Dad, still living at age 94, has been totally brainwashed with lies and who knows what else, by the evil one! He still had the power legally, although he's totally controlled by the Evil One. Mom used to handle funds but when she became ill, it fell upon Dad. Instead, he put the Evil One on all accounts and quit doing anything. Having been a teen in the depression, he always hoarded cash. I tried to make him stop but to no avail. Now close to $800,000 by my guess, is pretty much gone. The evil one is on what accounts are left. The evil one has now made sure Dad is not in assisted living (where he needs to be) and he is living with his granddaughter, child of the Evil One. I'm sure that $4,000 - $6,000 per month is going to the granddaughter as 'assisted living'. I hope the IRS nails them all!

There was a house to go to my sister who is developmentally disabled, so she never has to worry about a place to live. That's changed now. It was just deeded to the grandchildren, with a 'life residency' for the disabled sister. However, there are no escrow accounts set up to pay taxes, maintenance and property insurance for the rest of my disabled sister's life. I can see this is going to go badly.

I've been horribly sick fo 10 weeks now (I was already sick before Mom died) and I'm doing all I can to try to move on and forget this evil crap. However, everyday something new comes from my Dad (who has turned pretty hateful now with his dementia, which has of course been fed by the Evil One's lies.)

If you'd told me 5 years ago that this situation could exist in my family, I'd have laughed. Now? Well, it's about the most heartbreaking thing I've ever dealt with (and I had a horrible divorce 20 years ago!) I'd already thrown up my hands on the issues with my Mom being slowly killed by the nurse-practitioner evil one (who hasn't REALLY practiced in 10 years because she's been fired from every job she had.) There's nothing I really want (except a sentimental item that my Mom wanted me to have, which I doubt will ever be forthcoming now that she has her hands on it.) But what is most alarming is the way she has the nerve to damage my developmentally disabled sister in this way.

Everything and everyone is disposable in the Evil One's eyes.

Yup - I know. I'm bitter, but mainly I'm venting. I think it's time to get some therapy for my own piece of mind.


SusanInSFL 4 years ago

An add-on: In reading some of the comments, the term 'predator' is really apt and indeed, my evil sister feels totally justified in doing what she's doing. It's really sick, isn't it?

My husband is so furious with all of this because he knows me and knows my heart and knows that all I ever have wanted was for my Mom to be treated well and with respect, and the same for my disabled sister.

I never wanted a penny. I just wanted everyone to do what's right and for my parents to have their money to live well as long as they're alive. Obviously, there's no happily ever after for my Mom and my Dad is part of the problem since he's in dementia world and being controlled. Yet, for all my good thoughts and my love and my kindness, now I'm painting somehow as lazy, selfish and hateful. I'm just aghast at how family members (extended family) so readily believe lies and venom rather than the truth.

Luckily I was never close to any of the extended family members, so it's no great loss. But it has totally broken my heart to lose my Mom to this cruelty and then to see the disabled sister being trampled in like manner, and finally to be somehow vilified myself . And it's all for money. Unbelievable.


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi SusanInSFL,

I'm trying to give up trying to understand it. There is no logic to it. There apparently is no justice. As morally wrong and evil as your Evil One is -- and she is clearly the long lost twin of our own CWB (c-word, whore bitch), it doesn't sound like legally she's done anything you can nail her on.

I can totally relate to your frustration. It's physically and emotionally damaging to try to stand up and do the right thing against a wall of evil. And to lose your Mom on top if it. No wonder you are sick!

All I can offer -and this from not all that pleasant personal experience -- is to take care of YOU. The less you think about or engage with the EO the better off you will be.

Let it all go. The extended family wants to believe the fairy tale. That is what extended families do. Which is who our EO/CWB sisters are so effective. They know exactly how to play the heartstrings. And feed the fantasy. And cut us down to nothing in the process.

It's not right and we don't deserve any of it. Your mom did not deserve to be neglected or finished off with morphine. But you can't bring her back.

Getting your dad moved out of the grandkid's house sounds like more effort than it would be worth. Let that go, too.

Can you close off communication with him if he is abusive and angry (due to dementia and/or brainwashing by the EO)?

For right now, let it ALL GO and concentrate on getting your health back. That is your #1 priority. You owe it to yourself and to your husband.

Counseling sounds like a great idea. We are getting grief counseling through hospice and it feels AMAZING to have our experience validated.

You are NOT alone.

Please do check back and let us know how you are faring.

All the best to you, my kindred sister.

MM


SusanInSFL 4 years ago

My Dad is just a seething, angry man. I think he's angry at his life's decisions. I think he's angry that his life is ending. He's an alcoholic and we all know alcoholics never take personal responsibility for their own actions. And of course, he's angry because of the drivel being fed to him by the EO (tho I like CWB better). He doesn't see the good that he's had in his life. He only sees regrets and imagined slights. My Dad's 'love' is conditional. He only loves if you do as he wants you to do. In his eyes, women should (1) have a lot of babies (2) only work in traditional female dominated fields like nursing or teaching and (3) give up their own lives to always live in the same redneck town as 'dad'.

20 years ago, I gave up a job as an executive in the corporate world, divorced my ex, moved to 'paradise' and now own a business and am an artist and happily married to my prince charming. I chose to never have kids, and wouldn't live in that awful town where he lived if my life depended upon it. So while he 'says' he loves me, he could never love me for me.

I close off communication simply by calling him only when I'm up to it. I don't answer calls from him if I don't feel up to the inevitable crap. My Dad is passive aggressive, so he's never been one to be truly abusive to my face. I believe he's always been afraid of me because he knows I'm smarter than he is, and he also was jealous of the relationship I had with my Mom. When I divorced my alcoholic ex, Dad was afraid that Mom would do the same to him, I think. He's a back-stabber. He will, however, be abusive to my disabled sister because he's a bully, just like the EO always has been and still i s.

I had done a great deal of work 3 years ago to set up a wonderful care system for both my Mom and Dad, but the EO immediately made a trip to visit my father and they both dismantled it. All the care that was recommended was ignored. They denied care to my Mom. They were abusive to my disabled sister. And then, as thanks for my work, I was simply called every name in the book. I guess people are just happier to believe horrid lies than to believe the simple truth.

But, this is the way things have gone in the extended family before. My sister was a druggie and now, as a nurse practitioner (who hasn't worked in years), she gets her drugs 'legally'. It's unbelievable to me that all the relatives would believe a druggie over an honest person. This pattern is all over my family. I have a cousin who was a big-time dealer and did prison time. (He's still on parole and I hear has only a few months to live). The cousin's wife even tried to disconnect my aunt's life support when she had a stroke, and then in an attempt to extort money from his father, tried to kidnap his own mother from hospice. And guess who's been bad-mouthed in the family? The cousin's GOOD sister who did all the right things. And all the relatives believe the druggie-felon. And then there's the other of the many cousins (27 total) who is another druggie. Interesting how the low-lifes hang out together and do these awful things, isn't it?

Thank you for your kind words. It seems I just calm down, and then another 'bomb' of some sort from my Dad or the EO reveals itself.

I have a good network of friends who are helpful when it comes to counseling. My 'energy network' is an excellent resource for me.

S


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Susan,

Man oh man. You and I really are living parallel lives in so many respects. You are spot-on about alcoholics. I know a thing or two about that disease and the personality defects that accompany it. I know you know that your dad's anger and bitterness are his, not yours (yeah, like that really helps when he decimates your self-esteem, eh?)

Yes the sickos do tend to gravitate together. Misery loves company and cannot abide happy, well people around them. Hard as it is to really do (when we really want the world to SEE THE G-D TRUTH!) we must run far away and close the door.

I have lived the incoming missiles and bombs thing, too. Like throwing up. You think you're done and then yet another wave comes. Again, shutting them out completely is the only sane option. Even though it sounds crazy to have no contact with your own family.

But remember, we are not the ones making these rules. They are imposing their toxicity on us. We have a choice to say no.

Glad you have a good network of friends. Would like to hear more about your "energy network."

If you feel inspired, join Hub Pages and get all this great experience out in HUBS. Or of course you are welcome to keep chatting here -- not trying to kick you off. Just find you have a lot of good info to share and it may feel cathartic to actually PUBLISH your own story.

Take care and hang in there.

It may or may not get better. But we'll always have the stupid siblings club here to vent! MM


SusanInSFL 4 years ago

Thanks again.

I guess I have to go through this in stages. I have a very close friend who is an 'intuitive healer'. She's very gifted and picks up on energy to help one to heal the problems, and learn where to block the bad energy. It may or may not be your cup of tea, but she's worked miracles for me in the past and my husband, formally a non-believer, is one of her biggest fans. It's as if there are times (not every time of course) that she flips a switch and it just puts a stop to the energetic attacks by the evil people in our lives.

I guess the ultimate goal is to be able to send 'compassion' to those who are harming us, in hopes that it might encourage them to reflect. However, there is never an expectation that it will help. It just allows us to know we have done all we can personally do to 'do the right thing'. I try it every now and then but still, I'm not to the point where I can do that well. I'm still angry and hurt.

SO, I guess my current step is 'defiance' and 'self protection'. Maybe it sounds nuts, but, having been so sick, I'm getting to the point where I can finally do this.

The illness story: I became ill on a cruise in early April. I have a violent reaction to second hand smoke and though we were in a non-smoking suite, some chainsmoker in a cabin below or forward of ours couldn't stop smoking on their balcony, and the smoke was in our suite the entire time. I came home horribly sick. After a month of that, went to doctor (I don't like medical people as a rule) as a last ditch effort to get rid of fever. I told him no penicillin (I'm allergic). He gave me something that he said wasn't penicillin. It was. I got horribly sick from that. Then he took me off that and put me on something else - clarithromycin. From that I had another violent reaction - constant dizziness and nausea for 7 weeks plus instant joint inflammation in every joint in my body. Then 10 days after that, my Mom died. (Long story there as well - essentially the evil one 'finished her off' and gave her an od of morphine. I call that murder.) I finally ditched the nausea a few days ago so I can now get back to my morning exercise - rebounding. I couldn't do it if I was dizzy and unstable. So, now I'm rebounding and using my 'defiant' music to keep me going - things like "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" (Kelly Clarkson) and "Part of me" (Katy Perry) and Madonna's "Sorry". After that, my husband finallly says "She's BACK!!! yay!!!"

It's true. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. It's just that when you're sick and weak, you aren't necessarily in the position to be strong and you become a more available target to those who wish to harm you.

I hope I will soon be able to move on to the whole 'sending compassion' thing but for now, I can only half-heartedly do it. I'll stick in my defiant stage for a bit. Luckily I don't live near her and would never run into her. I'm about 7 hrs away driving, and would never go anywhere she goes or hang out with the type of people she'd hang out with.

As someone with a very strong moral compass, I really still cannot get over the evil that another person (sibling) can embody. I'm not surprised, though. I never cared for this sister from the time I was a child. I'm older, and from the time she was born, she was a hateful bully who was resentful about everything in her life. She was pregnant at age 14, doing drugs, has gone through three abusive husbands, has two entitled kids, and has bounced around from religion to religion, pretending she's 'good'. She went Jewish. She went Catholic. Now she's gone 'christian' whatever that is. She had friends die of OD's. Her best friend still is her HS friend who was and is a druggie, who somehow fancies herself as a dyed black-headed Stevie Nicks and is her attorney on all of this. Her current abusive husband has big bucks, so she'll just put up with it for the money. Obviously she's all about money.


SusanInSFL 4 years ago

Oops - hit post by mistake.

Anyway, though, I may require another visit with my friend, the intuitive healer, but for now, I'll continue on my defiant path. I think the biggest thing is that they KNOW I'm smarter than they are and they KNOW I'm tougher than they are. That's why they use the underhanded methods that they use.

I don't see myself going to my father's funeral when the time comes. He's very weak now and age 94, but to be honest, he's just 'mean' enough and honestly, I believe he's horribly fearful so he'll hang around for more years even though he has his own health challenges. But based on the goal of protecting myself, I can see absolutely no good that would come in my making the 30 hour one-way trip to his funeral. First I don't need a funeral. (I don't believe in that particular 'ceremony'. My husband and I are more private with everything so for us, it will be cremation, personal, private scattering of ashes, and then maybe 6 months later, a party. ) Secondly, only the 'funeral people' who are the extended family, would be there. The venom would be unleashed. I don't need to see someone in a box to know that they're dead. As a matter of fact, my father became furious with me, as did the EO, that I refused to look at the painted up, pumped up corpse of my Mom before they closed the box. Unbelievable.

I will consider doing some sort of posting or 'hub page' as you mentioned, once I have time to figure the protocol. For now, I'm just trying to catch up on work after being sick (and still being sick - the joint pain is still here and awful) for 11 weeks.


SusanInSFL 4 years ago

Don't mean to be a pig, but some day I'll have to tell you the outrageous story of the theft of my father-in-law's fortune. This was manipulated by lawyers, a church and his so-called 'best friend'. And we're talking many millions of dollars in this little scheme. My father-in-law was a smart man and he worked very hard on his trust all these years, and wanted to be sure that his trust lived on for charitable purposes, forever. That was eliminated by his 'best friend', a retired proctologist and the Episcopal church and their mutual attorney friend. Ugly. Evil. Greedy. Karma is a'waitin'. I have to believe in that.


SomewhereOverTheRainbow 4 years ago

To steal or not to steal your inheritance--wow. Anyone who thinks it is kool to be a thief must think it is kool to be sent to Hell when you pass over. Remember, you may get away with it on this plane of existance, but you will not on the next. So! In the end, the joke will be on you. HA!


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello somewhereovertherainbow. There are, unfortunately, a lot of people out there with the joke on them. Something about the perceived entitlement to parents' money in some people's minds... Turns them into greedy little children who conveniently forget their brothers and sisters are equally entitled (although not in their minds, of course).

If conscience could stop the greed, we'd see a lot less of it. Alas, I predict we are going to see a lot MORE as Baby Boomers retire.

Thanks for your comment. MM


NC4Life078 profile image

NC4Life078 4 years ago from United States of America

I'm aghast, words can not describe how malicious this truly is. This must be so hard on your mother. Here is my question, did you ever think that your sibling was capable of such evil?

For those that don't want to sift through hundreads of comments to find out what happened, I quote MightyMom with the following:

"In our case, we were able to boot her off the trust. Luckily we caught wind of her plans early enough that she hadn't drained the accounts -- yet. Unfortunately, she still gets 50% of whatever is left when the Mom dies.If we have our way, Mom will use up every penny before she goes. Tee hee:-)".

Now, if I was in you're mothers position, I would turn over the title of her possesions to you before she passes away "Gift them". Or alternatively she should have you buy things with her money in your name, she uses them until she passes away and you take them back with proof that they are your possesions. So what is left over isn't left to the satan child. I am astonished that you have replied to just about every comment for many must be repeat questions and/or replys. Which is why I am trying to offer a unique point of view.


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello NC4Life. This hub was written fairly early in our saga. It got much worse once the supposedly "neutral" fiduciary got involved (out of the frying pan into the fire in terms of not knowing there my mother-in-law's money was).

In the end, we still did have to split 50/50 what was left in my MIL's estate. But in the end, it was a laughingy small amount of money. So evil SIL got zip. But we also got zip (but then, that is exactly what we would have gotten anyway while she walked away with the lion's share).

You seem like you know how to legally avoid this kind of heartbreaking scenario.

My MIL was a simple woman to start with. Not anyone you would expect to have all these fancy pants lawyers involved with. Plus by the time this all went down, the toll of watching her husband lose his memory to Alzheimers then his life to lymphoma took a toll on her. She never would have been able to comprehend something like gifting. And the title of her possessions was already taken from her. First the SIL took title then the fiduciary took title. What a mess.

But to answer your question, did I ever thing this sibling was capable of such evil? We wrestle with this still. We had more than inklings that she was reckless and financially desperate. We had inklings that she didn't care one iota what happened to her parents. But did we think her capable of such a calculated plot? No.

If your mind doesn't work this way you simply don't see it coming.

I am writing a book about our experience now though.

As you can see from the number of comments here, we are NOT the only ones and I fear this problem is going to only get worse with the Baby Boomers getting old and becoming vulnerable.

Thanks for comment and your suggestion. Too late for us, but great idea for other families!

MM


collegekid2011 4 years ago

Trust fund update: So it's been almost 8 months since I hired an attorney to help me figure out my inheritance because my aunts (trustees) and their lawyer have not been fulfilling their duties to say the least. I doubted my progress at times and felt I was dead in the water for 7 months. I've managed to file a petition with the courts to get me most of the information I requested. The judge is now overseeing that what I request gets produced in a timely manner. After having the financial adviser produce all the statements of my trusts dating back to 2006 when he was hired we were able to see a lot of the activity that has been going on. It turns out that the lawyer was receiving substantial amounts of cash (over a million). Now we are requesting for copies of checks or at least a description of them because all we have now are check numbers and amounts. I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. For those of you who are in my shoes, please be patient and have a positive outlook. Good things come to those who wait. For some, things don't always work out the way they should, but eventually justice will be served. Good luck everyone!


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello collegekid2011. Thank you so much for the update. It must make you feel good to know that the truth is being brought to light. It gives me hope.

I'm gratified to see that the judge in your case is keeping the pressure on the financial adviser to produce the information.

You should be able to compel them to show all actual INVOICES from the lawyers as to what services they provided that cost the trust $1million. (Not that legal services invoices are ever that revealing). But surely there must be time tracked by the lawyers and documents produced that caused someone to write checks to them amounting to $1 million. You know what I'm saying?

I hope you have a bulldog of an attorney who will nail those SOBs for draining your trust. Either that or I hope they have a damned good reason why their attorney got paid that kind of money. Is it a particularly complex trust with multiple holdings, real estate transactions, etc??

Might I also suggest that you consider hiring a forensic accountant to take a look at what the financial adviser has provided to you?

Sorry, but having lived this situation so recently myself, I DO NOT TRUST the "trumped up" accounting that our own fiduciary produced.

And while the lawyers are good about getting the docs filed with the court and the legal side of the proceedings, you are talking about a lot of money.

You will want to make sure you fully understand the nuances of what they have been doing with your inheritance, including any improper block billing (common with lawyers, btw). In other words, your lawyer has done his/her job of getting the information out on the table/into the open.

Now you would do well to have 6 years of statements gone over with a fine toothed comb by someone who can look at what they provided and tell if it's kosher. My guess is, there's a lot more than you're seeing on the surface.

Good luck to you. Thanks for the words of advice to be patient and stay positive. I am feeling that myself. Our case is currently being investigated by the Fiduciaries Bureau. At least she's in the hot seat and stopped (at least in our case). Beyond that, whatever actions they decide to take are gravy on our mashed potatoes!

Thanks again. Keep us posted on further progress. MM


Janice 4 years ago

What kind of low life people would actually think up this kind of crime. It is devastaing that while our elderly citizens should be taken care of at the end of life, that so many are left alone to suffer as thier children control ans steal thier money as if it were thier own. Something needs to be done to protect the elderly. In the Untied States we spend so much money making the perfect life for our children, while the elderly are abused far more then we will admit. Some laws need to be changed to protect the innocent here. How any one of you can laugh about this situation is puzzling.


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Janice,

I have lived this situation over a period of 5 years. The first two I had no idea what was happening. In year 3 we figured it out and took action. We have been fighting tooth and nail, expending tens of thousands of dollars to keep my mother-in-law SAFE, since 2009.

Believe me, I know ours is not an isolated incident. I have been shocked to see so many people post here with similar stories.

I am writing a book about our experience. We have been frustrated by a legal system that benefits only the lawyers. We have been disappointed by the watchdogs who supposedly watch out for the consumers.

Hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but I agree with you. We abuse our elderly waaaay more than we admit.

Read my hub "Where to Put Granny and Who Gets to Decide" for a taste of how the system is stacked to put old people away in homes whether they want to go or not.

BTW, I laugh at this because humor is a writing device that seems to work for me.

Trust me. I've cried buckets of tears over our personal situation. Knowing that it is being played out over and over in other families and how flipping easy it is to take advantage just makes me want to scream.

Thank you for your post. MM


Another Twist 4 years ago

A great story sounding very familiar, but I have a couple of extra twists for you. My sister's husband was lying in a nursing home, choosing not to die quickly enough for her plans, while she was seeing another man, intrigued by his money & ready to move in. This was not enough drama for her, and as she found herself homeless, moved in with our mother, who was in process of losing our father. As oldest daughter and executor of both parents' wills, I could see a trust was needed to protect the house from being devoured by nursing homes, never imagining such a happy family could turn so diabolical. Sweet sister beat me to the lawyer's office, appointing herself trustee. She was so kind to have the estate divided in thirds, equally for each of the three sisters--except my portion would not be distributed in a lump sum, but in annual portions as needed, with her as trustee. Of course, there won't be any estate left to worry about. She has already spent most of Mom's money fixing up her "dream house", pays no rent, has elder care delivering meals & doing the house cleaning. The other sister is in their employ, doing the shopping and taking care of Mom, while Sweet Sister goes out dancing with her boyfriend. Mom is wrapped around her finger, since she is driven to Senior Dances twice a week, taken shopping, and getting manicures(guess who else is taking advantage of those benefits). She also cancelled the house insurance & is not doing any house maintenance. She is not aware that I know what she has done, but told me I needed to clean out her basement, as it had flooded. A large collection of pocket knives and pocket watches disappeared from the house.

I once thought I was an intelligent human with a financially inept sister. Well, surprise, surprise! I need that Karma on an express train!


Lorraine 4 years ago

PFFT i would never screw my sisters out of their inheritance. Okay maybe i would put myself in charge of helping with financial issues because I'm the brainy one but that would be so screwed up. I would make sure they got everything

Call me naive or dumb or whatever, but at least i enjoy seeing my sibs happy... least it feels better for me when we're together. I REALLY don't want to see the day my mom dies. It would hurt like hell for everyone. To add this miserable ordeal to the list of things after my parents die, the funeral, the going through their things.. my old house? Why would anyone willingly put themselves through that? Call me privileged or whatever,I know some people don't get along with their siblings but why draw out the misery and totally tear your family apart at the seams?


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Lorraine, I will answer you first. There is nothing wrong with you! You are not dumb or naive or anything. You are a loving sister. And lucky to be in a family that reciprocates.

My point in writing this hub is to open people's eyes that the siblings you grew up alongside of, thought you knew, and yes, even loved, can turn on you in a flash. There is something about getting your hands on YOUR inheritance (which is how they look at it -- their ENTITLEMENT) that changes people. In a frightening way. If you add a drug/alcohol problem to be fed into the mix, the situation is downright combustible! Thanks for reminding us that good people still exist. I will be attending my brother's 50th birthday party hosted by his wife and my sister at my sister's house. The lion's share will be done by my sister. Who is also the dedicated and very honest/fair exector of our parents' estate. I am also one of the lucky ones -- at least on one side of the family.

Another Twist --Welcome! Yet another lost sister. Our stories contain too many eerie parallels to be coincidence.

I suspect there really IS a playbook out there and our relatives have read it (or co-authored it!). Seriously.

My SIL also moved herself in with her mother while her dad was dying. She was concurrently wooing a new sugar daddy. Which is why she was out of the country on vacation when her dad passed.

We moved Mom after Dad passed. SIL objected, wanted her in a nursing home right away (unbeknowst to us she already had put all the trust assets into her name). But we said no.

She then moved in -- AGAIN -- with Mom.

While continuing to woo her new rich sugar daddy.

While living with Mom (to impress the boyfriend) she had Mom pay for expensive dinners out. I don't think she had much $ at the time.

The other eerie thing about our stories is MANICURES. Manicures are a BFD with this family. It's like that is the standard of care. If Mom's getting her hair done and her nails done, that's all that matters! We even had the SIL's daughter accuse the live-in caregiver of being a BAD caregiver since she arrived for her annual 1 hour visit and noticed that my MIL's nails were not professionally polished. It's crazy!

As to your story, couple of observations:

1. How did your sister appoint herself trustee of the estate? Did she get your Mom's approval on that? Why did Mom go along with it? Is Mom mentally competent?

So the trust supercedes your parents' will, in which you are named executor?

Who has MEDICAL Power of Attorney for Mom?

What kind of TRUST is it? Is it revocable or irrevocable?

In the terms of the trust (which I am sure you have a copy of, right?) what constitutes a BREACH? What are her trustee duties? Where I'm going with this is she has likely committed "self-dealing" among other breaches of the trust. The trust likely is already null and void, but you need an attorney to help you prove that and get her off.

DOn't know how clever she is about hiding her tracks. Sounds like most if not all of what she's spent money on could/would be viewed as benefitting MOM the (I assume) income beneficiary of the trust.

If Mom appointed her trustee and is happy with the situation (sounds like she is) you would really have an uphill battle fighting it. Plus, it sounds like she's pulled your other sister into the "business" as well.

The only other thing I can suggest is look at the situation objectively. Is Mom being cared for? Is Mom doing ok?

In the end, that is all that really matters.

We gave up any expectation that we would get any money from the estate after MIL's passing.

Once you let go of that possibility it's easier. Not fair, not good, but a bit easier to let it go.

Good luck to you. Keep me posted on what karma brings you!

MM


Barry 4 years ago

I'm going through tis right now,my mom & Dad are gone now but I see the trick they played on me ,I was neve told till the last few hour's that mom was dying a whole week before passed by and I do regret this mom told me to call her the week before she started to fail,I had to work and was never able to callher.Dad was distrought and ys I do know mom was mad at my oldest sister she had to tell me something I feel was very important.I do have the feeling they took them for all they were worth. I have a as need trust they have their money, I own a house and now the trust has been handed to my second sister ,and get this she has bought a home in New Jersey!!and I feel that is where my part of the inherintance is going.Before its too late and its all spent I'm going to a Lawyer. I hope it helps. If anyone has a Idea what else to do email me at bettyschermerhorn@yahoo.com . Thanks for this info


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thank you for your comment, Barry. I suggest you start by reading the terms of your family trust very carefully. I wish you luck. I'm not too keen on lawyers myself, having just spent a bunch of my own inheritance to protect my MIL. But I have the rest of my life to make up that money. And she's gone now.

