10 Humorous Things Overheard at an Execution

Electric chair believed to be photographed at the Cook Country Jail, Illinois.
Electric chair believed to be photographed at the Cook Country Jail, Illinois.

Pro and con.

Tough as it is, we still have executions of people who have spent years on Death Row in our country. These people have been tried in a court of law and judged "guilty" by a jury of their peers, but the sitting judge passes the sentence(s) of "death," "life with possibility of parole," or "life without possibility of parole." None of which are nice or delightful.

Some parties despise the Death Penalty while some condone it. Personally speaking, if an enraged criminal breaks into a citizen's home and takes the life of someone living in that house, what then? I got it. If I am his or her defense attorney, I want to get a qualified psychiatrist to prove my client "temporarily insane," and did not know what he or she was doing. At least he or she will get a soft sentence, but will be able to live.

Table for lethal injection.
Table for lethal injection.

I would try to get my client off.

But if my client fails all of the tests ordered by the court for insanity or other mental issues, what then? If a judge sees fit to pass along the "Death Penalty" upon my client, then I as his or her defense attorney will immediately file an appeal to the State Superior Court as many times as possible and if that doesn't work, I will lobby to get my case be heard by the Federal Supreme Court, roll the dice and hope for the best.

This is all I am going to say in a serious tone about executions.

But knowing us human beings, and how error-prone we are, there has to be a list somewhere of

10 Humorous Things Overheard at an Execution

1.) "Can I get a quick cheeseburger?" -- said by a member of the press.

2.) "Will someone please shut-off that annoying rap music?" -- said by a warden.

3.) "Who left their car headlights on?" -- said by a prison janitor.

4.) "Hey, Joe. Want to go fishing Saturday?" -- said by a prison guard.

5.) "I can't believe I have diarrhea." -- said by another prison guard.

6.) "Is that Clint Eastwood sitting there in the crowd?" -- said by a prison nurse.

7.) "How moronic, a sign "No Dogs Allowed," and they are having an execution here.' -- said by a up and coming stand-up comic.

8.) "Caution: Wet Floor," this sign says!" -- said by a friend of the up and coming stand-up comic.

9.) "Hello, this is Warden Smythe. Okay. No problem. Wrong number." -- said by (a) warden Smythe.

10.) "Whatttt? No one paid the power bill?" -- said by prison economics manager.

If you are a tad upset at this, just pretend that professional comic, Steve Martin authored this piece.

The gas chamber which is no longer used.
The gas chamber which is no longer used.

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Comments 4 comments

Lee Cloak 19 months ago

This is certainly a very interesting read, thanks for sharing, voted up, Lee


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 19 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Lee,

Thanks for the comment. You do know that this was written from the human condition. I believe that no matter where we are, things are said that at the time are not funny, but later is hilarious.

And thanks for the follow too. I appreciate it. I shall send you a personal thank you email in the next few days when my life is settled down to a normal level.


Keisha Hunter profile image

Keisha Hunter 19 months ago from Paradise and then some

A tad bit sad; some of them. As a probation officer working in the prisons, I hardly believe in the death penalty. It is currently on the books but not practiced (Jamaica). Sufficed to say I see heinous criminals turn around after years and eventually get parole...I guess we have no Ted Bundy or shoe bombers and serial killers (knocks board).


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 17 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Keisha Hunter,

Thank you for this comment. I agree with you about the Death Penalty and your ideas about it.

I think instead of the Death Penalty, a prisoner should be kept in a comfortable place with food, clothing and TV to watch, but they cannot leave their area, but forced to watch annoying TV shows like The Good Wife and ads with Neil Patrick Harris day and night.

At least they get to enjoy the safe surroundings.

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