10 Things to Say to The Military Enlistment Officer That Will Get You Rejected For Military Service

Welcome to "Memory Lane"

Ever thought much about doing military service? I admit it. I have not. I did when I turned 18 in 1972. All 18-year-old guys were required to register for the Draft when the Vietnam War was going hot and heavy in these days. Sorry, I made an error. Vietnam was a “conflict,” not a declared-war. It had plenty of killing, bombing, and other elements of war, but was just a “conflict.” A game of names, I assume.

Being the American son of two American parents, I did my duty and walked myself up one flight of stairs at the Marion County Courthouse in Hamilton, Ala., my hometown, and met with our Draft “board,” (a) Mrs. Edith Wright. She was “it,” “The” Draft Board.

Naturally I was scared. Besides asking a girl to the prom, asking the same girl to marry you later on, public speaking, and questioned by your dad if you had been drinking, signing-up for the Draft had to be the scariest event in my life at that time. I went alone. No one to lean on.

I followed Wright’s every instruction. I used plenty of “no, ma’am’s,” and “yes, ma’am’s,” and she seemed to like that. Then I was told to fill-out the three-tons of papers she handed me. I am only kidding. It wasn’t three-tons. It was four.

I did okay telling the U.S. Department of Defense all about myself—name, address, phone number, sex, age, and other vital information, but when I came to one very strange question, I just had to ask for Mrs. Wright’s advice, for I knew going –in that making-up answers on a Draft Board questionnaire was a felony, so, not wanting to serve a sentence in Leavenworth, I asked her about the question.


(This is the actual dialogue as I recall):

ME: Mrs. Wright, ma’am.

WRIGHT: Yes.

ME: How do I answer “this” question?

WRIGHT: Which question?

ME: This one that reads . . .”Name seven people, not your family, friends or neighbors, who know your whereabouts 24 hours a day—7 days a week.”

WRIGHT: What about it?

ME: Ma’am, who does that leave?

WRIGHT: (frustrated) Oh, just answer it.

ME: How?

WRIGHT: (more frustrated) Just put something on it and move on!

I did answer “that” certain question and worried for years if “some” of the people I had heard my dad speak of were ever contacted by the United States Defense Department. I “sweated bullets” (no pun intended) for years. No wonder I am wrinkled today and my hair has all fallen-out.

Back to Mrs. Wright and why she was on-edge and irritable. She must have mis-judged me as an anti-war protestor. I recall wearing jeans and a sports shirt, but no peace symbol pins or black armbands to signify a personal moratorium against the Vietnam War, errr, Conflict. It could have been that my hair was a little longer than a crew-cut and touched the tops of my ears.

That was it.

Marine Corps. enlistees

Source

A look behind-the-scenes at military recruiting

Army recruits take a solemn oath to defend our constitution, country and flag
Army recruits take a solemn oath to defend our constitution, country and flag | Source
Vintage military enlistees
Vintage military enlistees | Source
Vintage military enlistment iconic sign
Vintage military enlistment iconic sign | Source
The Marine Corps recruiter, left, discusses jobs for vets after their military service is over with a student from American University
The Marine Corps recruiter, left, discusses jobs for vets after their military service is over with a student from American University | Source
A man asks a military recruiter for advice on ages for enlistees
A man asks a military recruiter for advice on ages for enlistees | Source
A United States Naval recruiter talks to a possible enlistee
A United States Naval recruiter talks to a possible enlistee | Source

Ready for some Secret Advice?

I did answer “that” certain question and worried for years if “some” of the people I had heard my dad speak of were ever contacted by the United States Defense Department. I “sweated bullets” (no pun intended) for years. No wonder I am wrinkled today and my hair has all fallen-out.

Back to Mrs. Wright and why she was on-edge and irritable. She must have mis-judged me as an anti-war protestor. I recall wearing jeans and a sports shirt, but no peace symbol pins or black armbands to signify a personal moratorium against the Vietnam War, errr, Conflict. It could have been that my hair was a little longer than a crew-cut and touched the tops of my ears.

That was it.

But that was then. This is now. I am much-wiser than I was at 18. I have help for young men “if” the Federal Government ever reinstalls The Draft. And with the outbreak of wars (around our world) being a real possibility, The Draft might be needed if the United States decides to go to “conflict” again.

This is pretty-clever. I said Army Enlistment officer in my headline because a lot of intelligent guys will enlist to be in the Army and not be drafted only to be shipped-off to an angry nation on the far-side of Portugal, “Zing-A-Ding-Ding-Wa La Wa La Bing Bong,” who is at war because the Western World will not send them a few Ford and GM plants.

The help I am offering for free is this hub entitled, “10 Things to Say to the Army Enlistment Officer if You Want to be Rejected for Military Service.”

  1. “Hi, sir. My name is ‘Janice La Sweet,’ honest sir. I am a woman living in a man’s body. Here is my medical paperwork.”

  2. “Yes, sir. I enlisted because I literally love to kill things with big, loud guns. May I hold one?”

  3. “Do you have any legal-age daughters, sir?”

  4. “Sir, the only thing I do not like about the Army is being away from my wives.” “Right, sir. Wives. I have five and I’m not Morman.” “I am a transsexual—I love being ‘one of the girls.’”

  5. “I can make my eyes go round and round in opposite directions.”

