Shop for Rush Limbaugh
Buy Something for Rush
Whether you love or hate him, you probably talk about him most of the time. We all need someone to ponder when our dreary lives seem like a never-ending skein of tax increases and standing in line at Starbucks. Without his insightful insights we'd surely be reduced to watching reruns of The View on our 70" flat screen TVs made in China.
Shop online for Rush Limbaugh. Order up a few gifts for your favorite radio talker. He might even mention your name on the air, hopefully not in the context of a Congressional Hearing.
Buy Rush an Electronic Air Cleaner
Everyone needs to breathe, even right-wing zealots and left-wing babbling babblers. Lungs full of clean air are a necessity in order to bellow incessantly. Mr. Limbaugh would certainly appreciate an electronic air cleaner made in America by well-organized labor.
Just plug it in: ambient air immediately emerges from the specially engineered vents. Honeywell and Carrier manufacture a range of extremely effective products for any size padded room or radio studio.
Buy Rush some Makeup
Appearing before glaring Klieg lights on national television to defend your position on the rights of felons to own ferrets requires a careful application of appropriate makeup. No one wants to seem sallow or unkempt when the cable TV world is paying attention. Order up a complete makeup kit for Rush and all your favorite talking heads. They will thank you later, when no one is listening.
Buy Rush some Survival Food
Constantly striving to gin up topics that will enthrall your fan base and enrage those eager to topple your empire can be hunger-inducing. Even millionaire talk-show hosts get famished. Sometimes there's simply no time to idle your Bentley in a Beverly Hills drive-through for carry-out caviar.
A cache of survival food will hit the spot. It can be eaten during the commercial breaks of a 3 hour national radio show. It can be shared with adoring sycophants clustered in the Green Room. It can be concealed in carry-on luggage when the time comes to abandon what was once a glorious representative democracy.
Buy Rush Burt's Bees
Everyone loves Burt's Bees products. Even a mindless soulless spineless stooge of the Communist mainstream media appreciates the products proffered by Burt and his band of altruistic stinging insects. Rush will enjoy the soothing and calming effects caused by bee-related hand creams, lip balms, and wrinkle balms.
Burt's Bees adheres to a business model referred to as "The Greater Good." They are similar in philosophy to Ben and Jerry's, except they don't put corn syrup in their ice cream. All company practices are expected to be socially responsible, just like Rush.
Buy Rush a Crank Radio
When adoring fans trample the gardenias and disrupt electrical service to his palatial estate, Rush will still want to listen to himself on the radio. Provide him with the assurance that his dulcet tones will always be available to himself. Purchase for him a manual radio that generates its' own electricity with just a few hundred turns of the lever.
No matter where he goes, Rush will always be able to tune in to himself on his syndicated radio network.
Buy Rush NFL Gear
Rush is a massive football fan. For a brief, shiny moment the NFL actually returned his affection. These days Rush needs retail assistance to fund his affinity for professional football. You can help. Shop online for clothing, equipment, tickets, memorabilia, and steroid tests.
Reebok, Adidas, Wlison and Spalding manufacture excellent football-based products for right-wing customers.
Buy Rush a Microphone
Any public school-educated electrical engineering technician will tell you that using big words to amplify conservative principles tends to wear out microphones posthaste. Spit is also detrimental. Rush rues the day that his digital cupboard becomes bare. He needs a way to reach the teeming masses yearning to be indoctrinated. Invest in him by keeping him well-stocked in devices to convert his analog audio to digital streams.
Whoop, there it is
Kick back a little gift as he trundles toward excellence. Shop for Rush Limbaugh. The IRS doesn't have to know. Your progressive friends will never find out. Whip out the capitalist credit card provided to you by greedy corporate Wall Street 1%ers and order up a few thoughtful tchotchkes.
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