My Dog Hates Me and I Still Make Money Online

I make money on the Internet and people love me.
I make money on the Internet and people love me. | Source

Hi.


My name is Joe. I'm an average guy. I barely graduated high school, I've worked a string of dead-end jobs, I've run up a mountain of credit card bills. I don't use big words when I write.

MY LIFE WAS A MESS

Not too long ago I was near rock bottom. My dog hated me. My wife was threatening to leave me for an illegal immigrant with one eye and a limp; she told me he had better prospects than I. I was reasonably sure that nothing could get any worse.

Suddenly That All Changed Recently

One day I was sitting on the only chair in our apartment, watching The View. Suddenly it hit me:

I CAN GET RICH ONLINE


It was so simple. Thank goodness it was so simple because I wanted to write it down but we couldn't afford pencils or paper. Anyway, I worked really hard to remember it. All that hard work really paid off.

I was able to come up with a system for Making Money Online. It was so simple that I was able to set it up using dial-up internet service through an Atari 800 computer that our neighbor thew away. Believe it or not, the next day we were due to have our phone service turned off.

At first I wasn't sure if it would work. I went to bed that night without a lot of confidence, but I slept pretty well because my wife and I ate the last packet of ramen noodles in the house. We knew the next day would be tough, with just catsup packets and tap water for breakfast.

The next day I woke up in time to watch The View, but during the commercials I checked my Online Making Money Account.

WOW! IT WAS A MIRACLE!


I had earned more while I was sleeping than I had earned in the last 20 years as a migrant farm worker. I couldn't believe it.

BELIEVE IT


I wanted to show my wife but she insisted on keeping her appointment with her divorce lawyer. After The View was over, I checked my Internet Online Making Money account another time.

MY EARNINGS HAD DOUBLED


This seemed too good to be true. With my simple plan, I was raking in more cash that I'd ever dreamed imaginable. Soon my wife was back in love with me and my dog was following me around the apartment, panting. I think he still hates me, but he hides it very well.

I AM NOW ABLE TO HAVE EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED


My wife and I went to Burger King to celebrate the success of my Getting Rich Online Plan. When we got home, she stopped kissing me long enough to ask me to check our Online Internet Money Making account one more time. Together we fired up the Atari 800 and connected to the Internet.

MY EARNINGS HAD DOUBLED AGAIN!!!

This could be you if you let me help you and you are not the you that you used to be. You can be a new you.
This could be you if you let me help you and you are not the you that you used to be. You can be a new you. | Source

Follow me to Richville

By now we were pretty sure that this system was going to work, since it had been working for over 8 hours. We went out again and celebrated again by purchasing a $120,000 Mercedes. Actually we each bought one! And I gave the salesperson a big tip!

HOW WAS THIS POSSIBLE?


My system is so simple that anyone can do it. I'm a simple average guy. I simply managed to do what no one else in the Internet Online Money Making Plan business has ever been able to do. My plan is so easy that that one day last month I walked past my computer, paused for a moment to tie my shoe, and MY ACCOUNT DOUBLED AGAIN WHILE I WAS BENDING OVER!

YOU NEED TO HEAR ABOUT THIS


I want you all to have this simple plan. I want everyone to have the chance that I, an average simple guy, have. I want to give you my plan so you can be in the online making money on the Internet business.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU'RE SERIOUS


Sure, I could just tell you my plan right now. My wife is out shopping and I'm a little bored. The Mercedes is in the shop, having a neon kit installed. It would easy for me to explain step-by-step how I made my Internet Online riches, but I'm not going to do that. I need you to do me one simple favor before I tell you about my system.

SEND ME A FEW BUCKS


Are you really interested? If so, I need you to kick in a few dollars. This money will not go into my bank account. No. All the money I receive will be stored in a federally insured savings account just in case you change your mind. I will never spend your money: never ever. I don't even know the account number. I just give the checks to my wife and she deposits them.

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR MONEY BACK


Yep. If you don't like my plan, if you don't understand my plan, or if your rich uncle dies and leaves you a fortune, you can have your money back from my federally insured savings account. My simple Internet Making Money Online While Sleeping Plan comes to you at no risk. No risk whatsoever. Zero risk.

TAKE A CHANCE ON ME

I just want to help you. I want to see you succeed. Obviously I don't need your money, but send it to me anyway so I know I can trust you. I can trust you, right?


IF YOU'RE NOT SURE -- READ THIS!!!

This morning the Internet called me and told me that my account had doubled AGAIN! I honestly don't know what else I can tell you. Put down that fear and send me your check.

ARE YOU STUPID?


Really? No. You can't be stupid because you've already read this far. You're just cautious. I understand. I was there once. I used to think that none of those Get Rich Working Online Through The Internet Plans could possibly work. As you have already read, I was SO WRONG!

