Razor Coupons

Razor Coupons

No one pays retail prices any more. Back in the day, before paper and bar codes, we had no choice but to fork over full price. Razors, hair care products, skin care products, and styptic pencils were only available at the pharmacy; now this stuff is all over the Internet. Razor coupons can be downloaded for extreme discounts on equally extreme products.

Murad Man Face Defense

Murad provides uber-macho products designed and marketed for the superhero in all of us. Face Defense might not protect you from kryptonite, but it will extend the life of your epidermis. That's a good thing. Stride boldly into direct sunlight with no fear of blemishes, age spots, or girly makeup.

Sure, Coppertone might be cheaper, but can you put a price on masculinity? Jam a tube or two into your fanny pack. Stride the beach with confidence and smooth skin. Laugh at UV warnings on the Weather Channel. Chuckle at unfortunate boyfriends forced to slather themselves with Este Lauder from floral tote bags.


Razor Coupons - Defend Your Face

Gillette Fusion Power Razor

Power is a must-have when shaving. Beard hairs posses almost super human strength; they cannot be cut by a single underpowered blade. Only an array of blades sharp enough to trim Amazon undergrowth will tame human facial hair. Shaving is a solitary activity, but self-respecting adult homo sapiens cannot face themselves in the mirror without sufficient power and commensurate coolness. What happens in front of the mirror, stays in front of the mirror.

Brush Technology

You can't slop shaving cream onto your face. It must be gently transferred from a special brush onto stubbly skin. Brushes come in various shapes and sizes, but truly optimal cream application can only be achieved with badger fur. For uncounted millennia, fancy men kept an annoyed badger in the bathroom. Each morning intrepid butlers mixed warm shaving cream, loaded up a hapless badger, and gently applied smooth layers of buttery goodness onto men of high society. Sadly, these badgers were doomed to a life of confinement and eucalyptus.

Thanks to modern technology, badgers now roam free. They have been released from entrapment under the sink. Their sole responsibility is to donate a few tufts of fur to the betterment of male facial scraping.

Smell Like Something

The only thing worse than smelling like a sissy girl is smelling like nothing. Walking the fine line between feminine floral and masculine menthol presents virtually insurmountable challenges for Real Men. We men don't want to stink, but we don't want to remind our Real Men Friends of a stroll through a spring meadow. We live in constant confliction. What scent will attract the gals and let the dudes know we're always up for a little tree trimming, car repair, or road grading?

Axe.

From the packaging to the marketing to the olfactory assaulting, nothing compares to Axe. Axe tells the females you shop at Wal Mart. Axe tells the dudes that you probably have a head cold so severe that you can't smell yourself anymore.

Conclusion

If you have to buy this stuff, look for razor coupons online. Don't pay retail. Walk into Walgreens armed with price cutting bits of paper and present them proudly to the cashier. If you can find one.

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Comments 3 comments

drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Badgers in the bathroom? Where is the SPCA when we need them?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@drbj: Protesting PETA, I trust.


Shona Venter profile image

Shona Venter 6 years ago from South Africa

Unfortunately in South Africa, we often have no choice but to fork our full price for goods, because manufacturers never supply coupons that we can redeem for anything.

It's about time the manufacturers realised that there are shoppers in other parts of the world as well, besides the US, and provided coupons for us to use as well :-)

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