Good luck to you! MM


Shareann 4 years ago

Today is my Mom's birthday, August 16th. She died on December 16th of 2011. I miss her so much. She thought she had her estate figured out but it is a mess and my brother thinks the Will is wrong and said Mom told him verbally that everything was his and he took moving vans to clear out the house before the 5 Heirs could do anything. He went to her properties and took whatever he wanted and carted off everything he thought he could get money from. He burned down a motor home that was delapitated for spite and harrassed my sister - now the Executor of the Will - till she had to get a restraining order to stop the verbal abuse. He isn't a good brother now - the Greed is eating him alive. People surprise you when their fleshly habits and quirks come out and it is very sad to see this happen in a Christian home.

Happy Birthday Mama, God love you and keep you in his arms till we are together again. Love You


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello shareann. Welcome here. And happy birthday to your Mom. I can tell by how you opened and closed your comment that you are a good daughter. You know and don't need to be told what's really important here.

A written will trumps a verbal promise (no doubt extracted under duress from your Mom by your brother). You sister can go after your brother legally for all he took. And for arson, as well. But something tells me you are all just relieved to have him away from you.

The idea of getting a restraining order on a sibling is not foreign to me, unfortunately.

It makes me very sad to see this happening in ANY home.

This is not even close to the firs time I've read about (or lived) greedy perps who proclaim to be devout Christians.

I will add your family to my prayers.

Thanks for sharing. MM


worriedsick 4 years ago

MM. You have been following this article you wrote for years now, and for that i commend you. I am only 23 years old, living with my grandparents, uncle, mother, stepfather and brother. I have already seen the signs of what is to come when they croak...my mother and uncle are at eachothers throats constantly, and i feel like they are both trying to get the house we live in. Funny thing is it is left to both of them. Now when my grandparents die...what happens? These 2 selfish individuals will end up hurting eachother and everyone around them in the process of satisfying their own greed. BTW neither of them work and have relied on my grandparents for many years now. I feel sorry for my grandparents but i dont have the heart to point out the rift their wealth is causing. They are too giving, and i feel like they should kick us all to the curb (although i actually have a job and am going to school so i can have a decent future, unlike my mother and uncle who are so completely reliant on their parents). I guess my question is...where do i (as a bystander, but victim of this type of greed) come in to play? How will this affect my future as one of the only stable members of this family?


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Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello worriedsick. Thank you for the honor of following the comments on my hub. I reread several last night and am really amazed at what a pervasive problem this is.

As I see your situation, you're already taking the right actions. You have a CHOICE. You're even now planning your escape into the normal, healthy life you deserve. You clearly do not want to stay in the house without the buffer of your grandparents. Things will get worse (you're right on that) when they're gone. But you are already an adult and have your whole life in front of you.

Parents sometimes are "guilty" of loving their children too much and showing their love in ways that stunt their growth. All the adults in this situation have contributed to make it what it is. Your mom and uncle are going to have to face reality when their parents die. I daresay they will be ill equipped for this. It will be difficult on many levels.

BUT, since you know this is coming, the best thing you can do is keep building your escape route. Claim the happy, stable life you are entitled to.

DO NOT allow your mother or your uncle to try to guilt or bribe or threaten you back in. You are NOT responsible for their dysfunction. You do not have to play referee to their childish fights. And you're right, they will only get worse without M&D to keep the uneasy peace.

Think of it it this way. It's not your money. It's not their money. Why do you care about a third party's money?

Go out and make your own fortune. Make your own life in a different mold. And make a vow to yourself that if/when you have children of your own, you will not spoil them and keep them dependent on you for the rest of their lives.

You have a model of what NOT to do. Oh yes, and since Mom and Uncle are used to being dependent and being taken care of, do not be surprised if they start looking to YOU for that. JUST SAY NO!! Not your job!

Hope that answered your question.

It may sound harsh, but it spoken from experience. As painful as it is to limit contact with our families, self-preservation and sanity has got to come first.

Good luck and keep us posted, MM


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gmwilliams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

Mighty Mom, although you did this as a tongue and cheek satire, many insidious people practice this. If you look at some of the murder mysteries on court television, particularly those who are wealthy, there are adult children who would descend to the lowest of lows in order to obtain "their" inheritance, even murder. Good satire with a moral lesson.


EFT4Me 4 years ago

NOTHING surprises me any more. Especially the depths that these so called loving siblings will sink to, all for the almighty buck! The LAWS NEED TO BE CHANGED! This type of thing goes on every day. Reason being, people are living longer lives (due to all the advances in medicine) Yet many of these extended lives are not of quality. Senile Dementia, Alzheimer disease whatever U want to call it, our minds aren't keeping up with these extended lifetimes. So many elderly & disabled people are being abused. Nothing is being done about it. I know from experience. When you read the newspaper, how often do we hear all these stories? Most of the time unless their very wealthy, nothing happens. I tried calling the DA's office (sev times) after my family screwed me. Police don't care, don't want to get into family squabbles. Bottom line, they never called back.. I'm 54, was the black sheep as a teenager. I had 2 siblings that where kiss asses, all high & mighty Christians in their communities. So of course my parents put those 2 in charge of their wills. My sister's a nurse, she knows what elder abuse is. The elder brother was my fathers business partner too. The youngest brother, the baby has been drunk for 35 yrs. My Father & older brother had to get rid of him as a partner because of his drug & alcohol abuse. I am disabled myself, have had back surgeries , depression & PTSD. Yet I have been clean & sober for over 9 years. I can't get rid of this depression & will never again take the mind numbing, side effect producing drugs called 'Anti-Depressants' In fact I was much better up until about 7 yrs ago, when both my elderly parents started to fail. I'm sure many of you are all to familiar with the incredibly stress producing life of being the primary caretaker to elderly parents. It's thankless job but when you add in the bitterness of being betrayed by your own family, nothing seems to help. Every day when I wake up the 1st thing that hits me is this....

I straightened out my life, had an agreement with my parents that as long as I rented from them I would be left the 2 family (My mother was very greedy, started charging me room & board on my 14th birthday) When I started renting from them years later I never missed a single payment, not once in 23 years. She used to be paranoid, saying "Don't ever be late on your rent Debi, it's just like a mortgage" So it was more an investment than just an inheritance. My father worked damn hard & with an 8th grade education worked like a dog. Ended up with his own business for 30 yrs & 4 houses. When they became sickly we decided to put them in the 1st floor of the 2 family to keep them close by. My parents asked me to move into the 2nd floor. Wanted someone they could both trust & depend on living above them. Dad said "Your going to get this house anyways, why not move in now" I'm sure they felt they wouldn't have to go in a nursing home if they had 'live in help' Yeah, this girl paid them rent every month so I could ' take care of them!' I had an intercom setup so I could hear them anytime they needed me. Of course the downside was my jealous siblings would make nasty remarks about me to my parents every time they where there! Imagine being jealous because I get disability? Also every time a sibling would endure a couple of hrs twice a week helping out my parents, they'd say things like "Thank God we have Debi here helping us everyday" The siblings must have felt guilty hearing that. It made them twice as hateful. I didn't have a great relationship with my mother. But my Dad appreciated all I did helping take care of his (daily) 7 years of documented & medicated Alzheimer & depression. Diabetes maintenance/ food prep, regular meds & housework. If I didn't do all that they would both have had to go into nursing homes. Then the houses would of had to have been sold & everybody would have lost their inheritance. My siblings never appreciated that either. There where arguments due to all the stress. But worst, they used a common weapon known today. If you take a lie & tell it over & over to elderly, confused person. They will start to believe it as fact. They know their getting frail, weak & terrified of losing their faculties. So they trust the word of their adult 'children'.

Also when my Dad & older brother threw the drunken brother out of the family business, my Dad also claimed he went to the lawyers & took him out of the will too. Whenever I asked Dad about putting OUR agreement in writing he'd get mad & say "You don't trust your own brother, why he'd NEVER SCREW YOU! My Dad used to say all his life "Of course you can trust your brother, he's FAMILY" My sister didn't like the agreement my parents had offered me. She didn't like the way his will was set up & called him on it every time she was here. "You need to change your will, it isn't right" My Dad would get mad & yell back "Stop badgering me, it's my property I 'll do whatever I want with it." Every week for 5 straight yrs this was her speech to him & worse. She'd bad mouth me every time. I'd hear him tell her "I'm not going to screw your sister over, all the years of her paying rent, all the help shes been to me & your mother, a mans only as good as his word" She didn't think I deserved the nice 2 family, with the income rental apartment to pay my taxes. She didn't diguise her hatred of me either. Even told my mother that I didn't want her there in her own house! How can someone lie knowing they are hurting their own Mom? My mother didn't recorgnize her own home, was 10 years in pain & impossible to please. When she passed away, it was a relief to all of us. A blessing & no more pain. Well, my Dad died 6 months later. At my Moms wake he kept pulling on my sleeve like a child. "Can we go home now, I'm tired" (He'd sleep 20 hrs a day) 62 yrs of marriage yet he didn't recognize it was his wife in the casket. Oh yeah, 3 months before he died they took him for a ride behind my back. When he could not remember anything, anymore. Right up to his lawyers who they told "He's at the begining of Alsheimers, he knows he wants this" The same crooked lawyer my brother used for their business. The siblings re-wrote the will giving my addicted brother 50% of my home! None of the rest of them lost a dime. My drunken brother hasn't paid any bills here in 3 years, just me. In fact there was a business loan my father had with his partner (my older brother) Over 100K mortgage thats hanging over my house to this day. He inherrited the entire business but didn't think he should inherrit the business's loans. A loan he swore to Dad he would move off this house. Yeah, the brother who was his partner he had no problem tossing..." I shouldn't be saddled with a drunken partner" Oh No? But I should be burdened with him, have him shoved up my ass as a partner? The day my younger brother inherrited half this house, his ex-wife put a lien against it for another $100K! Gee, I wonder why I can't seem to trust anybody? So the next time you hear someone say "Of course you can trust them THEY'RE FAMILY" " Have them read this....Sorry for the length~ Peace


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Every time someone comes here and posts their story it makes me feel horrible. We all know this is happening. We all know it is widespread -- and as you say, getting more prevalent as people live longer chronologically. I daresay it's an epidemic!

Your story reminds me of a saying my hubby and I often cite: No good deed goes unpunished.

You've got all the elements of our story, just more siblings involved.

I have a question though. If your father's Alzheimers was well documented for years, can't you contest the changing of his will by your siblings? He certainly could NOT have been legally able to sign such a document!

Of course, the problem is, where do you take your case? Which court? The police won't touch it and neither will the DA. Even trying to go through Probate court, you would need to get a lawyer. And unless they see some $$ in it they won't touch it either.

I really think elder abuse is THE issue of our times.

Imagine if all of us victims banded together and pushed for reform.

It's too late for my in-laws and too late for your parents.

But if we can save even one other family from this heartache... I sure want to try!

And finally. Totally agree. If you've ever watched The Godfather you know that you can NOT trust someone just because they are family. If you believe that, you are likely to get screwed.

But, you know in your heart you did the right thing by your parents. You honored them and cared for them. NO ONE can take that from you. You got to make a living amends to your parents.

You've got no bad karma to come back to you. That's worth a lot, in my book!!

It is, as you say, PEACE. Can't buy that!

MM


kevin mcnulty saunders 4 years ago

theres several issues to deal with here -one plan ahead two raise your children different than you .perhaps if more time was psent with mom and the kids this could be avoided .thing two if you fall into the american bullshit life style no family time got ta have more gota have more plus the american attitude which is ingraved in 99% OF AMERICANS ,americans dont give a DAMN ABOUT ANY BODY BUT THEM SELVES but use up over half there lives trying to convince you they are not like that.what you raise you get -abviously trying to stop this behaviour stats in the home -hello every bodys comments are to thosethat were just hijacked .step out of your bubble world -you know the one you live in and tell your self its a nice place but really it isnt ,because your raised to be a smuck in the u.s -try looking up which countrys are the happiest .the u.s is way down there but why because they dont care about nothing but them.for example try to get an attorney to help you if your poor,say i have access to 500,000.thousand dollars ,only need an attorney to help me get it and i will pay him when i get the money from the trust .if you asked fifty attorneys you get fifty kiss off responces .go to any legal services same thing .damn americans are selfish uncaring people from my 30 years experience know ing them.they dont get it -its only luck ,you could of been born any damn place on the planet -you are who you are only because you luckily were born in the u.s and how many of you really now do something for somebody for no reason oh maybe to be kind ,how many of you drive by and give a buck ti a homeless person ,or buy a bottle for a alcoholic ,dont lie about it -if a guy walked up to you and asked for a sandwitch you tell him to eat shit-the prove to you how infected this attitude is in the u.s food stores throw away a hell of a lot of good food every day but they dont just throw it away they all take the time to cut open every damn item of food to make sure some one in need cant use it .i wouldnt dought it if you all havent passed a law to piss off any items that are not wanted so they cant benifit anybody.ok maybe theres an exception to this -hell after 52 years in america i havent seen one ,how damn hard isit to put edible foods in a box by the trash.i am sure you all will cry like children saying its past its edible date -ok good argument -so your telling me the week before it s good date rums out its ok to eat but the next day it isnt -shut the door to your bubble .you have forgeten the reality of if ya dont like the way your children act towards you then change the way you raise them.if half of you spent the same time each day doing something good for somebody else instead of crying about not getting what isnt your anyway there would be a lotof pooor people a little better off give a penny get a dime give a dime get a dollar.the reality of all trusts is simple -the damn attorneys write up these trusts so they do not work to premote litigation among the beneficiarys to premote more business for then hello-who ever is the person done wrong hang on if you are dumb enough to litigate the thing -first you will need 250,000.dollars to even start -the f--judge will not respond to any motion or petition untill after youve been forced into at least the deposition stage of being raped of 5o thousand dollares worth of absolutly worthless depositions where the attorneys sit on there asss for weeks asking questions that have not a damn thing to do with the case at hand -never asking the questions that would help your case .then they let you breath a bit get that months statements payed a 15 day relaxing vacation then expert witnesses that a kinder gardenwer could of done better -oh not just one but two 15 to 20 thousand dollar expert witnesses and low and hehold we got ta do depositions on them to by god -in the deposition your under oath but that has no meaning whats so ever in this proceeding ,another resting period your still only in the beginning your at 100,000.you notic esomething strange going on the damn judge wont rule on any petitions or motions ,they wont order an accounting they dont do shit but prevoke the maximum litigation possable ,you will find there is not adamn thing they could possably do to prevoke more litigation ,they know how to play the game when your 200,000.plus into the game preparing for trial holly shit 10 days before trial the judge orders mediation court ordered -now get ready for mediation ,just so you know the mediaster and arttorneys are not liable for a damn thing that t6akes place in mediation they have covered there ass but good and you will be bombarded by complate professional in monipulating a signature an any settlement paper dont matter how unofficial it looks because they can inforce any thing they want and they wont leave untill you sign even to the point of having your attorneuy threaten to no longer represent you if you dont sign telling you the oposite of what they have been telling you for the last 2 years,they need a signature why so they dont have to go to trial because they only bill you for all this prep for trial work ,to confirm what i tell you ask to have a copy of say 30 40 paged of trial prep work that you have already paid the attorney to do ,oh i have it at home its in a nother country it gets better after three or four days finally they will produc eyou some paperwork but theres so many mistakes in it why because they only changed the names from a nother case,point being if you are upset because your friend or whom ever just fucked you over dont be an asshole and let the court and attorneys take whats left.most of the newer laws if you read them like the unitrust conversion is nothing more than a free be for trustees to do what ever they fucking want with no recource including changing any provision they please even if it not permitted in the trust document .the trust laws sound pretty but the courts are so corrupt they dont infoece the laws unless they gain ,now if you are thinking uh how does a judge benifit in prevoking the maximum litigation,well girls its called re election support by and from all the attorney that you have been scratching there ass with -meaning giving them the easy 200 plus thousand dollars trial prep without going to trial.so help me god if i have made any lies in this statement .like i said its an american custom to fuck one and fuck all welcome to america,the truth hurts.sorry im an asshole its not my fault its like it is.kevin-happy not to live in the u.s


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Kevin. You seem very knowledgable and quite jaded about the court system. I wish I wasn't.

Not everyone in America is greedy and what happened to my in-laws -- they were good, decent people and parents. But it happened to them anyway.

Best regards and thanks again for adding your perspective. MM


beautifuljesus 4 years ago

Dear Mighty Mom, My sister and brother are listed on my mom's will as Trustee and IN TRUST, for the $1 million inheritance. So it seems that the money is already theirs? and because my husband and I don't seem to exist and virtually all our correspondence for the last two years has been ignored, it's likely that they do intend to keep the inheritance for themselves. My sister has already threatened to sue me and there is a lifetime of jealousy from her towards me, and my brother just doesn't care. Thanks for any suggestions, we are in Australia.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi beautifuljesus,

I'm so sorry to hear about your family situation.

I am not a lawyer (or barrister and solicitor) so please don't mistake my thoughts as legal advice. My hub and comments are based on my own experience and talking to many others who have had similar horrors in their families.

A few ideas:

1. Being the trustee is not the same as being a beneficiary of the trust.

But yes, if Australian laws are like US laws, he or she who is named as the trustee basically has "possession" of the trust assets.

And, if your situation is like ours, your mom probably thought she was doing the right thing by naming your brother and sister to manage her financial affairs after death. Parents never foresee the difficulties and heartbreak that can so easily occur. Even the most sane, stable and honest sibling can turn greedy when handed a big pot of $.

2. I assume you have a copy of the trust document. What does it say about your mom's wishes? Did she divide all her assets equally between her three children? As you mentioned in the trust as a beneficiary?

3. It sounds like your mom named your siblings to be in charge of distributing her estate. Paying any final bills left after her death, then giving all the beneficiaries their percent due.

There should be explicit instructions as to who gets what.

If Mom had a home, is it to be given to one of you? Or sold and the proceeds divided? Same with investments -- divided among the three of you? Bank accounts, life insurance, etc. All of those should be mentioned as assets within the trust and allowance made for for dividing them.

4. Two years is a long time to go without getting an answer. I can certainly relate! We yelled ourselves hoarse trying to get the fiduciary to tell us ANYTHING about my mother-in-law's financial status.

It's very frustrating.

Have you documented every attempt at contact?

We found having a "paper trail" of emails was very helpful.

Phone calls, unless taped, are easy to deny.

As are meetings unless documented/taped.

5. Who is doing the contacting? Is it you as a sister? Or do you have a lawyer representing you who is sending correspondence to your brother and sister?

6. Not quite sure on what grounds you sister would sue you (?).

But you may have grounds to sue her for not doing her duty as trustee.

If you are entitled to some of that money, she has to -- by law -- give you your portion.

The problem is, as you've discovered, unless there is someone like a JUDGE overseeing the distribution, you're at the mercy of those who have the money. Sounds like your sister and brother need a wake up call (a threat perhaps). This is simply NOT OK!

7. You might try contacting a barrister who specializes in trusts and estates. Ask him/her what kind of case you have.

Bear in mind, however, that litigation is a nasty business. Horrible.

I know. I've been in litigation twice since 2009.

I hope to never, ever do it again.

If you can, find a barrister who will work on a contingency fee basis.

They get a cut of whatever money they are able to extract for you.

Otherwise, if you are paying hourly, the fees can add up really fast.

And that's what they want -- there is not a big incentive to get a speedy disposition. Their incentive is to keep stringing you along so they can make more money.

It doesn't make a lot of sense to spend $100k to "win" $333K, does it?

I know there's a principle involved and a lot of money at stake. However, your peace of mind and sanity are worth quite a bit. Possibly, maybe even probably, worth walking away. That's up to you, though.

Sorry for rambling. When I get going on my righteous "wronged sibling" soapbox, I just can't stop!!

Good luck to you.

I wish you vindication (if that's what's meant to be) and peace (regardless of outcome).

MM


Sophia 4 years ago

This is sad. In fact, the way it was written truly reflects just how sad the situation in the world truly is. My brother, his ex-wife and her father was the culprit in my family. My brother INTENTIONALLY failed to have the wife sign a pre-nup because THIS WAS PLANNED all along. The marriage, the divorce, the invasion of family trusts, etc.

MY father trusted my brother and just handed him the keys to the golden goose along with $50M that was "misappropriated" and none of them will ever be caught. There were trustees also involved who were in charge of their private acounts, so it was all hidden! Being the poor one in the family as a result, I cannot even afford a forensic atorney to investigate!

It's especially sad because we were adopted children, and all my brother EVER cared about was money and prestige. JR Ewing was his hero at 12 years old, a sign of true intent at an early age.

I hope the feds start looking at this more seriously about how this has DIRECTLY contributed to poverty and lack of even basic medical care for other family members, as has been the case with me.

The lies and deceit that are involved with financial crimes reveal the low-life character of those who take at others' expense will eventually catch up to them, and they will never even understand what happened!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 4 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Dear Sophia,

Welcome to the poor but honest relations club! Notwithstanding the fact that those who post here tend to always (with one or two exceptions) be the ones who got taken to the cleaners, it's comforting in a way to know that it happens to others. I agree with you that these crimes should be taken a lot more seriously. Unfortunately, there is a cottage industry supporting the evil family members. The trustees, attorneys, even the judges -- all gain financially from the deceit. So they don't have much incentive to be honest, do they?

Not sure it will make you feel any better, but trying to hire a forensic attorney or forensic accountant would not do much good. These people are PROS and they know exactly how to hide the evidence. They're incredibly good at stealing, lying and cheating.

And, if your city or town is anything like mine, it is nearly impossible to find an honest attorney who isn't somehow in bed with "them.

But, I keep thinking, in my naive way, that if all of us speak loudly enough, someone will have to listen.

In the meantime, I wish you PEACE. As you point out, the bad karma will catch up with them eventually. At least we know our conscience is clear!

MM


Lopsy 4 years ago

Who teaches people this evil stuff? Is it Landmark$$ Education?

I have discovered the evil plans before they have been carried out and thank God that my dear old Mum trusts me and we are presently undoing all the nsty legal paper work and drafting new ones which truly represent her wishes and treat the children fairly. I am so grateful to have had this insight before it all got carried through.


LLyons 3 years ago from California

My mother was diagnosed with cancer in 1998, I was very pregnant with my fourth child. Although at the time I lived 30 minutes away, again 3 small children, one on the way, worked as an ER nurse etc, I took care of her through the good and the bad. I have a brother who was expecting his first child, stay at home wife and 10 minutes from my mom and a sister expecting her first 20 min away but hey I got the duty.

I loved my mom and didn't mind, I eventually moved closer to her as she got worse. I helped with her medical care, I helped with the trust, her investments, planned her funeral, paid her bills. My brother and sister had no interest in any of it, my father who divorced her and lives 9 hours away, no interest. When my mom got bad at the end of 2006 and early 2007 I thought I was going to lose my mind. She wanted to live in her own home and I worked hard to manage this, hiring caretakers and housekeepers to pick up when I had to work or take care of kids, the church helped me greatly but my siblings, nothing.

My sister straight up told me no, my brother laughed at me when I told them I need help. I was moving in my girlfriend to her spare room after I had to make that horrible decision to stop chemo an started hospice, when she passes away in April of 2007. April 9, on April 10 my oh so uninterested siblings were very interested. It was a nightmare, within 3 months my sister would no longer talk to me, she accused me to my friends of stealing money from the trust. My brother was so up in my face I changed lawyers to one he chose just to get him to leave me alone.

In 2009 I lost my house and moved into my mom's townhouse which I had rented after her death to the friend who was moving in to help me. My girlfriend moved out and me and my 4 children moved in. I was breaching my fiduciary duty but I also lost my house, had no job, 4 kids and a ex that thought child support was optional. Within 2 months I had a job and court controlled child support payments, I was never behind on the rent. That didn't matter my brother who must have harbored some serious ill will toward me jumped. He filed a suit against me to get hold of the trust and evict me and my children. I spent 10k on legal fees then turned over the trust to him, endured a month of daily eviction notices taped to my door before moving. He continued the suit spending 90K on legal fees reimbursed by the trust. He sold the townhouse for 95K less that it's value at the time. He lost the trust whose beneficiaries were our collective children, not even us, in excess of $185,000.00. He got a judgement against me basically because I had no lawyer to represent me and that's death in California courts at least, I had to declare bankruptcy. My sister totally supported the attack on me and my dad called to tell me how disappointed he was in me, a dad who cheated on my mom and wouldn't recognize my children if they knocked on his door. I took care of my mother for almost 9 years, I kept her active in the church and with my children and their school, I am at peace. I don't have contact with any members of my family, my children have each gotten about 5k as they turn 21 instead of 20k, they know why. Sometimes friends are more family than the ones you're born with. The friend who was willing to move in with my mom so I could sleep at night is more my kin than my brother, my father or sister will ever be.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 3 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Dear LLyons,

If I didn't know better, I'd think you were my husband writing under a pseudonym. How many times do we have to live the same story? God I wish we could get the laws changed.

In your scenario, like just about every one I have heard (here and locally), who wins? The lawyers!!

Oh wait. Where is the incentive to change the laws? That would take money away from those who profit.

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation.

But heartened at your attitude.

We, too are at peace. We have lost my husband's entire family. But that is THEIR choice to believe the lies of the one who tried to walk away with everything.

Like yours, our consciences are clear. You know you did the best you possibly could for your mother. We did also.

Some people will look at us and say we were idiots. Or that we had motives other than pure. We know in our hearts the truth.

And those who do see it that way are our true families.

Glad to welcome you to as a true brother!

MM


LLyons 3 years ago from California

Thank you for your comment. I've had way too much of lawyers. Divorce, the trust and finally the bankruptcy. I realize I was naive with my accounting system. All of my mom's accounts where at the credit union so I simply kept notes on the bank statement and sent them to the lawyer (yes the one my brother choose). I did this monthly, no complaints from her, just the occasional bill. My brother's two lawyers printed clean bank statements and asked if it was alright if we used them, I didn't realize the implications of saying yes nor did the judge bother to clarify. My lawyer actually did me a tremendous disservice, he wouldn't respond to my emails or phone calls. I had to contact his boss to get him to call me back. He asked me to put together reports without any directions and eventually was so late in contacting me I couldn't even get to court with what I needed. The judge promptly made my brother tempory trustee and the eviction notices started the next day. My lawyer finally sent me to a prof accountant for trust accts, another 5K but by then I was out of money and the lawyer wouldn't see me anymore. The lawyer(s) cost me 10K, I owed another 5K to the and 5K to the acct. I was more than happy to add him to the bankruptcy papers and I hope the accountant gave him hell because I had to put her on there too. The judge charged me for all rent due from my mother's death April 2007 until I turned the trust over to my brother Aug 2010, even though the rent was obviously paid, the house payments were all made, the then lawyer even current. I didn't have receipts was the judge's logic, I should have written receipts each month and kept them on file, 147,000.00. To all of you who are trustees find out what you need to do, exactly, better if you can afford it and the trust is large enough hire a third party. If you are asked to be one RUN....

