Buy a Star Online

Can You Buy Stars Online?

Everyone wants to be a star, but no one wants to take off early from work to audition for cat food commercials. Perhaps online ordering of stars provides a reasonable analog to living the life of a highly-paid star. We shopped the universe of products to identify items with star-power. We did the hard work, all you need to do is whip out your credit card and order up the stars of your choice.

Billions and billions of stars dot the nighttime sky, and also the daytime sky but we can't see them because of our precious sun. Registering a real star is a simple process, but staking a claim proves problematic because the typical yard sign tends to burst into flames at about 1200 degrees. Owning star products turns out to be ridiculously easy but you do need good credit or at least a debit card because star dust is not yet legal tender. Having star products delivered to your house is also trivial, but plan on being home at the time because UPS requires a signature for delivery confirmation.

Shine a star from your neck.
Shine a star from your neck. | Source

Sterling Silver "Shine Like A Star" Star Pendant

People prefer pendants to actual bits of star hanging from their necks. Star chunks are heavy, hot, and notoriously problematic to thread into a sterling silver necklace. This adorable pendant offers a 3-dimensional stylized representation of what we all know a star would look like if Walt Disney were in charge of the universe. An 18" sterling silver loop is included at no extra charge.

Two of nature's most impressive creations: stars and mirrors.
Two of nature's most impressive creations: stars and mirrors. | Source

RoomMates MIR0009STS Star Peel & Stick Mirrors

You wouldn't want a real star in your bedroom or even your bathroom: they are overly large and you'd never get any sleep because they don't turn off for billions of years. These mirrors offer the best of star qualities and mirror qualities. Stick a few on the walls, the ceilings, and the bathroom mirror so your house will remind everyone of themselves.

Each pack comes complete with 4 star-shaped mirror stickers. Cluster all 4 together for a mini-constellation. Order several million and simulate the Milky Way: that will have your neighbors all talking.

Shave your face with a 5 star contrivance.
Shave your face with a 5 star contrivance. | Source

Wahl Professional 8061 5-star Series Deluxe Rechargeable Shaver Shaper

A star is a hugely powerful entity that emits massive amounts of light and heat. Even a really small star would probably be more than sufficient to power Donald Trump's ego. For some reason, some people need 5-star power to tame their unruly beards. To that end, the Wahl Corporation offers a delightful device that packs both shaving utility and shaving style into a hand-held contrivance. If you know someone with a face, they need this.

Let your child play with stars.
Let your child play with stars. | Source

Fisher-Price Brilliant Basics Little Super Star Classical Stacker

Star researchers and pop-culture physicists have learned that pretty much anything can be sold if it's marketed with a photo of a cute baby. The emotional pull of an adorable baby dwarfs the gravitational attraction of any self-respecting star. This Super Star product will position your favorite baby to get into the finest preschool program, which will inevitably lead to college at a very expensive private institution and an internship with world-renown famous people.

Order a pack of Little Super Star Stackers for every child in the neighborhood. If a kid can't stack stuff, he/she has no future at all.

A hunk of burnin' star.
A hunk of burnin' star. | Source

Star: How Warren Beatty Seduced America

Research performed by researchers who idolize Warren Beatty indicates that virtually any product can be sold if it has Warren Beatty's dreamy mien glued onto it. This book features what must be one of Warren's more famous poses: gazing dreamily into the camera as if to say "if you was a star, I'd make a wish on you."

Based on the title, which is as far as we've read, Warren possibly did something controversial to the USA. He became a star, made some movies, hosted some awards shows, opened a few shopping malls, and probably patronized the drive-through at Wendy's once or twice. We're not aware of any secret plans for world domination attempted by him or his dreamy mien.

Read the book and report back.

You need this 5 Point Star Tamper Proof Bit Set, if that's the kind of thing that's important to you.
You need this 5 Point Star Tamper Proof Bit Set, if that's the kind of thing that's important to you. | Source

Silverhill 5 Point Star Tamper Proof Bit Set

Every self-respecting mechanic owns several sets of 5 Point Star Tamper Proof Bits. Young amateur mechanics often squirrel away a few dollars out of every paycheck in the hope of someday earning a 5 Point Star Tamper Proof Bit set. Without a 5 Point Star Tamper Proof Bit Set, a career in bit setting probably remains out of reach. Don't live with the shame of not having purchased a 5 Point Star Tamper Proof Bit Set for the mechanic in your family. Silverhill manufacturers an extremely wonderful 5 Point Star Tamper Proof Bit Set.

OnStar in your rear view mirror.
OnStar in your rear view mirror. | Source

OnStar Mirror

The world wants to know where you are at all times. Your cell phone quietly emits tiny packets of location information. Traffic cameras grab photos of you as you cruise to Starbucks for a luscious latte. Your spouse sews a radio tracking device into the lining of your expensive purse. Your car wants to get in on the fun. Install this handy rear-view mirror and interface with the gigantic mega-computers at OnStar that only have your best interest at heart. If you get lost on the way to Starbucks, this handy gizmo calls someone on another continent to get help. Give up your remaining vestiges of privacy so a stranger can call you if you step on the brakes too hard.

Conclusion

Make a wish upon a star, then buy some stuff.

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Comments 3 comments

Rod Marsden profile image

Rod Marsden 5 years ago from Wollongong, NSW, Australia

I will vote up. A fun presentation but no mention of STAR KNIVES. I take it you didn't grow up in the age of Shintaro the Samurai or The Phantom Agents. Lots of kids in Australia cut star knives out of cardboard boxes to launch at one another like Koga or Iga ninjas.


Robwrite profile image

Robwrite 4 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

When I saw "Buy a star" I was hoping I could buy Scarlet Johanson. Oh well. This stuff is nice, too.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 3 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

I fixed the broken link. My bad. Sorry. Please continue reading.

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