10 Things You And I Had Best Not Do While Inside Our Banks

When I was a boy, I used to love going to our local bank with my dad to watch him conduct business with one of the loan officers who just happened to be just one of his good friends. My dad was always himself no matter if those around him were wearing coats and ties and talking proper. But his good friend at our bank was not a man for wearing ties, coats or talking proper. He too was just himself.

Of all the things that my dad taught me, being "me," has to rate the number one item on my list of things I learned from my dad. From the time I reached adulthood and throughout my working and what social life I've had, that one thing has served me in more ways than I care to count.

Due to my choosing of not wanting this piece to come off as being too commercial, I will not mention the bank's name in my hometown, which by the way, has changed owners at least twice. Sad, but that is the way of doing business in corporate America.

I loved the bank because of these reasons:

• The bank had a special aroma and not that of fresh, new money.

• The bank employees all knew my dad and they allowed me to enjoy a few harmless "monkey shines."

• I would always leave the bank with a delicious sucker. This is a piece of candy on a stick, not my dad or any other rural customer.

• I loved how the floors in the bank would always shine. I could almost see my reflection they were so shiny.

• I loved to sit in one of those felt-bottom chairs with a specially-designed back. I was so comfortable sitting there with my sucker. But what my dad or the bank employees never knew was that particular chair sat near the huge steel vault with the thick steel door wide open giving me the opportunity to see all of the money stacked on shelves and the money the bank kept in those haysack cloth sacks.

And shall never return. I have noticed in the past few years when I visit my bank, which is not the one my dad used, there is a certain disciplined atmosphere inside the walls and you can sense it when you enter the building.

It's like this: I go in, a cashier named, "Amanda," a very sweet girl, offers to help me with my banking business. I wait for a few minutes and possibly speak to the bank's vice-president, Dana Scott, a very pretty and proficient girl who knows people far and near. Then when my business is finished, I leave.

I guess that among the things I cannot do anymore, besides enjoying some harmless "monkey shines," are on this list of . . .

10 Things You And I Had Best Not Do While Inside Our Banks

1. Pointing at people with your index finger and "clicking" like Goober Pyle on The Andy Griffith Show. This, my friend, will get you hauled into police headquarters and questioned by the police. (see video posted on this hub).
2. Talking in a loud voice is not appropriate inside a bank. Today in 2016, society is more-sensitive and more apt to be offended by your loud tone, so to avoid being scolded by the bank guard, talk in low tones.
3. Doing "jumping jacks" like no one will care will get you told, "sir, we are not a gym. We are a bank," quickly. And you will be embarrassed.
4. Doing impressions of cows, dogs, cats and bellowing burrow's is strictly forbidden. Besides, you do not want to bring shame to these humble animals, now do you?
5. Running up to female bank employees and kissing them passionately will get you sued for sexual harrassment. They will not care if you are a good friend of the bank president. I told you that those good old days are over. No. I did not kiss any female employees for I was only seven. And I certainly do not kiss female bank employees now for I cannot afford a sexual harrassment lawsuit.
6. Jumping up on any of the bank employees' desks and start up a meaningless conversation. This may not get you evicted, but you will be told in a polite tone, "and just what are you talking about?"
7. Strapping your guitar to your back and going into the bank and doing your Elvis impression complete with all of his songs. This one is "on the bubble." Some bank employees may love Elvis and your attempt to do an impression of him, but there are those bank employees who love their work more than a good celebrity, so use good judgement with this one.
8. Running wild through the bank with your arms up in the air screaming, "the terrorists are coming!" like Paul Revere warning us of the British will, I promise you, get you arrested and questioned by the local police, F.B.I., and Homeland Security and the questioning will last on into the night.
9. Setting up a stand to sell your wife's homemade chocolate pies right there in the middle of the bank will not go over well. Some bank employees will insist that you can meet them at lunch, so be a good sport and quietly walk out of the bank and wait for these chocolate pie customers.
10. Using one of those huge water guns named, the "Sonic Squirter," or something like that, to squirt other customers while laughing at them will guarantee the fact that you will be talked to very harshly and escorted out of the bank by "Ned," the bank guard.

Well, that's it for me.

Good night, Brooklyn, New York.

My New Motto: "Shorter Hubs Help Make A Stronger, Greater America!"