Thanks again. Hopefully shedding light on the pitfalls of that little yes to your parents or grandparents when they ask that little question "Will you help me with my estate planning?"


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 3 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi again, LLyons.

Your story is so sad. After doing the right thing you got kicked in the butt. I see multiple betrayals -- your family and your attorney. Attorneys don't give a crap. They bill and expect to get paid no matter what. Not for their performance. It's not that uncommon that the lawyer misses a deadline or won't call you back. They get busy (distracted) on other things.

THere really should be a "trusteeships for dummies" book. Written in language us regular people can understand. Not legalese.

I see your point about not wanting to get stuck holding the bag (or the trust). But my own experience is that you have to be very careful who that third party is. Or you will lose all your money anyway.

Well, we know we have our integrity and our conscience is clear.

Final thought. Don't know if you're interested, but it would be great if you would write up your experience as the "other side" of how it is to serve as a trustee for your family's estate. I think your story is really, really a cautionary tale!

Best,

MM


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Mighty Mom 3 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello and welcome. You bring a new dimension to the discussion.

I don't know of anyone who has been satisfied through probate courts. Have recently joined a national group that is following and trying to change the widespread abuses in the system. But their focus is on a'professionals' who are appointed by the courts.

Your situation, as ours, involves private appointmnt of someone as trustee.

There probably are cases in NY civil courts. Be careful of burden of proof and "all or nothing" attorneys fees. If you sue and lose you don't want to pay THEIR fees as well as yours!!

But really, I say (being grateful to done with litigation), what would you gain? Would you sue your family or the attorney? Or both?

Is it worth it?

For further information, look into NASGA. Smart committted people nationally and in states working to stop evil greedy fiduciaries and trustees... join the effort!

MM


bobbieoma54 3 years ago

Hi , I wrote on here about 2 years ago and we are finally coming to an end of our ordeal. My older brother who my dad trusted and made him trustee. My brother made sure my dad was not taken care of and my father passed away. My brother has spent over 200 thousand dollars to fight me against my lawyer ( who was a very bad lawyer and would not fight for me) I just found out my brother lied to his first lawyer. The new lawyer he hired has done everything to protect him. My siblings and I have to just give in because it just keeps costing more money to his lawyer. I would like to know if we get a new lawyer can we get him for mishandling of the trust. Thank you


bobbieoma54 3 years ago

I forgot to add that the lawyer he lied to resigned


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Mighty Mom 3 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello bobbieoma54. So sorry to hear things continue to be so distressing. Honestly, once it starts, it just seems to get worse and worse. I wish I could say I knew of many people who obtained satisfaction in the end. The people I know -- the honest, duped siblings -- have all found out the hard way that the law and the courts favor dishonest trustees. It is not easy to prove mismanagement of the trust, at least not in my experience. But a good, HONEST attorney may see an angle that you can pursue. And can certainly demand an accounting to see where things stand.

Can you talk to your brother's first attorney about why he resigned? It's a long shot, but you might get something useful.

Don't know where you live. However, I suggest you read through the probate law yourself. You will likely be shocked to see that your evil brother is entitled to pay his attorney out of the trust.

So it's not costing him a dime out of his own pocket. Meanwhile, there you are spending your own good money to try to fight him.

What would you like to have happen? Obviously to get your brother removed as trustee. Do you have a sense of who would take over?

I ask because I caution you. A third-party fiduciary may sound like a great solution. In our experience it was out of the frying pan into the fire.

Regardless, I wish you all the best. MM


bobbieoma54 3 years ago

Hi , Thank you so much for your answer. They have given us accountings but they are so hard to figure out because he would transfer money from one account to the next and never give us the canceled checks so you would not even know who or what they were written for. It was sort of like the old shell game. My lawyer was a CPA and she could not figure it out. When this started 3 years ago all I was trying to do was protect my dad and he ended up suffering from lack of proper care. There were several investment properties involved in California. One is in Dana Point, California and is valuable and this is the property he has wanted to buy for himself so he has taken a lot of money from the trust to fix it knowing he wanted it. Every time we ask his lawyer anything she charges the trust. I don't see an end to it so we will let him purchase the property this has been an exhausting 3 years. What makes it worse I have a had a very poor lawyer and my brothers lawyer is a litigation lawyer. I think we have enough evidence showing his mismanagement. We are at the last part of this so it is not worth the money to remove him. It is so unbelievable what greed will do to people. My mom passed away 5 years ago from a massive stroke he had power of attorney over her health care so we are thinking he gave the call to stop her blood thinners. I know this happens a lot more than people realize when a family members are greedy.


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Mighty Mom 3 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

That doesn't sound good. I assume you have asked to see the checks.But I know that when these "professionals" want to hide their actions, they will do so. It definitely is a shell game.

I wish I could say, "Don't worry. It will all work out and all will be well." I CAN say that all will be well, because you are still here and you are obviously surviving this. It's a horrible learning experience.

And you are right. it happens a lot. There are activist groups across the country.

Best thing you can do itput it behind you. s you say, it's not worth the money to try to removehim.It will cost you a to. nd thestress of litigation takeshuge toll. I do wish you all the bst. MM


ema 3 years ago

Something similar is happening to me. It is mind-boggling the level of conniving that these psychopaths resort to.


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wba108@yahoo.com 3 years ago from upstate, NY

I guess it would behoove us to read up on the law in advance. I'll have to hand it to this family member for being so diabolically clever. I wonder if they thought this whole thing through from the beginning? They couldn't have planned it out any better!


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Mighty Mom 3 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Good point. The family member obviously thought she had that knowledge. But the law did not protect her in the end. It protected -- and served -- the lawyers. I look back and say, "It was horrible. An 87 year old mother having to fight her daughter with lawyers! Who does this?" But I've since learned how very, very common this is. If you have any inkling that your siblings are jealous or greedy, take protective action before they can start causing trouble. It's a lot harder once they strike! MM


Pat 3 years ago

Few could imagine that it was not an ongoing theft when lawyers and bankers swoop in at the last minute, take possession of assets, make up their own billings, then declare to the court that it is their money now.

How this process ever acquired the presumption of legality, under the color of law, is preposterous logic, worse than the banking bail out logic of 2008, and definitely not entitled to the deference of law in organized civil world. More nearly defines who society is willing to accept who has dibs on the property, and the outlandish outcome of what banks, and their subsidiaries are allowed to get away with, courtesy of their high priced lawyers, and corrupt judges.


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Mighty Mom 3 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Pat,

You hit the nail right on the head. How in the hell were laws set up to protect the guilty and steal money from the innocent? I like your term "acquired the presumption of legality." Exactly.

It's a widespread problem. Will get much worse when the baby boomers start retiring and losing their memories. The system is all set up to bilk us (I'm one) out of our money.

What's the point of saving any, right?

Thanks for commenting.


Margaret 3 years ago

Ha Sounds exactly like what my brother did!! But he is a lawyer, estate planner, and oh goes on and on (his wife does) about him being the "favorite" so he thinks everything is his and should be his. My poor mother fell for it and her money isn't hers now. The will was shoved in my face to sign once my dad was rushed by ambulance to the hospital.

How is it that such a brilliant man (my dad) who was worth a great deal didn't have a will in order at all? But my brother came to the rescue with an emergency will giving him power of attorney to all assets while he could kick me to the curb? The real kicker is he nefariously used generation skipping to rapidly give assets to his kids and his wife as quickly as possible while valuing them at ridiculously low prices. Then grabbing my dad's insurance company, (all his of course) and demonizing me and my reputation as quickly and viscously as possible.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 3 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Margaret,

Yet another family where loyalty goes out the window when there's money to be stolen. How convenient for your brother

to be actually in the biz. That's very efficient. And cuts out

at least one other party having to be paid out of the estate.

Don't bet on the fact your dad didn't have his wishes written

down. Your brother just knows all the tricks of the trade.

The demonizing of you and your repuation -- that's a standard part of this charade, too. I wonder if it makes the sociopaths feel better about f-ing their own sibling completely over. It's essential that their deeds not be questioned or challenged. That everyone believe their lies. The only way they can do that is to nullify us.

We can more easily accept that we've been screwed out of our

fair share of any inheritance. It's very emotionally scarring to be so betrayed by our own flesh and blood. And do nothing wrong and be viciously maligned.

I'm very, very sorry this happened to yet another person.

MM


Madpoodle 3 years ago

This blog is awesome. I found out that my brother liquidated over $500,000 from our family trust. I didn't find out until after my dad died. Now my creepy brother still wants more from the trust. He wants EVERYTHING. I was angry about the inequality of the trust and the dishonest attorney that handled it. So I went on the internet to find books on the subject. I came across this great book on Amazon called "Trust Me: Every Baby Boomer's Nightmare--They're Coming for Your Inheritance!" It has every horror story you can imagine about how despicable siblings, crooked trust attorneys, and even ex-wives can be when it comes to trust money. I wish I had read it sooner. Thanks to this book, I hired a lawyer and have a game plan for getting back what's mine. Good luck out there, everybody.

http://www.amazon.com/Trust-Me-Every-Boomers-Night...


pistolannie 3 years ago

My great grandmother is 97. My uncle is the executor and also named in sharing her home with other uncle(on and off drugs just got kicked out of living with her) and my dad. Out of 8 grandkids(her only child died at age 50) only 3 are in the will. Recently she has called the police and gone to the doctor many times. Im involved because out of all the great grand kids and grandkids I take her shopping yard work doctors appointments haircuts. My uncle now wants power of attorney written up. Says my druggy uncle will get nothing and my dad will"always have a place to live" hes spoken to her doctor and says her dementia is affecting her decision making. She not and has lived alone beside the druggy uncle for the last 10yrs and swears the druggy uncle should get everything because he was first born. I think my stable uncle is getting worried he is sneaky lies a little and has only copy of the will. Is there a way to see if he has changed anything if my grandmother wants to?


fluffyhub profile image

fluffyhub 3 years ago

I guess in a way I'm one of the lucky ones! My mother told me 30 years ago she was leaving everything to my sister. She's entitled to do what she wants with her money, but I'm so glad she told me, because that confirmed for me exactly what kind of person she is. Any residual guilt I felt went POOF! at that moment.

My sister can have the eventual headaches of caring for Mom, who is still in pretty good shape at age 84. What do I care? They've always been the ones who mattered most in their own minds, anyway.

Would I try to get part of Mom's estate? Nope. She liberated me 30 years ago by disinheriting me. Undoubtedly it was a manipulative tactic and she thought I would work hard to try to get back into her good graces. Instead, I worked hard and built a wonderful life for myself.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 3 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

See how messy and complicated this will business gets? But the most important thing is your great grandmother made it to 97. That's pretty cool. Your uncle sounds like he is maneuvering to be in control. Have you gone to the doctor with your GG ever? It's quite possible she could be deemed mentally incompetent. If she swears the druggy uncle should get everything because he is the first born -- that sounds kinda weird to me. But hey, it's her money. I would work with your dad to try to get your uncle to show you a copy of the will to see when it's dated. Surely your dad and uncle have reason to NOT want everything to go to the druggy uncle. By the way, if the druggy uncle just got kicked out of living with her -- she can't be that thrilled with him.

Appeal to reason with your uncle, and get your dad in on it too. You've got to see what the will says, the date of the will, too. And if necessary, appeal to her doctor to see if she really is capable of making good financial decisions.

The other thing is, most wills are drawn up by attorneys. Do you know who wrote GG's up? They would have a copy!

Good luck. MM


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Mighty Mom 3 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello fluffyhub. Well, that's an interesting twist. I'm with you. Good thing your mom told you in advance. Now you can skip the headache and heartache of caring for her (not fun -- been there). I don't know you or your family. But why do I have the seakig suspicion that when it comes down to it, your sister might not step to the plate and actually do the caretaking for mom? Oh wel.. Not your problem.

I'm so happy to hear of a story where someone processed the shock and moved on to their own wonderful life.

Hooray for you!

And thank you so much for sharing. You've reaffirmed my faith in resiliance and recovery from family!

MM


bobbieoma54 3 years ago

Hi , I first wrote about two years ago and then again 6 months. After a four year long fight my other 2 siblings and I are going to lose the battle . My brother is to strong and had a very good lawyer and since he was Trustee he could use the trust money . We had a very bad lawyer she really is tired of the case, it has been so exhausting. I would just like other people to know if they are just in the beginning of something like this to make sure you have someone on your side to help. I only tried to save my dads life but it didn't work out that way , I guess we will try to move on with our lives the best we can and just hope that maybe Karma will get him some day. Thanks for letting me have a place to vent


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Mighty Mom 3 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi bobbioma54. Thank you for sharing your experience, as hard as I know it is.

It is exhausting and emotionally very damaging to have to fight for what you know is right, against someone you know is wrong, who is using the trust money to fight you. The laws need to be changed. This is happening more and more.

So many families torn apart.

So many elderly parents losing their lives prematurely to greed.

And all the savings they worked decades to amass that was supposed to keep them safe and sound through the rest of their lives -- with money designated to pass on to their kids. It's THEIR money, not the trustee's.

I have had some time to try to let the fury recede in our case.

Only now I am more angry than ever. My poor husband has been devastated by all this.

So first we have that fight. Now we're fighting to get him back to normal. I don't know if we will ever be normal.

But I do believe in Karma.

And I wish for you a Karmic resolution with your brother.

Meantime, I do hope you can move on with your lives.

Happy healing. You deserve happiness in your future. MM


sufferingmum 3 years ago

I just found your hub and read it all I think you are great Mightymom

I am in Australia, and just gone through a will dispute, which meant a greedy grandson, tried to steal all my late mothers assets. With the courts help and bad trustees he did, and so now I sit alone, but wiser and realize that elder financial abuse is a serious social problem everywhere, in this difficult financial era. God bless you, keep informing us all world wide from now a suffering but wiser mum.


Krishnaa LaxmiNarasimhaa 2 years ago

Great post MM, found your post very enlightening. I always used to think that all the 'good crooks' live in India. Ah! how wrong I was! But believe me they will get paid for their sins, and how! We have a story about how in our moral stories "the kid tells his father that he would need the clay plate to feed him-when he also becomes old, on being told by his father-who used to feed his old man in a clay pot after robbing him of his wealth, on being asked to throw out the clay plate on the death of the grand father".

For the litigation part my suggestion, out of my own experience in working with lawyers, do a lot of study and support them with your own research, with proof of precedents, previous judgments, citations etc, (they generally could not care less who wins), over here at least we have noticed they do not do much homework on their own. They are there to rip you off as much as anybody/everybody else!

Forgive those who have done this to you and just fight for the sake of fighting and to show them that you know that what they have done is wrong! Their Karma's will catch up with them and how!

If in similar situations to yours, we would generally convince ourselves that probably we may have done them some harm in previous births and we are getting paid for it now! Litigation generally drains you further, it is like being raped all over again, but this time--over a long, long time and in full public (court) view. Good luck with your fight for your rights, and thank you so much for sharing this wonderful post!


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Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thank you so much. Wise words.

The bitter memory of our litigation is slowly fading.

We started the insanity in 2009 The final mediation (what a joke) was in February 2013. So 2 going on 2 years.

Time does have a way of healing, even though there are scars.

It is easy, though, to second guess if it was worth it. The toll it took on my husband (especially) emotionally and us both financially. But we agree we could not have stood by and let "them" win.

Agree that karma will take care of the people who harm others with no regard.

Peace. And thank you again for your comments.

MM


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Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello honeybee777. I'm so sorry to hear your story as well. I wish you all the best in pursuing justice. I don't want to discourage you and I hope if proven your uncle gets his just desserts.

Yes, money does move people to do the unspeakable...

I think it's part of being human, but the whole greed is great seems to be an epidemic.

Or maybe it's just that I'm more tuned into it!

MM


honeybee777 2 years ago

Fortunatlye my Unlce is very lame and greedy! I have proof that not only did he steal my grandmothers money, BUT killed my father and stole his personal belongings, like 5 guns, a gun case, and flat screen TV and shredded all of my fathers paper work, and lied to us for the last 5 months, BUT I always had this feeling something was wrong with the whole situation, and my feeling was right, which makes me very very sad, cause i loved my unlce very much, he tol me that my fathers gun case wasnt his but my grandmas, (lie), he told me my father sold most of his guns, (lie), and told me my father had no paper work nor credit cards nor bank account, (lie), we went to visit him after my grandmother died, and we were served with a trust that stated if my father, ( who was #1 or the executoer on the trust), if he should die then his share would go to his survivors, ( my unlce is stupid cause we are his survivors, NOT HIM, so werr filing charges , felony charges, and taking him to court we just served him and his "lawyer" this week! court date is on the Feb 4th, and by then he will be in jail for grand theft of 7 guns and other things as well!!! I suspecting there will be no money left, BUT thats not my point, my point is getting him behind bars! my unlce was the second on the trust so to get rid of my dad was perfect for him! this has been the most painful experience of my life, I no longer have my father nor my grandmother, I dont think even prison is good enough justice, but Im happy for what happens for Justice for my father and grandma, thanks so much MM


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Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi again honeybee777,

I follow the general situation of what your uncle did. And it's outrageous and awful. And yes, he does deserve to be behind bars for murder and theft.

But... don't confuse criminal action with civil action with probate action. You are serving your uncle with felony charges in criminal court? Has the case been investigated by the police? DA?

You're going after him for stealing?

If so, I would think it would be the District Attorney representing your interests.

Or are you suing him in civil court?

It all gets so confusing.

The one thing that I definitely know from my own experience -- when

the person whose trust it is dies, the next in line named as their successor trustee (executor) takes over. When that person dies, the next in line gets to be in charge of the trust. That's exactly what your uncle did -- eliminated your dad because your dad stood in the way of him getting his hands on the $.

And it sounds like he also got the ball rolling by murdering your grandmother first?

That's so cold-blooded.

Maybe I should count my blessings. My sister-in-law didn't actually murder anyone. She just coerced her elderly parents (and father with documented Alzheimers) to write out a trust with her in the same position as your uncle was -- #2. Then when the dad died, she "jumped over" her mother (#1 position) by having her declared mentally incompetent.

If I can offer you ANY advice to help you avoid the heartache and expense my husband and I have endured, it's this:

If your goal is to prove your uncle is a criminal and get him put in jail or to pay back $, don't waste any time (or lawyer's fees) on any court other than criminal. If you are referred to probate court -- run, run run away. Do not set foot in there. It is rigged and you will NOT get justice. You will spend a fortune (that you probably do not have) paying YOUR lawyer while your uncle doesn't have to pay a cent. Why? Because as the legal trustee of the trust (as stated in the trust document) he is entitled to have his legal fees paid for by the trust.

How messed up is that???

Anyway, good luck to you and please keep us posted on how you do on Feb 4th. MM


Takenby Conartiste 2 years ago

This stuff works horrendously to the hijackers advantage and each family situation is different making it to complex to have a U.S. law to prevent it. Our debacle involved outdated wills, a post probate contract that ended in a costly legal dispute, a jury award of hundreds of thousands we will likely never see due to the defendant being a self employed con man who you can't garnish wages from per everything I have read on-line, sadly we actually gave up 1/3 of another inheritance to be taken down this f'd up rabbit hole in a legal quagmire. If you see this coming in your family, just remind whoever takes control that some people (we call them the mob) kill and torture others physically for less money than is involved - that just might be enough to make them think twice before screwing over your entire family legacy for mere financial gain!


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Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thank you, Takenby Conartiste.

You point out so well the utter futility of it all. There ARE laws, but they are designed to protect those who know how to exploit them. Those exploiters have become a cottage industry. Unsuspecting family members who think they're in line to inherit money had better adjust their expectations. It's all too easy to derail an inheritance LEGALLY.

Not morally or ethically, but within legal boundaries.

Thank you for pointing out that a jury trial, while it may give momentary satisfaction, is no guarantee of getting any money.

We never made it to court. In hindsight, that was a blessing, as we would have been playing double or nothing with attorneys' fees. We would have undoubtedly had to pay for the evil fiduciary's dog bite attorney as well as our own. The injustice is just appalling.

You are also right that there are people (we call them the mob) who kill and torture others for less money. Yes, and that is happening also with another, related cottage industry. Elder cleansing, it's called. Elderly people are being slapped with guardianships. The guardians know this whole system. They get the elder isolated from their family. They tank them up with drugs to mimic or enhance memory loss. They raid the family coffers and the family are helpless to stop it.

What a mess.

I will say this.

It has to STOP. People need to WAKE UP and demand accountability and stand up to the greed.

Please let all the stories here be the last. Please!


honeybee777 2 years ago

hey MM, i count my blessing also, though its been a very rough road, NO my father died 20 days after my grandmothers will was amended, My father was 1# my uncle was 2#, but where it got really weird, is that the amended trust kept saying some thing over and over and over, IF my father was to die 20-30 prior to my grandma then, it would go to his survivors? Now Im not sure if that means us, me and my brothers, or my uncle, but were going to probate court to find out! What Im mainly looking for is motive to his murder, which there was none, cause my grandma had not passed yet, so he made it look liked a suicide! Now that I know he stole a bunch of stuff of my fathers, Im headed to go press charges against him, he is a bad drug addict and all the money has probably all went into his arm! But where he messed up was by stealing my fathers guns, those are felony charges!!! I have a feeling he might never show up to probate court anyway, and since Im low income/ disabled, I didnt have to pay for anything lol, like the fees, and filing charges, and im doing this pro per no lawyer, Im just going in there asking questions and seeing what is mine, and what isnt, and after building this case all by myself the last 9 months, its been very very hard, but i believe your right about civil charges and trying to stay away from probate, again my main focus is motive, but to answer your question, my father was killed first, then my grandmother passed 2 months after him.....


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Intravenous drug user you say? And you are still looking for MOTIVE?

Lol.

Good luck to you!! You go!! MM


honeybee777 2 years ago

mm YEAH, IM not the one who needs "proof" or "motive", unfortunately the detective believes me, and is helping me, BUT I guess its a B**Tch to change a coroners report , they dont like being wrong, but everything seemed pretty shady even to the coroner, the day she called me about what happned to my father she said the way the gun was held wasnt like a suicide victim nor was there any gun powder on my fathers hand, so she marked it as a suspected suicide and left it at that, now Im trying to rebuild this case with the detectives help, but we need actual proof this guy murdered my father, he can be a drug addict, a liar and a thief but unfortunate thats not enough its all BS I read where people get the electric chair for less motive .


Mary 2 years ago

Mighty Mom, how the heck do we get an attornery? This is crazy crap! My sister told my elderly parents they were signing a deed to her house, while dad couldn't see and well mom is mom and does what dad says, signed it, dad passes away and sister puts up fences even limiting my mom to her own driveway, and the LAW has LAWS to protect people like this, makes me sick as heck!!! They should go to prison!!! I need a good lawyer in UTAH!


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waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

This has never happened to me and hopefully never will, but this does remind me of a story told to me by someone that I'll call Berkley as that's the college she went to and is still going to because she's apparently working on a PHD in English and something else in Art(M.F.A?).

She had an aunt(Hijack) who hijacked inheritances not just from her, but from quite a few other family members. The methods were pretty much the same as your SIL's, but Hijack's motives weren't just about money(to go on expensive trips, buy lavish things, etc), but about gaining control of the entire family(think cult of personality building). There were about seven people that Hijack was unable to control or steal from as they were either independently wealthy( and she was unable to touch any of it) or more difficult to "conquer" than she had thought. Don't get me wrong, they were still victims of her, but she wasn't able to achieve her goals for them. Something like that.

Berkley was the most vulnerable of the seven as she was just starting college at the time of the hijacking. The things her aunt tried to do to her were unreal. Like, trying to get her expelled, take away her scholarships/college money that didn't come from any inheritance, and force her into service work(because that's "what's suited to her"). Hijack also broke into her apartment and threw her stuff out, gone after friends and those who aided Berkley. Just awful to read/hear about.

However, Karma somehow stepped in and the aunt took a trip to the Philippines, a beautiful country, but also known for ransom kidnappings every once in awhile. Berkley gets a call from the aunt about "ransom" money. She hangs the phone immediately, thinking it's some kind of prank or scam. That, and the fact that she didn't give a damn what happened to her aunt. Turns out, other family members were thinking the same thing and apparently never bothered going to the cops or the media because don't you think something like this would make the news?

The aunt was never seen or heard from again and it's highly unlikely that she changed her identity to live somewhere else given her desire to be "head of the family".


Monica 2 years ago

You are not a nice person to be telling people how to do this. Even if you were the victim in similar circumstances. You need help.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Honeybee -- I continue to root for you. Go get him! I must also comment I am in awe of your strength having lost your dad under such horrible circumstances.

Mary -- Look to your local bar association or, if there is one, call your local elder abuse hotline. Unfortunately, unless there is a physician's documentation that your father was not mentally competent at the time of signing, what your sister did is likely legal as you say. Disgusting. But all too familiar, I'm afraid.

waterlily -- Can we get the film rights to that story? Wow! Wherever the evil aunt is, glad she's not tormenting the rest of the family anymore!

Monica -- People who do these things don't need instructions! LOL. It's the rest of us stupid siblings who don't understand what's happening because it's so friggin' unbelievable on every level.

I think you can see that over the YEARS this hub has been a gathering place for people who are facing similar situations. Not sure what drew you here, but thank you for your comment. MM


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Honeybee -- I continue to root for you. Go get him! I must also comment I am in awe of your strength having lost your dad under such horrible circumstances.

Mary -- Look to your local bar association or, if there is one, call your local elder abuse hotline. Unfortunately, unless there is a physician's documentation that your father was not mentally competent at the time of signing, what your sister did is likely legal as you say. Disgusting. But all too familiar, I'm afraid.

waterlily -- Can we get the film rights to that story? Wow! Wherever the evil aunt is, glad she's not tormenting the rest of the family anymore!

Monica -- People who do these things don't need instructions! LOL. It's the rest of us stupid siblings who don't understand what's happening because it's so friggin' unbelievable on every level.

