10 Ways To Know If You Are Being Left Out

Do Someone A Favor: Include Them In Your Circle Of Friends

We’re born. We grow. We learn. Pretty basic, huh? Along the pathway of our life journey, we encounter numerous things. Some bad. Some good. And some we really cannot explain. I don’t think that we, as the mere mortal beings that we are, are intended to know all the secrets of the universe overnight. Life and learning are like teammates. They go together.

God, I believe, is the Creator. I believe that He created everything and everyone different. There are no two people in the entire universe just alike. From our DNA to our fingerprints, we are all different just like snowflakes, raindrops and rose petals. No two are ever alike.

Before this gets too deep to be interesting, I want to plant my flag here, by presenting this story for all people who feel, at one time or another, left out of life, school friends, work friends, and society in general. Did you know that loneliness and depression take as many lives and (can cause one to take their own life) as illegal drugs, guns, and highway accidents?

I wanted this piece to be light-hearted, but I cannot present the comical plank of my platform unless I present the serious side of being left out. That would be immaturely-unfair and selfish. To say nothing about narrow-minded.

Let’s take the basic areas where people feel they are left out the most. Home, school, work, church, and society’s invisible club called ‘friendships.’ These are the places inhabited by some mysterious and lethal spirit that causes the best of people to suddenly turn on certain people for some unknown reason and plainly display a coldness to them making them appear as outcasts to their particular sect of friends or colleagues. It’s akin to the “new kid on the block” syndrome, except this dark presence creates lasting wounds on the afflicted souls who are shunned, ignored, and even cast down simply because one or more ‘superior’ people can’t or won’t accept them.

Although I’m no psychologist or sociologist, I do know that all human beings have one basic instinct: to be needed. Or wanted. We have this unseen drive that attracts us to other human beings. When we do that, two things will happen: one, we make a healthy connection and two, we are shunned and left out in the cold. I want to talk about the latter: “How To Know If You Are Being Left Out!”

1. When you are only trying to be friendly by walking up to a group and try to make friends, they suddenly look at you, halfway smile an insincere smile and continue their conversation. This may be the coldest signal to you that you are definitely left out. Move on.

2. When you DO finally find acknowledgement from a group and they ask your name and you begin to talk, the group, without any sign of courtesy, interrupts you without apology and only talks to members of their group making you look awkward and embarrassed. Again. Move on.

3. The person or persons you are trying desperately to make friends with sneer at your accent and lack of correct pronunciation. If that doesn't hurt your feelings enough, this “nice” person or persons then attack your style of wardrobe. Listen people. Don’t let it get to the second stage. If a person or persons laughs at your way of talking, cut your losses. Bail.

4. You get the eyeball up and down treatment and no acknowledgement that you fit in to this person’s life. God gave you two legs. Use them. Walk away.

5. A worse way to make you feel left out and unwanted is a group of people are talking. This group DOES see you walk up. They cease talking and then out of the blue, start laughing like jungle hyenas for no reason. You humbly ask if they are laughing at you. They smirk at one another, then wink and start falling down laughing again. Can’t you take a hint. You are NOT a clown. You are a valuable person. You do NOT need these people.

6. Let’s say that you DO make a “friend.” You chat, laugh, and share ideas with him or her. You propose that you and your new friend meet at a local eatery for lunch. You both agree. You arrive first. He or she does not. You wait. And wait. No new friend. You go home and call them. They act shocked. The start an “act” of contrition that would make the Pope weep. You forgive them and this time, your new ‘friend’ sets a date for you to meet them at a restaurant or some other decent place. You, excited at this event, arrive first. You wait. And wait. No new friend. Twice this has happened. You go home. Call the tardy person and talk about a flurry of excuses, you will hear them. Now the Three Time Rules kicks in. You set up a meeting with your new friend at a movie theater to catch the latest film. They agree. You arrive first. And wait. Yes, wait. No new friend. You can go home, but do NOT call this jerk. They are obviously shunning you. But you can live with the fact that YOU did the right thing by making the appointment not once, but thrice. Find other friends or buy a dog.

7. On dates, if the girl you are taking out continues talking about her former boyfriend and she never stops--giving you a chance to let her get to know you, don’t ask her out again. You made a mistake in character. She is still hung-up on her old guy. Leave her alone and please do NOT send her any flowers, candy or cards. Let her vanish into oblivion as you live your life to the fullest.

8. In offices or factories where there are circles of various friends, and in the department where you work, your colleagues NEVER invite you to eat lunch with them, much less talk to you, forget it. Do your job to your best ability. Do you actually need a group of self-absorbed, self-important, and shallow people as “friends”? Do the math, mister. No, you don’t. And do NOT invite yourself to their lunch breaks. Nothing is more pathetic than someone pushing themselves on someone else.