  6. “What? Trying to get out of the Army?” “No, sir. I can’t wait until I finish basic training, and I should ‘ace’ that because I was at the top of my class in high school and college.” “I am intelligent, in great shape, and just love charging at the enemy while gritting my teeth.” “Do I know how to use a firearm?” “Won’t need one, sir.” “See these beauties? They can lay a man out cold in three seconds.” “I do not believe in using firearms in war, but my hands, yes. That is more humane.”

  7. “Wake up?” “Was I asleep?”

  8. “When do we get a break when I am in boot camp?” “If I am not guaranteed a fifteen-minute break at 10 a.m., one hour for lunch, and a ten-minute break at 3 p.m., I will not sign those enlistment papers. No, sir.”

  9. “Do I use illegal drugs? Is there any other kind?”

  10. “Sir, I must warn you. If you show any anger toward me, not only will I not sign the enlistment papers, but I will be forced to teach you a lesson.”

    The choice is easy. The Draft and fight in a useless war, or use these 10 tips and a free and happy American.

    And if any war mongers should ask, “Why you aren’t fighting in the war on the far-side of Portugal?”

    Just act disappointed and say, “Oh, sir, I tried to enlist in the Army, but they wouldn’t have me.”

If The Draft were reinstalled, would YOU enlist for military service?

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Comments 12 comments

grand old lady profile image

grand old lady 2 years ago from Philippines

I went to an American high school during the the Vietnam war, and I knew of a classmate whose brother was drafted, and of another boy who was going to be drafted but didn't want to go. You don't specify whether you went to the war or not, but at any rate, I'm glad you survived it, or didn't make it to the war at all. This piece brings back memories, even if my role in those memories was as a watcher, it was a sad, sad time.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

grand old lady (you are not OLD),

I am sorry. I thought readers would assume that I didn't go to Vietnam, but five other guys and I were in a special holding group--who would have went if called.

Thank you for pointing this out and for your nice comment.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago

Well, I kind of wondered? I thought you may have been like my brother. My parents put all their money (what little they had) into keeping him in college while my sister and I struggled to pay for our educations. But I guess I can't blame them. A person in the know whispered to my father that my brother's name was in the next group to be drafted, and that's when Daddy enrolled him in the local college. It was that bad. I think the only people who can understand are the families who are going through the Middle East conflicts. But then these military are enlisting of their own free will. Our generation didn't have a choice in being killed, maimed, or going crazy.


sheilamyers 2 years ago

If they ever reinstate the draft, I don't think anything will keep people out of it. Well, maybe if you acted all crazy and shoot up the recruiting office. Please note: I'm not advocating that! The way things are now, any war that needs a draft is going to be a huge one and no one will be left out. Of course, that's just my opinion. If they don't think you can be in a war zone, you'll be close doing supply or something.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hey, sweet MizBejabbers,

No, but I was ready and registered to go to Vietnam. Thank God I didn't go, but I do KNOW that I wouldn't have come back. I have told people this and they laughed.

But with my nerves (bad most of my life) and being yelled at as a child affected them even more, I doubt that the pressure of shooting my enemy would have stopped me and he would have taken my life.

Deep down, I am not a killer, murderer, I am a soft-hearted idiot sometimes in life.

I will take care of a wounded stray cat and help elderly people get to their car, etc.

I AM NOT boasting of ME like a low-down Pharisee in the Bible who ONLY did good deeds for people to see them. I just do things when no one is around.

Thank you, sweetie, for listening and reading.

K.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sheilamyers,

You are absolutely right. If The Draft comes around again, if a man or woman can walk, they go.

Oh do not think that wars are over. They are being charted behind closed doors as we speak.

But if you do not want to go, you and I can sneak to Canada. LOL.

Just kidding.


DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 2 years ago from Oakley, CA

LOL hysterical! Not only are those answer guaranteed to keep you out of the armed forces; some of them, alone would land you in custody or put you on a terrorist watch list. Hahahaha

For myself, joining the military was not a common thing for girls in my era; and now, I am at least 35 years past acceptable age, so I have no worries about how to avoid the matter.

Voted up and funny.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

MizBejabbers,

I appreciate you taking time to read and comment on this "vital" hub. LOL.

I am now 60, and I join you in the not worrying about The Draft.

Visit with me again.


sheilamyers 2 years ago

Ken: I wouldn't go to Canada. I think age might be the only real exemption and I think I'm there. Even if I'm not, they'd probably just lock me up for the duration because I'd refuse to do anything except as either a medic or a chaplain. I know some of the rules have changed, but war or not, I'd refuse to shoot anyone for any reason. I might get into a fist fight with someone to protect myself or someone else; however, in every other respect, I'm a pacifist who is against killing for any reason.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sheilamyers,

I respect your views and beliefs. War is a touchy area with some people. I would, if a deranged killer broke into my house and was going to hurt my wife or grandkids, and friends who might be visiting, give them several ways out, but when he pointed his gun at me and cocked the trigger, and it WAS life or death, I wouldn't kill the person, just wound them in the knee.

Thanks for the sweet visit.

Kenneth


sangre profile image

sangre 2 years ago from Ireland

I'm so glad our country takes the view on neutrality. No chance of a draft ever happening here that's for sure. All we have are embargoes, as there is no cash available to spend on anything.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear sangre,

Thanks for the nice comment. And you and your counry are in good shape. Be peaceful.

And in the days ahead, be expecting a personalized note of thanks from me for following me. I take your following that serious.

I mean that.

Kenneth

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