I think you can see that over the YEARS this hub has been a gathering place for people who are facing similar situations. Not sure what drew you here, but thank you for your comment. MM


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Honeybee -- I continue to root for you. Go get him! I must also comment I am in awe of your strength having lost your dad under such horrible circumstances.

Mary -- Look to your local bar association or, if there is one, call your local elder abuse hotline. Unfortunately, unless there is a physician's documentation that your father was not mentally competent at the time of signing, what your sister did is likely legal as you say. Disgusting. But all too familiar, I'm afraid.

waterlily -- Can we get the film rights to that story? Wow! Wherever the evil aunt is, glad she's not tormenting the rest of the family anymore!

Monica -- People who do these things don't need instructions! LOL. It's the rest of us stupid siblings who don't understand what's happening because it's so friggin' unbelievable on every level.

I think you can see that over the YEARS this hub has been a gathering place for people who are facing similar situations. Not sure what drew you here, but thank you for your comment. MM


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Honeybee -- I continue to root for you. Go get him! I must also comment I am in awe of your strength having lost your dad under such horrible circumstances.

Mary -- Look to your local bar association or, if there is one, call your local elder abuse hotline. Unfortunately, unless there is a physician's documentation that your father was not mentally competent at the time of signing, what your sister did is likely legal as you say. Disgusting. But all too familiar, I'm afraid.

waterlily -- Can we get the film rights to that story? Wow! Wherever the evil aunt is, glad she's not tormenting the rest of the family anymore!

Monica -- People who do these things don't need instructions! LOL. It's the rest of us stupid siblings who don't understand what's happening because it's so friggin' unbelievable on every level.

I think you can see that over the YEARS this hub has been a gathering place for people who are facing similar situations. Not sure what drew you here, but thank you for your comment. MM


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

MM: Well, it's not my story. It was told to me by the online friend. We drifted apart over time, but I know that she's still in school and very happy for the most part. TBH, I didn't believe her at first. Don't get me wrong, I did believe the abuse and the inheritance theft, but the aunt disappearing and most likely dying a horrible death sounded like wishful thinking. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Karma did come through for Berkley after all.

I love Hoist by their Own Petard stories and in a way, that did happen to the aunt and has happened to more than a few shitty people.


Mary 2 years ago

advisor4gb - you're right they should go to jail.

Mighty Mom - the most we can do right now is get the fence down so my mom has access to her driveway. Reading your posts and others, this is just making me sick. For the most part this is like letting a con-artist go free for all their actions. I have contacted the bar association. I CANNOT believe that most of all the shit people have posted here is LEGAL. REALLY! There are more laws protecting the thieves! I talked to a news channel and told her my story, she said they were looking for someone who had someone convicted already. Well a month later she called me back and asked if my mom and I were willing to talk on camera about this as no one was willing.. WHY I ASK!!!! How can the NOT ....I enjoy reading your posts, but seriously can we only be allowed to vent and not get justice? I would like each and everyone of us to make a change in other lives by telling our stories, I don't know how to contact all of you personally but I think if enough of us get this out that we could change some laws!! Yes there is proof my dad was not of his right mind, but do you know (sure you do) how much money is involved in attorney fees? This is crazy shit and is driving me crazy! She was not given the land, changed the documents and made up the legal description of the boundaries of the land. It is so frustrating!!! Elder abuse, yes we went there and it is clear there was, but I am so confused why an attorney can't see the facts. There are loop holes in every law! I want to be that person that makes a difference when it comes to this shit, she needs to be found guilty in all her actions. So tell me, I have the news willing to listen - how can I get all of you involved? Will you be involved? We have 6 of us saying the same thing our parents told us and showed us, how can she get away with this???? Sorry to say, I am a good person and would do anything for people and would never think of such an evil act as she did, but I wouldn't mind of her and her husband killed over dead after seeing the hurt in my mothers eyes and watching her cry night after night because she couldn't hang her flag on the flag pole my father and mother put up years and years ago,, how my mother couldn't get the joy she has had for over 17 years picking pears off her pear tree to share with her friends, why, because the rotten bitch put up a fence so mom couldn't get to either. Then my sister picks all the pears and KEEPS them, is that not elder abuse? Hell yes it is, so "LAWS" for the elder abuse why aren't you doing your job? GRRRRRR! SO PISSED OFF!!!!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Oh Mary,

My heart breaks for you on so many levels. I see so much of myself in you. All we wanted was justice, too. We pursued it doggedly from 2009 through Feb 2012. Mentally and emotionally exhausting. Disgustingly expensive. Our lawyer told us up front not to expect justice. He was very candid. But we could only see righteousness. We knew we were right and good and she/they were evil and bad.

After it was all over I was contacted by a woman who had also been victimized by the same professional thieves as we were.

She had managed to contact a few others.

We would get together and sputter and get all riled up. Plotting ways to "get her." It got me so stressed out I finally had to stop communicating with this lady.

I will tell you this. In lawsuits involving siblings, it's "she said/she said." Lawyers love it. They get $$$ for watching two formerly loving sisters go at it. Your beeyatch sister no doubt has a story for why she did this. She will point the finger at everyone else and she is in the right. Probably the 'victim' here. A sick girl. I know the type well.

Here's a thought -- When you get the news media out to interview you and your mom, why not send them to your sister's house? Give her the opportunity to explain on camera why she raped your mother like this? Or, even better, have her slam the door in the camera's face. You know, like on 60 Minutes.

I agree with you the laws protect the wrong people.

Luckily your mom has you there to support her, at least!

And it won't make everything right, but tearing down the fence is a good start. Makes a nice backdrop for the news story, too.

Good luck and please do keep us posted! Get on the news so I can post a link to the video in my hub!

MM


bobbieoma 2 years ago

It is to bad that Monica feels that way about this Hub. It has been very comforting to be able to tell our stories. I really appreciate you being there for all of us. There is a lot of bad people out there and I never realized how this goes on every day around the world. Thank you again MM....bobbieoma


p@workline.com 2 years ago

Add me to the list. Brother tricked Mom into making him Primary Beneficiary of the residue of the IRA she was living off off. Mom thought she had disposed of those funds by her Will. Now there's nothing. He admitted he'd been planning it a long time, and that dead people can't talk. Mom's intent was to give us both equal shares. So he gets what he stole, and half of whatevers left.

I am in illinois however, where there are laws against Criminal Financial abuse and the dead man's act.


LIFEinSTL 2 years ago

Wow, this reminds me of family things going on right now with my widow mother. My mother has dementia so I can't even believe the attorney let her sign documents. We also have chaos caused by the parent who tells each child something different. Just recently realized (Like telling someone what she thinks they want to hear. So like she tells one sibling she's ok with assisted living. Then tells the child with no witness that she will not leave her home.) How does one protect themself if they don't have spouse nor children as witness and ones own illnes is being used against them? As the child without a witness I'm notice I'm portrayed as just the sick child in the family causing trouble. My mother has even said she thinks the in-law is trying to take more than their share of inheritance.


duped 2 years ago

I can have a sister the execuator and health advisor that totally lied and cheated me involving my mother and her care. The sad thing is she is a nursing manager of a nursing home. My mom did not get the help she needed, my sister lived there also, and she stoled $50,000 from the estate. I am very upset and I think it's a criminal offense which I am checking on with my attorney and also investigate the attorney she used to screw up my mom and her estate.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Damn I hate coming on to Hub Pages and seeing more comments on this hub! It makes me sick to know how widespread this problem is.

So many facets to it --

Nursing home abuse -- so rampant. So inhuman. A cottage industry that kills our elderly AND drains them of their estates. Disgusting.

Greedy siblings who plot for YEARS to get their hands on their parents' money. And leave their brother/sister out in the cold.

Whoever said blood is thicker than water has never met your cheating brother. Horrible.

And the mom with dementia. This is becoming the standard scenario as dementia reaches epidemic proportions. It is hard to know what Mom really said. Maybe she was being pressured to say she was ok with assisted living. Maybe she really wants to go.

Doesn't really matter. If she signed over power of attorney, the son or daughter with that power will seal her fate.

BTW, can't believe the attorney had your mom sign in her mental condition? LOL. That's part of the plan. They also play up the "siblings are fighting" angle. Mom just wants everyone to get along. But you are already being portrayed as the "sick" child, so there must also be a "responsible child." It's all a game. The lawyers win and everyone else loses. Totally sucks and you've just proven my point again.

I'm sorry all of you are going through this and hope you get justice.

MM


bobbieoma54 2 years ago

with the amount of money we our spending and since he was able to pay for is Lawyer with the trust money he didn't care he just wanted " The Golden Tricycle " as my Lawyer put it. Their was some very expensive property at stack which my brother ended up getting. I am glad its over but feel bad that my parents lives were taken for his greed


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

The Golden Tricycle is a great term. So true.

Thank you (but not) for reminding me that "they" get to pay for their lawyer out of the trust money. While those who are in the right and fighting for good have to pay exorbitant amounts of OUR OWN MONEY for legal representation. Hello? That trust money should belong to us, too!!??

It's such a dirty business, makes my skin crawl to this day to remember how horrible the litigation was.

To say I'm sorry your parents' lives were taken for his greed doesn't begin to cover it.

I sincerely wish there was some way for all of us "innocent but now broke from paying our lawyers for basically nothing lambs" could band together.

The trust laws protect the wrong people.


LIFE in STL 2 years ago

Hi, thanks for keeping this alive. I am so appreciative of this hub, even though nasty people can plot evil with this knowledge. However, this helps spread knowledge to those who use the web to try and understand what it all means. Maybe there should be a law that these trusts should be in place by x age or for x numbers of years prior to getting diagnosed with dementia.

I'm guessing my family has audio taped my parent when she wasn't aware.


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

bobbieoma54, I hope things get better for you. Maybe if a fire broke out at that property...


oldersister profile image

oldersister 2 years ago

It is going on 3 and a half years since I went through this, only I was the 2nd executor listed on the will, my sister didn't want it after she took everything. The only thing I can tell you is that as time goes on the greif becomes less and you start to get back to your life. Sometimes getting back to your life means letting it go. You can't change what they did to you and by holding on to it , it continues to add to the grief of loosing your loved one and becomes a constant reminder. Don't get me wrong there are times something sparks a memory of what she did and I get upset and start to greive my mom all over again, But I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter, she did what she did and some day she will have to answer to God. That I know in my heart I did the right thing for the estate, my sister and my mom. I put everyone first above myself, I have a clear conscience and I can live with myself and look in the mirror each day. That is whats most important.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

I'm glad to be able to provide at least a forum for others to share their stories. I wrote a book about our experience but have not published it. The catharsis was in the writing.

Such pain and such wisdom here. And such support.

I vacillate between wanting to champion change -- which we all agree is sorely needed.But honestly don't know what can be done pre-emptively. We do need better laws to protect out parents (and soon ourselves) from exploitation due to dementia/Alzheimers.

But you know, where there is a will (no pun intended) there is a way.

Someone who is intent on stealing from their parents/siblings is going to find a way to do it.

Plotting for years. Patient and cunning.

I guess anticipating that this is a possibility could help us dummies from being blindsided... Not sure.

Meanwhile, oldersister, you are absolutely correct.

Holding on to the anger and resentment just keeps it alive. And hurts us.

We need to go through a separate grieving process of the incredible betrayal and shock. Ultimately, we get to acceptance

that it really happened. And we cannot change it.

Having a clear conscience and being able to look ourselves in the mirror will last us the rest of our lives. And are things

no one can take away from us. That counts for a lot.

Thanks, all, for your participation.

Come back and share anytime!

MM


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

I think you should publish the book. A lot of people would be interested.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Waterlily13!

MM


MomofMany5 2 years ago

Wow, glad I found this site. This is exactly what's happened in my family, with BIL taking over everything (he's a licensed financial planner, but has done every 'trick' described).

Mom doesn't have dementia, but is again addicted to Valium (which we worked for years to get her free from this evil addiction).

Now, the phone ringers at my mom's are only "on" when BIL is at her house. Ironically, mom bought him a building (paid $300,000 cash) just a block from her home for his business.

We were told she was losing $$$, so he's "helping", but I found the building purchase through public records searches.

We live 3,000 miles away (Army), & my brother lives 1,400 miles away , so it was difficult to figure out the details.

Now mom, in her constant drugged state, believes that brother & me are "evil & greedy", & she's too high to remember day to day that she's spoken to me.

She did tell me that her "dear son-in-law" has established a trust, & brother & I "don't need any $$$".

I assume that means we are locked out of our inheritance.

At this point, I'm barely in contact with my sister because of her abusive treatment of my children.

Ironically, my father died of a very treatable head injury, because brother-in-law convinced mom that he was "too injured to survive treatment".

Mom wouldn't even allow an IV nor CT Scan.

Dad died 2.5 weeks later, only 90#, of dehydration & starvation.

I still cannot fathom the cruelty, as we were at his bedside his final days.

After reading the medical records, I was disgusted and horrified at how my poor father died, & suffered his last few weeks.

Is there any recourse, or is the dirty deed sealed and done??? We were recently told that "The Trust has been in effect for 2 years now, & can no longer be challenged".

We never knew that there was a trust!!

It's sick, but sis & BIL will have to live with the death of a good man on their shoulders, & perhaps the death of mom from a Valium overdose.

No elderly parents deserve such treatment.

Prison would be too good for this pair.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Every time I get a notification there is a new comment on this hub I don't know whether to be happy or sad that someone new has made their way to the folds of disenfranchised children.

MomofMany5, I am so very sorry to hear of your situation. It is so, so infuriating to find out what is being done to our parents and be helpless to do anything about it.

No elderly parents deserve such treatment. Doesn't stop the evil greedy ones from hurting or killing them.

I don't know anything about trusts not being able to be challenged after 2 years. I'm guessing evil BIL knows about this or is bluffing.

But -- I would definitely get myself a copy of the trust and see what it says vs. what your mom says now. Maybe her "you and brother don't need any $$$" is not written down in the trust and is a new brainwash from BIL.

Being 3,000 miles away and 1,400 miles away makes it very hard.

How much of your own $$$ can you invest in going to investigate for yourself? I would suggest calling the police (your mom is being held captive and drugged) or adult protective services, but that is no guarantee that they will do anything -- figure out the Valium addiction and remove your mother from the situation.

Even if they do, that can be like out of the frying pan into the fire.

Don't mean to be discouraging.

There should be special prisons just for these family members. No, wait. They need to be in regular prison where they can be butt-f'd the same way they have done to their own parents.

Arrrggh!!!

The one thing we all have in common is we have clear hearts and consciences. We may not get justice in this world, but....

God bless,

MM


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

Yea, talk to a lawyer about all this. As for getting the police involved, they can't do anything without proof.

They really wouldn't care about your father dying unless they faced consequences for it, then they'd be sorry they got caught.

At least you are trying to protect your children from your sister, which is more than I can say for Berkeley's mother, who never even tried to.

This should be the point to where you have NO illusions about them and cut them both out entirely. Life is much better without toxic people around. Make sure that they can never get to you/your loved ones. I hope things get better for you!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Good advice, waterlily!

My husband and I were at a neighborhood party and the subject of our "litigations" with my SIL came up. Totally feel better having her and the rest of the toxic people gone from our lives. But whenever we do bring it up -- there is lingering fury. Guess I haven't forgiven completely...


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

You don't have to forgive, tbh. In some cases, it can outright dangerous. You're right to be angry, but at least you're moving on with your life.


oldersister profile image

oldersister 2 years ago

Mom of you are not alone. We all have been through this and have had some type of betrayal with a family member over a loss of a loved one.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hey my friend oldersister. You are always so kind and reassuring to "our" newcomer commenters!

Today is the 5-year anniversary of my father-in-law's death.

Which was the official kickoff day of my sister-in-law's plot, which she had been planning for at least two years prior.

2009 -- worst year ever.

Glad to have five years of healing between us and that living hell.


Cindy 2 years ago

My sister in law used to work for a judge in SonomaCounty has, she thinks she has so many people in the legal area on her side. I think more through living a delusional rich life, all because my mom and dad bailed them out to the tune of probably 20000o in their life time, they still owe my mom and dad 90000 min, and my brother his screwed up wife are going oh my what to you mean we owe you money? They are actually ripping off the other siblings and their own mother, even sis-in-law. She is a freaking whopper. When my was dying she comes to me and says I know I am family and I am thinking to myself, okay you have been married to my brother going on something of 45 years or so, why are you even saying that?

It is like she tries to set up a conversation for things to be said that would work in her favor later. Like my mom thinking that maybe they would be able to stay In the home they were RENTING from my dad and mom, after my dad passes as a guarantee they must own the house now. They just entirely forgot that they signed a piece of paper my mom wanted in writing to avoid confusion later...it said this is an acknowledgment of the fact that this home that you are renting is NOT yours, it is owned by us...certified by a lawyer. They are so freaking freaks. They have not even bothered to support even emotionally after my dad died...they never call unless it I'd for money. Or hopes they will remain in the trust....I am so sorry to see another person have to go through this. It is truly the most disputable act.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Delusional and entitlement mentality. Not a good combination.

Keep an eye on them and that house. They will try to find a way to get their hands on it. Have your mom sign something new. Have one of the legal colleagues dummy up a trust that gives them power of attorney.

Sorry to sound paranoid. Been there. Regretted that.

MM


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

Dear Mighty Mom, I am so glad to found your hub. I've been on a journey forced on me after learning my mother died (1 month after her passing, she lived 25 minutes away from me). Did we have a sad family situation? Yes, but estrangements would always end with us talking it out. And I learned about her death from a note on Facebook. The note read: Your mother died on May 27th, she's buried at Holy Cross and the Estate is in the hands of an attorney" That's it, no names were given of who wrote this or the name of the attorney.

It was my mother's very religious neighbor. And they had prepared for the day I would find them. I've had the same phone number for 25 years and my children use to play with theirs as they all live in a cul-de-sac. A house I lived in with our mother after high school (aka long time ago)

And the contesting a probate clock started ticking on May 27th. The neighbor and their attorney knew exactly what to do to mislead me and feel like a worthless daughter.

What they didn't know then but do now is I have the uncanny ability to find stuff out! They had errors on her death certificate, they put in the cover letter to the trust that I had a brother (I do not, just a twin sister) I was able to get her medical records, all of the cards and letters between us showing we had a loving albeit off and on relationship.

I learned from the medical records that neighbor not only restated the trust AFTER her stroke but they took 100% of the estate and told me and my twin sister our mother hated us because we did drugs. ??? Uh no, I earn 6 figures for a publicly traded company and have been there for 17 years... The restated trust was so poorly written lawyers I consulted with couldn't understand it. I involved the police dept. (who don't know probate laws), I involved probate attorneys who don't like the criminal law because they don't get to take your money! The Deputy District Attorney continued to encourage me to file a report for either fraud or elder abuse but the police dept. said they don't handle these cases and around and around we go. I made the decision not to give up any of my hard earned money to a greedy lawyer and to see the faces of the neighbor in a court room, hire experts in diminished capacity, forensic experts, etc....

There is so much more to this but it's similar to all of the above - and here's what I know for sure - Money does not make us happy (the estate was $1.5M+) and while it's been said victims don't have peace until they see justice - I believe these neighbors (who were poor before this windfall) will be judged by a much higher power than me and if God is good - he will let me watch!

I learned who are my true friends and who are just on the fringe - very valuable information as I don't have to waste my time with the fringe any longer. It's been quite the journey and we are approaching the 1 year anniversary of mom's death.

I've told this neighbor it's not about the money, it's not. My question to them was always, "Why would you not call my sister and me to let us know she was dying?" We all know the answer to this question.

My husband, my children, family and friends and especially my golden retriever and yellow lab have pulled me through this and it's one of the best lessons ever - ALWAYS see things how they are, not how you want them to be and you will be OK. :-)


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Dianec2007,

Your story kind of weaves together bits and pieces of others I've learned of since becoming involved in this seedy underworld.

I do know of one where criminal charges were filed. I went to the preliminary hearing. It wasn't really about money, it was about jealousy and revenge. Sibling rivalry...

Of course the obvious question in your story is how the heck the neighbors got involved and were able to get hold of your mother's money when there are blood relatives -- daughters? But heck. If we know one thing, it's "where there's a WILL there's a way (to rewrite it in your own favor)."

Your comment "it's said victims don't know peace until they see justice" may be a truism, but it's not true. Victims rarely do see justice. We have to allow ourselves to know peace anyway. Or we will eat ourselves up inside. Let go and let God do the judging. Absolutely right on that one!

Speaking of that, I don't know how many of the comments here you read, but there are quite a few that involve "religious" people as the perps. My own story involves a person who promotes herself as oh-so-religious. While pilfering millions and millions from the estates of her victims. All with the full sanctioning of the court.

Probate courts are the same everywhere. Set up to funnel money from the old person into their "system." It's a racket. You're wise not to waste your own good money trying to fight them on that turf.

We do all hope for criminal prosecution of the people who hurt our loved ones. Given that this was done by neighbors, you may have a

better than average shot. I wish you all the best.

Forgery, embezzlement, hit em with anything you can!

Please keep us posted.

MM


Wantthetruth 2 years ago

A similar thing happened with my uncles stealing my brother's and my own inheritance left by my grandfather. My grandfather was a multi-millionaire and died now going on 6 years ago, and it noone would believe or help me at the time.

This grandfather is my mother's father, and my mother was the oldest of 4 siblings and died of cancer when I was 24. My grandparents became more like my "home base" because I am not close to my father, so I was at their house for Christmas, etc.

I had a conversation with my grandfather after my mother's death about her portion of the inheritance and my grandfather assured me he had 4 children, and my brother and I would get now what would have been left to my mom.

I started getting these tax forms on a "loss" after that that I could file with my taxes, because my brother's and my names were put on the 25% of my grandparent's house. (Formerly my mom's portion, my grandfather had my grandmother as 50%, and my mom and my aunt each 25%). This was the only "overt" part of my grandad's promise outside of him telling me about his will.

After my grandad got dimentia, the tax forms stopped coming, and my brother said my uncle had taken our names off of the house and put his and my uncle's names on the house (without our signatures- which is illegal) but apparently my aunt found out and made him change it back.

I mention that because it is evidence of what he did with the covert document of my grandad's will! I cared for my grandad the summer before he died when he had full blown dimentia, and my grandmother was in a nursing home but otherwise ok and is being taken care of. But, my grandfather had me there at night, (he was still living at the house) and a day nurse during the day. My grandfather would tell me, "boy you are going to be rich when I die", and I would tell him not to say things like that because no one wanted him to die!

The day nurse told me one day that my uncles had called and she overheard them telling my demented grandfather that they were taking him to lunch to go over his will! Of course when I approached them and my aunt, no one would acknowledge anything!

My grandfather died and my brother and I weren't even asked to attend the reading of the will!!! I know my uncles stole my inheritance and everyone denies it. My brother doesn't even seem to want to believe what I told him, and he lives in the same city as my uncles and he and his wife just continue on like these people didn't steal from them!

I'm left with feeling like my whole family betrayed me, and I see my uncles with their families on trips to the Bahamas together on Facebook, while I'm struggling to make ends meet. The worse part is having lost my mother, not knowing what my grandfather left me.

My own father didn't even help me pursue this, when it happened I was a student and broke. Still don't have much, and don't know what to do. I'm up at 5am 6 years after my grandad died praying for the ability to forgive and not grow bitter anymore over this betrayal of my entire family! Help!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

What probably happened is when your grandfather got dementia your uncles were able to get power of attorney over him to make financial decisions. They got a lawyer (always easy to do -- they will do anything if there's payment involved. Don't care who it hurts). They got the lawyer to change your grandfather's will or trust or whatever legal doc was in place outlining what percent people were supposed to inherit.

They probably took it from a revocable trust to an irrevocable trust.

Now it would be on you to prove your grandfather's intent was always to include you in his inheritance. The "big boys" (uncles) would argue of course that since your mother died her portion was not supposed to go to you but to them.

Honestly, I don't have to know the details to know exactly what they did and it SUCKS.

It is worth pursuing? No. You do not have the means to pursue it.

Not worth it.

Money is not everything.

If you are struggling to make ends meet it somehow means YOU have the opportunity to go out and make your own fortune and show all those bloodsuckers up!!

Betrayal is horrible -- the worst thing I have encountered yet in my life.

It has been 5 years since the onset of our betrayal.

I feel less intensely bitter. But still angry.

A tool I have been taught is to pray for the person for 14 days in a row. Pray for only that they get all the positive things in their life that you have in yours. Do not pray for anything about yourself.

Pray for them.

It supposedly works. By the end of 14 days they have been de-demonized and you see them as simply sick, sad humans and you have compassion for them.

Good luck!! MM


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

Hello Mighty Mom, update. I've found an attorney, a good one, who will take my case on contingency - he will get nothing if I am not awarded a judgement or we reach a settlement - but he will get 33.3% of the gross proceeds for a settlement and 44% for a judgement. And that is fine with me. The part that concerns me is the attorney's fees are one thing, the court costs are another. There are other contingencies and legal wording is not easy to interpret - "reasonable value of all non-monetary proceeds", Attorneys are always paid first (which is fine) but what if I proceed with this and the gross proceeds from a SETTLEMENT are say $100K. Attorney gets $33K, Payment is to be made over 10 years, Attorney takes first 3 years of proceeds, Costs to Litigate, etc... this could consume the entire settlement and all I've done is waste more time.

Worse, the "neighbor" could appeal and then I'd have to pay the 33.3% or the 40% and I have nothing because the neighbor appeals. Ugh.

Expert Witnesses on capacity, phone calls, paralegals, consultant fees, mileage.... and on and on.

What do I do??? Ugh. This is such a difficult decision and I'm the only one who can deal with this...

Thank you for your thoughts and no worries if you don't want to comment.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

First thing that popped into my head is, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" Do you value potential vindication through a very imperfect "justice" system more than you value your sanity?

You said it in your post. The neighbor knows the system.

Those who know the system work the system. Those of us who have to learn the system are at a big disadvantage.

Before throwing in the towel I would ask your attorney for a rundown of what the court fees are and to write you out some scenarios of what you could expect to win and what that would mean you "net."

You cant decide if it is worth it without knowing what your odds are (ask the attorney for a candid opinion --- ours was brutally honest but we crashed ahead on principle because we were naive and had "principle" on our side).

Yours in an interesting variation on this whole theme.

Please keep me posted.

Perhaps you would like to contribute to the book I am writng about my experience?