9. Another date tip to know if you are left out. You ask this pretty girl for a date. She agrees. Obviously you two have hit it off. You call her an hour before you leave to pick her up. You arrive at her house or apartment. You knock on the door. No date. No girl. But here is the rub: You can hear her walking around in the house or apartment. And you do know that she lives alone. And keeps no pets. I suggest you stand for about fifteen minutes, knock on the door a few more times and then leave. When you see the girl again, hopefully never, do not act upset. Just be cool, speak to her, and keep walking. Isn't it time that you loved yourself and respected the person that you are?

10. This is a common occurrence. You and a so-called friend are chatting via phone. He or she just so happens to keep putting you on hold to take other calls. This is a mystery for you know for a fact that your phone pal isn't that popular or the president of some lonely hearts club. After about an hour of being put on hold, hang up. You are not wanted and neither is your conversation. This is a complete slap in the face to your dignity and an insult to your self-respect. If you must talk to someone, find a rabbi or priest in the book. They will be glad to chat with you. And seriously, they make great friends too.

In my final comments, you have been given 10 Ways to Know if You are Left Out or not. Please use these as markers, guidelines and red flags if you are about to try to gain a new group of friends or make just one friend.

And when you DO make a REAL friend or friends who DO NOT make you feel left out . . .you will know by these signs:

1. A true friend always tries to respect you and your opinions no matter how off-base they are.

2. A true friend could care less about your fashion sense.

3. A true friend is as talented to listen to you as they are talking to you.

4. A true friend can be depended on day or night. And in any situation. They put their own affairs aside to see if YOU are okay.

5. A true friend or friends will not laugh at your ideas unless you intend your ideas to be comical.

6. A true friend sometimes has the opportunity to say, “told you so,” when you mess up, but they don’t.

7. A true friend encourages you no matter what odds are stacked against you. A true (or best) friend is your best and most-dedicated cheerleader.

8. A true friend will talk with you or stay with you until your problem is solved and you are feeling better. They do not complain about how late it is or what movie they are missing by staying with you.

9. A true friend is consistent. They care for you all the time no matter if you have the occasional falling-out with them. You are still good friends.

10. A true friend can give you ‘tough love’ by telling you the TRUTH. A true friend will NOT just tell you what you want to hear. A self-centered, self-promoting person can do that anytime.

Now you have it. My tips on how you can tell if you are being left out and how to know if the friend or friends you have are true or not.

Read, apply, and life a full, happy life.




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Comments 14 comments

The Taco Tagger profile image

The Taco Tagger 5 years ago

I really like this. I think there are only two things I disagree on. If I'm on the phone with a good friend and they have to answer another call, I wait maybe... ten minutes before I hang up simply because I know they can call me back when they get off the phone. The other thing I disagree on is that if I disagree with my friends about something, I have to say "Told you so" because I know they would do it to me. It's never rude though, because I'm not about being nasty to my buds, but it's always lighthearted.

Other than those two points, which I guess now that I look back at what I wrote, I don't necessarily disagree with them so much as I just have a slightly different take on them.Great hub! I really enjoyed it and it had great points!


manthy profile image

manthy 5 years ago from Alabama,USA

Hard to believe that there are 2 people fro Hamilton Alabama on Hubpages.

Nice Hub


nikitha p profile image

nikitha p 5 years ago from India

This is great info. Thanks for sharing this!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, nikitha, THANK YOU very MUCH for your comment on this hub. And you are welcome and hopefully, not left out of anything the way I was, and still am at some occasions. Thanks again!


hot dorkage profile image

hot dorkage 5 years ago from Oregon, USA

How about this scenario: You are all friendly friendly with a bunch of people you know through an organization. You invite them to your parties and they invite you to theirs. And they show up. Everyone appears to enjoy these events. It all seems good. You leave the organization for a little while for personal reasons. After a while you want back in. You see them and you mention it to them and they act like you just dropped in from another planet. Go figure. The advice is still the same. Walk.

