The Meanest, Sneakiest and Downright Stingiest Ways To Save Money

Please Feed Me
Please Feed Me

How to save money

When times get hard we all try to save money one way or another. Well, here's some new ones.! Most of these you won't have thought of, most of them you won't want to think of again, but they'll all save you money. And it adds up. The old adage 'count the pennies and the pounds take care of themselves' is true - and here we're very much counting pennies!

Some of the ideas which follow might sound strange - that's because they are! Some are put in for fun, bur most are serious and will undoubtedly save you money if you follow them. Good luck, and happy saving!

Home

Visit friends and family more.. if you're out of your house you're not using water, electric and gas, your using someone elses.

Share your bathwater with your spouse, kids, neighbour, perfect strangers etc.

Don't buy a newspaper - read it online!

Roam the house flicking off lights and turning down radiators, and switch off my TV, stereo and computer at the wall each night rather than leaving them on standby.

In the tea/coffee you do drink, give up sugar. If you don't take sugar, give up milk - take your coffee black and your tea with lemon (and don't buy lemons, use a few drops of pure lemon juice out of a bottle, or one of those little plastic lemon squirter things - much cheaper!) In the summer, make up enough tea for the day, and put it in the fridge - it's delicious iced!

When you can't squeeze any more out of a tube of toothpaste, handcream etc., get some sharp scissors and cut it in half. You'll be surprised how much more you can get this way.

Re-use your teabag. When you’ve made your cup of tea, hang the bag up to dry. You can use it all day, and possibly the next day.

NOT your friend
NOT your friend

Shopping

Supermarkets are NOT your friend, even though they tell you they are. From the minute you walk through the door they're trying to part you from as much money as possible. Scan the top and bottom shelves for the bargains - the stuff they want you to buy (i.e. greatest profit) is at eye/chest height where you are most likely to see it. Check the Kilo or litre price when shopping, Often now the largest isn't necessarily, the cheapest. If necessary take a calculator when you go shopping. Keep your wits about you!

Go shopping in the evening. All supermarkets (even those that stay open 24/7) mark down produce that's reached its 'sell by' date - fruit & veg, bread, cheese, ready-meals, fish, meat, sandwiches. The later you go, the bigger the reductions. Many are suitable for freezing.

Supermarkets are NOT your friend, even though they tell you they are.

If you're lucky, you'll be able to feed the whole family for pennies. But leave it too late, and not only will the bargains be gone, but you'll struggle to find much fresh produce at any price on
the half-empty shelves!
Or you can raid skips behind supermarkets and get your fresh food completely free, but maybe that's taking things a little too far.

Dont go shopping with the kids, they will always make you spend more that you mean to.

Laugh with complete derision at sell-by dates on produce. If something looks OK, smells OK and tastes OK, then, it's OK. And don't forget, food that's near its sell by date is cheaper...

SUPERMARKETS ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND.

Heating and Water

In the washing machine, use half the quantity of powder or one tablet instead of two.

Simply turning down the Heating Thermostat at home 1 degree C can save 10% fuel.

Wash your hands under the cold water to save the boiler firing up each time you turn the hot tap on.

Switch the kettle off before the auto cut off does it for you! When you hear the water bubbling flick the switch. Otherwise the kettle carries on for quite a few seconds before the auto cut off wakes up. Hey it all adds up you know!

Use lower watt light bulbs.

Close your curtains as soon as it gets dark. The extra insulation really helps.

If you dilute your blob of shampoo before putting it on your head, you need a much smaller blob. Its the same with conditioner - mix a small blob with half a cup of water and pour it slowly onto your hair and you need about half your usual amount.

When your Shaving Foam is on it's last legs immerse it in your hot shaving water prior to use.Guaranteed to extract the lot.

Replace at least half the cups of tea/coffee you drink each day with a glass of water (healthier, as well as cheaper!)

If your water is metered, put a house brick in the WC cistern. You'll use less water and there's still enough for a good flush.

When the soap gets too small to use, soften it and the replacement bar in the bath with you, and stick them together.


Fur too long, it will get matted
Fur too long, it will get matted

And Some Not So Serious

Save on toilet paper-use a kitten, they're always licking themselves so are self-cleaning, and can be re-used. Choose one with soft fur obviously.

Move back home to the parents then they pick up the bills.

Die young, its cheaper than living for years and years.

Send your kids out to work. At five or six years old they are just the right size to get up those chimneys without getting stuck, and there is plenty of work now with everyone going back to wood fires.

A few peanuts and a squirrel trap - Sunday lunch sorted

Here's my best tip for motoring - fit slightly bigger tyres than specified to your rear wheels, and slightly smaller ones to the front. That way you're constantly running downhill, thus saving fuel

Rinse out condoms, turn inside out and hang up next to bed but be warned this might put off a new partner on the first night, so keep the lights off and hey presto, double savings!

Don't waste money on expensive iPods. Just think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to change tracks, think of a different tune and hum that instead.

If you're going out, turn your doorbell off.

If you place the inside part of greetings card against a south facing window, the sun will eventually bleach out the senders writing. The greeting card can then be reused for someone else’s birthday, anniversary etc. Be careful not to send it back to the person who sent it to you in the first place.

Use BOTH sides of toilet paper- half the cost - cute eh?


TOP TIP
There are several sites where you can adopt old age battery chickens. They take a while to get used to the freedom but they lay lots and are good at eating the vegetable cuttings etc. If they don't lay, they can be used for soup, sandwiches etc.

Multi Purpose Money Saver

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    Save Money

    So there we have it, all sorts of ways to save money. Forget the jokes ones - that's just for fun! - but please remember the others, there's a lot of good sense in them. Good luck!

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