That goes to anyone/everyone who has commented here or read the stories but not shared their own.

Thanks.

MM


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

Thank you!

We think a lot alike - we've learned the same lessons on this strange journey, I can tell.

Your words: "Do you value potential vindication through a very imperfect "justice" system more than you value your sanity?" STRUCK ME LIKE LIGHTENING. Thank you!!!

I started building my "Pro's and Con's" list yesterday and it's looking like the Con's are winning!

Answer: I want someone in the legal system to tell me, "Yes, Diane you are right, the neighbors are horrible people, and the justice system will make it right and don't worry we make this as painless as possible"

We both know that will never happen. I have so many documents (medical records, emails the neighbor and their attorney sent me that would be incriminating, etc...) I had to start cataloging everything to remember where I had them stored/filed. But you still have to pay to get to the judge who makes the call. OMG, expert witnesses are so expensive... and all those attorney expenses (separate from their fees)..

I am also making my list of questions to ask attorney: my odds, clear definitions of "reasonable", can we move on and stop at Settlement or do we have to go to trial for a judgment, etc....

I'll let you know what I decide -

Lastly YES, I can share with you what I've learned on this journey and all the characters I've met along the way. Did I mention I went (for the first time) to a clairvoyant? That was one of the funniest and saddest experiences in this past year....


Sue 2 years ago

Wow! Could not believe this is so easy to do but now my eyes are open. My husband got a call yesterday from his ex-wife's family. They divorced over a decade ago & he hasn't talked to this part of the family for about 20 years. I'm not sure of the exact details but the vm said that the ex-wife became executor for crazy grandma & has now put every asset in her name. Apparently that leaves her own mother & aunt & numerous cousins out in the cold. They are thinking about filling a claim of elder abuse. They were calling to let me husband know that he wasn't the own one who has been screwed over by the ex-wife. He's gonna call them back & said if there's anything we can do (w/o his name on it) he'd be happy to help. And yes, the person in question is a narcissist with MAJOR control & entitlement issues. SO sad...


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

TBH, I don't think he should be dragged into that. Oh, wait w/o his name on it, but still, this is not his fight and certainly not yours. The rest of the family should cut her out of their lives completely, but if she has control/entitlement issues, it won't be easy, but the best thing they can do is live as happily as possible knowing that she can't touch them no matter how many assets she has.

Don't get me wrong, if they want to fight this, then more power to them. If they manage to win, even better, but I hope the Narcissist would be too crippled to retaliate.

The Hijack bitch I mentioned up thread? The only people she was unable to control were those that were independent of any inheritance and they were far away from her.


aspecht 2 years ago

Sadly typical of the modern shithole of ethics in the world today. Anyone who would try to pull a stunt like this should end up in a ditch with their skull bashed in. That would be the well deserved justice for this kind of sociopathic greedy ugliness.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Clairvoyant. Yes. I did that also. Do tell....:-)


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Sue,

The problem with the whole system is that when someone becomes the executor they are LEGALLY ENTITLED to put everything into their own name. The ex-wife becoming the executor for "crazy grandma" is sketchy. Who decided grandma was "crazy" so that ex-wife could pull this off? But once that is done, and the ex-wife does become the executor, she DOES put all the assets into her name "as executor of the trust of Grandma Z." That was our first sucker punch. When my SIL put all the assets in her name prematurely and suddenly the attorney was saying "We no longer represent Mom or the other beneficiaries. Only the new executor."

Ex-wife being executor may not mean your mother and aunt, etc. are out in the cold in terms of their inheritance.

It really depends on the honesty of ex-wife. Will she execute the trust/estate according to how Grandma set it out? Or will she screw Grandma out of her own money?

There may or may not be elder abuse. It could be legit in that Grandma needed a POA to take over her financial affairs because she really is crazy. Find out how that was proven, however. Did a doctor test her and certify her mental incompetence in writing???

Also find out who in the family has POA for medical. It would be better to have someone other than ex-wife in that role so there is some balance and division of power...

Good luck.

MM

P.S. Certainly not minimizing the potential awfulness of this situation in your family. If so many family members are upset and suspecting foul play, there is foul play.

If you want to pursue, go for Criminal Court.

Good luck...


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

There will always be good and evil, fighting for people's souls.

For every greedy sociopath there is another family member who is good and true and just wants to do the right thing regardless of the

money or the consequences. These are the people who get crushed.

I hope the greedy ones are happy with their power plays and the paltry money they get to steal. Is it worth an eternity of damnation?

I personally will never know because I got tested and my ethics were found to be solid.

Cheers.


Beverly Trussell 2 years ago

This article must have been written by my half sister and her husband....they did this to the tee. Quit claims signed a few minutes after my father died. Bought two motor homes one for them and one for my niece (their daughter) thanks moms money. My other sister and I are right in the middle of this mom died last year July and we found out how much the other sister (executor of my mothers will) stole....Hope her karma does to her what she did to my mother


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Beverly,

Welcome to our club. Nope. This was not written by your half-sister and her husband. Those people are way too busy scheming and plotting and scamming to sit down and write anything except forged signatures. This is intended to help others like ourselves.

Unfortunately, by the time any of us discovers to our horror that blood is NOT thicker than water the parent is dead and the money's gone or on its way into the lawyers' hands.

So sad and so unnecessary.

Arrrggh.

I hope you're right (and us too -- ALL of us here) and karma is the bitch everyone says it is!


Strahml 2 years ago

Mighty Mom,

I am the oldest of 4 siblings and close to retirement. Two of my sisters are the executors for my parent's estate. Mother is living but has dementia. There is a family business that is involved also owned by my parents. My spouse has been running the business and being the Cinderella that does the main work for 25 years since Dad retired. The business does very well. After Dad's death the family that I thought I knew became a nightmare. I've been sued, my extra business shares (The ones Dad gave to my husband in 2001) have been deleted by the executors, and the two executors (One with a computer password ALLFORME) now have everything in their names. Theft, lies, fraud, having Dad sign a mysterious 5th codicil while he was in Hospice care designed by a sister's divorce lawyer, not his lawyers, are just a few of the pieces and parts to this sad story. My lawyer only found because I was being sued says really in the end only the executors would win so not to try to use the legal system to help my situation. It would be a useless huge money situation.

All of this is still unfolding. Sad to see all of these hub page connections to this particular topic. However, I am relieved to have folks to chat with that understand. It is a painful experience and extremely complex. I am trying very hard to stay bitter free as I sort out my emotions and the facts. I am a Christian and prayer has been the source of my best help. I have had some Christian counsel too.

To date my spouse still runs the business. He is a company board member but the sister executors told him they can remove him at any time. My divorced sister took her husband's company board seat after she divorced and he left the company. The rules have changed now with the sisters' in charge and the company board seat that now belongs to my spouse will never be mine even though I will have equal shares with my siblings, I will not have a company vote because my shares will be to few.

To complicate things our adult child is working with my spouse in this family business.

God has not been surprised by any of this, even though I am. I am thinking of writing a book. All the characters will be easy to define because they are the real people I know. Every commandment has been broken by my three sisters so the book would have lots of plot and action of all kinds. One is on her 5th spouse. and the youngest told dad on his death bed that her spouse was harming her which is how she got him to change his will. Really, however, she had a boyfriend. The sisters each have their own agenda but are united by the money my spouse makes them from the business.

My spouse has always loved his job. Our child makes a good living. I am trusting God and leaning not to my own understanding as HE works this all out. Big Stuff!!! My thoughts for HOPE, JOY. and PEACE in your particular situation are with all of you.

JLG


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Strahml,

Welcome here. Yes, it is like our own little group therapy circle for victims of sibling financial sabotage. Who ever would have thought, eh?

Good for you for trying so hard to avoid bitterness. Your Christian spirit is showing and I mean that as a compliment. It also helps, doesn't it, that something positive is occurring in that your husband loves his job and the family business is now in third generation, too. That's a blessing right there. Until your evil (step)sisters realize that the business is making your hubby happy and yank it out from under him.

Not to be negative, but .... anyone with a password ALLFORME

will stop at nothing to cut everyone else out. My guess is, at the end, one evil sister will turn on the other.

BTW, I highly recommend the "Drunks, Debits and Debts" book. It will open your eyes and blow your mind. The 5 husbands thing is a big old red flag... Maybe you can look into declawing that sister through mental health means. Just sayin'.

I do agree with you that fighting legally is futile. My hubby and I were such idealists. We wanted to fight for justice. We found a disgustingly corrupt system that made my SIL's amateur thievery look like a kindergartner's handprint. Unbelievable.

I also hear you on the book idea. I wrote mine while the details were fresh. Have not taken action on it. This hub is as close as I've gotten.

Been five years. I've edged ever so slightly toward forgiveness, recognizing that at least we were able to accomplish our goal even though it cost us several thousand dollars and a family (apparently the family was not really a family anyway). I am worried about being sued for slander now. What little is left in our coffers after a lawsuit in which THEY used my MIL's money (how unfair is that?!!), I don't want to give up to THEM!

So think carefully. It would no doubt be cathartic, but maybe just leave it as written and not published...

Food for thought.

And please do keep in touch. I like your down to earth (rather than hysterical) attitude about it all. Faith will get you through. It always does. MM


Strahml 2 years ago

Mighty Mom,

Thanks for your post to me! Your kind comments have offered comfort! I will visit Amazon for "Drunks, Debits and Debts." I have read "Choked By the Silver Spoon." That offered some incite into the spoiled rotten syndrome that I now recognize in my sisters.

Yes, ALLFORME. What a password! Seems to say it all!

I will keep in touch and follow this hub. Faith will truly get us through!!!

Thanks again,

JLG


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Consider also that your sisters may be diagnosable narcissists. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

I've added a link to the Drunks/Debits book here, right above the comments. If you're going to buy it, please consider clicking from my hub. All profits go toward the "Della Schneider Legal Defense Fund" which should be paid off in approximately 2218:-).

Thanks.MM


bobbieoma54 2 years ago

Hi MM, I was on here in the past for my parents who past away and my older brother took almost all of the money and assets from me and my other brother and sister. I have a new scenario that happened to me that I wanted to alert people to before it is to late for them. My Nephew and his girlfriend were building a home on some property that I had helped them purchased because I am a good hearted person who believes in helping people. I had verbally loaned them money before and they paid me back but the next time they wanted money to help build the home I again gave them cash with a verbal agreement. My Nephew had bad credit and put all of the properties and other assets in the girlfriends name. You can already see how this is going to end. My Nephew had severe Sleep Apnea and his girlfriend is a Medical assistant and stole Xanax and gave it to my Nephew she waited 2 hours to call 911 and my Nephew passed away at 42 years of age. I did not have a signed loan agreement never imagining he would pass away or not pay me back. As you can see the girlfriend now owns everything and does not have to pay me back. My message to everyone EVEN IF ITS FAMILY get it legally done. This was my sisters oldest son. In the past 6 years we have lost our parents and my Nephew, my sisters son her from the GREEDY Sociopath's.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

I am so very sorry for the horrible "sadd"-on to your story. That is just awful. Waiting 2 hours to call 9-1-1?

Thank you for sharing it.

Folks: Heed the warning. EVEN IF IT'S FAMILY ...

do NOT trust them when it comes to $$$$.

Get all contracts in writing.

MM


bobbieoma54 2 years ago

Dear MM , Thank you


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

Dear Mighty Mom, I wanted to send you an update as it's so interesting to me how this has all played out... You may remember my mom died, the neighbor told no one in the family, the neighbor buried her, the neighbor told no one in the family, the neighbor inherited 100% of the estate but this time had to send a snail mail to a relative and did - but to a distant relative in another state. They ignored and did not comply with the single most important CA probate law - having an independent certified review when a caregiver is given more than $3K (but they received $1.5M +). I found an attorney who would take this on contingency - almost 4 months ago - and since then crickets. I have all medical records showing the neighbor restated the trust after my mom had a stroke (she lived 25 miles from me) But I'm busy working, raising a family/marriage, sending both children off to college - laundry (LOL) and all that goes with a busy mom's life.

So EVEN when you are right, find an attorney who will help you on contingency, find records showing the neighbors attorney is being sued for stealing another family's estate, find the neighbors blog about how my mom had no family, hire a private investigator who goes to the neighborhood where my mom lived and have proof they lied to the private investigator (they said they didn't know me but I have photos of me with them in the photos), etc... it means nothing because you need to have a lawyer who A. Will take your case on contingency B. Said lawyer does not have more important cases to litigate because you will keep going to the back burner (I don't blame the lawyer for this, OK, maybe I do a little bit) :-) THE ONLY REASON I DON"T take care of this situation with the neighbor the old fashioned way is I don't look good in prison garb (and I would NEVER cause anyone physical harm EVER!) but I now understand why people who are manipulated by the legal system could go a little crazy! I would love to hear how you are doing and if you want to send me an email how can I send you my email address privately? I have so much more, in terms of how horrible this legal system is!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

I think we've got the title of our book. "Even if..." Whaddaya think? LOL. Not really funny, but still.

The probate laws are written to favor whoever has the trust money or the POA over the person and "assume" they are acting in good faith in the incapacitated person's best interest. Big assumption. That they can also clean up financially in this little cottage industry is a bonus they probably did not expect when our Greatest Generation -- who were big savers, having lived through the Great Depression -- started dying off.

Ugh.

As to lawyers. Ours did not take the case on contingency. We paid hourly! We paid dearly! We will never know what coulda/shoulda/woulda been different if only he had ... or if we knew .... the point is, you can only work with the information you have at the time. By design of the system and those it feeds? I have become cynical enough to believe yes.

Totally agree that when this happens to you it DOES make you crazy. More than a little. Unless you have been through it you simply cannot comprehend. It's like a child dying. Others can be sympathetic but do not understand the pain on a gut level. Those of us who have lived through it get it.

Sure, I'd be happy to correspond privately -- you or anyone else who wants to take the discussion offline. I have actually met people who were duped by the same horrible team we got scammed by. These people were, last time I talked to them, completely consumed by anger and revenge. It's been 5 years now since this all started for us. My mother-in-law has been dead almost 2.5 years. Time does soften the edges. However, if I ever run into ANY of the players that did this, I have no guarantee I would not take one of the remaining sharp edges and poke it right into their eye.

But like you, I don't think orange is a fetching color on me. Definitely NOT a new black I would want to wear in Chowchilla prison!

Best and thanks for the update

MM

email me at: chezreid@sbcglobal.net


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

I like it "Even if you have all the proof you need.... Chances are you can't afford justice!" Every word you wrote in your reply resonates with me! It's a very odd club to be a part of, but I am so glad I found your hub, but so sorry for you that it has to exist.

You wrote above you are worried about slander - I was also worried about the same IN THE BEGINNING, but not anymore. Quite the opposite, I plant seeds whenever and wherever I can... For example the neighbor/caregiver aka the Dean's, who took everything told me in a meeting with their attorney our Mom loaded up all the family jewelry in a Large ziplock bag and "gave" it to another neighbor. SO, when I speak to any of the other neighbors I ask "The Dean's told me my mom gave away all our family jewelry, are you that neighbor?"

I recently received an update from the Cemetery that soon after the P.I. (hired by my atty.) was canvasing the cul-de-sac/neighborhood the Dean's finally purchased the plaque for mom's crypt (it's been a year and coincidentally they purchased it just now).

On the blog I found (the Dean's love to blog about themselves) the wrote about my mom's death and the title was "Good Times" and the first image on this entry is my mom's casket. It's the only image I have seen of her funeral... Anyway, in their blog there are photos of them having so much fun the night of my mom's funeral - and there is a photo of one of the Dean's performing what they call "couch dentistry". One of them is a dentist and he's practicing "couch dentistry" in the house 2 doors down from my mom's house (which they now own) and one of the teenage girls is holding a flashlight for the procedure on the couch.

Of course the Dean's took down all their blogs when I let them know how much our family enjoyed reading them - but I had already "print screened" everything and now the American Dental Assoc. has this blog and the photo of couch dentistry. Which is such a violation of not only ethics but the health codes :- )

I'll send the blog to you via Email - because a picture is worth a thousand words - I found all sorts of things they posted online - they are so happy now that their finances are set - but they left a wake of pain - they broke my aunt's heart, almost drove me crazy and they never looked back.

So they know I'm still at their heels - and I say bring it on - accuse me of slander and let's make this thing public! :-)

I wish there was a switch we could flip "OFF" - to all of this but as I'm sure you have too, I've learned some valuable lessons. At the end of the day it's not about how much you have or own, it's about how we treat and care for each other, and from what I see in the above string you've helped a lot of us - me included. Thank you!!!


smitty3ism 2 years ago

Hi MM,

Thank you for your time and efforts. It's really hard as you say for others to get this. You seem alien on some level to the world. My unconditional love for my daughter is the only thing that has been so deep in my heart that "no one" even this trust nightmare. Without her knowing, because she was so young then. She has been my saving grace as I've walk threw the valley of death. Thank God!

But it has made me so very angry, distrustful and taken what was my life literally, and that affected every other aspect of my life. If I hear, "You shouldn't, or can't let this get to you so deeply!" from one more person, like I did yesterday from the guy who hired me to prepare houses in others trusts estates for sale. (Don't ask how I got this job?) Hello...desperation!!!

This is the third time I've sat to write to you. I wrote for two hours and lost it all the first time. And the second my girlfriend woke up saw what I was doing and got angry with me!? So I erased it. Why? because she has had to endure three years of the insanity. She has helped me so much, but see's the futility of it clearly too.

So briefly now I'll just try and give you some highlights.

I/we (8 brothers and sisters, 15 grandchildren our kids, 1 stepmother her two daughters, and 1 greedy self serving eldest brother.) Have been dealing with our trust for 14yrs. It was millions, operating businesses in a General engineering construction company, a land development company with multiple holdings and LLC's in real estate, warehouses, etc.

As "the nice one" the mediator type, or seeming complete idiot? Depending on how and who you talk to in the family. (I was made the co-trustee, in the Greek tragedy.) My roll was to either go along with the lying cheating two of them. Oh and of course dad's Real estate broker/personal assistant/two faced thief /opportunist/deal me in user. Who played all of us to get written in the trusts.

The three of then caused the problem by deviously engineering a plot to pretend like Dad hadn't spent the last twenty-five years telling us what his trust was set up to do.

There plan was to subvert all that and what is left is...

A very expensive complete lie that we have to pay for.

I was the last little detail of there plan. But ended having to hire my own attorney's to try and save something akin to Dad's wishes. (That was a fantasy!) or join the five sibs who ended up litigating against them in the first round. (And risk a no contest clause) and end up with nothing. And I mean I was still a working foreman for construction company. Had 24yrs. in the union, had help work on and build most of the assets in the trust etc.

Anyway...There was a death bed signature. Stepmother and Oldest brother tried to steal all. First litigation 30 days after Dad's death. 18 months of the legal system and $500,000. later, out of our residual trust and we were only left 20 more major problems.

Five different successive co-trustees, multiple law suits from all directions from crap our oldest/partner brother had been doing for years, bankruptcies, over payments to stepmother, lying fee collecting lawyers and 4 yrs. later I get sued by the youngest brother who served as the last of those successor co-trustees and the latest of 7 different attorney's I'd had to hire to try and keep up with it all.

We haven't seen I dime since 2005. This brother and another sister who took my place have virtually lost millions more in their righteous attempts to do it my way. The law is a mere suggestion.

I only hope that this confusing little blurb of an email finds you and yours well. I guess I'm writing it to say? If you need good a story for a book, from what I've seen, the lawyers I had to ask and everyone who's heard what they can endure of the details of this mess a trusts cannot go more wrong than ours.

P.S. Even a precedence was set in California state law, in favor of the attorney's letting people sign trusts and wills 24hrs. before there death when Dad's lawyer was sued and won in appellate court. I understand it has changed again since then?

That's the readers digest version of my story.

Thx so much for your time.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

The more things change the more they stay the same. It doesn't matter if the trust is multi million $ or only $250,000 including the house. It doesn't matter if there are only 2 siblings involved or a whole host of brothers, sisters, grandkids and 'on the payroll bloodsuckers' as there were in your case. It doesn't matter if the elder in question is the scion of a dynasty of businesses or a woman with a 10th grade education. It doesn't matter.

Why? Because, as you say, the law is "merely a suggestion."

And the laws are set up to protect those who are the TRUSTEES. Who get to use trust assets to protect their wrong=doings! While us poor schmucks who are only trying to protect the stated wishes of our loved one -- wishes that are clearly written in the trust, btw -- have to use our own money (!!!) to hire lawyers who know darned well the score, but are happy to take our money because we don't know the score.

The only good thing I can say about my case is through dumb luck and perseverance and, I believe, maybe some karma, we were able to make it so everyone ended up with $0. It was better than letting the evil greedy sister or her evil greedy successor trustee the professional fiduciary have anything.

Greek tragedy is a good term for it.

Sorry you are yet another player in such a drama.

I hope you will feel free to come back anytime and even write a more detailed version if it makes you feel better. Getting all that VENOM out can be cathartic. The RAGE is just overwhelming. I know.

And if your girlfriend gives you any more guff about it, you send here here so she can see for herself that you are sooooooo not the only one this has happened to!!!

Good luck with your healing.

MM


Vengeance 2 years ago

So what do you do when US decides to end your tour on mother earth?


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

What does any of us do?


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

Dear MM and smitty3ism, as I read this blog and entries every story resonates with me in a way that words cannot describe. In my situation it was a caregiver/religious neighbor who believed this was "God's Will" to receive our family's inheritance but if it was God's will why wasn't I allowed to say my good byes? Why weren't there probate laws complied with? We all know. It's always about the money for those who have no soul OR none of this would happen. For me it was my inability to say my good byes...

To smitty3ism, I wish I had a nickel for every

time someone has told me to let this go... I want to, it's only hurting me, but something silly will trigger it - I hear someone call out "Mom" in the store and I realize I will never call out "Mom" again. I just don't understand what motivates others to be so greedy, damage family relationships and not think a thing of it. So odd.

I have tried to forget this - about 50+ times n the last year. What I can say is I'm HAPPY again, I won't let the actions of a loser dictate who I am and anyone who knows me will tell you I am more giving, more compassionate, more loving and most of all - a better person. This woke me up and I see things how they really are - not how I want them to be.

There's freedom in this, so square your shoulders, face this head on and don't let anyone get the best of you, EVER. If that happens they win.


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

Please tell me that "person" is no longer your neighbor.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

On a personal scale, going through this experience is like being in a war. It is simply unimaginable in unnatural ways.

Parents get old and die -- and that's natural.

Parents leave estates to their families (children, grandchildren, etc.). That is natural.

It gets f'd up because in the course of a natural process -- getting old and dying -- parents get sick and frail and VULNERABLE. Different parties have different ideas about their care. And of course some have dollar signs in their eyes.

You really get to see how differently your family members feel about

ttheir obligation to care for mom and dad.

When the squabbling begins and the DUPLICITY you feel betrayed without a place to turn. It is the worst feeling in the world (up to now).

It is not a simple loss. It is complicated and multi-layered.

Here is what I would tell those who are being told "Get over it."

Counter back with "Would you tell a parent who had lost their child to get over it? Would you tell a soldier back from the horrors of the war to get over it? If you don't understand and cannot empathize with this situation, then please keep your opinions to yourself. And God help you if you find yourself one day in this position. Because you won't be so quick to "get over it" when it happens in your family. Trust me."

Arrgghhh.

Meanwhile, those of you who are here DO get it. And that's comforting to me and, I believe, to those who come and share here.

Hi Waterlily!


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 2 years ago

Mighty Mom thank you thank you thank you for putting into words what seems to be a big portion of my life the past 5 years or longer to know the truth. I just read your article today and it resonates with my situation.

My sister and her husband had been laying the groundwork with my parents longer than I wanted to admit to gain financial and physical control of my parents. Abusing me like in your article using my love for my parents and my sense of justice/fairness to do what my parents wanted for both my sister and I against me. They not only gained control of my Mother first. Our father in his fear of having the same fate as Mother who was living in their home (later nursing home)three hours from most friends and family changed his POAs to 4 people outside of our immediate family. This still did not stop my sister and her husband to gain control of our father as his POAs medically and our father retained one of his POAs financially that was intimidated by my sister and husband when they did come to her home 3 hours away with our father in tow. (Usually they spent Father or Mom's credit cards and the Financial POA paid month bills left by my Father and cash on demand when they brought my father to her home.) At the time of the POA change to my sister and her husband, our father was deemed incompetent by 2 or more doctors. $800 for a lawyer to play doctor and undeem is cheap don't you think?

I had called for both of my parents' protections from DHS to which my sister and her law enforcement officer husband told them I was creating sibling rivalry and DHS brushed it off. Our mother did get placed in a nursing home and out of their home (Through financial intimidation they got our mother to agree to stay in a nursing home near them away from family and friends.) after she called my father and I begging to get out of their care and back to her hometown area. But my sister and brother-in-law used HIPPA laws and guardianship/POA laws to deny me any information of first my Mother's health and later doing the same with our father. The list goes on and on even now as both parents have passed and I am executor of my father's estate (One of few positive of my story except my sister is using the legal system to keep the probate court going for 3 years now) . I suggested to others about writing a book on the subject if I have not already on this blog.

I will not find justice for my parents abuse at the hands of my own sister and brother-in-law. My parents are in a better place free of abuses and manipulation. I have two more things to finish for them and that is to go to court to follow through both wills that both my sister and I get a fair inheritance as they wished and to pay my experience forward so others do not have to go through the same things my immediate family and I have. I go to court trial in a few weeks so I am hoping after 3 year one part will move toward some closure finally. Maybe this share might be count as part two of pay it forward.

I take courage by knowing other fine people are going through the same struggles with their loved ones but too wish there were not so many of you out there that understand. This is not a club you want to belong to but I am glad Mighty Mom that you open your heart to share and blog about this ugly crime that still gets swept under the rug.

I have posted your article again on Facebook but I still fear that many of my friends and family still do not understand this is not a sibling rivalry and can happen in anyone's family. Hopefully this helps someone?! Thanks for letting me share my long winded story.


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

Hello, Mighty Mom.

Wow...LaIa, I feel for you. I hope things get better for you and the sooner you get rid of your sister and brother-in-law, the better. I wish there can be a way to throw money/boons at people who have been victims of this shit.


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 2 years ago

dianec2007 -

You brought up is people saying get over it and the system letting your family and you down.