And your point 10 about a true friend. They will tell you the truth, even if it may not be very comfortable.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

1:26 a.m./cst/Oct. 29

hot dorkage, I know 'that' feeling well. I left a certain denomination of churches to go where I felt that God could use me and I was upfront with my church. Told them that it wasn't them. Just I needed to follow the Lord. That was fine. At the moment. But not long after that I would see members of this Christ-professing church in public and speak to them only to be cold-shouldered. Until I had swallowed enough. One night in our local Huddle House, I saw the 'holy' man and his wife who had seen me speak to them when they entered and just ignored me. I walked over to their table and in front of a packed restaurant, say HI in a loud voice. And smiled. They 'acted' as if they had seen a ghost. Then I walked. I am with you. We do not need to beg for friends. That's what I love about hubs. We can be us. And not pretend. Not that you or I would do that. I just love the peaceful atmosphere and yes, I DO appreciate YOUR comments. How did you arrive at your writing title? If that's not to forward of me to ask? Talk to you later. For sure, new friend. Sincerely, KENNETH


hot dorkage profile image

hot dorkage 5 years ago from Oregon, USA

I bought the domain dorkage.net I am a former geek (or dork if you prefer.) Not promoting my links, but The main domain is is a tech blog I haven't updated in a while. the "food" subdomain is a recipe blog which I need to fix. and the "comix" subdomain is my silly drawings which I intend to get back to now that the colder weather has set in. Hot dorkage just seemed like a good name at the time.

The flip side of the scenario is that you feel taken for granted in a group and so you leave. Then you get back in and you realize that people missed you. That's a nice fuzzy feeling.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

hot dorkage...may I tell you that I have just emailed my note of thanks to you for following me where I also asked about your name which this explains that and I understand. Here is yet another painful, cold scenario. You, or I, are in a moderate-sized group--sitting at a table, maybe having coffee, chatting or standing at a get-together...and EVERYONE in the group ONLY TALKS TO EACH OTHER for an HOUR or so. And NEVER, although you and I are there, in plain sight, being courteous, respectful, ARE NEVER ACKNOWLEDGED at all. This to me, is the lowest of all social sins. Ive been treated this way lots of times. That is why I am thankful to be disabled, and even with the pain of my Accelerated Fibromyalgia and Neurothopy, I can live in solitude each day of the week and NEVER have to mingle in society. Where I live is mostly self-lovers, self-worshippers and self-absorbed people. YOU wouldn't like it here. And the worst part are the emotional scars that is left long after the so-called "christian" goody two shoes people who willfully ignored us, have long since found someone else to torment. Anway. Thanks for letting me vent. And thanks for not only being a great writer, but my friend. Sincerely, KENNETH


hot dorkage profile image

hot dorkage 5 years ago from Oregon, USA

I prefer my own company to that of most people but I do indeed care very deeply for my true friends and family. Most people are as you say, they do not like me or you for the wonderful unique people we are, but only if they believe we can advance their agenda, and even then, only while we are doing it. I think people are pretty much the same everywhere. There have been people who helped me and regardless of how I felt about them I NEVER forget someone who helped me (well at least not until they do a 180 and deliberately *$@X me over). But you heard the joke about the guy who goes to borrow $10 from his "friend" and his "friend" says no. The guy reminds him of how he bailed him out multiple times in college, how he introduced him to the woman of his dreams, how he loaned him the seed money to start a biz, how he later saved their marriage, how he rescued their kids from a house fire, and later helped reroof their house. And the friend says, "Yeah but what have you done for me LATELY?"


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL! hotdorkage...what a great line. I love humor. Clean humor like this. And now I have gained a new writer friend in you. And I do so enjoy your knowledge about PC, tech and writing. And I thank you for this comment on this hub. Feeling and knowing you are left out, are two vastly-different things. Its the KNOWING that hurts the worst. Allow me to share this corny joke with you from Dave Letterman. "A tourist is walking down one of the many sidewalks in Las Vegas, when this hobo comes up to him and says, "buddy, can you give me $100.00 for food?" The street-wise tourist replies, "Now how do I know that you are not going to turn around, go back into that casino you came from and gamble it away?" The hobo, offended, relies, "hey, mac! I got gambling money!" I love that joke. As corny as it is. I love it. Take care hot dorkage, my new Creative Writer Friend. KENNETH


Vishaaa profile image

Vishaaa 5 years ago from Somewhere on this earth..

hey Ken, I loved this...specially the line "A true friend or friends will not laugh at your ideas unless you intend your ideas to be comical." I love ur hubs...

My belated wishes 4 thanksgiving... BTW thankz 4 following.. :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/28

Hi, Vishaaa, Thank YOU so much for this warm comment. And I will always be grateful. And a Merry CHRISTmas to you and a Very Happy 2012 to you also. And I stil invite you to follow me so we can exchange writing ideas. Thanks again. God bless YOU!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/28

Hi, Vishaaa, Thank YOU so much for this warm comment. And I will always be grateful. And a Merry CHRISTmas to you and a Very Happy 2012 to you also. And I stil invite you to follow me so we can exchange writing ideas. Thanks again. God bless YOU!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/28

Hi, Vishaaa, Thank YOU so much for this warm comment. And I will always be grateful. And a Merry CHRISTmas to you and a Very Happy 2012 to you also. And I stil invite you to follow me so we can exchange writing ideas. Thanks again. God bless YOU!

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