11 Things to NEVER Do or Say While Princess Kate-Middleton is Talking to You

PRINCESS KATE-MIDDLETON HAS TO BE one of the world's most-beautiful women. She is a mom and another one on the way, but you could never tell it with her body that looks like she is an Olympic swimming champion--sleek, lean, and trim.

Her husband, Prince William, is a very blessed man. 99.9% of the world's red-blooded guys would love to be her husband or even her boyfriend. With that playful smile, brunette hair blowing on her silken-shoulders she easily makes any man's life worth living.

I WILL TELL YOU HERE AND NOW that there is only one lady who would rival Kate's look and feminine charms. That lady is the late Princess Diana. Kate, if she ever worried about female competition, it would have to be Diana.

Although Kate does not worry that much about her weight, shape or looks, she is always busy doing things that expand the Kingdom of Britain, but help to keep the Kingdom in a positive public light with all of the charity-works that she does. Kate-Middleton is a busy young woman for sure, but she is always seen with her electric smile, so she must be having a great time.

I WILL MAKE IT EASY FOR YOU in this self-help hub. You see, with me, there are no confusing, complex guidelines to follow or mind-blowing paperwork to worry about. It's just read and follow. How easy can it be? I am not about making your life harder, but easier.

I would have you meeting Princess Kate-Middleton when she is on a goodwill tour which goes straight through your town. Well, how can anyone resist trying to meet this real-life princess and true English royalty? You cannot, so you run like a scared deer being hunted to your local city hall to help file the paperwork that does include any criminal background if any, to Middleton's managers and men who protect her from fools and publicity-seekers.

But with you, it is different. You are hard-working, humble, and mind your own business. You have only had one traffic ticket in your 30-years of driving, but that was only a warning. So you should have a clear-shot to meeting Princess Kate for a photo to be snapped of you standing with the princess and a warm handshake from Kate that you will surely remembrer forever.

Now let's be honest. If Princess Kate does choose your application to meet and greet her, then the party begins. You, my friend, will need to get a haircut, new suit and shoes, and look every part the admiring fan of Kate so when she meets you, things will not end-up embarrassing.

So without wasting any more of your time, I am going to GIVE YOU, that's right. Give you, this list of things that if you follow them, you will instantly become of of Kate's good friends and be able to pay her a visit just about anytime you like.

Sounds pretty good, huh? Well, it should be. I do not deal in fairytales or pipe-dreams. Here are . . .



14 Things to NEVER Do or Say While Princess Kate-Middleton is Talking to You

DO NOT SAY ANY OF THESE SEVEN THINGS:

  • "Hey, Princess! Want to go with me frog-gigging? The night is perfect for it!"
  • "I thought you wore one of them Cinderella gowns or something."
  • "You look tired, Kate. Want to ride my back so you can rest?"
  • "Have you eat yet? Let's you and me have a chocolate shake and some corndogs."
  • "I shake hands with you and that's it? I thought I got to kiss you on the mouth."
  • "Wow, that is sweet smelling perfume you are wearing. Bet it set you back a good Two-bucks."
  • "Do you like to go deer hunting over the pond where you live?"

DO NOT DO ANY OF THESE SEVEN THINGS:

  • Start buck dancing like the folks up around Kentucky, Tennessee and Virginia.
  • Hugging Kate-Middleton like a long, lost teddy bear and kissing her on her neck.
  • Picking her up in your arms and swinging her around like a ragdoll.
  • When you bow to her, do not get down on all-fours.
  • Do not come into Kate's presence while eating an ice cream cone that's melting.
  • Please do not try and sing her the song, "Let's Get It Started in Here."
  • Do not yell to the huge crowd: "Hey, look! I got me a real, life girl!"

One more thing, my good friend: when you are called to your city hall or rec center to have your meeting with Princess Kate-Middleton, would you please sweep by my house and get me, for she owes me about $56.00 and some loose change from the last time she came to my hometown.

She never carries any money although she is very wealthy, so you will be stuck "footing the bill."