I can relate a to trying to get over it but it is so hard in my case that my sister and her husband continue to bring up more court issues and drama to discourage and control me even after both my parent have passed. I go to court again this week with probate court 3 + years in the running due to legal delays and roadblocks mainly produce by my sister and husband's lawyers. In the meantime, my sister and her family are taking their time cleaning out my parent's house of items they want to pillage out of our parents' estates the past 3+ years and still do it at their leisure (few more items to go). My sister and her family have taken enough to go to Civil Trial Court ($30,000 + estimated items gone) even though the estates are not very big and was to be auctioned or sold split equally between us siblings by both parents' wills. Court has not officially distributed any property to anyone or have I as executor. That is what this trial is for this week. It is hard when they are showing blatant disrespect for the law and our parents to " let it go" as several tell me to do and not hold them accountable. But yet nobody in the system (courts or law enforcement) prevent my sister and her husband from stealing from the estate so they continued as it is their right to have it all. In a slow in your face manner not just take it all and run. Hopefully, this court trial will be a "no" to them but I am not holding my breath. I will try once more to hold them accountable though for their actions in the courtroom. Fall seven times, stand up eight.-Japanese Proverb.

dianec2007 I can imagine how you have to deal with someone outside of your family taking control and the system allowing it to happen to your love one. You almost want to say to the people who tell you to give up on it already...How far would you go or feel if it was your parents involved? or telling them "Walk in my shoes... can you just let it go so simply as people suggest you to do?"

It does not hurt any less family or not hurting your loved one but we have a very broken system that is allowing this to happen through lawsuits and "hot potato". ( Pass the issue to someone else or do nothing and hope it goes away from my case load.) Complacency is the word I have for many protective agencies out to protect the elderly and their family. Complacency hurts a lot of people though when you are suppose to a person's advocate.

Had someone said "No" to the people mistreating our loved ones as was their job I wonder how different things could have been? A question that will never be answered for me and I hope not asked by many more in the future.

Sorry about another long venting...

Take care Mighty Mom, dianec2007, waterlily13 (thanks for the wishes) and others on here! Sorry to all again another venting by me.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

LaLaJo -- You are welcome to come here and vent anytime you feel the need. That is what it is really for. I hope in my heart the our collective experience may help some poor sibling (or simply dutiful family member as sometimes it is NEIGHBORS who betray) to avoid the misery.

Problem is, we did not see this coming. And no one knows how the laws do NOT work (they don't -- simply put) until we are emroiled in the legal battle of our lives.

I am just glad your parents are out of pain and suffering at the hands of their ungrateful, greedy kids.

That gives us peace in the end as well.

But I say "in the end" because time does heal -- slowly. Very slowly.

Anyone who tells you to get over it does not get it.

Tell them thanks for the advice you will take it under advisement.

LOL

God help all of us.

At least we have each other. And that's really something!


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 2 years ago

:) Thank you!


Dianec2007 2 years ago

Dear LaIa Jo, I really appreciate you taking the time to write about your experience (Mighty Mom you know how much I appreciate you!) and yes, this system is so broken! People who tell me to let it go are telling me this because:

A. Are in the legal profession and know I don't have a chance or that it will consume years of my time away from my family, golden retriever :-) and my work.

B. They really don't care and that's all they have to say to shut me up.

C. They are people who do care about me, know how much I care for everyone around me and don't want to see me hurting any longer. And they too know I don't have a chance at justice.

Justice to me isn't about the money, it's about they way they treated me and my 2 children, which of course had a negative impact on my husband, father of my 2 children. Horrible people is all those neighbors were - they told so many lies to cover their tracks that other neighbors were all told different things about why the house is now theirs.

My mom's neighbor who did this works for the City of San Diego (H.U.D.) and KNOWS the laws and loop holes of our terrible system. He was armed with information and strategically played me like a fiddle. In other words, he knew how to execute his plan so that I would be in shock at hearing the news of my mother's death, aka blindsided, and their attorney lied and misled me to believe she was going to help ME. Ha! Was I a sucker or what? And because I didn't find out for 30+ days, had no information on what was real and what wasn't - the clock had started ticking - in terms of legal action. Not only was I "not protected" by Probate laws, but beat up mentally with my first experience EVER with the legal system. And so sad that my mother was dead. Ugh.

So I'm hoping I can forget this, I know it's been easier, 10 months ago I couldn't leave my house and used up a lot of vacation time from work for what was not really a vacation :-)

My biggest complaint to mom's neighbor, was regardless of what y0u tell me my mother said, or what you tell me her wishes were, (after a debilitating stroke) why didn't you call me so I could usher her into her next phase with the love that only a daughter can provide (I'd been working for her love and approval all my life). Well, we all know why they didn't call... and that's what irritates me the most. They robbed me of saying my good byes... That to me is also a crime.

I have searched for over a year and I have yet to find a single photo of this neighbor with my mom, not 1.

The fact that all 3 entities in this Bermuda legal triangle (Police/D.A. Elder Abuse/Probate Attorneys) aren't connected - it what makes this crime so easy and possible for her neighbor, to take advantage of this situation. That is what is criminal and frankly, typical of government agencies (who gladly take my tax dollars) and at Profit Law Offices aka Lawyers.

LaIa Jo, I'm lucky, I have friends who are ex-CEO's of companies, my boss (an amazing human being) who is in the legal profession and others who I respect and they all helped me through this with advice and what my next step should be, etc. But the bottom line is - unless you want to give up YEARS of your life and money, lots of money, you have to let it go (in terms of the legal recourse) because the only people who win in this are the lawyers. And of course my mother's neighbor, but see above for resolution. I can't give them anymore of my time. Life is too short.

MightyMom, you wrote this to me in a previous post:

First thing that popped into my head is, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" Do you value potential vindication through a very imperfect "justice" system more than you value your sanity?

I didn't fully understand this as much as I do now, you're more experienced at this and I should have trusted you then, I get it NOW. And I choose HAPPY! xoxoxox


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

Sorry, I forgot to log in to respond - now I'm logged in. LOL!


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

well, some say that the best revenge is living well and treating those who've wrong you with nothing but icy contempt like they're just dirt.

Painting murals on the house is also an option. ;) I knew someone who did that to make the house unsellable.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Our strategy has been to completely ice out the entire family. The immediate perp and any/all she spread lies to. No one bothered to question her ridiculous story at the time. No one stopped to think of the moral fibre of my husband and go "Of course he would never be in this for the money, hes simply a dutiful son." They turned their back and stuck their heads in the sand.

There is no way we could ever get the Evil Witch to admit her actions. DEnial is part of her disease. And that's the way it is.

I'm at the point now -- 5 years past the beginning 5-- that they don't cross my mind hardly ever. When their name does come up instead of a pang of hatred I just move on to the next thought.

I do make sure we have no actual contact.

It's not easy to have given up an entire family. But on the other hand,

to have to "fake nice" on holidays, etc. is not worth it.

I would rather spend those holidays with my family who didn't stab us in the back.

As to the professional sharks -- we now have learned our lesson.Thre erally is no good lawyer to help u. No honest judge. No APS or social services org that is not going to see this is as a "the siblings are fighting and we don't know which one is the good one or the bad so our best option is is to remove Mom or Dad and put her/him under the care of a profesional shark. Don't even get me started on guardians and fiduciaries... Arrggghh.

Meanwhile, we have our lovely little FREE therapy group here.

It works for me and I feel like I have gotten to know many of you like sisters!

MM

P.S. Painting the house to make it unsellable -- brilliant!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Our strategy has been to completely ice out the entire family. The immediate perp and any/all she spread lies to. No one bothered to question her ridiculous story at the time. No one stopped to think of the moral fibre of my husband and go "Of course he would never be in this for the money, hes simply a dutiful son." They turned their back and stuck their heads in the sand.

There is no way we could ever get the Evil Witch to admit her actions. DEnial is part of her disease. And that's the way it is.

I'm at the point now -- 5 years past the beginning 5-- that they don't cross my mind hardly ever. When their name does come up instead of a pang of hatred I just move on to the next thought.

I do make sure we have no actual contact.

It's not easy to have given up an entire family. But on the other hand,

to have to "fake nice" on holidays, etc. is not worth it.

I would rather spend those holidays with my family who didn't stab us in the back.

As to the professional sharks -- we now have learned our lesson.Thre erally is no good lawyer to help u. No honest judge. No APS or social services org that is not going to see this is as a "the siblings are fighting and we don't know which one is the good one or the bad so our best option is is to remove Mom or Dad and put her/him under the care of a profesional shark. Don't even get me started on guardians and fiduciaries... Arrggghh.

Meanwhile, we have our lovely little FREE therapy group here.

It works for me and I feel like I have gotten to know many of you like sisters!

MM

P.S. Painting the house to make it unsellable -- brilliant!


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

Mighty Mom, you have your head on straight and I'm happy to be a part of this club.

Here is what I know for sure - if relatives in your family/friends don't drop what they are doing to help you (either by talking it out or helping paint the murals), then they don't get to be in your amazing presence. Period. There is power in knowing who you can rely on and who you cannot. You no longer have to listen to their boring stories or jibber jabber about their life - you have more time to focus on your beautiful life. Personally, I have had so much weight lifted off of my shoulders as I know longer care about the fringe people. I have started a fun hobby (other than working, raising a family, taking my dogs to the beach, etc...) and I LOVE IT! I also retrieved family ancestry items that include my grandmother's journals from the early 30's into the 40's and these are priceless. I read about her life almost everyday - I'm so selective about who I give my time to - Time is our life's currency and unless someone is in the circle of trust - Buh Bye! LOL! I love this therapy group, you make a great ring leader! Note, you may want to check to see if the house has camera's and here's a thought, how about paying a group of high school kids to TP it and use Mustard as glue! LOL. I'm In!


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 2 years ago

@#$$%%^^&&****())! AAAARGGGGH...so ticked off! I put trust in the system again and got what I should have expected, another delay and let down.

I have been trying to close my parents' estates fairly with my sister and her family still taking their time pillaging because the court are delaying and the sheriff's department told us both they do not want to be involved with this family matter, " take it to court" (even though I am sole executor of the estate and responsible). The house has been setting vacant with probate items (Except when my sister and her husband are there going through things they want and to taking it to their house.) until the items and house are allowed by court to be sold. Closing these estates will end any ties with those people so I can forgive and move on in a positive way far away their control.

We are on over 3+ years now in probate court, 1 1/2 years trying to hold a Civil Trial, and years before of their bullying abuse with and without my parents involved. This is the second delay in this past year on the court system (not even my sister's fault)...June no judge available to hear the case and tomorrow's hearing due to too many court cases schedule for the space so I was bumped again. My husband and I lost work days for the days in court and getting our mountain of stuff organized to present in court.

The biggest punch is that now we wait another couple of months to do this again?! I am in too deep now to let it drop and that is what my sister wants. Also, I have to get my few witnesses (most family and friends have a tendency to ask me why my sister gets away with it...really like I know why and you don't step up?) to reschedule yet again not knowing if once again we will be bumped from the schedule or my sister will again start her delay tactics.

One bright light is I have 3 people who care enough about my parents and me to stand up and share what they know of my sister and her husband in court but for how long with the delays is the question.

Mighty Mom you did say I could vent but you did not know you opening a door to a very frustrated sole. But that being said I thank you all for being such good commiserators.


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

Well, try not to give up. One case I read on Something Awful took four years, but he managed to win against a toxic aunt.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

What is Something Awful? Is it something we should be linking to here?

Glad to hear of a WIN for someone, at least.

Thanks, waterlily.

MM


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

Something Awful is a comedy site that has a large, and very diverse message board. Every once in awhile one there'll be some great threads. He posted in one about identity theft and he started out giving advice about how to handle lawsuits("If it seems important, it is"). He helped out a great deal and then told his story about inheritance hijacking.

I wouldn't recommend liking the board here since it's not a family-friendly site, but I can find the thread/comment and link it for you, if you want.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thanks, waterlily.

It might be good to have some humor around the subject.

God knows the topic is not "family-friendly" -- quite the opposite. LOL


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

This is the part of the thread in question: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?th...

You need an archive account to see it, but if you ever decide to buy one, there's where ZoSoZodiac's story begins. I'll go ahead and quote it here(He's talking to the OP of the thread. Her own father stole her identity with student loans):

"Just read this thread from the beginning and had several memories of my own case like this. Mine was more complicated due to fraud regarding a Will and theft. It's too long to explain what happened but it took 4 years and about 4 lawyers and $20K in fees to resolve. I don't think your case will be this long or expensive but I can mention a few pieces of advice I learned.

1. If you think it's important, then save it. Don't ask your lawyer if it is, if you think it's important, send it to him with context. If he dismisses it, fine, but you'll be surprised when they later connect it with another dot later. As you are finding it probably twice as bad as what you already know.

2. I think you already figured this out, but lawyers can't be expected to tell you what needs to be done. It took me two years of frustration before I learned to do things on my own and use my lawyer as a hammer when I encountered resistance. I learned to come up with my own angles of attack and then ask my lawyer for advice on how to do it. If I got resistance, I'd call the lawyer and tell him to make it happen. This will save you money doing what you can on your own and also stress from not fighting battles that will be easier handled by your hired gun. My relationship with my lawyers improved immensely once I took this angle they I felt I was getting what I paid for.

3. When family is involved, shit gets intense and personal. I was devestated and confused many times by the shit family would say. You got fucked, take back what is yours. People have said it multiple times to you in this thread and I know I heard it a lot too during my fight but I still kept waffling sometimes until something shitty was done to me. When I look back at my fight my only regret is the times I did waffle or didn't pull the trigger on doing something wondering if I shouldn't do a "mean" thing to a family member.

4. If they did it once, they'll do it again. It seems more likely with your case but I learned when they do it once because they don't care, they'll do it again out of malice.

You seem to be excellent at being pro-active and determined to fight. What you keep calling anal is me wishing I was that pro-active and organized at the start of my fight. Maybe it wouldn't have been 4 years and 20K.

My lawsuit utterly destroyed my relationship with most of my family. Basically what happened was the circumstance of my grandparents Will was conducted fraudulently to try to avoid paying my Mother, sister and me a significant portion of money because an Aunt of mine felt we didn't deserve it, she did.

My Mother started the lawsuit and made me swear if anything ever happened to her, I'd see it through. Well, she died about a year into it so I did as promised with my own money.

All my Dad's family is dead and my Mom side was huge. They all cut me off. I don't know your family but I was seriously unprepared for who took which side and the nasty shit that would be done to me as a consequence.

If you see this through when you finally get to the other side, you won't want to have a relationship anymore with your Dad, probably ever. It took a few years for it to sink in for me what exactly happened. It wasn't a fight I wanted, I just felt I had to do the one thing my Mom asked me to do.

Later I realized heritage is something everyone deserves. The fight wasn't really about money, I spent more then half of what I got in the fight. I do not regret fighting for it, I think the minute you let someone walk over you like this, family or not, you lose respect for yourself. I think it's an easy temptation to let family screw you over versus a stranger.

If you are anything like me, you'll waffle a lot more and this will stress you out more then you realize. If I was in your shoes, besides protecting myself and undoing all the damage I could, I would sue your Dad with a civil suit. You are obviously spending a lot of time fighting this and your time is worth money.

I remember at the end of my suit, I had to sit a mediation table across from my Aunt to finalize a settlement. I never saw someone so scared, visibly terrified and unable to speak with out stammering. This was someone paying for a crime. It was the moment that made it all worth it.

If you sue your Dad, you'll have to face that same thing and while it's horrible maybe you'll feel like me and that will be the defining moment on why you fought for yourself. He's not family anymore, he's a person that used his relationship to screw you over for his own benefit."


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

LaIa Jo and all who are still battling it out - I KNOW what you are going through and in the beginning thought this would be the hill I would die on.... fight the good fight. Your comment " I am in too deep now to let it drop and that is what my sister wants" Please ask yourself this question, Am I willing to give up 3 more years of my peace of mind and happiness? I KNOW that is hard to hear/read. We are all here on this planet for such a short time - no one gets out of this alive! And while it's terrible what your sister is doing, how amazing would it be for you to just walk away and not look back?

Is this issue the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? Is it the last thing you think of at the end of every day? PLEASE consider this, TIME is your life's currency and you are spending it on a negative horrible situation, even when you have all the PROOF you need - you still have to go through the gauntlet of the legal system and then what? Collect on a judgment? Another year of ????

Are you really in too deep to get out? Or are you sacrificing your life?

Take the bull by the horns, get your life (aka your fortune) back in the only way you can - walk away. If you mean it's how much $$$ you've invested that prevents you from walking, how much more are you willing to spend? Both in terms of $$ and your life's currency?

http://positivepause.com/index.html

If you do decide to continue, do it with style and grace.....


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 2 years ago

Thanks everyone for the responses..since blogging a couple days ago. I have pulled myself together and lived by my motto of late "Fall seven times, stand up eight.-Japanese Proverb". You might say what for...

waterlily13 showed a thread from a blog that read...

"Later I realized heritage is something everyone deserves. The fight wasn't really about money, I spent more then half of what I got in the fight. I do not regret fighting for it, I think the minute you let someone walk over you like this, family or not, you lose respect for yourself. I think it's an easy temptation to let family screw you over versus a stranger."

I have let go over guardianship of our father battling my sister in the past. I was requested by his POAs, requested by him to be outside of the immediate family so he would not be subject to my sister and her family's care (like she was doing with our mother at the time too), to get guardianship of my father when he was deemed incompetent. My sister and her husband were manipulating our Dad by constant phone calls and visiting in the nursing home that in a 3 week period only 5 days they did not make a physical appearance. Those 5 days they were on the phone with him more than 20 times. (Later the nursing home filed abuse charges on my sister and her husband to DHS about them coming into their facility and manipulating/verbal abusing our father but DHS did not follow though.). Add that my sister and her husband paid a lawyer $800 for his time to undeem my father to change POAs to them and they dragged our Mother (out of her nursing home near my sister and her husband's ) several times for days at a time, the 3+ hours one way. I knew I had to drop the guardianship hearing because I knew I was in a losing battle and my parents' were caught in the middle. I loved them too much to continue without the help from the proper authorities... I felt I needed to fall on the sword so to speak. I knew I did my best for them both but I dropped the guardianship case. My sister and brother-in-law took full control of both parents.

My sister and her husband saw this as a win in control not only of my parents but of me as well. They believe to just keep it going and I will give up or anyone there to help will give up as well. (I am finding out that this strategy actually does work for them in many situations. I am hoping this is not one of them.) But they forget this time they do not have my parents to blackmail me with. They also are procrastinators and although I have some evidence that they tried to change at least our Mother's will, both official wills left things split the estates equally between my sister and I.

I had one other positive in the estates in that I was assigned executor of our father's estate. That is what I meant by "being in too deep". If I quit the money for all of this may come out of my own pocket (like my lawyer for guardianship hearings) rather than retribution from my sister who could still be held accountable at least for her estate dealing. (that is my hope still as of yet.) This is the case trying to get resolve at the civil trial stage because my sister and her family openly admit almost all stuff was gifted to them by Mom or Dad to the tune of over $10,000.

I see this as a win if I can close this estate without quitting which is what my sister expects me to do. She has been putting up roadblock every step of the way before and after my becoming executor. Her lawyer even went as far as saying " Your sister let you become executor." even though I know she and her husband were visibly in disbelief that they were not put in charge and continued to try to exert their control several times since.

Closing this estate out (happy with the result or not) will not get justice for the abuses done to my parents but it will be a clear "Don't #### with me or my family now or in the future. I will not give up and I am not a vulnerable adult so bring it on. You will not bully me or my family anymore. No matter how long it takes." When the estate closes many strings will be cut that I do not have to encounter or be associated with them and their crazy actions as is well know in my outer family and my small hometown who are watching this like a mini soap opera. I can then forgive my sister and brother-in-law for this conduct too. I will have pity because people that warped will punish themselves far worse than anything I could dish out to them. I , thank goodness live in another state too and should not have to worry about being in any of their fallout in the future that I am sure will come. A leopard doesn't lose their spots when they get cleaned up. They show up again. My sister and her husband have been living on the money taken from our parents and spending it like water. Who are they going to get it from when this money is gone? I know it will not be me or my family. I do fear for some other vulnerable person get in their crosshairs though.

As alway thanks again Mighty Mom , dianec2007, waterlily13 for listening. :)


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

"Don't #### with me or my family now or in the future. I will not give up and I am not a vulnerable adult so bring it on. You will not bully me or my family anymore. No matter how long it takes."

Personally, I think you're doing the right thing and you know your enemy quite well. That helps a great deal.

"I know it will not be me or my family."

Make sure it stays that way. People like your sister don't go quietly after being cut off.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

I just love the spirit and resilience on here. I sure wish I had written this or found a blog like it when were were in the midst of our battle.

The damage is done. The relationships can never, ever be repaired. It's not us that caused it to be so.

But at least we know one thing -- our hearts are pure and our hands are clean.

That is sooooo much more than having someone else's money we have stolen to go through like water. Or to pretend, like my SIL did, that you're only doing "What Mommy and Daddy wanted" (which was the polar opposite of what was written in their trust).

Anyway, I don't want to get myself riled up again today.

It -- they -- are not worth it.

My word of the day is FORGIVE. It's not for THEM, it is for ME.

My holding toxins inside because ot them does not hurt them but does hurt me. They hurt themselves enough because they are miserable, despicable people. They can NEVER, EVER be happy even if they could steal all the money in the world. On some level they MUST know they are dishonorable. They dishonored their own parents. What worse betrayal is there in the world? None.

waterlily -- My SIL went away quietly but only because WE cut OURSELVES of from the entire family. It is painful, but that was my husband's decision. Which we still live with.

I live with because I love him.


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

Yea, a scorched earth policy is what it takes sometimes.


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 2 years ago

waterlily 13 and Mighty Mom-

I do anticipate my sister and her family not going away quietly either when all is done. But after the estates are finally taken care of I am thankful to be living 4 + hours away in another state and should be able to not have many more direct contact except at family events.

My relatives know exactly what type of people my sister and her family are but steer clear of the situations between us to avoid being brought into the drama. It is frustrating how one minute the relatives ask me why my sister and family acted that way toward Mom and Dad (their brother or sister) and get away with it. I asked them to join together to stop what was going on they would respond, "We do not want to take sides." I have to respect though they are trying to getting sucked into the drama between us but I do not have to like that they did not step up for their brother or sister when they could have. I do believe though they would not promote getting my sister and I into any warm fuzzy reunions in the future. So I do not have to worry about encountering her at most family events. Even so my sister and her husband have a right to be at the family event too but I will not have a problem holding my head up high there having nothing to do with them directly.

I just wished to hear your family circle Mighty Mom was a bit more reasonable so your husband had at least one sibling to bond with. But if that bond is toxic or feeds information to the family member who victimizes, scorched earth policy as waterlily13 stated is probably the best policy. Your husband and your family can live a normal life away from the drama or having not to worry your SIL is looking for more control and drama involving you. It sounds like you have found that out already though. Hopefully living the good life of normalcy (or more reasonable life drama).


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

I so relate to what you say about other family members knowing all about what's going on, not approving of it, but still not wanting to get involved in the drama or take sides. That's exactly like our family. But my husband is such an idealist he cannot accept that others would do nothing or say nothing. In his mind that is the same as condoning it.

But it's all past now. We have gotten used to having no interaction with that whole side of the family.

What is really unfortunate is there was another sibling, a middle sister. She died prematurely in 2000. If she had been alive, trust me, NONE of this nonsense would have gone on. She would have protected her parents and not allowed the other sister to pull her crap trying to take the money and toss her mom in a home against her will (and the trust).

I commend you for being able to attend family events and hold your head up high. If we were to go to a family event I am afraid my husband would end up with an assault charge or maybe even murder.

For me, I know I would walk right up to her and spit in her face.

Terrible, isn't it?

Just when I think I'm done and have "forgiven" I know I really never will.

Here is a funny thing that happened today. I got a request from the daughter of the evil fiduciary that she wants to connect with me on LinkedIn. Is she nuts? I'm not connecting with her on LinkedIn! I don't want her having access to anyone I know so she and her corrupt family can try to steal their money and hurt their families. When I saw the request I did not know whether to laugh or cry.

But had to share with my buddies here. I knew you all would get a laugh out ouf it.

MM


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

"Terrible, isn't it?"

Not really. It's not worse than what Isabeau did in Ladyhawke. She had nothing but icy contempt for the Bishop who almost ruined her utterly. Too bad it almost got her killed. Thank god her lover was there.


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 2 years ago

MM- Totally get it. I would love to be able to connect with my nephews (sister's sons) but what do you say to them. Your parents are A###oles? They, I believe think I am the one victimizing their parents. One nephew also has some learning disabilities that leave me to fear he may be a future victim of his own parents but that it out of my control to help.

On the other hand, I do believe my sister and her husband have trained their sons well and some day when they are elderly will be taken care of by the sons they trained. Karma is a ......

MM are smart to not even entertain friending the daughter on social media. I saw that when it happen in my situation that my sister and husband were probing because they could not stand to not know what was going on with my family (I truly believe they are jealous when things would go well for my family because their family doesn't know what peace and normality means.) and to my sister/BIL having information was /is control. They even went as far as having their minor son friend me on FB which opened my FB account for them to see through his account for a day until I made sure to block her whole family on FB.

I totally am LOL because people think your husband MM will physically fight his victimizer. Many think I will physically fight my sister if we are in the same place. I know better first because I am a teacher and I promote settling things in a peaceful manner to my students. I practice what I preach but not to say I would not physically confront someone if my life or the life of someone was physically threatened. (I have broken up enough fist fights in the school setting in my teaching career. Too many and it is not my thrill to do so.) I just say which I believe to be true...”I do not need to fight my sister physically. I know I can take her and I don't need to prove it."

I believe your husband could be feeling the same with his victimizer and in my case my sister/BIL want to see me lose it especially with court cases pending. So I say in both situations let them provoke but with no effect, "We know we can take 'em" but let them look foolish and I (we) are not the ones who hurt our loved ones. That holds power in itself. I (we) can hold our head high at a family event and enjoy the event.