I MAY HAVE TO TAKE BACK THIS OFFER SOON

Please hurry. I am just so busy with my new life that I can't promise that this offer will be here tomorrow. I have a limited number of eBooks; if you wait too long they will all be gone.


NEED MORE PROOF?

OK, OK, I understand. You STILL aren't convinced. That's probably a good thing because this plan isn't for everyone. Some people just don't have the 'stuff' to get rich. The world needs poor people too.

Anyway, here's the absolute positive final proof that I can provide... stand by while I check my account one more time...

IT'S DOUBLED AGAIN!!


What are you waiting for?


Joe Speaks to You, Personally

Take my simple poll to make money on the Internet

The Internet is a

  • vast sea of riches
  • treacherous miasma of hazards and dangers
  • connected amalgam of wires and connectors
  • virtual cornucopia of stuff
See results without voting

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Comments 26 comments

lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

Wow, Joe's idea sounds great -- just what I, Ima Lazi Idiot am looking for -- so where do I send the money?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@lmmartin: just send it. Joe will do the rest!


suziecat7 profile image

suziecat7 6 years ago from Asheville, NC

Crack me up.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Your funny plan is right up there with: "My check is in the mail," and "You can trust me; I'm a doctor."


LeonJane profile image

LeonJane 6 years ago from Australia

Where do I send the money, hang on, first I have to wait for the money that I was promised from those lovely Nigerians. I am still waiting for funds after I gave them my bank account details! :>


fishtiger58 profile image

fishtiger58 6 years ago from Momence, Illinois

LOL great article. Hey you sound just like those guys on the internet.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

Too funny, like a row of rat traps lined up side by side, the rats see what happens to the rats trying the cheese and peanut butter and go right ahead and try it themselves, day in day out. Who was it that said there was a new fool born every day? In these times I'd say that old saying needs to be updated to every minute or less. Very entertaining! Thanks


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@50 Caliber: yep, it's simply a numbers game. Cast a big enough net and you're bound to catch something.


TnFlash profile image

TnFlash 6 years ago from Tampa, Florida

Great Hub! Most of the ads are a little more sophisticated than this but say the same thing. I have bought a couple of rat traps myself. I have learned better.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@TnFlash: Well, Joe is a simple average guy who has no time for sophisticated ads. He's Everyman, Fred Normal, Mr. Status Quo. Don't expect him to go multi-syllabic on you. ;)


greatAmerican profile image

greatAmerican 6 years ago

I hate it when I hear some sports announcer say these

words,,, but I just have to say it..

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME"


dusanotes profile image

dusanotes 6 years ago from Windermere, FL

Nicomp, you have just parodied an illness rampant here in America, the Get Rich Syndrome. There are so many of those "strike-it-rich" schemes around and they all use the same plan that Joe used: "Just send the money before this offer expires and I'll tell you what my get-rich scheme is." Did all of their sponsors go to school in Chicago, and was Barak Obama their teacher, too?

Good Hub,

Don White


Jane@CM profile image

Jane@CM 6 years ago

I giggled through this whole hub....thanks I needed a laugh at this moment!


Countess of Bay profile image

Countess of Bay 6 years ago

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read...


Nemingha profile image

Nemingha 6 years ago

Hilarious!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

This almost makes me suspect it might possibly be possible.


Springboard profile image

Springboard 6 years ago from Wisconsin

I'm looking forward to getting this into action post-haste, just as soon as I can find my checkbook...

BTW? About the check I'm going to send. Do I have to have actual money in it? The account that is. I'm wondering because your plan must work...why would I need money in the account? I'm good for it, right? :)


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Springboard: I do trust you. No worries!


emievil profile image

emievil 6 years ago from Philippines

LOL. I saw this hub when I was reading your other hub - My Dog Hates Me, etc. etc. (sorry, title is too long). Good one nicomp. Now I'm off to read the other hub.


sheila b. profile image

sheila b. 6 years ago

I thought the doubling and doubling was going to be one cent, two cents, four cents. Your idea was so much better!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@sheila b. : That is doubling. Start with a penny, double the total each day, and in 31 days you'll have (2 to the 31st power) of pennies, or 2147483648 pennies, which is 21,474,836.48 dollars.


dabeaner profile image

dabeaner 6 years ago from Nibiru

How come no e-mail address or link to a page to order? And how much? I am eager to order. You make a lot of sense. Please hurry, my dog also may be falling out of love with me.


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

This is classic! And so true to form. I've read many a sales letter just like it. Great job of capturing the essence of the pure BS that's floating around out in cyberspace as we speak. Stick this on it's own URL somewhere and start cashing in!


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 6 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

Will you accept a C.O.D. check? LOL


mokusei profile image

mokusei 6 years ago from traveler (currently in the US)

nicomp you are an artist! hehehe! much more entertaining once you read 'Joe The Internet Millionaire Feuds With Another Internet Millionaire' as well. Looking forward to reading the rest. Keep it rocking!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@mokusei : Thanks for your kind words!

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