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Comments 21 comments

Melinda Longoria profile image

Melinda Longoria 2 years ago from Garland, Texas

Lol thanks for the light hearted laugh today. I can always count on you. ;-)


lyns profile image

lyns 2 years ago from USA

Beautifully written, and love your photos as well, voted up. I hope everything is well with your weather too, happy holidays coming. 1016214 226p lyns


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD

I would really like to take one of those weird hats off her head and put the hat on my head. Then I would run around like a maniac taking selfies. It would be my guess that would also be inappropriate behavior. I might get arrested, too. It would be fun for a minute though.


BritFlorida profile image

BritFlorida 2 years ago from Fort Lauderdale

Great fun to read - thank you!


greeneyedblondie profile image

greeneyedblondie 2 years ago

She's a duchess actually, just saying. :)


Rhonda Lytle profile image

Rhonda Lytle 2 years ago from Deep in the heart of Dixie

I almost laughed out loud thinking of someone running up, grabbing her and spinning her around. I don't envy the woman being under a microscope all the time. She's a most interesting figure and delightfully scandal free thus far.


sheilamyers 2 years ago

I'm thinking I might actually pay someone to do one or more of those things. It would be hilarious to see her reaction. Then again, the kissing and hugging would probably be dangerous and the person would end up getting shot by her bodyguards.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear sheilamyers,

LOL! You are so funny. Paying someone to do some of these things. Oh, I would love to have her husband in on the joke. What a great YouTube item.

I bet that she does have a sharp sense of humor.

Thanks for the great comment and

have yourself a "royal" good weekend.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Rhonda,

Thank you for your fnny remark. Yes, grabbing her alone would land yoyu in prison, but spinning her around, well, you would be on EVERY news source on earth!

And appear on every talk show and news shows like CNN and Fox!

I guess I could live with that small criminal record.

Naaah. She is too uppity for me.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, greeneyedblondie,

A Duchess? Oh thank you for this. I should have spent one more hour researching. Life goes on.

Oh goodness! I hope Kate does not read this. But my phone hasn't bugged me all day--so I guess the coast is clear.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Melinda,

You are so welcome. Thank you for the sweet comment. Thank God that something I did made someone special very happy.

Wow!

Have yourself a safe weekend.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear lyns,

A sincere thanks to you for the nice comment and warm wishes too. Thanks so much.

And happy and safe holidays to you and ALL on this hub. I am not going to wait untl the last minute. Great idea of yours.

Have yourself a good night and keep in touch with me.

10/17/2014


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, BritFlorida,

I appreciate your commnent so much and you are very welcome.

Please excuse me now for I have to go and feed my cats. They like to eat at 4 p.m. (cdst) each day.

Hey, come back and see me anytime.


vkwok profile image

vkwok 2 years ago from Hawaii

This hub really made my day.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

vkwok,

Thank you so much, Dear Friend. I appreciate you very much. It is my prayer that you and yours have a safe week. And thank you so much for reading this piece and commenting.


Brite-Ideas profile image

Brite-Ideas 2 years ago from Toronto, Canada

very cute! she's such a beautiful girl, totally classy too, you're right Prince William is a lucky man, but he's pretty smart looking too!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Brite-Ideas,

I may not be all that I want to be, but I can dream with the best of them.

I would though, seriously, love to spend about an hour with Duchess Kate just to take in her accent and glowing personality.

And you can spend an hour with William and what hubs we can get out of this meeting.

Thank you for the sweet comment.


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 2 years ago from California

What I love about the royal couple is they are the first royals in a good bit that actually look happy.

I shall take your advice and never ask Kate to go frog gigging. What on earth is frog gigging?


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL! tirelesstraveler,

What a nice comment. I agre with you. They look happy and give-off happy vibes.

Frog-gigging is not making-fun of frogs. It is not a sport for good ol' boys, but a good way to get frogs to eat their legs.

You go in the dark with sharp-pointed sticks and well, stick the poor frog, I hate to write this, and when you get a burlap sackful, you go home.

Honest. Google this and you will see.

Thanks and please tell Kate how much I like her when you talk to her.


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 2 years ago from California

Gee, that's nothing compared to what my friend used to do to frogs in Korea in order to catch them and eat them.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

tirelesstraveler,

I am afraid to ask what? Is it worse than gigging?

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