Besides at my Dad's funeral preparations, I already stood up to them when I had to when they lost it on me and I did not back down. I had my sister/BIL get in my face calling me names and trying to rip up paperwork just because I was asked to some sign paperwork by the funeral home director. BIL (AKA Robo- Cop) stood in my way to walk out of the room in an arm folding guard stance. I believe he was doing his puffer fish move to look intimidating. I looked him in the eye and said, "Move!" To which he did and continued to name call me. I responded with “Your nothing but a Big, Bully!" and walked away as he continued to try to provoke. I could take him too if I wanted. (wink)

MM just remember too if they have no information they cannot use it against your family. Your judgment to not open up information to the daughter might be wise or use with caution. My tricky part is that I may talk to my family but I will have to be guarded with some family members if I think that information will get back to my sister and her family too.


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

LalaJo, waterlily13 and MM, question, is it easier to fight your own family, or as in my case, battle a religious neighbor , a real pillar in the community, who excluded our entire family?

Had I known then what I know now, the outcome would be completely different. But really how many times do you lose a parent? And no one calls you? And everything is kept secret from you....

When I first learned of my mother's death and read the neighbors blog "there was no family" I thought OMG, did they forget I live 30 miles away? Did they forget they knew me? (I have photos of me with THEM)

I seriously thought this was an oversight. And their attorney, seemed so nice. Ha! So how could it be? Oh, it be....

They were so prepared and so good, to this day I still have not seen the trust they restated after our mother's stroke. Let me write that one more time AFTER HER STROKE and without the proper legal docs required to validate the restating. I was so naïve, and in shock, and afraid. I don't know what I was afraid of but these people were caustic. Took advantage of me during my grieving and my lack of knowledge of probate law.

But who could I turn to? I was alone and they banked on that - no pun intended... but they did, literally and figuratively.

If you are fighting this with the $$ from the estate then more power to you. Just know the lawyers will be the biggest winners - but the good news is it will diminish your sister's inheritance.


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

I've never been in this situation myself, but I think it's easier to fight non family as it's easier to consider them frauds and scam artists. You also won't likely deal with problems from your own family/circle. There simply isn't as much stigma fighting a neighbor as it is family.

However, if he was a real pillar of the community, it would be difficult for people to believe you unless they were already friends/ close family of yours. If you have no proof, then there's not a whole lot you can do. You could try suing for libel/slander.

You were basically taken advantage of by scam artists and you can bet they've done this before and will do it again.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Amen (and that has NOTHING to do with the so-called pillar of the community "religious" neighbor). Just right on.

I imagine it would be easier to fight someone not in the family. The family -- no matter what -- will just want the fighting to stop and for harmony to prevail. They will not take sides.

But if it's an outsider, at least you have a shot at the entire family banding together. Fat lot of good that does when fighting a real scam artist. Waterlily is right. These people knew exactly what they were doing. And will be judged at their precious pearly gates if not by the law here and now.

Also have to agree that whether you are fighting this with the estate's money (bully for you if so) or with your own money, as we were, the LAWYERS are the real winners. They play on the fighting and make money on it. Don't even get me started on them. Especially the "mediators" and "guardian ad litems" who serve n o useful purpose on earth. SCUM.


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 2 years ago

dianec2007- I just can not understand why your "holier than thou"neighbor would not have been busted easier than being able to use the excuse it is just a family bickering over the money. My sister uses the sibling rivalry excuse all the time because people do not want to get into a family affair. Most people also can not believe or allow themselves to believe my sister and her husband were that horrible to our own parent/s. Even when the truth is staring frinds and family in the face.

But dianec2007 it does not make it any easier because we both have people attacking our parents emotionally, financially, and in some cases physically. The question really is how far would you go for your parents when you feel they are endangered? Family or neighbor....I know we all did our best for our parents. We love our parents and want their memory/wishes honored and will not let the victimizers continue to beat us up or if we can help it to other people as well. The sad fact is that they will continue to victimize because it is out of our control to stop it. But as stated by both MM and waterlily13 when they meet their maker they can not hide their wrongs. We can meet our loved ones on the other side knowing we did our best for them.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Yes, we did do our best. But it hurts to know your best was not enough to truly protect your beloved parents from those who would harm them.


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

Hello MM and LaIa Jo, fighting family is not easier - I did not mean it in terms of the trust, etc. In terms of being told my mother hated me and their family was who our mom loved not her 2 daughters was the first shock. Not knowing anything about probate laws, etc. and in my case the only one who could contest this situation (my twin sister is in another state and has disabilities that limit her from traveling to California) I was alone.

The "devoted" Mormon neighbors had every advantage because it was planned that way. There is a lot of pain in families when there are divorces, remarriages, etc... and our mother's neighbor didn't do what I believe their religion teaches "Mother and Child" reunion, so to speak, but instead seized this opportunity as a financial gain.

I had all the proof I needed, I just didn't know it at the time. This included probate laws they did not comply with which made their "new" trust of our families heritage invalid. But again, I'm still in shock that my mother's dead and no one contacted me to say my good byes- she may have asked for us - and they may have told her NO they don't want to see you. I will never know.

I thank you both for listening (reading) and I'm happy to have found MM's hub, it's helped me tremendously.


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

Darn it, I did it again, left a comment and wasn't signed in...


Paul Davidson 2 years ago

Great article. This is an interesting post to read. I really enjoyed it. BTW, if anyone needs to fill out a Power of Attorney, I found a blank template here http://goo.gl/8T29nh. This site PDFfiller also has some tutorials on how to fill it out and several blank power of attorney form that you might find useful.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hello Paul.

Thank you for the comment. Signing over POA is the beginning of the end unless you know for certain the person you are giving it to is completely trustworthy. Unfortunately, once POA has been assigned to someone else it is very, very difficult to get it back.

Sorry if I sound a little jaded -- I am:-).

MM


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 2 years ago

dianec2007, my sister and her husband got both my parents (while in my sister and brother in law's control and when my parents were in poor mental status. For this I do not fault my parents.) to verbally tell a good friend what a horrible person I was. The family friend said it was like my sister and her husband programmed our parents like toddlers and they looked on proudly as my parents were badmouthing me. Then after she shared this with me on the phone, the family friend, who is one of the strongest willed person I know, broke down and said , "Stay away from your whole family. Those people are evil(referring to my sister and her husband)."

My take on this situation is my sister and her husband have jealousy issues with me. My parents love me (and my sister as well) but for whatever reason my sister could not and does not stand that our parents loved us both. Why I still do not understand? The real tragedy is that things did not have to be that way between us and I would have loved to have a great relationship with my sister if it were a "perfect world".

I think one thing as I now have a new trial date in December coming up is that my sister wants to show the court and say in court that my parents do not love me and they gave all of their things to her family only. Her reasons because my parents did not want to give me anything, I was the one who treated them badly, and I did not care as much for our parents as my sister and brother-in-law did. Some examples of this jealousy are shown in court documents from my sister's side of the case (all written by my sister in guardianship response court paperwork)that state things like "I am letting my Mom get a lawyer to change her will so the same thing will not happen as in our father's will." Surprisingly her will was never changed and both wills say both my sister and I get equal shares in their estate. Another court guardianship response by my sister, " Mom does not want LaIa Jo to be her legal guardian but me to continued. Because LaIa Jo want to be her guardian." ( I never attempted to go for guardianship of my mom because it was done before I knew what was going on. Our Mom was so manipulated, I knew it was a losing battle. For my Dad I attempted to get guardianship when asked by his POAs, so my sister would not do to Dad what she did to Mom. He told all of us (POAs and myself) this when he did new POAs (all outside of immediate family) in 2009. ) Also when asked discovery questions for the civil trial to explain why my sister and family were given a certain property and has taken the estate property from the house her responses was as follows, "The lawnmower was given to us by Dad and besides Dad took Linda out on his 80th Birthday and give her money to gamble with at the casino." A- This does not explain how or why the lawnmower should belong to their family. B -I took Dad out and gave him $80 to spend at the casino. He gave me nothing to spend that day. I believe it was her way of saying I am mad you had a great day with our Dad for his birthday. There were many responses like this throughout this and other court documents. I am hoping this will show the court motive to why they have taken so much property and money from the estate even now as the estate has not been distributed yet.

dianec2007 It does not hurt any less though knowing that for sure your loved ones were made to believe lies about you. But like me, you have to believe that your mom truly knew you loved her even though manipulated otherwise by your holier than thou neighbors (Makes me mad for ya, too!). I just feel badly because I believe my parents were treated that way because of my sister's hatred of me. I can take them on but like bullies do they take it out on someone they can overpower and my parents were also my kryptonite.


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/

This blog might explain your sister's behavior, LaIaJo. Now that your parents are gone, she has nothing over you. At least I hope not. Maybe find a way to prevent her from having any rights over your/your own? I wouldn't put it past her to go after loved ones or still try to go after you. I've seen/heard it happening. :/


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Thank you for that link, Waterlily. I also recommend this blog and the book if on my bedside table still -- although we've had strict no contact since 2009.

http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

LaIa Jo, it doesn't matter what your sister says or does, don't let her get the best of you. She knows what buttons to push - remember that. When you go to trial bring a notepad and pen.

On the top of that notepad write the following: S.U.

My downfall were my emotions. DO NOT let your emotions get the best of you. Present only the facts. S.U. written on your notepad will remind you to SHUT UP. I do not mean to offend you, this is good advice.

Remember, your sister knows what buttons to push and she won't know what to do when those buttons don't work anymore. Silence is GOLDEN.

Square your shoulders, be short and concise with your answers. Don't give any more information than required.

If you have to be deposed I will share what I've learned about that lovely journey.


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 2 years ago

waterlily13 and MM- When you grow up in a family you always know is weird dysfunctional but yet you know nothing else you think your family is normal.

After reading some of your suggestions on narcissistic people, I would not doubt that my sister (and her husband for that matter) but my parents were not without suspicion too in my crazy world of life. My tough lifelong battle has been and will always be finding normalcy so this crazy drama end with me and is not passed along to my daughter. I am not sure even now that I am not an unintentional narcissist and try very hard to make the changes when I can to not follow that path like my family growing up. We (my family Husband, Daughter and I)do have a less dramatic life and enjoy life when we are not invaded by the constant tragedies that is my sister and her family especially when knew when my family was on a vacation, holiday, or other special events when our parents would be taken to the hospital or suddenly sick ETC An example of another ploy was to convince a family friend to call one Memorial Day Weekend to tell me how horrible I was treating my parents by not calling them when they were in my sister's care. I started randomly calling because my parents were being manipulated by my sister and her husband what to say to me. If I randomly called the nursing home and not Mom's cell phone (which they controlled and monitored) my sister and her husband would not know when I would be talking to Mom. I also know they could not keep track of me and my family to control if they had no information including from my parents.

We also are worried since our daughter is a minor waterlily13 that they would try to get control of our daughter if something happened to us. My husband and myself are writing wills as we speak. We wrote down my sister and her family can not take control of our daughter in any manner. We also have talked to my husband side of the family (great people and supportive) to protect our daughter no matter what from my sister and her family. Doesn't it sound sad to say this about your own sister? But it is a necessity. My daughter and husband are the only way they can hurt me. My husband can take care of himself and we can take care of our daughter to not be one of their next victims. Thank goodness too my sister and her family live over 300 miles in another state.

Sorry I am getting into my book writing again but I want to send a big thanks too to dianec2007. Your response is so spot on. I will be using S.U. alot. I laughed and shared your response with my husband. We have been preparing for civil trial for over a year now and the last two times within a day of the trial court date before being canceled and postponed to a new dates. K.I.S.S. (Keep it simple stupid) and S.U. (Shut up) will be my motto. I know I have to keep my emotions in check and present the facts as you have expressed and my husband and I have talked about for when we finally make it to court.

I do not envy your deposition though I have not had to do that yet. It does not sound like fun at all?! My sister had to do the discovery questions for this civil trial and she is suing me in a second court hearing for some of the same issues we have not been able to resolve yet in the first civil trial. I believe it was a tit for tat to show in court and try to intimidate me. This might mean discovery trial questions me if they are not addressed in the first court case. But I am hoping to learn more about agreed settlement if we do not getting into the courtroom soon or movement in the direction of officially closing out my parents' estates by the end of the court case. This is now over 3 years and ongoing. Just praying maybe something concrete will get done before the end of the year.

Thanks to you all for everything!


CF/US 2 years ago

Brilliant Chicken Soup Ingredients to the Authors Cookbook Recipe on How to Hijack Your Family's Inheritance. What he fails to Clarify regarding Re-Writing the Trust is that He's Referring to are "Revocable Living Trusts" which are Changeable during the Principle Trustees Lifetime. Since the former Beneficiary is the New Trustee over the Assets, the old Estate Plan was Revocable, from a Legal standpoint the New Trustee can Pull all the Dispersed Assets into and under one umbrella Trust Account and he can "Weed Out" his "US" Brother under a New Revocable Trust. as it sounds legally. There's Just one Word of Warning though with Testamentary Trusts that are Irrevocable attached to a Will. If "DS" Diabolical Sibling works with his Attorney to change that Trust by Forgery "Calling it a Revocable Living Trust and Coaches DB to Steal & Throw out the Will, then DB and the Attorney & DS attempt to Sucker US to make False Claim there is a Problem with the Trust to Straighten out the Problem Requesting US to sign "Consent Waiver to a Probate - Construction of Trust so the Attorney can then convert over the Irrevocable Trust to Revocable, then underhandedly DS and the Attorney Pay off the Judge to make it Revocable, then Secretly have the Former and now Mentally Incompetent Trustee to Revoke it, and do not Give US Notice of the Revocation of Trust, Then the Attorney Writes up a New Revocable Trust, saying the former Trustee Rewrote a new Trust ten years ago... That's Total Fraud and Undue Influence!

Reason I'm saying that is, now US can Sue for Three Times the Assets Stolen by DS, his Attorney and the Disqualify the Judge and force the Judge to pay all his Litigation Expenses. The Judge that readily sees that the language is Testamentary and deems it Revocable, knowing its Forged is setting himself or herself for Prison time. There's a New tactic going on also when Siblings Rip off their own Blood its Exploiting the Demented Trustee to add their names to their Accounts in Joint Tenancy which is "Exempt" from Sharing "All the Assets Equally" its known as "Non Judicial Settlement Agreements" for "DS" That's also known as, "Sweetheart Contracting" That's how the Judges get their Slice of the Pie to the Estate its called Accepting "Bribery" and getting "Kickbacks" If the Judge sets up a De-facto Conservatorship Secretly of the Court Dockets with the Attorney controlling the Estate Assets and withholding the Annual inventory...

That's called "Racketeering" then it goes Federal Court against the lower court. How do I know all that? Because I am "US" in that Second Scenario... And that's what happened to me and I still haven't seen the inventory but little do they know when I got wise to them, I found and grabbed the Finance records from the former principle Trustee on suspicion of my Elder Three "DS"s and boy did I find a spending spree with what I call a "RICO Probate Network" and Yes this "US" will battle it out in Federal Court, even if I have to do it all by myself.

This is just a warning if your planning on burning blood by Sibling Rivalry because It will come back to haunt you...


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 2 years ago

I am sorry CF/US you are not only dealing with one DS and her husband like me but three siblings and the court/legal system that seems to be anything but just. For no better terms it sucks when your siblings turn on you (sibling rivalry or jealousy) when you just want to do what was right for your elderly parents and you believe your siblings do too. Then you realize you are an US (unsuspecting sibling) with your circle of trust messed up because those who you thought would not do something that horrible does. I hope you have at least some family(immediate or otherwise) that do not see the dollar signs and you can talk too?

Are you still dealing with the court system? It sounds like you are you are taking on a lonely battle but know that it is very admirable you are trying do the right thing. But like I am learning on here and through my court fight right now is to know if it is worth the battle and you need to think of you and your immediate family first. Also do not give up if you need to see this through for your peace of mind or you are forced into having to follow through the court due to responsibilities like executorship. But know it is not a cop out if you tried and need to bow out to keep your own personal life separated from the crazy drama. Whatever the end results, you will have done your best to respect the true wishes of your passed loved one and have peace of mind that you did everything you possibly could to be justice.

Best wishes to you!


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

"This is just a warning if your planning on burning blood by Sibling Rivalry because It will come back to haunt you..."

Yup and it doesn't necessarily have to be through the courts either.


Roxy 2 years ago

This is a recipe to be shot. I would not recommend this sleazy legal advice to anyone. Executors have a fiduciary responsibility to uphold the law, and look out for the best interests of the deceased and the beneficiaries. Not doing so can mean that they will be punished by the legal system and of course their "good" name ruined.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Roxy -- I don't know where you live but that has clearly NOT bee reality for those of us who write here. Yes, we only wish those LAWS and FIDUCIARY RESPONSIBILITIES would hold these people accountable to the jobs they are supposed to be doing. The underground must be more lucrative and DS family turncoats are everywhere.

Shot? Yes. There are definitely times I thought about shooting the parties involved in our scenario.

Until you have been on the hoodwinked "good sibling" side you simply cannot imagine how evil feels within one's only family. Positively Shakespearean.

MM


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Roxy -- I don't know where you live but that has clearly NOT bee reality for those of us who write here. Yes, we only wish those LAWS and FIDUCIARY RESPONSIBILITIES would hold these people accountable to the jobs they are supposed to be doing. The underground must be more lucrative and DS family turncoats are everywhere.

Shot? Yes. There are definitely times I thought about shooting the parties involved in our scenario.

Until you have been on the hoodwinked "good sibling" side you simply cannot imagine how evil feels within one's only family. Positively Shakespearean.

MM


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Roxy -- I don't know where you live but that has clearly NOT bee reality for those of us who write here. Yes, we only wish those LAWS and FIDUCIARY RESPONSIBILITIES would hold these people accountable to the jobs they are supposed to be doing. The underground must be more lucrative and DS family turncoats are everywhere.

Shot? Yes. There are definitely times I thought about shooting the parties involved in our scenario.

Until you have been on the hoodwinked "good sibling" side you simply cannot imagine how evil feels within one's only family. Positively Shakespearean.

MM


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Roxy -- I don't know where you live but that has clearly NOT bee reality for those of us who write here. Yes, we only wish those LAWS and FIDUCIARY RESPONSIBILITIES would hold these people accountable to the jobs they are supposed to be doing. The underground must be more lucrative and DS family turncoats are everywhere.

Shot? Yes. There are definitely times I thought about shooting the parties involved in our scenario.

Until you have been on the hoodwinked "good sibling" side you simply cannot imagine how evil feels within one's only family. Positively Shakespearean.

MM


Hidrologo 2 years ago

My guess is that the person that wrote this was the "US". My sister and I are the equivalent of the US in my father's death. In our case, his personal papers were stolen by our stepmother's children. We found that in a community property state, wills can be worthless. Our father put her as sole beneficiary on accounts, we saw that he had an executed quit claim deed in his files, but it was stolen along with other papers. He remembered the name of his lawyer, so we have a will but all assets were transferred to her after his death. She is terminally ill so our stepchildren will inherit his estate. I have taken the case to court pro-se, but with only a claim of having seen an executed quit claim deed as tenants in common that was not recorded, so we have no chance I think. Still, I will sleep better at night if I at least go down fighting, and maybe we can get a few bucks for the possessions in the home. Just hope we dont get stuck with her lawyer's bill!


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving in spite of the awful people around you.


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 2 years ago

Hidrologo best of luck and hope you get a favorable outcome. Hang in there!

Also back at you waterlily13 for Thanksgiving wishes...Wishing Happy Holidays to you all on here. Take care and thanks again for what you have done here MM and all of the support from you and others too.


Tricked 2 years ago

Thank you for making me laugh, Mighty Mom! I loved reading your blog.

Also your recent restrained reply to Roxy was spot on. I found your page while looking for information on how I can boot a Trustee. You are so right with your earlier comments that sometimes it is more about control than it is about money. I have told my weasel brother he is not my boss, but... he keeps acting like he is. I only have two words 'Norman Bates!'


None 2 years ago

This is awful!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Tricked,

Boot a trustee, eh?

The short answer is court, or litigation. Which means expensive on your end out of your pocket while the trustee pays his/her legal costs OUT OF THE TRUST!! Arrgh. Ultimately, it will come down to a mediation and the "magic number" of what it will take for the trustee to go away.

From what I know, this sh$t goes on in every state. So don't expect your probate court to be of any help in getting justice. I'm sorry.

None.

Yes. It most definitely is awful.

Criminal. Shameful. The worst of human beings.


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 2 years ago from Somewhere

Tricked, Norman Bates is actually pretty sympathetic despite being a sociopath. Your weasel brother is just something to be squashed. Good luck.


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 2 years ago

@ Roxy, LOL, you are full of you know what... You must be one of the ones who weaseled yourself in a trust OR you are just plain old heartless. I'm thinking both.

I will send anyone who is interested the demand letter my attorney sent the "neighbor" who violated all probate laws. And to your point of "Executors have a fiduciary responsibility to uphold the law, and look out for the best interests of the deceased and the beneficiaries" that made me laugh out loud!

While our mother's neighbor took 100% of our family's inheritance and was the Executors he: A. "out of the kindness of his heart" wrote my sister and I a check for 1% of the estate without consulting anyone but himself and I've yet to see anyone prosecute him for violating his alleged "fiduciary" responsibility.

And of course it would cost years of my life, $$$$, etc. to prove he is scum of the earth in a court room. But here's the thing, he proved to everyone he is/was and has always been scum of the earth for what he did "to honor our mother's wishes" and keep 98% of the estate. A neighbor, not related in anyway to our family. He just lived on the same block....

Be careful out there - there are cowardly sharks roaming the corridors of the elderly waiting for their chance to strike, it could be family members, lawyers and neighbors - if someone excludes someone who at one time was a child, and caused no harm but had only good intentions - then that Executor is scum of the earth.


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 24 months ago

Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!

Especially MM, dianec2007, and all the others who have been so kind and gave me such good advice. Score one for the USs out there. I have been delayed going into courtroom for just this case to finish this since Aug. 2013. The last continuance was when I vented on here and got such good advice from everyone. I really took dianec2007 advice to heart. As suggested, I was going to write SU all over my notes to stay calm as my sister attacked. Even the thought of how to stay calm in the courtroom was very comforting as this time court day finally happened.

I was the plaintiff of the trial and the judge stated he read through the trial brief for court (presented by my lawyer)and came out to start the case chewing out the attorneys for delaying this whole estate from getting closed in a timely manner. The judge stated this case was not going to be done in two days but by the end of the day. (Hallelujah after 3 years getting this estate done with delays from my sisters side mostly. ) We were not going to have a second lawsuit that my sister filed on me (Set for March) because all was going to be taken care of by the end of the day today. I knew I was going to like this judge. The judge strongly suggested that a settlement be attempted before he started the proceeding because he read the trial brief or all of the items of the estate down to family pictures would be brought back and sold after the court trial started.

My sister who spent most of the time yelling at her lawyer when my 1st offer of settlement was rejected. The main points of that offer was that a lump sum of 1/2 the money from my sister for items already admitted or known to be taken from the property be awarded to me. Then sell the rest of the items in the house (not much was left that is worth any major value that she had not already claimed as her own or taken without approval. ) at auction as the will states with the proceed split in half for each of us. She would have to pay a $1,000 bill she owed Department of Human Services. (That was sweet KARMA even though some money is still missing. SEE BELOW)

(My sister tried to hide $77,000 my mother inherited from her brother at the time of death her own death in her joint account made the day our mother died. Department of Human Services (DHS) upon Mom's death had sued both our parents' estates for $73,000. My lawyer pointed out the Inheritance to DHS to settle that account or they would have taken it out of my father's estate only. My sister would have walked away with the $77,000 ment to settle Mom's DHS Bill as requested by my uncle's estate (To sum it up I would be out$35,000 inheritance and my sister $35,000 extra cash for herself out the deal.). My sister paid the bill 6 months later but was $1,000 short (Accounting wise she has $5,000 somewhere if not already spent.) and wanted us both to pay it off with the estate monies. The judge also had proof of this in the trial brief. This was on top of all the other financial abuse done to our parents when they were alive living with her.)

Court then began when sister would not accept the settlement. The judge asking his own questions and when asked about items from the estate I stated the 3 thing I had in safe keeping. But my sister had so many items (I don't think she could list off all she had) her lawyer instead of responding about any items she had requested a conference with my sister. My lawyer later told me my sister's lawyer knew they were screwed by all of their dirty dealings when the judge in chambers saw all of the evidence (at least 12 points) before court and did not know how to present it to his clients who were hard to deal with. (That I guess was all the yelling from the judges chamber we heard even in the courtroom as we waited for the trial to start. ) Her lawyer came back to my lawyer with my first proposal to my sister + getting all items left in the house.

I knew I could have pushed for more at that point and they were asking for more but not that much when you add in all sister's time and trouble to clean the house to sell it. My sister and her husband appeared barely keeping their anger in check. I know they did not want me to have much of anything from the estates and later found out they were mad to have to pay off the DHS bill that was their responsibility to begin with. (Almost pitied my sister's lawyer getting yelled at by both the judge and his client. But for how this lawyer treated me in past court hearings..KARMA) I could have have made it more equal for my share (this money offer was reasonable but not half amount I assumed is taken but was unprovable for court) and my lawyer confirmed this the next day. But it would have been more time in court and the decision was there to get this settled as it was to be done with dealing directly with my sister (and her husband) with this except selling the home and the realtor would be in charge of getting that done.

It was at this point, I paused to think about this was really about... our parents...what would they want me to do? I took the settlement + all items in the house. It felt good even if it is not a totally equal share and most of all it was what I felt my parent would want me to do to satisfy their final wishes. I also do not think my sister or her husband will mess with me or my family anymore in the future because they know I have very incriminating evidence on them.

For those USs going through the court process, hang in there even though these victories few and far between, we can get some justice among some major disappointments. We also have a responsibility that I still have not forgotten to try and fix a very broken system so this does not happen to other families or vulnerable adults who being abused by neighbors, so called friends, or family members. I know I was very lucky but this is a hollow victory because I had to live through helplessly my parents abuse that still tortures me, deal with our protective systems that is broken to protect both my parents and myself against this kind of predator, and even though I wanted a victory...This was still my sister (family) that was dealt with and that is the deepest kind of hurt. But I am free to not have to be in her or husband's control or drama because this estate should be done by the end of the month!

Thank you again for your encouragement and help!

Happiest of Holidays to all!


peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 23 months ago from Home Sweet Home

my sister in law and brother in law are good at these. First, they buy over my mother in law trust, Treat her with vacation, food, special treatment. Then, they requested her to put their name into her bank account, properties and invest in shares. Now, she has only a handful of cash, the rest are in their pockets


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 23 months ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Peachpurple,

Bingo. It's a formula for disrespecting our parents and being greedy, awful sons and daughters.

