15 Things to Never Say to a Driving Instructor

Driving instructors have the eyes of an eagle

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Driving instructors teach students how to react to dangerous situations

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Some background on driving instructors

God bless all of the driving instructors across America, even the world. You guys and girls, seemingly to no one’s knowledge, have daunting tasks to perform every workday that comes. Truth be told, I would not do your job for less than $2,400.00 per week and company-paid health insurance.

I am not kidding. What you driving instructors do should be applauded hard, loud, and often. I cannot imagine crawling into a driving instructor’s car equipped with two steering wheels and two sets of brakes, with a complete-stranger and not be praying the Lord’s Prayer underneath my breath.

Your job takes courage, grit, and lots of faith. Oh yeah. I almost forgot. Your job also requires that you be able to trust that person sitting across from you who had dreamed of this day for years.

"Dad, I passed! I need the car tonight."

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I guess my readers are wondering what it is that makes a driving instructor’s job so nerve-racking? Allow me, please. I know that most-certainly, these things might be on the minds of any driving instructor:

  • What if this guy goes nuts and drives us both into that interstate down the wrong lane? (I hate the thought of being filmed screaming for my life by the evening news crew).
  • What will I do if this woman suddenly, without notice, faints before I can get the brakes on?
  • How do I know that this person is not a “Closet Daredevil?”

Driving student in mid 1950s in England learns to look before starting into a road

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Driving instructors have to endure asinine questions

These are but three things I suppose that driving instructors have on their minds while doling-out a great amount of patience to the person hoping to pass this road test to get a driver’s license, but keep riddling the poor driving instructor with asinine questions like:

  • “Will it hurt if I put the car in “Park” while doing 60 miles an hour?”
  • “That trucker flipped me off, may I go back and kick his butt?” (the driving instructor would reply, “No, little elderly woman. You will be arrested).
  • “Hey, mister driving instructor, why is there white smoke pouring out from underneath the car hood?”

This is a good driving student. See how she keeps her eyes on the road

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The patient driving instructor teaches this student the correct way to park

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Classic photo of driving instructor checking the student's vehicle

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How most drivers think

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Do not do this to your driving instructor

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Now that I have you thinking about driving instructors, I will reveal to you at this time . . .

“15 Things to Never Say to a Driving Instructor”

  1. “Do I have to keep my eyes open while driving down the road?”
  2. “Mister instructor, I am prone to unexpected fainting episodes.”
  3. “Please, mister driving teacher, would you sit in the backseat—you make me nervous.”
  4. “I love fast women and fast cars—listen to that engine roar!”
  5. “Was it okay to have a drink before I came to take this test?”
  6. “Did you grade “off,” for me zooming to get on the interstate instead of waiting?”
  7. “Do you mind if I wear a Lone Ranger mask while I take my driving test?”
  8. “Mister driving teacher, why are you holding your stomach? Oh, was I to shower before I got here?”
  9. “You want to see me drive with my feet? My girlfriend says I am pretty good.”
  10. “That guy ahead of us is going too slow—I will hang my head out of the window and curse him out!”
  11. “People drive me nuts, mister driving teacher. The light is green and these fools just sit there. Watch me lay-down on the horn!”
  12. “What’s the lowest passing grade I can make and still get my driver’s license?”
  13. “Parallel parking? Please explain that term to me.”
  14. “That girl looks so hot. I’m slowing down to get her attention.”
  15. “My psychiatrist says I have three personalities. I was just preparing you, mister driving instructor.”

And one more “for the road,” . . .

“Do you have to go with me on this test, mister driving teacher?”

Coming soon . . .”Having Fun with Hospital Security Guards”

Important Things to Remember

before taking your driving test:

  • Do not wear loud cologne or perfume. This will cloud the driving instructor's judgment
  • Do not wear or carry firearms on the road test or you will fail automatically
  • (Girls) Dressing seductively will not get you a passing grade on the road test
  • (Boys) Tight shorts and open-shirts will not work on female driving instructors
  • Try to keep small talk to a minimum--devote all of your focus on your driving
  • Do not be afraid to ask the driving instructor sensible questions


Remember, driving instructors are human too. They deserve the same respect as any of our fine policemen, firemen and other professional people.

" As in every hub that I publish, I do not write these pieces

personal gain, but to make all of my valued-followers have

a maybe to take whatever

problem away if only for a

moment."

"Thank you for reading my hubs."

Kenneth


More by this Author


Comments 29 comments

old albion profile image

old albion 2 years ago from Lancashire. England.

Hi Kenneth. Brilliant. My son in law has had his own driving instructor business for 26 years now. I showed him your hub and we had a laugh or two. Well done.

Graham.


word55 profile image

word55 2 years ago from Chicago

Hey Kenneth, I taught several people how to drive before they got to the instructor so, I endured great challenges before they even got to the instructor. Yes, it takes triple patience, calmness and intelligent teaching along with good humor. I wouldn't mind being an instructor. I have the tolerance for teaching. This was a fantastic article Ken. Thanks for the kick I got out of reading it. :-)


Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

I have had 5 I had to teach to drive, I love paying for an instructor!!!! Bless them.


annart profile image

annart 2 years ago from SW England

My elder daughter is a driving instructor. It requires the utmost patience (which I never knew she had until she did this job!). She's had all sorts of strange behaviours and some students who should never ever be allowed on the road!