I'm sorry it's happening in you family, too.

MM


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 23 months ago from Somewhere

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas!


Yet Another Screwed Over by Evil Rich Sociopathic Brother 22 months ago

Dear MM - I just wanted to thank you for writing this page and all of your follow-up comments. It's one of the only things that has brought me comfort in these last two years of hell since my mother died. I'm too upset right now to write out all of the convoluted details, but in a nutshell: I'm a freelance researcher living on next to nothing before mom died. Brother is a multimillionaire several times over made in the worst of the worst parts of Wall Street - literally caused/profited off of everything that has caused the economic collapse from mortgages to foreclosures, abusive debt collection etc. Just a complete and utter sociopath whose only ethic seems to be whatever he can get away with. Long story short he pulled some con on mom a few years ago getting her to sign over a $200k piece of land to him as if he was protecting it from estate taxes - her beloved land where we spread her ashes - and then told the estate lawyer that he had bought it himself and that I had psychiatric problems for even raising it. Spent months (while I was in the shock of losing my mom) burying me in abusive, hostile correspondence that i was then accused of being negligent if I didn't have a reply sent to him by morning. Just months of trauma. Didn't lift a finger to help me with cleaning out the house or pets and dealing with closing down mom's professional affairs which took months of my time (not to mention I had to move back home from another city to take care of it all) and after refusing in writing to help me deal with anything there or take any items from the house which i told him to take whatever he wanted - now accusing me of "illegally" stealing everything. I can't even write about it coherently because it has been two years of the worst kinds of psychological abuse, gaslighting, accusations, while portraying himself as the poor victim in all of this. When my mom's partner of 30 years told the estate lawyer that he (brother) was lying about a bunch of things, brother attempted to portray the man as a con artist who had never had a relationship with our mother. I paid all of the estate's/house bills for a year because he refused to help and I was too upset to fight and I've now spent 6 months just trying to get him to sign estate checks to give me back my personal money spent on all of these bills. It goes on and on. He's a multimillionaire several times over and this is all so he can fight like a sick animal for far, far more than half of our mom's estate.

But as you've all said, the worst part isn't the money. It's the living hell of your own blood - in this case my only sibling and family member left in the world - lying and saying anything to hurt you and "win." I've begged just to end this, but of course the rich person is the one with the power to torment legally indefinitely while I'd see my whole inheritance go up in legal fees if I do it his way. It has utterly wrecked my peace of mind, ability to focus on work, my happy carefree spirit is being/has been sucked away and I fear that this is changing me on some fundamental level I will never get back. We live in a world full of sociopaths and to see this in the person most closely related to you is terrifying, the stuff of nightmares (which I have about him often).

Anyway I'm sorry for the disjointed comment but clearly you all know how upsetting this is.


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 22 months ago from Somewhere

Is it possible to just let it all go and cut off all contact? Sometimes you have to chew your leg off to get out of a trap. If he's that bad, then you may have to cut all losses and "disappear" as a woman I "know" did.


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 22 months ago from Somewhere

Is it possible to just let it all go and cut off all contact? Sometimes you have to chew your leg off to get out of a trap. If he's that bad, then you may have to cut all losses and "disappear" as a woman I "know" did.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 22 months ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

*enters with a giant GROAN and SIGH*

Oh nooooooo. Not another one.

It pains me beyond belief to log in and see yet another new post of someone who has suffered what we have.

But -- a big thank you to loyal and wise contributors like Diane and Waterlily who always seem to show up with words of comfort.

I am assuming there is a reason you can't cut ties yet -- or until the estate s fully settled and all the furniture, etc. is out of the house?

We got into the same situation. No one lifted a finger to help with the closeout of my mother-in-law's home. We did it all in rapid time because we didn't want the estate (what little was left) t0 have to pay another month's rent.

Skeezy memories coming up of those days.

But let me add my voice to Waterlily's.

As quickly as you can, cut off ALL TIES with your brother.

What have you got to lose? Sounds like you are not going to be getting

any $ anyway. Why do you need to communicate or answer to him?

It also sounds like you don't have much or any money of your own.

However, if at all possible, I highly recommend getting some therapy to get through the grief of your mom's death compounded by the abuse of your evil brother (who sounds like a classic sociopath).

My husband has found the therapy to be helpful. Should have started it years ago when this nightmare all started. But better late than let it completely obliterate his spirit (which it was quickly doing).

I'm very, very sorry.

Please feel free to come back any time and VENT. That is what we are here for!

MM


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 22 months ago

Yet Another Screwed Over by Evil Rich Sociopathic Brother-

I think what hurts the most is that it is the nearest relative to you and they are the evilest. You wish for that sibling that you can trust and help you through your loss but instead kicks you when your down. Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if you had one more sibling in your family to have on your side that might have helped whip the out of control sibling into shape or be a supportive to you through this? But take this from someone in your situation but a sister/brother-in-law narcassists that would rather hurt you in any way than treat you in a sane loving sibling relationship. We want to still hold on that they can change into that ideal sibling relationship we want. Your sibling and mine will not.

I can only hope for you, Yet Another Screwed Over by Evil Rich Sociopathic Brother have some in your great extended friends, family (aunts, uncles, cousins) or your Mom's friend who are supportive and not sucked into all the drama of believing your brother using psychological lies, gaslighting, and accusations about you. (My sister convinced many for years "I am in a sibling rivalry with her " when I tried to stand up to her and her husband. This was while she and her husband did a book's worth of unthinkable things to both our parents and me.) If you are like me too, family is important but if you can get and stay away from your brother the better for you. But you stated he has lots of money to use against you to torment you and these types of people will not stop. I wish you the best to break away from your tormentor and do not mourn a lost brother because he never was the caring brother you wanted him to be in the beginning. Caring sibling would not do that to another sibling. I also know it is easier said than done when you have to remain in a partnership with them getting things wrapped up from your Mother estate. I am still in that **LL (3+ years and running- 8 with the abuses) even when the court settled the case but my sister is still keeping the estates open all the same. But more and more people are seeing my sister/brother-in-law's true colors and that I am trying to do the right thing through all of this. I believe this in you too with your brother.

Hang in there....You are still the great you (don't let your brother make you believe otherwise).....Wishing you the best!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 22 months ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

You said it, girl!


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 22 months ago

Hello to all of you! Hoping the New Year is off to a good start for you!

I've learned so much and while it may not work for everyone it has worked for me and I am now AT PEACE!

1. Do what you have to do to fight back. I couldn't let my mom's neighbors destroy my family, insult and disparage me so I wouldn't have the strength to fight back) and leave a wake of pain and sorrow. Oh no, that won't work for me.

After finding the facts, (aka the truth), utilizing the services of a private investigator and meeting a compassionate attorney who did not charge me a dime - we composed a "demand" letter and best of all - They were SERVED in person the day before Thanksgiving (mom's neighbor and their attorney). It was the happiest Thanksgiving (for me) EVER!

If anyone would like to see this demand letter I'd be happy to share, send me your email address and I'll let you see how the laws are supposed to work to protect us from predators, inside or outside of the family.

As you all know it takes an enormous amount of time (your life's currency) and money (the green currency you spend your life's currency earning)

When there is larceny involved in a Trust, the 120 day limit to contest is converted to 3 years. So for now I'm letting them sit with this "Demand Letter" and leaving them hanging - just like they left me. It's a beautiful thing.

Here's what I know for sure and words I live by:

"Though the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. My optimism, then, does not rest on the absence of evil, but on a glad belief in the preponderance of good and a willing effort always to cooperate with the good, that it may prevail. ~ Helen Keller

That it may prevail!

We never know when or where the universe will serve up a little justice - but rest assured, and let it give you peace - That day will come. :-)

Your life is a gift, your fortune, don't let anyone steal your "life fortune" that is priceless.

xoxox


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 22 months ago

dianec2007 Happy for yah!!! :)


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 22 months ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Ditto! You go girl! Karma comes around!


Mitzy 21 months ago

Everyone is overlooking on point; this IS the description of ELDER ABUSE.

Since we cant change greed and murder in our siblings ( supposed to be illegal on so many points but who stoPS either?) We must demand enforcement of the laws on the books. OR GO BACK TO SIMPLE TESTATE/INTESTATE LAWS

I have so much to say on this subject..and how evil ones are able to accomplish this but the important gist of these posts overall is the ABUSE OF THE ELDERLY AND SOME EVEN MURDER THESES POOR FOLkS WITH DEATH COCKTAILS ADMINISTERED BY HOSPICE WITH THE EVIL ONES "BLESSINGS" as medical POA.

We must get this stopped. Please send the entire hub ( with consent of posters obtained) to the authorities, police , elder abuse, government entities, attorney general, suprene court and the president asap.

The greatest generation is being robbed and killed for illgotten gains, families are being damaged beyond repair, that is the least fallout from all this sicko hurt and theivery.

National disgrace to humanity. Abuses of our most vulnerable. Shame on all of us.

"ALL IT TAKES FIR EVIL TO PREVAIL IS THAT GOID MEN ( AND WOMEN) DO NOTHING".


Mitzy 21 months ago

Everyone is overlooking on point; this IS the description of ELDER ABUSE.

Since we cant change greed and murder in our siblings ( supposed to be illegal on so many points but who stoPS either?) We must demand enforcement of the laws on the books. OR GO BACK TO SIMPLE TESTATE/INTESTATE LAWS

I have so much to say on this subject..and how evil ones are able to accomplish this but the important gist of these posts overall is the ABUSE OF THE ELDERLY AND SOME EVEN MURDER THESES POOR FOLkS WITH DEATH COCKTAILS ADMINISTERED BY HOSPICE WITH THE EVIL ONES "BLESSINGS" as medical POA.

We must get this stopped. Please send the entire hub ( with consent of posters obtained) to the authorities, police , elder abuse, government entities, attorney general, suprene court and the president asap.

The greatest generation is being robbed and killed for illgotten gains, families are being damaged beyond repair, that is the least fallout from all this sicko hurt and theivery.

National disgrace to humanity. Abuses of our most vulnerable. Shame on all of us.

"ALL IT TAKES FIR EVIL TO PREVAIL IS THAT GOID MEN ( AND WOMEN) DO NOTHING".


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 21 months ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

Hi Mitzy,

If you are not already aware of this group, you might want to check out NASGA -- National Association Against Guardian Abuse. If you think the stories here are heartbreaking, you should read some of theirs. Which go into minute detail of how the legal systems in state after state turns the other way (think they might just be in on the game -- I sure do!).

When the so-called enforcers are in the shark tank it's criminal.

In my family's case the laws on the books were written, I believe, to keep a family member trust administrator from being sued by the other beneficiaries. The law is being abused every day by professional sharks.

I don't mean to sound hopeless.

I do encourage everyone who has the stamina left after their family (or neighbor) fight to try to get the attention of the authorities.

Thanks again for your post, Mitzy

MM


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 21 months ago

Mitzy-

I state that I could write a book on elder abuse and how many, many systems in place to stop elder abuse did not do their job to protect my parents from my sibling and her husband. They even used some of those things to protect the elderly as abuses toward me and those that love and cared for our parents wellbelling.

I feel like Chicken Little sometimes telling people to beware the unbelievable things my sister and her husband did to my parents and myself. (even today) This only plays into the excuses my sister and her husband used that it is just a sibling rivalry. Now a few believe but my sister and her husband were able get away with it and people still can't believe nobody stopped them. My comeback is they are still at it because the very system to tell them "no" have yet to follow through and do their jobs. I know I would sound crazy to list out all of the services I went to protect my parents and still cry at times because they did not do their jobs when my parent were alive and needed them.

Now, I am still the target of my sister and brother-in-law's narcissism and I am still getting beat up by the broken system. I continue to try to do the right thing to finish my parents' estates, sell our childhood home with her as a controlling, unequal, partner and end this as forgiving as possible with no contact when I can finally be free. I do wish to pay it forward though if ever possible because I do not wish this on anyone else to have to go through. But there is so much to fix and where to start?

Sorry MM venting again....Again Thanks


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 21 months ago from Where Left is Right, CA Author

We live to vent. When someone comes here or we meet them in outside life and hear our story they are aghast that the system did not do its job.

Do its job? What job might that be, when the Greatest GEneration socked away billions of dollars intended to be handed down to their kids and grandkids. Money is hard to resist...

Don't want to get myself worked up into a coughing fit today.

Just glad my hubby and I are at the point of no contact with our resident narcissist. What goes around comes around and she'll get hers, if not in this life, in the next!

Good to see you as always, LalaJo!


tnt 21 months ago

Wow....i can't believe how much has been written here. Thanks tho for getting a smirk outta me. I am sorry to all who hsd injustices made to them. I was one of those that swore that nothing like that would hsppen to my family. We were raised with morals & values. I don't want to go into all the dunbass details but basically a couple maybe 3 but def 2 siblings of my mom chose to knowingly disregard her death wish. She wanted ti die with the peace of mind that her children would be taken care of when she was no longer here on earth. Well I guess I at least know that she died with some sort of peace of mind cuz the dirty deed did not happen til she was long gone by then. A couple funny things tho.....the 2 surviving siblings have been fighting over 20k miniscule to what is at stake) for EIGHT YEARS! One wanted to hurry to settle b4 they died cuz they weren't sure their kids would be taken care of if anything happened. Chuckle chuckle....not sure if they hadn't been so darn greedy that they could have died with the same false sense that Mom did. It appeared that me being upset about the way things turned out & that it's obvious my mom's life was not worth a red cent came as a surprise bcuz i was told it's legal that they cut mom out. I was also advised by the one that's still alivr to stop paying my sibling half of benefits that my parents left to us bcuz legally it's in my name & since he treats me bad I shouldn't give it to him! I am only human and make many mistakes and say or do wrong things. I am not perfect but I do try to do the ethical & moral thing. Thanks for writing this. I have a chance to share with peeps who understand it's not all about the money. But that their unwillingness to share says alot about how they felt about my mom & us & it just shows how worthless they think we are. Of course they didn't understand that logic.


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 21 months ago from Somewhere

If you don't have to pay your sibling anything, then don't, but if he treats you badly, then you can bet he'll use the same arguments you are now.

The only thing I can say here is cut them out of your life. It doesn't look like anything could hold you back from doing so since it looks like you can take care of yourself just fine.


cc 21 months ago

whom ever wrote dosen't know a dame thing about trusts you can not rewright a trust onecs the person is incompacitated or deceased.


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 21 months ago

OH cc where do we start on what the laws protect and what these people do to get what they want.

The laws are ment to be broken and the those protecting the integrity of the law either don't care to be bothered by the victims (which is their job to do), bow to the threats of the abusers, or jump in to inflict their own greedy needs to profit from a cruel situation. Which include DHS workers, medical staff hospital & nursing home, social workers, judges, and lawyers just to name a few who should have helped right away but did not. (Some listed agencies later after my parents were beyond help in the control of the abusing sister or deceased questioned why someone else did not handle the elder abuse issue. EX: Nursing home after parent was knowingly manipulated for months while in nursing home care then called DHS. (I repeatedly felt like Chicken Little with both DHS who I called before and the nursing home stating my father was being manipulated and abused.) This was when the parent was being pulled from their facility to the home of the abusers (my sister & her husband) 4 hours away. DHS never followed through to protect both parents living with my sister and her husband by their own design.

Yes and for just $800 you too can hire a lawyer to undeem an incompotent parent (3 doctors confirming this diagnosis). Become their new legal POA and do whatever you want to senile dementia parent's bank accounts, trusts, or manipulate the persons whole world to fit their own agenda. In my case, my sister did it twice over a 5 year stretch. Why because the very people there to to protect and uphold the laws for the elderly won't do it for various reason I listed above.

Is it right cc...hell no but the people we are dealing with are getting away due to a broken system and loopholes they find. They want the money and control and be darned the laws, people, and the loving family and friends who get in their way.


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 21 months ago from Somewhere

Yea, pretty much what Lala said. Also, a lot of it is hard to prove and the authorities can't do anything without proof.

Lala, I hope things get better for you and I hope that you'll be able to leave this all behind and "begin again" or something. Go somewhere she can't touch you or find you.


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 20 months ago

Hello Mighty Mom, Lala and waterlily!

This has been such a journey and I thank you for letting me vent and sharing your thoughts. I worked hard to get to the bottom of everything, served the religious neighbor and their slimeball atty snd have decided to leave them hanging. Like Walter White and the Beautiful people in the last episode of breaking bad. My life is so peaceful now.


LaIa Jo profile image

LaIa Jo 20 months ago

I am so glad for you dianec2007! Cutting ties/ no contact can not come soon enough but hope to be there soon like you. Take Care! or should I say PEACE!


Darkest Hour 19 months ago

This is the wave of evil treachery and betrayal our society has resorted to for financial control and survival dispicably disregarding the wishes of those who earned saved and invested wisely for decades to most often equally benefit their honorable and honest heirs- read Adamski's Inheritance Hijackers before it is your family's turn to learn the hard way!


waterlily13 profile image

waterlily13 19 months ago from Somewhere

Eh, it's not about survival. That would only apply to the actual desperate.


mary 18 months ago

sooooo true!! my sister fits the profile to a tee!!!!! greed, greed, greed!

Cared six months for a very wealthy, childless relative 24/7 on demand. so you guessed it, sister got all

when my father passed, sister went to his house and like a piranha hijacked his belongings while I was on my flight to go over his things with her.

the only thing I was able to get was my dad's belt. only because it was hanging behind a closed door. thats it

GREED I never want to speal to her again!


doodle 15 months ago

I seen the last comment was a few months back but I will take any advice anyone has to offer. I mean is it worth it to hire a lawyer and take action after it gets too late? Identical situation to MM except the wench has been leaching and living off her dad for fifteen years, has power of attorney, and wont let anyone get close to any sort of financial information or anything pertaining to the will or estate. She even had her own personal attorney rewrite the will of course in her favor! My mother in law and her brother were unable to do anything since they were never allowed to get close to finding out what was really going on. What can they do? Their father has died and they just found out that their sister squandered all his money before he even died! Is there anything that can be done or is hiring an attorney a waste of money at this point?


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 15 months ago

doodle, I wish there was an easy answer and MightyMom would tell you this too! Not knowing if your family had a Trust or Will, etc. it is difficult to give you advice but what all of us on this string know, even if you have iron-clad evidence of elder/financial abuse - you still need to retain an attorney - spend years in court and come out in the negative and be counter-sued. What your Mother In Law and Brother are entitled to (by law) as direct heirs are a copy of the trust/will and the distribution of assets. That being said, if it is not provided then you need a lawyer and are back at square 1, paying a lawyer without a guaranty of justice. It will be difficult at best for them to let this go, trust me, every person on Mighty Mom's Therapy Post :-) knows this all to well. If your MIL and her brother want to take the fast way and expose this sibling or (not sure what their relation is to her) to Small Claims court, depending on what state you are in it's approx. $75.00 to file and you get to the judge right away. But again, there are not enough details in your post to give you specific advice. Was there a trust or a will? What is the value of the estate? Who rewrote the will? What is this person's relation to the deceased and your Mother in Law and her Brother?


BrattyBrattyx4 15 months ago

What if the mother deeded the property to one son over the remaining five sons because she like him the most?


dianec2007 profile image

dianec2007 15 months ago

Not enough information to answer your question BrattyBrattyx4. Is the mother still living? If yes, is the property paid or is there an outstanding mortgage? By deeding her property to another she is effectively transferring ownership. What is the purpose for her deeding her property to anyone?

One other consideration are the laws in the state where you live, or the state the property is in.

Don't take this as criticism (because everyone on this string knows this) the law does not care about who liked who more. The laws only follow the facts of the law.


OctoberOboe 14 months ago

I swear this could have been written seriously by my sister who over the last several years has followed this recipe for screwing me, in particular, exactly and in the order you relayed. from the incompetency declaration first on Mom and then on Dad as she gleefully tinkered with the trust to get it the way she wanted. BTW she is a lawyer, turned judge and gives seminars on trusts and wills. My father is now at home with a barely english speaking caretaker who refuses to do much as he "doesn't get paid enough" and I know he gets rock b ottom wages. the person before this was actually a person with criminal background as was her boyfriend, a twice convicted thief. My sister staunchly defended them. She became a close personal friend of the caretaker and I see now they are cut from the same cloth. eventually she got the credit card bills as the caretakers were going wild and loose with dad's credit cards and money. neither had driver's licenses or insurance but drove Dad's care all over. Took Mom home from her very good memory care unit so caretaker could make more money. this resulted in 5 hospital visits for Mom once she got home because the stupid caretaker kept drugging her. Nobody but me and all the doctors every questioned this. The scenario goes on. My sister is still tweaking the trust. I was supposed to get a house that dad had renovated and saved for me once he got a deadbeat tenant out. My sister sold it within 48 hours for a fraction of whaty it was worth. Then she bought dad's house out from underhim claiming it was "to help" and used the money for hios care, but of course he will never be able to go to fulltime care in a nursing home because she must own that house for 5 years or will lose it to the nursing homes if DAd goes in and now he is wandering around at night and needs full time care. SHe doesn't care. and claims money means nothing to her. She says she will get no inheritance. She's already got it. WHen I try to talk to her I get this self righteous crap. Reading your great article it is step by step the plan my sister used to get everytrhing. My brother was given his home and property a few years ago by my dad when my brother knocked up his girlfriend and needed a home for them. He got his inheritance early. MY sister will get her's when dad [passes and I get nothing. My sister is quite well off. She got financial POA and got my brother to have medical POA. both of them have made such a mess of the care for my parents their church even filed a grievance against the caretaker with the county. It's exactly what you said. it has eaten up two years of my life and I have been in therapy the whole time. Until I read your aertical I didn't see that yes, this was a well thought out and dastardly plot from my sister and her nauseating, also rich, husband.


Love 13 months ago

Where is the conscience, where is the caring and love. All there is where is the conscience, where is the caring and love --gone, you don't have anything but devious self illness and most likely your only route to financial survival , ( be the one in controll ) You are full of complete

Greed and sickness. Most likely you've lived a secret life being the LEAST LOVED SIBLING! A long path of no control no real love. Your heart is full of ugly contemt, perhaps because you couldn't measure up. Your sneaky pathetic and a sad crook ( maybe never loved anything you did)

How many years of plotting? Your a sorry soul, have fun with your stolen money, it just might be what eats away at your subconscious, ending in sickness and early death------ think I've seen something similar, the end was sad, perhaps deserved--- Your a textbook looser, most likely never loved much by Mom or DAD! Right!


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ragar18@gmail.com 8 months ago

My btch of a baby sister monopolizes all my parents time and brainwashes them against me and my younger brother. Think she is trying to get us kicked out of the will, need that money because giant software company scrwd me out of retirement funds.


david 5 months ago

big brother turned schmuck. He some how caught the money grubber desease and made sure he got everything and it was substantial. but he went so far as to remove the collection of antique plates mom had on the wall .I remember sitting in the kitchen looking at these clean circles on the wall and asking what happened to the plates he became veryu aggressive and assured everyone his wife had just put them away for safe keeping. it really is a sickness, and saddens me deeply that our family was a lie a joke


Jane 5 months ago

wow,I was meant to read this article.....My brother from Albq.just visited 91 yr.old dad in Ohio and printed off a new online DIY will (brother doesn't see any need for lawyer to draw up will) and drove Dad to his bank to sign the new "revised" will, removing myself as executor and naming brother as executor....even tho I recently took Dad to Indy neurologist who tested him and diagnosed memory/cognitive problems......and this was done without my presence (I was aware my brother was going to set Dad's bills up on autopay and wanted authority to pay part-time visiting nurse to try to monitor Dad in his independent living condo,vs encouraging him to consider assisted living within same retiremt community) Brother will not answer messages requesting copy of "new DIY will"-should i get copy from dad and hire a nearby atty specializing in elderly care/wills/trusts to look it over to avoid a catastrophe in future? Or just hope my sib has more integrity than i suspect and keep quiet to keep peace??


Vivien 4 months ago

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Henderson Elizabeth 4 weeks ago

James and I were together for 3 years and lived together for two until he was moved to another state for job in March of last year.Sept was the last time we spent time together.We went for a vacation and had a fabulous time,not knowing it would be the last time I would see him.He stopped calling Nov,and just sent me a text saying he did not want to talk.I did not pursue it because I thought he just needed some space.March came rolling in,and I found out he got married.How could it be?I found out,shortly before we started dating,he was communicating with a girl from another country and made a trip there once and proposed to her.He made another trip in 2015.She finally came to the country Jan of this year and I figured the reason he dumped me was when he found out she was approved to come to the US.I made the huge mistake of going to the social media and found the woman’s posts of their wedding and trips,etc.That hurt me more than I could imagine.It has been 8 months since I’ve seen him but just can’t get him out of my head.Honestly,I feel very jealous of his now.I wake up in the morning feeling nonexistent,empty and wishing I don’t wake up so I don’t have to feel the same pain I could never get accustomed to.The deceit and the fact that I was used and hurt so bad that I don’t think I could move past it.I decide to seek the help of a psychologist because I knew I was losing it. As I searched the internet, I found cases similar to mine and some,even worse.But all of them sang praises of a man whom helped them restoring their broken relationships,marriages and family…Dr Kene Dilli. I was supprised and decided to give it a try as I contacted his email I found in those testimonies; kenedillitemples AT yahoo DOT com. Behold,after doing all he instructed,he sent me a parcel plus the steps needed as reguarding the parcel.Now,I have got back my lover…James,and he has filed for a divorce with the other lady he married. #HappyToBeBackWithJames.


me 3 weeks ago

my eldest son did this to my mother, he got the house and money in a Trust while her 5 children got to clean up the mess.

He even got her Ashes.


Tricked 3 weeks ago

Hi me - It is incredible that some of these stories can even happen. My two brothers (two out of nine children) were able to plan and complete a huge Power of Attorney and Change The Will plot and rip-off all the others. At the time I thought I would lose my mind. I wanted to fight but it costs too much to fight. (They planned it well) Now that it has been two years I am better just hoping they both ROT. It wold be hard if it were my child that did this. Tough to wish him well, tough to hope he goes to hell. Man, oh man. My only advice is to remember that life is short. The sooner this stops 'eating you' the better. It will happen, you will get over this...

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