Good read. Ann


janderson99 profile image

janderson99 2 years ago from Australia on Planet Water

One of the worst things a parent has to face - teaching a teenager how to drive when they know it all.


sheilamyers 2 years ago

I didn't have a professional driving instructor, I had my dad. So I don't say anything he might find and get really ticked off, I'll just say I wish my mom would've been the one to teach me. I learned a lot from my dad, but he yelled instead of giving gentle instructions and made me a nervous wreck.


lupine profile image

lupine 2 years ago from Southern California (USA)

Kenneth, you really did It this time. Well guess what? I am a driving instructor, and know exactly what you mean about certain questions I'm asked. One of the strangest was...if a policeman stops me, wouldn't you get the ticket? I said, No, your the one driving not me... I do have to have lots of patients. I have learned to deal with students, have quick reflexes, and not fear for my life. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy teaching driving, but do look forward to my days off. Take care my friend.


Drake Slade profile image

Drake Slade 2 years ago

Good to know, My fiancé will be taking her test soon, I'll show this to her cause she loves to ask too many questions lol.


Dana Tate profile image

Dana Tate 2 years ago from LOS ANGELES

I have taught people how to drive and all I can say is: Thank God for people who get paid to do this thing! I'm luck to be here commenting on this post due to people I tried to teach to drive.


lupine profile image

lupine 2 years ago from Southern California (USA)

Dana, it does take a certain type of person, not anyone can do this, or even want to. You are right, good thing there are people who need to learn to drIve so we can get paid.


taiwokareem profile image

taiwokareem 2 years ago from Salford

Useful piece of article. Thanks Kenneth


Kiss andTales profile image

Kiss andTales 2 years ago

Yes I love this hub. Where were you when I had my driving test, I rolled through the stop sign without stopping just being nervous of the test. And failed. But I got it right the next time and now I am a pro ,I also attain CDLs some time ago. For new drivers like young people this will help them ,you have a way with words that is enjoyable to read. Will share with my family. Thanks for your talent.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Graham,

Thank you for the lively comment. And thank your son for the laugh he had with you. This makes Hubbing worthwhile.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Word55,

I admire you, my friend for your patience and calmness. I shudder when I think of ME teaching people how to drive.

When I took my road test at 16, given by a State Trooper, I always wondered why he had a gun on his side?

Did he fear that I would lose my mind and use my dad's Chevy for a weapon?

If he didn't know it, shooting me going 120 MPH would not help at all. It will injure him too.

Some people. Thank you, dear friend for the comment.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Eric,

Thank you for the warm comment. And I must say that you are one wise man. Great investment.

Come back anytime.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Annart,

I didn't know you had a daughter who taught driving. Wow. I agree with your statement that some she teaches should not be on the road to begin with.

Tell her that I said to stay tough and smile all that she can.

And Ann, thank you for the nice comment.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

janderson99,

Thank you for your input to this hub. I appreciate how you think. Come back often.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

sheilamyers,

You too? I was taught to drive by, get this, an over-protective dad. But in time, he mellowed and I was able to borrow the family sedan for dating, so my time of borrowing the car was minimal.

I am glad to have that, our dads teaching us how to drive, in common. And like you, I did not question my dad either.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest lupine.

You are kidding me. You are a driving instructor? I would have never dreamed of this. I am proud of you. And I hope you did not get offended by this hub which was all in fun.

I admire you and every driving instructor for their patience and wisdom in how to handle all types of drivers.

Thank you so much for being my Dear Friend and follower.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Drake,

Thank you for the compliment, but be careful when you show this to your fiancé and when she is taking her test, she might be extra-nervous and you might get yelled at.

Just be cool.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dana,

What a humorous comment where you thank God for people who do this for a living--teaching people to drive.

I remember teaching my daughter starting at age 10 and she was so calm and collected that I was that way too, but if she had screamed and yelled, we would have stopped on the roadside and settled down.

Thank you, Dana, for the sweet comment.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

taiwokareem . . .

Thank you, my good friend, for the support and great comment. Have yourself a safe day.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Kiss and Tales,

I love your name. Very nice. And I appreciate so much your comment that was very interesting.

I was very nervous my first time on the road with a State Trooper. But I made a 70 and he said he would pass me if I promised him to never enter a big city.

I kept my word. I wish I had drove more in bigger cites. Now I do not drive at all thanks to the Fibromyalgia that has eaten away at my nerves.

But Kiss and Tales, I appreciate you so much.

You are a Great Friend, Writer and Follower.


lupine profile image

lupine 2 years ago from Southern California (USA)

Kenneth, No kidding, that's my job now. I wasn't offended...I have a sense of humor. Just got home an hour and half ago, and so glad too. Gave 3 lessons today of 2 hrs each...to 16 year olds and it was raining. The last one was sooo bad and her dad wanted to go along --told him against company policy. I'm so lucky to be alive to write to you, my dear friend, Kenneth.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest lupine,

I am humbled by your sweet spirit and words. Thank you from the heart for this nice comment. And all of the comments you have given me.

You worked on Saturday? And taught in the rain? You are a girl of bravery, lupine. I admire that.

I too, am thankful to be alive and write to you too, My Dearest Lupine.

Kenneth


lupine profile image

lupine 2 years ago from Southern California (USA)

Kenneth, thank you for your heartfelt comments. I am so glad to know you, and be able to communicate with you. You are the best thing on hub pages, for me.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

:) Dearest lupine,

Awee, you are so SWEEETTT. Thank you for your super-nice compliment and you are welcome for the comments, which by the way, are ALWAYS going to be from my heart.

THIS comment is by far, THE BEST I have been given in the four years that I have been a member of HP.

Love You Much!!!


lupine profile image

lupine 2 years ago from Southern California (USA)

Dearest Kenneth, you put great effort into your hubs and you deserve every kind word you receive. Thank you for just being "you". Your friend always.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest lupine,

Thank you so much from my heart, for your sweet comments. You made my day. And I needed some kind words. God bless you, sweetie. Oh, and you are welcome for me being me . . . this is all I am. Me.

And I too, AM Your Friend Always!

Kenneth

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